I don't own Harry Potter.

"Where am I?" the girl groaned as she sat up and rubbed her head, her vision slowly adjusting.

Everyone stared at her, suspiciously, wondering whether they should say anything, considering that she had not appeared to notice any of them.

The girl blinked and took in her surroundings. "None of this is familiar..." she muttered. Then, her eyes froze on her curious, yet suspicious, observers. She gasped. "What? I'm here? This can't be real?"

Nobody said anything.

"It's a dream, that's it... it's just another one of those blissful dreams where I wake up in the Harry Potter world and Harry and I... but if that's the case, why don't I remember falling asleep...? My story... and then the computer... but then what...?" She shook her head in confusion and then fixed her eyes on Harry, drinking him in. Harry blinked, finding this whole thing rather disturbing.

"Harry!" she squealed with an overly perky smile. She ran up to him and embraced him as if he were an old friend... or more than just a friend. Harry flinched at the contact; after all, he had found out that he was apparently a happily married man who had three children... well, he was going to be that anyway...

"Do I know you?" Harry asked.

"No!" she was still smiling very creepily. "But I'm sure that we'll be the best of friends in no time!"

"Er..."

"I know! I'm so excited, too! I mean, I'm actually in your world!"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah," she said, airily, "I've read all about you in those books!" She gestured to a pile of books on the ground by Lupin. "I'm your biggest fan!"

"Um..." Harry tried to draw away from her but her grip was too firm. "What do you mean you read about me in all of these books when some of this stuff hasn't even happened yet?"

"Oh! That's right!" For the first time since she had laid eyes on Harry, she looked at someone else. This someone else just happened to be Sirius. "That's why he's still here..."

"Are you from the future of something?" Harry asked, still trying to peel out of the strange girl's vice grip around his stomach.

"Oh," the girl drew back. Harry sighed in relief and took a deep breath, massaging the place where the girl had gripped him. "How rude of me... no introduction at all… well..." she cleared her throat, "My name is Mary Suewriter and I'm from the real world."

"The 'real world'?" This time, Lupin spoke up. "Excuse me Miss, er, Suewriter, but... this is the real world."

"No, it's not!" she said with a happy grin. "You're all completely fictional! But don't worry, you're all loved and adored by readers around the world... like me! Well, most of you anyway..." she leered at Snape and Pettigrew.

"Great! So in addition to being dead, I'm also fictitious!" Sirius exclaimed. "That's it; I'm going straight to the dementors!" Sirius began to walk towards the exit of the room that would lead to the exit of the Shrieking Shack.

"In that case, can I have my wand back?" Snape asked hopefully.

"Sure, whatever," Sirius sighed and threw Snape's wand back to him. Snape caught it.

"What, no coy taunts? Insults? Jokes? Nasty nicknames? You're giving it to me just like that?" Snape looked somewhat disappointed as if this is what he had been looking forward to.

"What's the point? I'm fictional and I'm dead," Sirius muttered.

"Wait!" Mary Suewriter cried out, "You can't leave! Harry, my love, do something!"

"Excuse me, but I'm not your lover. I happen to be, er, well, I will be happily married to Ron's sister and we will be having three wonderful and beautiful children!"

"Harry!" Lupin groaned, gesturing to Sirius, who was three-quarters of the way to the exit of the room, slowly dragging his feet.

"Sirius, if you go now, I'll never get to spend time with you!"

"Well, you can read about it," Sirius gestured to the books. "Although you'll only really have two book's worth of material to work with..."

"Sirius, please!"

"Goodbye, Harry."

"Why are you saying goodbye? You're only seven-eights of the way to the door!"

"Well, I'm saving energy. Time doesn't matter since I'm fictitious. The author will just skip all this time I'm using to get to the door or even to the dementors and just get right to the juicy stuff."

"Wait, Sirius! You can't go to the dementors!" Mary Suewriter called out. "You have so much to live for!"

"Like what? From what your books make it sound like, I'm going to be on the run for one year and then spend the rest of my life locked up in a dingy and creepy old house with its creepy old house-elf and then... I'm going to die!"

"But I can prove that you're innocent! The real criminal is..." she looked at Ron's hand and noticed the absence of the rat so then she looked around the room. "... okay, so he's standing right next to you..."

"Yeah, we figured that out," Lupin said, dryly, "You were out for quite some time... time enough to browse through your delightful books. In case you didn't notice, Sirius knows that he's going to die."

"Er... well... how much do you guys know?"

"Everything," Lupin said. "In case you didn't notice, we made it to the epilogue... that's why Harry knows that he lives and gets married and has three darling children."

"Oh... right..." For some reason, Mary Suewriter's fists clenched at the mention of Harry getting married.

"Not too bright, is she?" Ron muttered to Fred and George.

"Bit of a basketcase, I'd say..." George affirmed.

"She's not playing with all the Quidditch balls..." Fred added, cheerily.

"... the lights are on but nobody's home..."

"... she's one card short of a Chocolate Frog card collection..."

"... she's..."

"Yeah, we get it," Percy said.

"Tell, Sirius that, will you?" Ron said to Fred and George. "He's taking it really seriously... and he's thirty-one thirty seconds of the way out that door."

"Okay, we'll go and talk to him, Ron," Fred said, patting Ron on the back, "If it'll make our fictitious lil' ickle Ronniekins feel any better…"

"Yeah..." George said with a grin.

"No, wait! You two would only make him worse. I'll talk to him." Ron walked up to Sirius who was now sixty-three sixty-fourths of the way to the exit. He started having a conversation with Sirius.

Mary Suewriter, now seeing that Harry's dumb sidekick had gone to handle the issue, turned her attention back to Harry, tightly grabbing his right arm. Surprisingly, she didn't notice that Harry flinched. "So, anyway, what was I saying, Harry, my love? Oh, that's right… so, I know everything that's going to happen to you and I know how to get around it."

"I'm not your--"

"So, first of all, you can't fall in love with Ginny Weasly."

"Why not? She's Ron's sister and to be honest, she's kinda ho--"

"Finish that sentence and I'll kill you," Ron called over from his conversation with Sirius, his face turning a color to match his hair.

"How do you know what I'm going to say?"

"Well, I didn't see that going in a good direction." Ron then continued to talk to Sirius.

"Harry, if you love me, you'll be happier!" Mary Suewriter interrupted.

"Why do you love me so much if I'm fictitious?"

"'Cuz you're hot!" she giggled.

"How do you know I'm hot if you've never--"

"So, anyway, after that, you need to turn Pettigrew in to prove that Sirius is innocent."

"But he's on our side, now!"

"Yeah!" Peter affirmed.

"But, Harry! He's the reason your parents are dead! Don't you want some revenge?"

"Well, I figure he's more useful alive than dead."

"But he's responsible for the resurrection of Voldemort--" everyone jumped with surprise that she used his name, "—and for the death of Cedric Diggory."

"But I'm not going back! I said that already! I mean it, I really do!" Pettigrew protested.

"Besides, wouldn't you rather have Sirius free and able to live with you?"

"Well, that doesn't really matter, anyway, considering the fact that he's planning to turn himself into the dementors."

"But--"

"Look, as much as I appreciate your… advice… I really think I can handle it myself. I mean, after all, I did it in those books, so I think I can handle it all now that I know what's going to happen. It sounds like all I have to do is get to all of Voldemort's Horcruxes and destroy them with Gryffindor's sword. Then, I just have to get Voldemort to kill me so I can kill him and then everything will be just peachy."

"Yes, but--"

"Die, you evil Death Eater in disguise!" Sirius shrieked with a manic look in his eye similar to the one that his cousin, Bellatrix, got if somebody said something at all negative about the Dark Lord, took Ron's wand from where it had been sitting in his pocket, and blasted at Mary Suewriter with the wand. She shrieked and ducked. Sirius laughed maniacally and continued to blast at her, blasting several holes in the Shrieking Shack in the process, although he missed his intended target.

"Sirius, stop!" Lupin yelled. "You're going to get someone killed! Sirius!" But Sirius continued to blast away. "Oh, fine, but you asked for this!" Lupin pulled out his wand. "Expelliarmus!"

Ron's wand flew out of Sirius' hand and Ron caught it before it could do any more harm.

"Moony, you're in league with her! You're a traitor! You're trying to deceive us all! Make us go mad and despair so that Voldemort can come back without resistance!" Sirius laughed, madly.

"Sirius, calm down. I am not in league with--"

"Ron, what did you tell him?" Harry asked.

"I tried everything, but he wouldn't believe me! So, I told him that she was a Death Eater in disguise trying to make us all despair and it worked."

"Yes, but now he's completely mental!" Harry gestured to the maniacally laughing Sirius.

"Better mental than suicidal."

"Better normal than either of those."

"Well, at least he's not trying to get kissed by dememtors any more! I do that and all you do for thanks is criticize my methods! That's just ungrateful."

"Ungrateful because now my godfather's a raving loony?"

"Well, er…"

"Look, Sirius, just calm down," Lupin was saying to a maniacally laughing Sirius. "Just calm down, okay? Everything's fine."

"Fine?! FINE?! First I find out that I'm fictional and I'm going to die and then I find out that you're in league with that Death Eater! How am I supposed to be fine?"

"Sirius, Ron was lying to get you to stop trying to seek out the dementors and have your soul sucked away!"

"So, then what she's saying is true? I'm really fictional?"

"No, Sirius, she's just a basketcase. You're just as real as she is."

"You know, I'm right here! I can hear you! And I'm not a basketcase!"

"Sure you aren't… The point is that-- ARGH!" Remus grimaced and fell to the ground, writhing in agony.

"What did you do to him?!" Harry roared at Mary Suewriter, pointing his wand at her. "Stop it immediately!"

"It's not me!" she squeaked. "I think it's— RUN!" She pointed, wide-eyed at the spot where Lupin had been on the ground. "He's transformed and he forgot to take his Wolfsbane Potion!" She began to run for the door. Then, noticing that nobody was following suit, she stopped. "What's going on? Why are you all just standing there and why isn't he attacking us?" She gestured to the wolf staring benignly up at everyone, not growling or snarling at anyone.

"He took his potion," Snape said, "Since your books reminded him of something that he should have remembered in the first place," Lupin the wolf snorted indignantly, "Miss Granger here went and retrieved the potion from his office as well as a few undesired guests." He looked at Fred, George, Percy, and Neville.

"Oh…" Mary Suewriter said, blushing and feeling rather foolish. She then turned to the out-of-place characters. "What are you all doing here? You're not supposed to--"

"Well, neither are you!" Fred pointed out.

"Yes, but I'm--"

"—a git who's done more harm than good," George finished.

"No! I'm--"

"—a complete basketcase," Fred finished, grinning. "Hey, this is fun!"

"Stop it!" she whined. "I'm only trying to--"

"—make all of us go completely mental?"

"Nice one, George! I was going to say that she was only trying to kidnap Harry and hold him hostage for the rest of eternity, but yours is better--"

"—and more accurate," Hermione pointed out, grimly, pointing to a still maniacal Sirius, despite what Lupin had said to him, who was now hitting his head on the wall, laughing like a maniac.

"Oh, just get a grip, Black! Everyone else found out that they're fictitious and they're not falling apart at the seams!" Snape snapped.

Sirius stopped banging his head against the wall and looked at Snape. "But I die!"

"And so do Dumbledore, Lupin, Pettigrew, and I! And are we seeking the dementors out? No! You know why?"

"Because you all don't fall behind a curtain! Your death scenes are cool, except for Moony's because he doesn't have one." Lupin let out a plaintive whine.

"But we still die," Snape pointed out. "And, as disconcerting as the thought is, we have enough sense to keep it together because we know that we died to stop the Dark Lord. And you did, too. Even though you died so early, your death helped motivate Potter… so you're just as important as us… even if you died first."

Sirius blinked. "D'you… d'you really mean that… Severus?"

Snape looked surprised that Sirius was actually calling him by his proper name. "Yes, I, er, do really mean it, er, Black. Now, have some dignity and pull yourself together… for Potter's sake."

Sirius nodded and got up, much calmer now.

"Aw… how sentimental, Professor! I didn't know you cared!" Harry said.

Snape blinked. "I don't, Potter!" he snapped, "I just didn't want Black making all that noise! It was giving me a headache!"

"Somebody's in denial!" Harry said in a sing-song voice.

"Somebody's asking for detention!" Snape sneered in as close to a sing-song voice he permitted himself to go to. Harry stopped talking but settled for a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Don't talk to my love like that! He's sooooooooo much cooler than you!"

Snape smirked. "Ouch," he said, sarcastically, "I'm so wounded at your hurtful comments. I think I might just back off of Potter."

"Really?"

"No. Personally, I get that all the time from my students and I care more about what they think than what you think… and I don't care much about what they think."

"I… I think I fancy a walk," Sirius said before Mary could retort, "I need to mull over a few things."

"Hold on, Sirius! We're not letting you go alone!" Harry exclaimed.

"A fair point, Harry," Dumbledore said. He turned to Percy. "Mr. Weasley--"

"Oh no. No, no, no! You're not pinning this on me!"

"--could you please escort Mr.Black on his walk? You're most qualified for the job, after all, as Head Boy."

"More like 'Bighead Boy', if you ask me," Fred whispered to George.

Percy smiled and puffed out his chest a little. "Well, I am the most qualified, true… Very well, come with me if you will, Mr. Black."

"Hold on a sec," Sirius said. "I don't think it would be a good idea to have Sirius Black, notorious convicted mass-murderer, running around the grounds."

"So you don't want to go for a walk, then."

"No, no. I'm going for a walk, just not as Sirius the man." Sirius then transformed into a shaggy black dog.

"Okay, then, Mr. Black, let's get going," Percy said and with that, he strutted out of the room, followed by Sirius.

"Only Percy would call a dog 'Mr. Black'," Fred smirked.

"Git," George added.

"Didn't you want to go with them, Professor Lupin?" Hermione asked Lupin the wolf. Lupin shook his head. "Okay, then. Just making sure."

"I knew I shouldn't have eaten all those 'Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans' before bed. Can I wake up now?" Neville asked.

"Neville, this isn't a dream!" Ron exclaimed.

"That's just what you would say if I was dreaming!"

"But, Neville, you told us that you went to Professor Lupin's office. How could you have fallen asleep between then and here?" Hermione reasoned.

"Well, I was preoccupied about my Defense Against the Dark Arts final, so it could have been a part of my dream."

"Do you even remember falling asleep?" Hermione retorted.

"Er… well, I remember having trouble falling asleep because I was worrying about my grade… but, er… Well, this can't be real! All this talk of Horcruxes, Professor Lupin being a werewolf, Sirius Black being innocent and an Animagus, Peter Pettigrew being alive, Professor Snape being kind, You-Know-Who being alive, and all of us being fictitious characters in a series of books… all that's missing are the dancing tacos!"

"But, Neville! This isn't a dream! All of this is real!"

"But that's what--" Neville was interrupted when Hermione walked up to him and slapped him. "OW! Wha'd you do that for?"

"If you were dreaming, that wouldn't have hurt."

"This could be one of those dreams where I'm feeling things from what somebody's doing to me while I'm asleep."

"Neville, you know that's not true! You're just in denial!"

"That's not true!"

"Perhaps Mr. Longbottom would prefer it if he could go back to the school and to his dorm?" Dumbledore suggested. "I daresay that all of tonight's events so far are quite overwhelming to wrap one's head around. It almost makes one wish one had one's Pensieve."

"Er… okay…" Neville said. "I think I'll just leave then. Goodbye, everyone! See you all when I wake up!" With that, Neville exited the Shrieking Shack.

"Neville, you're not dreaming!" everyone called after him.

"Harry," Mary Suewriter said, attaching herself to him once more, "will you marry me?"

"You do realize that we're only thirteen, right? And besides, I already told you, I'm going to marry Ginny!"

"But--"

"Why are you so adamant about this? You're insisting that I should love you and marry you instead of Ginny, but I don't even know you!"

"Well, I like your books."

"Yes, I figured as much."

"Oh… and I like nuts! All kinds of nuts; walnuts, pistachios, peanuts, chocolate-covered nuts--"

"You're nuts," Fred whispered in an aside to George.

"—so, now that you know a little about me, will you marry--"

"No! Never! I'm not going to marry you; I'm going to marry Ginny!"

"But… but…" Mary Suewriter sputtered. "You… can't!" she whined. "Y-you just c-can't!" she started to sob. "Y-y-you're supposed t-to like m-me!"

"And what gave you that idea?"

"Uh… I love you?"

"Look, I'm, er, sorry, but I don't love you, okay? So, please, just get over it."

"Harsh, mate," Ron said as Mary Suewriter began to wail.

"Well, what would you have done in my situation?"

"Probably the same thing."

"Exactly."

"Speaking of which…" Ron turned to Hermione. "I've been thinking about… us."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "There is no 'us'. At least not yet, anyway. To be honest, Ron, I don't really have any feelings for you."

"What a relief! Me neither!"

"Wait, what do you mean, 'What a relief!'? Am I not good enough to be your wife?"

"No, no! It's not that it's just that--"

"—I'm not pretty enough, is that it? You shallow-minded pig!"

"'Shallow-minded pig', huh? Is that all you think I am?"

"Judging by your taste in girls before me like Fleur and 'Lav-Lav', right 'Won-Won'?!"

"I – what? Wait a minute! Look who's talking! What, am I not famous enough? I'm nothing compared to 'Vicky'?"

"It's Viktor. And I bet he's more sensitive than you!"

"Guys, guys! Break it up!" Harry yelled.

"Great idea, Harry!" Ron said. "We will 'break it up'! Hermione, I'm never speaking to you again! Never! I'm not going to marry you, either!"

"Well, fine! Same goes for me!"

"Guys, that's not what I--" Harry began.

"Well, I guess you can just go off and tie the knot with Vicky!"

"Have a nice life with Lav-Lav!"

Ron and Hermione turned their backs on each other and moved to opposite corners of the room. Mary Suewriter stared at them in horror through her tear-filled eyes. Other than her and Harry, her favorite pairing had been Ron and Hermione. And it was all her fault. If she hadn't been dropped in here with the books, none of this would be happening…

"I can really see why they were meant to be," Snape said sarcastically.

"Now, now, Severus," Dumbledore said, "As I recall, you and Lily had your rough spots, too. And you thought you were--"

"That was completely different."

"Please don't talk about that! It's just—Professor, what are you doing?" Harry asked as Lupin began to nudge Harry and nod his head in the direction of the door.

"What is it, boy? Is Timmy stuck in a well? Or do you have to go out?" Snape asked, sarcastically.

'Lassie's a dog, not a werewolf, you dolt. If you're going to make Muggle entertainment references, get it right,' Lupin thought as he growled at Snape. 'Why can't you idiots see that Sirius and Percy--'

"Hello, all!" Percy sang as he walked through the door after a hovering and stunned black dog.

"That was a short walk, eh, Percy?" Fred said. "What, was he too fast for you?"

"No, Fred," Percy said, throwing him an irritated glance, "The minute we got outside, he made a break for it and started running towards where the dementors are. Luckily, I have good aim with a wand."

"I didn't even know Percy had the nerve to jinx anyone, let alone an adult!" George snickered.

Percy glared and dropped Sirius to the ground. "I just have more self-control than you two," he retorted to George. He then looked around the room at the sobbing Mary Suewriter and the huffy Ron and Hermione who still had their backs to each other at opposite corners of the room. "What happened here?"

"Potter here rejected his 'soul-mate' and Heaven's Couple just broke up," Snape said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ron," Percy said.

"Well, I'm not! I'm happy! Happy, happy, happy! You hear that, Hermione! I'm happy!"

"I thought you said you were never going to speak to me ever again!"

"Well, you did too!"

"Hmph!" they said at the same time and stopped speaking.

After a bit of awkward silence where everyone was staring at Ron and Hermione, Peter said, "So now what?"

"What do you mean by that?" Harry asked.

"Well, what are we going to do to defeat the Dark Lord? Surely we're going to do something based on what we've learned from these books?"

Everyone stared at Pettigrew. After all, this was the first smart thing he'd said all night, and possibly for his whole life.

"I think I may have a plan," Dumbledore said. "But I haven't completed it, yet. It takes longer for me to plot and scheme than it used to… confound this old mind!"

Clunk, clunk, clunk.

"What was that?" Percy asked.

"You hear it too?" Harry said. "I thought this was another 'basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets' moment where only I could hear things."

Clunk, clunk, clunk.

"Whatever it is, it's getting closer!" Mary Suewriter squeaked.

This is the end of the eighth chapter. Thanks go to craziigirl, Flamespirit-eth, Ogreatrandom, Mina-chan AMD, DariaM, IloveMooney, Undeniable Mystique, sir alanna of pirate's swoop, and Kathryn Lee for reviewing for the previous chapter. Please leave lots of reviews!