I stood in the classroom tearing the note into tiny pieces before dumping it in the rubbish bin, burning the remains. Why did I have to be so fucking stupid? I knew Mike would be hurt by my actions. I knew A would find out what I was doing. Yet I did it anyway. I am so god damn stupid. I angrily sighed, storming out of the classroom, down the halls, on my way out of here. The large school was beginning to feel claustrophobic.
"Hall pass." The vice principal droned, already aware that I would be unable to present one.
"I have a free period. I just needed to grab a maths book from my car." I lied, hoping the lame excuse would be enough.
"I'll let you off this time, but if I see you roaming the halls again..." Mr Hackett warned and I rolled my eyes, quickly walking away. I really didn't care about Mr Hackett's petty threats. Unfortunately there was someone with more alarming threats than the man who was quickly receding. Pulling my hair into a pony tail I bounded out of the school doors, banging into somebody, causing all their papers to drop. And me to fall on my ass.
"Sorry, let me help." I quickly apologized, picking up scattered papers. Recognizing the hand writing I looked up into an all too familiar pair of hazel eyes.
"It's fine." Mike angrily replied, not breaking my gaze. Suddenly it hit me that this was the only time I was going to get to apologize, precious time that I could not waste. Sitting cross-legged on the ground I handed him several sheets of paper, preparing myself.
"I need you to shut up while I apologize okay?" Ignoring Mike's feeble protests I continued. "I know breaking up with you wasn't necessarily the right thing, and blocking you out was worse, and I am beyond sorry for hurting you. What I am not sorry for is my actions. Okay I could have went about them another way, but to keep you alive I had to break up with you. Otherwise...otherwise the hurt would have been too much, and I could never do that to you. So yeah." I spoke quickly so Mike couldn't interrupt, keeping his gaze. When I had finished I couldn't stand to look at him, all the emotions crossing his face, and I finally dropped my eyes, inspecting my impeccable shoes.
"Nikita, I can forgive you. There is no question about that, but I can't forget." Mike responded, caressing my hand. I felt guilty, knowing that his feelings had never left. All I had to do was snap my fingers and he would come running back to me.
"I'm not asking you to forget. I'm just asking you to not leave." I replied with a shaky voice, subconsciously playing with the material of Noel's shirt.
"I-is that Noel's? Why do you have Noel's shirt?" Mike insecurely asked, already knowing the answer. He had seen Noel walking around shirtless only a few minutes ago, he just couldn't believe it was due to the girl who he had put all his trust in. Pulling his hands back, Mike backed away from me, and I felt a pang in my heart.
"I stopped it before it went anywhere, I promise. All I could think of was you, and he was numbing the pain." I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes as I threw the shirt away. I blinked back the tears, knowing that I would never let anybody see me cry, ever.
"I understand that, I mean I had my rebounds, but Noel? The one person that would cause me to be hurt." Mike stood up, backing away from me.
"I promise it wasn't like that! It was just a moment of excess feelings, and I'm sorry." I spoke clearly now, trying to keep a strong, confident voice, but I could hardly keep up the act when Mike had that look of hurt in his eye. "I'm so sorry!" I reached out my hand to grab Mike's and he reluctantly complied.
"It's you. It has always been you. I'm, I'm still in love with you. Not those guys I've been messing around with, not anyone back in New York, and especially not Noel. I've never felt what I feel towards you with anybody." I almost yelled, hoping, no praying that he would accept what I said. Accept me back into his life. I knew I needed Mike, to be happy, to want to behave like a normal human being, to not break. I only hoped Mike wanted me.
"Babe," Mike cupped my cheek in his hand, gently kissing my forehead. My heart skipped a beat, "I love you, and that's why I'm saying good bye." Mike walked away, and I couldn't find it in myself to ask him to stop, not after all the pain I had caused him. I promised myself that I would get him back, that I would make it all up to him.
"Spence, I'm not coming over. I don't want to be anywhere I'm not wanted. Remember, we tried it the other night?" I sighed into my phone, I was done trying to make up with my so called friends, who were treating me like I had murdered Jason myself.
"Shut up and come, or we're coming to yours. It's about A, they know we need you here." Spencer told me before abruptly hanging up the phone.
"Bye." I spoke into thin air, grabbing my handbag and heading out towards my car. I guess it wouldn't hurt going to Spencer's, it's not like things could get worse.
"Where are you going?" Blake called after me, as I entered the foyer. I saw him lounging on the couch with Jesse, obviously not having a care in the world. If only my life was that simple.
"Spencer's. Wish me luck." I called, walking out of the house, hoping to God that I wouldn't need any.
"What the hell is she doing here?" Hanna exclaimed entering Spencer's bedroom. I suppressed my emotions, and plastered a fake smile on my face.
"She is involved in this, involved in A's games." Emily defended me, and part of my smile became real. At least I had Spencer and Emily on my side, Aria and Hanna were still the two I needed to regain. I could hear them whispering cruel things about me from Spencer's bed.
"Anyway, A. Have any of you received any messages recently?" Spencer asked, as Aria let out a giggle at something Hanna said. Something that made me want to hit her.
"Seriously, I can hear you!" I angrily remarked, not able to focus on what Spencer was saying.
"Well it's not like we're lying." Aria smirked, and I wanted more than anything to wipe the smug look off of her face.
"Seriously guys, it's not like I did anything to you! And I have apologized over and over, I don't know what else I can do. I need you. We need each other, and-and I miss you." I began angry, but ended on a sombre note, slumping in my chair. I stole a glance at the girls who wore shocked looks on their faces.
"You...we...I'm sorry." Hanna stuttered, pulling me into a hug. I eagerly embraced her, glad to have my friend back, "We were acting like bitches. That's not okay." I broadened my smile, as Hanna gestured Aria over.
"I can forgive you for leaving us, I don't care about that. I mean I understand. Nikita, you broke my little brother's heart. Even if he initially forgave you, you still got to second base with Noel. How do you expect me to forgive you for that?" Aria asked, and I was momentarily too stunned to speak.
"H-he told you about that?" I choked. Before Aria could reply I finished my train of thought, "That doesn't matter, it's not your place to forgive me for that. Everything that you are angry at me for is none of your business, it only refers to Mike and I. Keep your reservations about us to yourself."
"You think I'm just going to let you walk into Mike's life again? Let you hurt him more than you already have?" Aria yelled, and I was taken a back. Mike and I hadn't gotten back together, what was she talking about? "Oh don't look at me like that! You know that he's going to take you back, it's only a matter of time. He loves you, he's not going to jeopardize your relationship, because of anyone. Especially not because of me."
"He wants me back?" I asked, clearly elated. Maybe that would mean my endless texts and unanswered phone calls were making an impact. Maybe that would mean I could get him back.
"That's not w-"Aria began, before being cut off by Spencer.
"As fun as...this is, we have more important things to discuss. Hanna and I both think red coat is Ali." Spencer almost yelled, clearly annoyed with our petty fighting.
"Ali?" Aria and I repeated, clearly dumbfounded. Ali couldn't be alive, that would mean it was real. Maybe my 'dreams' weren't dreams.
"We followed her, and we saw Ali under that coat. We know Ali's body isn't in that coffin, what if it never was?" Spencer asked, saying what aloud what everyone was thinking.
"That's impossible, Ali's dead." I muttered, my face dropping. A stoney poker face, hiding what I was feeling-fear. Ali knew things, could manipulate truths to ruin my life, to hurt the ones closest to me. If Ali was A she would know how to use my secrets to her advantage.
"No shit Sherlock." Aria lightly joked, before realizing that she had just been friendly towards me, and throwing me a look of disgust.
"Aria, this whole fake hate thing isn't working for you." Emily laughed, noticing Aria's sudden change in emotions.
"Shut up! I'm trying to be a good sister." Aria nudged me lightly in the ribs, as if to say she wanted to be friends, but she was going to be angry for Mike. I guess this was an improvement, having my friends and my brothers in my corner.
"Alison can't be alive. She can't be." I muttered standing up from my seat and rushing out of the room, ignoring the protests from the others. If Ali was alive, if there was even the slightest chance, everything would be ruined. There would be no point in anything. It would all come crumbling around me anyway.