The plan was simple at first. At least I thought it was.

Go to the tattoo parlor, talk to tori, then eventually talk to Tris.

People say that if you have the suspicion that your crazy, that means you aren't crazy. I guess I'm safe to say that I'm not so to say "crazy" but I have issues. My past can back me up on that.

I've never been able to express my feelings. Obscene acts of bravery, love, content. that's what I seemed to know and live by. I had taken the pills that time. the pills I swore I would never go back to. She's found a new guy and I find no difference in her opinion. I'm not even saying that he's ever going to live up to my standards. If I even have any anymore.

She can love who she wants to love. I've given up hope on ever being back together with her. I just want to clear my history.

x x x

"You can't be serious four."

"I am. If there has ever been anything in this world that I've been serious about, this is it." Tori must think im bullshit crazy. She's right

"You do realize if I do this, Tris might never trust me ever again."

"I do, but I need you to understand what I want to have happen."

She interlaces her fingers and looks down thinking about what my so called plan is.

"I will call her down here. that's it. if she runs away that's on you." She looks into my eyes with a mix of fear and sorrow.

"She doesn't need to be afraid of me."

"We both know that is a lie. You cant change the past. and you never will."

xxxxxxx

TRIS POV

The idea of his child inside of me brings tears to my eyes and anger to my heart.

The man I used to know, the one I thought loved me. the one that cheated on me and raped me.

Evan didn't know what to do. He wanted to go find the bastard, kill him if he could. But he stayed around for me. I needed him now more then ever.

We lie on the couch, my head on his chest I'm listening to the sound of his breathing.

"Tris"

"what?"

"there's something I've been meaning to ask you." I look up at him.

"What is it?"

"what's going to happen, I mean what are you going to do about the baby?"

"I know we've talked about abortion, and I've thought about it. I can't do it."

"so that means-"

He looks down at me, and I'm utterly unable to read his emotions.

"I'm having his baby."