I don't own Harry Potter.

"What, me?" Snape asked, paling. "How?"

"You were killed by Voldemort's snake on his orders."

"DO NOT SAY THE DARK LORD'S – oh, what's the point? Why did he kill me, then?"

"He killed you because he felt that it would make the Elder Wand respond to him. And for some strange reason, you gave Harry a bunch of memories."

"Read on, then. At least my death scene was dramatic," Snape shot Sirius a dirty look.

Lupin nodded, grimly and read on.

"Well, Professor Dumbledore, you're taking your death rather well," Harry commented.

"Well, Harry, I can't say that I'm not shocked, because I am; I just happen to be very good at coping, a skill that you could really use, by the way."

"Well... I suppose you're right," Harry said, although he was not at all comforted by what he had hoped would be something incredibly sagely that Dumbledore would tell him, like he knew that he was going to die like this from the beginning. But, instead, he just got a rather incoherent babble.

"Well, at least we don't die," Ron said cheerfully.

"Not yet, anyway," Hermione pointed out. "It seems like people who are close to Harry tend to have a habit to dying off, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we were next."

"Way to stay nice and cheery and optimistic, Hermione. I really wanted to hear that my death is somewhat imminent."

"AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lupin cried out, sobbing. "It was so close..."

"Who died?" Snape asked.

"I remember a time when that was just a figure of speech," Dumbledore mused.

"I did, Severus. And so did my wife, Tonks," Lupin said in a strangled voice. "And to think that we were so close... so close to making it out... Poor Teddy... my son... an orphan..."

"You should have known you were going to die," Dumbledore commented, "After all, why would only one Maurauder live? You were dead as soon as Sirius passed through that veil..."

Lupin sobbed.

"You can dish it but you can't take it," Snape commented.

Lupin sobbed harder.

"It's okay, mate, I'm his godfather," Harry pointed out.

Lupin wailed hysterically.

"So, how did you go, Moony?" Sirius asked. "Was it dramatic? How many Death Eaters did it take to take down the legendary Remus Lupin?"

"... That sounds like some kind of sick joke..." Snape added.

"... How many Death Eaters did you take down with you? How did Harry react? How did..."

"I... I don't know."

"What do you mean? You did die, didn't you?"

"I... I did."

"So, what was your death scene like?"

"I didn't have one."

"WHAT?"

"It's mentioned in passing that we're one of the bodies in the pile, lying there, peacefully... and then Harry just goes on. He doesn't even call out our names... or throw a tantrum... or try to kill anyone... he just walks away!"

Snape pointed and laughed at Lupin. "Even I got a death scene! James had one, Lily had one, Sirius had one, Dumbledore had one, Dobby had one, Hedwig had one, even Peter had one!"

Sirius cast Lupin a sympathetic look. "I guess ignorance is bliss, mate," he said, "I mean, at least this way you can imagine yourself dying in some heroic, manly way, instead of just falling behind some stupid curtain..."

"We're talking about Lupin's problems, not yours, Sirius," Harry pointed out.

"Maybe it'll be in somebody's recollection, like Lily and James' death scenes..." Lupin muttered, turning back to the book.

"Wow, I guess the job really is cursed," Ron pointed out. "Almost every one of our Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers snuff it: there was Quirrel, and now Lupin, and Mad-Eye, and then Snape... bloody hell, the only two who live are Umbridge and Lockhart... wow, those were really my top two of teachers I'd like to still have standing at the end of disaster..."

"Wow, you're right..."

"Whoa, Snape!" Lupin exclaimed. "I've never read anything more disgusting, yet touching, yet completely creepy in my entire life!"

Snape paled. "Wait, aren't I already..."

"...you gave Harry memories, remember? And he just went into them... they're about you and Lil--"

"Don't say it, Lupin!"

"Since you reveal my secret, I think I have the right for some payback... Snape had a crush on Harry's mum for their whole lives."

"NOOOOOO!"

"What?"

"Harry, he was obsessed with your mum. He wanted Voldemort to spare her so that he could have her for himself. He turned to the good side because of her... blimey, he even saved your life because of her... Lily..."

"Ew! That's gross!"

"Yeah, oh, and you apparently have to die in order to defeat Voldemort because you contain the final Horcrux..."

"Well, isn't that jolly?" Harry said, sarcastically.

"Welcome to the club, mate," Sirius said sadly, gesturing to himself, Dumbledore, Fred, Pettigrew, and Lupin. "Let's just hope that you go in a more dignified way than I did..."

Lupin sighed, hating to be the herald of death, and read on.

"You know, Snivellus, you're really pathetic. You couldn't even talk to her and tell her how you felt, and then you lost her to James! And then you still fancied her, even though she was married and had a son!"

"I don't see you having much of a love-life."

"Yeah, well, that's because I was in Azkaban for twelve years and then I was on the run for two... and then I died..."

"Well, what about the few years before you were captured? Lily and James got married; why didn't you?"

"Well, Snivellus, I was fighting Voldemort with the Order of the Phoenix, so I didn't have much time for a love-life. Lily and James were a special occurrence."

"Well, if you say so... I personally think that you're just making excuses."

"Well, nobody really cares what you think, so be quiet, Snivellus."

"At least I have a manly death scene!"

"If you call bleeding to death on the ground and giving memories to a person you loathe manly," Lupin pointed out.

"But it was a snake bite! That's manly!"

"If you say so, Severus..."

"Well, at least I have a death scene!"

Lupin leered at Snape and continued to read.

"You know, before I, you know, I want to pull a really big prank... the Ultimate Prank..." Fred mused.

"You don't mean..." George started, a look of awe on his face.

"I do..." Fred said with an evil grin.

"Well, it sounds like you've already pulled a legendary prank," Hermione pointed out, "In your final year when you did all of those things when Umbridge became headmistress."

"True, true, Hermione," Fred said. "But, those weren't the Ultimate Prank."

"Then what is the 'Ultimate Prank'?"

"That, Hermione, is a secret between expert pranksters only. Since you're only an amateur, we can't tell you."

"Well, then, I'll just ask Sirius. He was a big prankster back in his day."

"Excuse me? 'Back in my day'? Am I that old that that sentence applies to me?"

"Well, you're over ten years out of Hogwarts..."

"But I'm still young! For heaven's sake, I'm only thrity-three years old! I'm not even forty yet!"

"That's not the point, Sirius. Do you know what the 'Ultimate Prank' is?"

"I might, but, since I'm so old, I'm not sure I'd be young enough to know. I mean, these things vary with generation."

"Sirius..."

"Why didn't you just ask me?" Lupin asked, looking up from the book. "Frankly, I'm a little insulted that you thought of Sirius before me. I'm just as much a Maurauder as he is."

"What about me?" Peter pointed out. "I was a Maurauder too!"

"Yeah, but you were more of the decoy than the actual prankster."

"Yeah, Moony, but you were the cover-up. You just got us out of sticky situations when the decoy failed."

"And I talked you two out of doing the more extreme pranks..."

"Oh yeah, I remember that. You talked us out of filling the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher's classroom with bubotuber puss... you were always such a spoilsport, Moony!"

"But he still resigned because of you, me, and James."

"Wait, why you?" Hermione asked. "I thought that you didn't participate in the pranks."

"Well, yes, but considering the fact I knew more about the subject than him..."

"Oh, yeah! All those times when you'd raise your hand and say, 'Excuse me, Professor, but I think that's wrong... it's protego, not protege.'"

"Wow, that sounds like Hermione..." Ron pointed out. Hermoine shot him a very dirty look.

"What about--"

"Decoy."

"But--"

"That's all you'll ever be, Wormy," Sirius said. "Decoy."

Peter sighed and pouted.

"So, will anyone tell me what the 'Ultimate Prank' is?" Hermione asked.

"No."

"Oh, come on, Sirius!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pl--"

"Keep it up, Hermione. I'm sure I'll give in. Throw in a couple more 'old man' comments and I may just tell you everything about all the pranks that could ever be pulled."

"I said I was sorry!"

"And I'm still not going to tell you."

"Sirius," Fred said, "have you ever--"

Sirius shook his head. "James and I dreamed of doing it, but we never dared... we were never ready."

"How do you know when you're--"

"You don't," Sirius replied with a shrug. "You just never know. And even if we did try it, Moony probably would've talked us out of it."

"Hey! I... Well, I guess it's true. That prank would've gotten them expelled, maybe even sent them to Azkaban."

"Well, Moony, I don't know about that..."

"Well, it probably would've."

"What is it?"

"We can't tell you that, Hermione. You're not among the Chosen," Fred said, sagely.

"Excuse me?"

"The Great Ones. The best of the best. In fact, you're not even a prankster..."

"I beg to differ."

"Tell me one prank that you've pulled."

"I snuck into Snape's private storage and stole some boomslang skin in my second year."

"So it was YOU!" Snape hissed. "And to think that I thought it was Potter."

"Oi! I resent that! Why do you always assume it's me?"

"It's in your blood, Potter."

"My bl--"

"Like father, like son."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Your father had an enjoyment for breaking the rules, Potter. Surely you realized that by now?"

"True, but how do you know that I don't take after my mum? I mean, after all, I have her eyes and the eyes are the windows to the soul... so maybe I'm like my mum. Maybe you just see me and hate me because I look like my father. Or maybe you hate me as a product of a union that you despised considering you wanted to get with my mother. Maybe..."

"That's ENOUGH!"

"Wow, I've never seen him twitch like that... ever," Sirius said with suprise, "Way to go, Harry! I see that you've inherited your father's 'annoy Snivellus to no end like nobody else' gene. I've missed seeing his face turn that special color."

Harry smiled. "I seem to have struck a nerve. You know, Professor Snape, maybe you would like me if you actually sat down to get to know me. But you've chosen to be prejudiced against me. Well, it's nothing that a good, long session of therapy wouldn't cure."

"Since when did you get your degree in psychology, mate?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged. "It comes and goes."

Snape said nothing. A nerve in his temple was pulsing and his face was that ugly deep crimson it turned when he became particularly furious. His lip was curled unpleasantly as a tic in his right cheek began to jump, making his eye twitch.

"You're dead, Harry," Lupin said sadly.

"What?"

"I just finished the chapter. You used the Resurrection Stone to see me, Sirius, Lily, and James as you walked to your death. You just walked up to Voldemort and he killed you."

"That's horrible! Was it Avada Kedavra?" Hermione asked.

Lupin nodded.

"Well, at least it was painless," Ron pointed out.

Lupin sighed and continued to read. "Oooh... this is interesting," he said. "We're seeing Harry making a journey into some kind of afterlife."

"Don't tell us, read!" everyone yelled.

"Well, at least it was manly," Sirius pointed out. "A lot more manly than any of the other death scenes that we've heard about..."

Harry smiled at Sirius, appreciating his attempt, still trying to cope with the fact that he only really had four years to live.

"Ooooh... it's Dumbledore! Harry, you're talking to Dumbledore!" Lupin exclaimed.

"DON'T TELL US, READ!"

"Well, now we know there's an afterlife," Sirus pointed out.

"Unless the Killing Curse doesn't really kill," Hermione retorted. "It could do something that separates the soul from the body. I mean, we don't really know, do we?"

"Your heart stops," Sirus pointed out.

"What if they're just put in a state of suspended animation? The Killing Curse doesn't destroy any internal organs or anything; it just stops all bodily functions. How do we know that they're really dead?"

"Well, how do we know that the veil in the Ministry really leads to death?" Sirius pointed out.

"We don't! They just disappear and can't be brought back by any spell that we know of."

"Well, I guess that's a good point..." Sirius started.

"Wait, but I use the Resurrection Stone to see people who have been hit with the Killing Curse and someone who fell behind the Veil of Death," Harry pointed out. "Since it can only be used on the dead, not the lost, the Killing Curse really does kill and the Veil of Death really does give death."

"Since when did you become the smart one?" Ron asked.

"See, here's how things work with me," Harry said, "I'm generally clueless except for these tiny bursts of logical insight. I think it's partly because I spent my childhood being beat senseless by my cousin, Dudley, so most of my brain cells are dead."

"Ah, that makes sense," Ron muttered.

"Well, I guess you're not really dead," Lupin said. "There's something about the way you died. You're allowed to either go on to the afterlife or to continue living. You're going to live."

"What makes him so special? Why didn't anybody else get that choice?"

Lupin shrugged. "It probably has something to do with the Horcrux inside him."

Sirius huffed, moodily. "You're out of the club, by the way," he said to Harry, "Since you don't die."

"But I have a death scene!"

"But you're not dead!"

"Oh, fine! I don't need your stupid club, anyway!"

"Well, fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Sirius and Harry turned their backs on each other, both looking angry.

"Way to go, Neville!" Lupin exclaimed.

"What? What did I do?" Neville asked, jumping at the sound of his name. Before, he had been staring around the Shrieking Shack trying to wrap his mind around the very strange events that had occurred this night, wondering if he was dreaming. However, he dismissed that theory because there were no giant tacos in his dream. Even in his nightmares, there were always giant tacos...

"You cut off Nagini's head with Gryffindor's sword! You destroyed a Horcrux!"

"I did, did I?" Neville pinched himself and then promptly rubbed his arm, just to make sure, in case he needed to prepare for Lupin turning into a giant dancing taco.

"Yes, you did! Don't look so surprised!"

Neville gave a weak smile, wishing for some evidence that this was all some nightmare induced by eating too many 'Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans'.

"Keep reading! Don't stop now!" Harry exclaimed.

Lupin sighed and continued to read the book.

Sirius still had his back turned to Harry's back. Slowly, though, he felt his anger ebb away as it was replaced with regret. It wasn't Harry's fault that he didn't die, after all. It was merely the facts of life, or lack of it. He felt the overwhelming urge to apologize, something that Sirius Black had refused to do in all of his life. Maybe that's why he never could keep a girlfriend...

"Harry, I'm sorry!" Sirius cried out, turning around.

"Me too!"

"I shouldn't have been so angry with you! You can't control your fate!"

"And I shouldn't have snapped back at you! You still need to cope with the facts of your death!"

And with that, godfather and godson embraced after their first tearful argument.

"Sirius, you've been avenged!" Lupin said with a smile.

"What?"

"Bellatrix was killed!"

"Ooooh! Really? Happy day!" Sirius did a bit of a jig and then stopped. "By who?"

"Molly Weasly."

"WHAT?!" all four Weasly brothers exclaimed.

"Mum?" Ron exclaimed, mouth agape.

"Our mum?" Percy exclaimed, also trying to wrap his head around this new fact.

"She wouldn't hurt a--" Fred started.

"Well, she might--" George interrupted.

"She does tend to have a bit of a--"

"--a lot of a--"

"--temper." both twins said.

"But could she--"

"--Lestrange was really--"

"--horrible--"

"--and mum is--"

"--mum--"

Lupin smiled at the foursome. "It's true. Bellatrix tried to kill Ginny and that didn't suit Molly too well, so--"

"Did she use the Killing Curse?" Percy asked, worriedly.

Lupin shrugged. "It doesn't say. All it says is that Molly's jinx hit Bellatrix in the chest and she died."

"Wow," the four whispered.

"That must've been some temper," Ron said.

"Good thing I'm not going to be alive to see it," Fred said with a smile, "Being dead's already starting to pay off!"

"Oho!" Lupin exclaimed, eyebrows going up. "Very clever, Harry... very clever... protection like that... of course..."

"Excuse me?"

"You died trying to protect everyone and since you did it in such a way, everyone got protection from Voldemort's spells."

"Interesting. I'm very smart, aren't I?"

Everyone merely stared at Harry and chose not to make any comment.

Lupin smiled and continued to read.

"I wonder if there will be any more deaths," Hermione mused.

"Hopefully just one," Harry said grimly.

"You're talking about You-Know-Who, right?"

"Of course he is, Ron!"

"There's no need to snap at me, you know."

"Honestly, Hermione, you really need to control your temper a little better," Fred said.

"Yes! He's dead!" Lupin whooped with an ecstatic smile.

"Who? Me or Voldemort?"

"Voldemort of course!"

"Oh." Harry smiled and cheered.

"You killed him... well, sort of. The Elder Wand refused to kill you since you are it's master, so, it killed Voldemort instead."

"So, is that it? Does the story end there?" Hermione asked.

"No, there's an epilogue," Lupin said. "And yet, there's still no mention about how I died..."

"I guess you weren't important enough to have a death scene," Snape sneered.

Lupin rolled his eyes and continued to read.

"Well, I guess alls well that ends well, right?" Ron said.

"Not for all of us," Sirius pointed out glumly.

"Oh, sorry, Sirius."

"Nobody respects the feelings of the dead."

"But you're not dead yet!" Hermione pointed out.

"I might as well be!" Sirius pointed out. "I don't do anything important! I might as well just turn myself into the dementors and be done with it!"

"Sirius, don't talk like that!" Hermione said, worriedly.

Sirius sighed and sat down, mumbling about life and its pointlessness.

"Well, you and Ginny get married, Harry. And you have three darling children," Lupin said, closing the book.

"What? Ginny? As in Ron's sister Ginny?"

"Yes, that Ginny. Oh, Ron and Hermione get married as well and have two kids."

"WHAT?" Ron and Hermione both exclaimed, looking at each other in horror.

"I..."

"But..."

"He's..."

"She's..."

"It's..."

"Bloody hell!"

"Two... kids..."

"Bloody hell!"

Everyone else looked perfectly unfazed as if Lupin had merely told them that tonight was going to be cloudless; perfect for viewing the full moon.

Lupin smiled. "Let's see... Oh, Neville becomes the Herbology professor... and that's about it that any of you here would be interested in..."

"So that's how it ends..." Harry mused. "At least it sounds like I'm going to have a good life."

"At least you live!" Sirius pointed out.

"Sirius, you knew that two books ago! Can't you just let it go?"

"No!"

Suddenly, the forgotten girl on the floor groaned and stirred.

"Did you say something, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

"No."

"Remus, is it the--"

"No, otherwise I'd be screaming in pain on the ground."

Dumbledore looked at the stirring form of the girl. "Ah! I almost forgot about her!"

"Did she write these books?" Harry asked.

"Maybe she's from the future!"

"Ron, if she's from the future, why would she risk coming here with the series? It could seriously mess up the timeline! And if you do interfere, there are serious implications!" Hermione pointed out.

"Like what?"

"You go to prison!"

"You mean Azkaban?"

"Yes, that prison, Ron!"

"Oh... How do you know all of this?"

"I have a time-turner, remember? Lupin told everyone when he recounted all of the books."

The girl groaned and stirred again. Her eyes fluttered open and she rubbed her head. "Where am I?" she groaned.

And so ends chapter seven; the longest chapter in this whole story… hopefully. I would like to thank Mina-chan AMD, IloveMooney, The Amazing Chez, Rejecting A Name, Kathryn Lee, craziigirl, and Ogreatrandom for reviewing for the previous chapter. Please leave lots of reviews!