I don't own Harry Potter.

"WHAT?" everybody exclaimed.

"Who woulda thought our lil' Moony would ever have a girlfriend?"

"I never said I accepted."

"Did you?"

"Yes, but my judgment--"

"How much did you drink, Moony?"

"Nothing! There was pressure and grief… and she must be very pretty…"

"Oooh! Moony and 'Dora sitting in a tree!"

"Sirius…"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Please…" Remus turned red.

"FIRST COMES LOOOOOOOVE."

"Please, Sirius…"

"You're embarrassing him. Keep it up," Snape said, smiling.

"THEN COMES MARRIAGE!"

Remus merely groaned.

"THEN COMES THE MUTANT BABY IN THE BABY CARRIAGE!" Snape finished.

Remus suddenly turned pale. "I would never…" Hurridly, almost in a panicked way, he picked up the seventh book.

"Can you let me--"

"No."

"Pl--"

"Keep it up and I'll kill you," Sirius growled.

"And get sent to Azkaban?"

"Great idea! I'll just give you to the dementors!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh no…" Remus moaned.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"I'm… I'm…"

"…dead?" Snape asked hopefully.

"No," Lupin whispered. "I'm married."

"REMUS AND--"

"Don't even start that, again," Lupin snapped and continued to read.

"You know, having all of this about our lives being given away is very depressing…" Ron said. "Almost makes you wonder what the point is."

"Yeah…"

"Ron, Harry! We didn't even find out what happens to us!" Hermione explained.

"Well, the three of you drop out of school…" Remus said over the book.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hermione screamed, twitching on the ground. "There's no point to life! There's no point to life! There's--"

"You dropped out to help Harry on a quest to vanquish Voldemort--"

"DON'T SAY THE DARK LORD'S NAME!"

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort!" Harry sang.

"Oh that's really mature, Potter. I wonder how many detentions I'll be giving you… maybe for the rest of your school career…"

"Well, that doesn't mean much since I drop out!"

"--that none of us, especially Wormtail, Severus, and I should know about considering that we're the only outsiders in this room who live… so far…" Lupin finished, trying to ignore the eccentricities of the others. He then continued to read.

"Is there still a point to life, Hermione?" Ron asked.

"Well, I suppose that there are a few more years left of school… and then I'll see from there…"

"That's the spirit! Besides, when you drop out of school, you can still buy books to memorize word for word…"

"True…"

"No," Lupin whispered, turning gray.

"Did you snuff--"

"No, Severus. I'm going to… be a father."

"We're sick and tired of hearing about your personal issues, Lupin!" Snape snapped.

"Well, then, I can talk about yours… YOU CUT GEORGE'S EAR OFF, YOU SICKO!"

"What… George!" Ron suddenly turned an angry shade of maroon. "I'm gonna--"

"Limp at me?" Snape sneered. "Not much you can do with that leg of yours, Weasley."

"Well, I've still got a--"

"No, Ron! If you attack a teacher, you'll get expelled!"

"Yes, Weasley, listen to Miss Granger. She's the sensible know-it-all to your erratic stupidity."

"Are you saying we're a--"

"RON AND HERMIONE--"

"Shut it, Harry," Ron grumbled. "I don't see you having much of a love-life."

"Oh, he gets with your sister," Lupin said airily as he continued to read.

"YOU--" Ron's face turned a deeper shade of maroon.

"Better me than Draco Malfoy."

"What, he--"

"No, just saying…"

"I guess it's true."

"Ron, you deserter," Lupin whispered, glaring angrily at Ron.

"What, I never--"

"But you will."

"I don't see why--"

"Trust me on this."

"All right, but I'm sure that I'd come back."

"And I'm sure you would, too, Ron."

"Thanks, Hermione."

"Don't thank me, it's the truth."

"RON AND HERMIONE--"

"Silencio!" Ron roared and Harry let out a croak. "Shoulda worked… don't understand… why is it always me?"

"Oh, that's just disgusting!" Lupin said, turning green.

"What, it wasn't that gross; last year one of Ron's spells had him belching up slugs… now that was gross…"

"No, it wasn't that… Bathilda… Nagini… full… chamberpot… corpse…" Lupin muttered incoherently.

"Clearly he's too traumatized to say anything more… move along, Moony… do I come back, yet?"

"Chamberpot… full…"

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"Nagini…"

"Er, Moony?"

"Bathilda… corpse… Voldemort…"

"DO NOT SAY THE DARK LORD'S NAME!"

"Is Voldemort--"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME, POTTER!"

"—a corpse?"

Lupin shook his head. "Bathilda…"

"Bathilda Bagshot, author of A History of Magic?"

Lupin nodded at Hermione.

"You really are a know-it-all, you know, Hermione!"

"Ron!"

"'S true, Hermione."

"Can you let me--"

"Avada--"

"Sirius, no!" Hermione yelled.

"How do you know--"

"Avada Kedavra is the killing curse. It's one of the Unforgivable Curses that can get you sent to Azkaban for life. I read it somewhere in a library book I took out for a bit of light reading."

"You call reading about Unforgivables light?"

"Well, admittedly, the content wasn't light, but the level of reading itself was--"

"All right, all right! I get the point!"

"I forgive you, Ron," Lupin said with a smile.

"For what?"

"For being a deserter. You came back! And you saved Harry's life!"

"Right, then…"

"Well, thank you, Ron!"

"I'm sure it was nothing big."

"Well, he would have drowned if you hadn't come!"

"Can't swim, Potter? Clearly, fame isn't everything."

"Can it, Snivellus."

"What can't you do, Black? Can't think?"

"Serpens," Sirius said, lazily. Snape was transfigured into a small black snake, which attempted to hiss menacingly. Sirius smiled and levitated the snake so that it was zooming around the Shrieking Shack, spitting furiously, occasionally colliding with Pettigrew, who was also now zooming around the room.

Ron and Harry both roared with laughter and Hermione was trying to keep a straight face, but was failing miserably.

"Change him back, Sirius," Lupin said lazily.

"Do I have to…" Lupin gave Sirius a stern look over the book. "Oh, fine." With a wave of his wand, the snake transformed again to become a livid Snape.

"You're out of line, Black," he hissed.

"And you're lacking a wand, so I don't really care what you think," Sirius retorted.

Snape's face turned an ugly shade of red and he looked as though he were ready to kill Sirius.

"Hee, hee!" Lupin cackled. "Good news, Sirius! You don't have to kill Pettigrew!"

"What?"

"Voldemort – oh for crying out loud, Severus – kills him. Well, technically, he strangles himself, but Voldemort – don't say it, Severus – makes him do it."

Peter turned very pale. "I… I… I… die?"

"Three down, one to go!" Snape said in a sing-song voice.

"I don't think I would be killed…I'm a proud father!" Lupin replied.

"What, you have a--"

"Yes, Severus, and it's a healthy boy, so no more mocking--"

"MOONY AND 'DORA--"

"That goes for you too, Sirius!"

"I die!" Pettigrew wailed.

"Yeah, so shut it, Wormy!"

"Since I'm doomed to die, anyway, can you let me down now?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you're still a traitor."

"I'll change my ways, I swear it!"

Sirius just rolled his eyes. "It's too late for that."

"Actually, he saves Harry's--"

"Not helping, Moony!"

"Seriously, shouldn't the moon be out by now?"

"Give it a rest, Hermione!"

"Why don't we just send Snape back for the potion?"

"Well, Hermione, he could be back with reinforcements, like that git, Malfoy…"

"Good point, Ron."

"Thanks, Harry."

"We could send somebody to go with him. Any volunteers?"

"Why not you, Hermione, since you suggested it?"

"Er…"

"Exactly, it would look odd coming back into the school with your wand pointed at your teacher! People would ask questions… not to mention he would be able to give detentions once we're back on school grounds…"

"Well, the potion's on my desk so I could…"

"No, Remus, unless you want to transform in the middle of the school!"

"… send somebody to get it. Seriously, Sirius, how thick do you think I am?"

"Sorry."

"Hermione, here's the key to my office," Lupin dug around in his pocket and threw Hermione a set of keys. "There should be a potion on the top of my desk. Take the Invisibility Cloak and hurry!"

Hermione nodded, put on the cloak, and then disappeared.

This if the end of Chapter 5. I would like to thank The Amazing Chez, DariaM, Cedric Lover, PottersChick7, sir alanna of pirate's swoop, Ogreatrandom, Mina-chan AMD, and Kathryn Lee for reviewing for the previous chapter. Please leave lots of reviews!