An Unmanly Manly Attack
Episode 4, Part 1
By Neoraichu
All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.
...
"What's the Shemergency, Sheila?" asked Kelly.
"An unknown villain is attacking downtown. Their motive and goals remain unknown at this time as well."
"Do we have a visual?" asked SheZow.
"I should have that in just a second," replied the computer.
The monitor showed an image of someone standing on the tallest bank corporate office in Megadale, and it was quite the site. He appeared to be tall (perhaps 10 feet) with a spread of bull horns and cloven hooves for feet. His arms were more feline, ending in hybrid of arms and feline legs. They could see claws pop in and out as he flexed his fingers. And from his shoulders, there was eagle wings which had a span easily in excess of 30 feet. With all his shaggy hair, he was naked, but still not showing anything awkward. The most human looking part was the face, although the beard was woven like that of an Egyptian Pharaoh.
"I know him!" said the Manstache.
"You do?" asked SheZow.
"He's the one that almost killed me once," he said nervously, "It was only by sheer luck that I survived and stopped him from destroying Smalltownsville."
"Who is it?"
"He's called... the Menacing Manster! That's not his real name, but his Mesopotamian name is pretty much unpronounceable! He fancies himself the ultimate male and the ultimate evil!"
"And you beat him by luck?"
"Yes, I somehow got an experimental jar of Mr Kevin's Triple Strength Hair Cement. It somehow made me resistant to his man draining powers. But I never found out how I got it, or how it could be reproduced. It took the whole jar to defeat this monster. I don't know if I can do it again."
"Man draining powers?"
"Yes, the more manly his enemies are, the stronger he becomes. While he gains strength, those around him become weaker and less manly. Eventually, they become... chickens."
"They run away and hide?"
"Well no, they literally turn into chickens. He turned almost every man in Smalltownsville into one. Fortunately, the Menacing Manster was defeated within 24 hours, and every victim turned back to normal as well as regaining their... manliness."
"Did super powered women fight him too?"
"Yes."
"How did that turn out?"
"He paid the Mental Midget to hypnotize any woman who got too close."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"Well Sheila will tell me if there's anyone else around Menacing Manster."
"That's good. I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to another go'round with him."
"Well this time, you have SheZow on your side! I'd say 'manliness' is not a problem for me at the moment."
"I hope so. It's Megadale that's on the line this time. I normally work alone."
"I would appreciate your help, Manstache. My normal sidekick isn't here right now."
"It would be my honor to help you."
"I taught Kelsey how to act manly," said Gerald quietly to Kelly, "How to be a gentleman. To act like a hero."
"Great," whispered Kelly, "Perhaps you can show Kelsey that you don't hate her too."
"I don't hate her."
"She thinks you do. That she sees it every time you look at her."
"I was angry for a while, sure. It was a devastating blow to lose my chance to be the Manstache. But I'm over that now. I'm just being tough on her for her own good. I should not have to tell Kelsey that I love her. She should know that."
"It's not obvious. You have to tell her."
"Well now isn't a good time. I promise I'll talk to her later and let her know."
"That's all one can ask for."
"To the Shehicle!" shouted SheZow.
...
In the Shehicle, SheZow said as they drove towards the battle, "I know this might be hard for you to hear, but you should hold back. The best strategy is to give him as little manly energy as we can until I weaken him with my SheZow powers."
"You're right, Miss SheZow. I'm not too proud to know when it's time to back off. But it just doesn't feel right. I feel powerless by not using my powers."
"Wait a minute," said SheZow in a flash of insight, "Feelings!"
"What about them?"
"If this Menacing Manster is so manly, then perhaps his weakness is feelings!"
"How can that help?"
"Easy. Inside, you have the mind of a woman, right?"
"Well yes."
"Focus on that. While I battle the Menacing Manster, use the Shehicle's public addess system to tell the Menacing Manster how you feel about all of this!"
"That may well... weaken me as well."
"But I'm betting the farm that the Menacing Manster will be weakened a lot more than you!"
"Oh," said Manstache as he understood the plan, "I'll do it."
"So tell me what kind of powers to expect."
"His known powers are superhuman strength, limitless endurance, invulnerability, immunity to a number of environmental extremes such as heat, cold, a wide range of radiation, vacuum, high pressure in both air and water, he doesn't conduct electricity unless it's from his shocking fists, laser vision, glacier feet, tornado breath, super breath holding, and enhanced senses all around. Others have tried using his sense against him by overloading them, but that didn't seem to be effective... and the already mentioned man draining powers."
"That's a lot of powers," noted SheZow, "I'll keep that in mind,"
"I promise I'll step in if you get in trouble."
"Only if the situation is desperate," warned SheZow, "You can't make the situation better by making the Menacing Manster stronger. Just keep that in mind."
"I shall."
...
Menacing Manster glared down upon Megadale and announced in a booming voice, "I know that the Manstache is hiding here! I know that your local hero called SheZow is helping him! Send them forth if you want your city to survive!"
He glared around waiting.
"You have 30 minutes to turn them over before I start leveling skyscrapers!"
Police Helicopters began appearing around him. Police Cars were gathering at the base of the building along with SWAT Vans.
"We've got you cover, monster! Surrender and come along peacefully!" shouted someone over their loudspeaker.
"That's Menacing Manster, you twits!"
He paused for dramatic effect as he glanced around at all of the helicopters. They were shining their spotlights on him. He then glanced down at the police vehicles, and all of the police offers moving to enter the building. "Oh, playthings to pass the time!" replied the Menacing Manster as he rubbed his clawed hands together.
… 27 and a half minutes later …
"Oh dear," mused Menacing Manster, "It seems that I've broken all of my toys again. No wonder it's so hard to keep myself amused in any major city." The ground was littered with broken helicopters and broken vehicles. Guns and shields were imbedded in the walls and trees all around. Helmets were shoved into the ground like potted plants.
"Not so fast, Menacing Manster!" shouted someone familiar.
"What's this?" he asked looking about, "Has some girl come to spend time with me?"
"Not some girl," she replied, "I'm SheZow, Guardian of Megadale!"
"What?" he asked, feigning insult, "Just you? Where's your legion? Your alliance? The heroic team?"
"It's just me," said SheZow, "I'm all that Megadale needs."
"And where pray tell is that coward, the Manstache? Doesn't he have the nerve to fight?"
"Oh, he's around," she retorted, "but he's not just going to charge in here and fuel your manliness stealing powers."
"Clever," he mused, "but ultimately pointless. He'll surely come in and try to save you once I've beaten you into the pavement."
"I'm not such a pushover!"
"But first, just look around, SheZow," advised Menacing Manstache, "and tell me what's wrong with this picture?"
She looked around and noticed that there were chickens hiding in every nook and cranny that was available.
"What did you do to them?" she asked in shock.
"The police?" he asked, "Nothing. They attacked me and suffered the consequences. In 24 hours, the only thing that they'll be good for is fried chicken!" Pausing to look around, he added, "I should really start my own fast food franchise."
"You're sick, evil, and disgusting!"
"Thank you, dear," he answered, "I try my best."
"Well I'm going to try my best to defeat you!"
"Better men than you have tried."
"Like the Manstache?"
"I've grown more powerful than the last time we've fought! He beat me on a fluke once!" he snarled back, "A fluke that will most likely never happen again! This time, I'll rip that hair off his lip and make him feel the shame of powerlessness!"
"Already making excuses?"
"Just shut up and fight!" howled Menacing Manster.
"Someone's a little defensive..."
(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)
Magical Mystery Tour
Episode 4, Part 2
By Neoraichu
"I should have brought the Mental Midget with me," grumbled the Menacing Manster, "Oh wait, I ate him a while ago... Oops."
A focused sound beam struck him from behind.
"What's a matter, Manster?" asked SheZow poking her head around the corner of the stairway block, "Don't you like being serenaded by my She-Scream?"
"It's nagging and annoying like my ex-wife!"
"Got that, Sheila?" asked SheZow into the ring.
"Ex-wife," came the reply, "I'll cross check the web and see if I can find her."
"On the other hand, it might not be necessary. I think I have him on the ropes."
"Don't be so sure," said Gerald over the link.
"How so?"
"He likes to play with his prey before he crushes them. By acting hurt, he lulls his enemies into a false sense of security. He likes to see the defeated look on his enemies faces."
"I'm glad that the Manstache has been holding back so far," she replied, "No sense in letting him get a power up from Manstache's manliness."
"This is just the kind of fight he would have normally charged into swinging both... uh... sides of his mustache."
"Well maybe Manstache has... grown up a bit?"
"Maybe," admitted Gerald.
"I'll get back to you when I'm not so busy."
"Very well," said Sheila.
"Are you done making small talk yet?!" snarled Menacing Manster, who was now breathing down the back of SheZow's neck hotly, "That's very rude to make calls while fighting!"
"Oh, I'm sorry," said SheZow, "We were fighting? I thought we were taking a break."
"You're insufferable, woman!"
"Thank you. I try my best."
SheZow moved just in time to avoid getting punched, which left a three foot hole in the roof where she just was.
"Plan to dance around all day, missy?"
"Just long enough to beat you," she replied with some sass.
"Oh SheZow," said a voice trying to sound girlish, "I'm baaaaaack..."
"I thought you were supposed to..." said SheZow, who stopped in mid thought.
"MANSTACHE!" screamed the Menacing Manster, "This is an outrage! What is the meaning of this?!"
"I know not of this Manstache of whom which you are speaking," he said innocently and in a girlish manner, "I am SheZow's new partner, SheBop."
SheZow didn't even know that copies of her outfit were available in Manstache's size, but he look just like a six foot tall man in a SheZow costume. The only difference was the fake that the fake SheZow Ring was on the finger next to the real Manstache Ring. The whole outfit looked ridiculous with the huge waxed mustache.
"Seriously?" asked SheZow.
"I'm going to be sick," said the Manster.
"When was the last time you had those nails looked after?" asked 'SheBop', "They look hideous, darling. I brought the SheBop Manicure set with me!"
"Manicure set?" asked SheZow.
"Stay away from me, you freak!" screamed the Manster. He began backing away from 'SheBop' towards the edge of the roof.
"Oh come on," said 'SheBop' as she followed him, "You know you could use a makeover. I mean, running around naked under all that hair is so last Tuesday! I just know you need some special shampoo for that oiliness and split ends, I swear!"
"No!" he screamed, "My man power is being drained away!" He kept backing away as he was retreated closer to the edge of the roof.
"Don't you get it?" asked Sheila.
"Get what?" asked SheZow.
"If the Menacing Manster gets power from draining manliness, he just might be weakened by shows of girlishness. It's the whole reason he hired someone else to battle super-heroines for him."
"Oh..."
"Look," said 'SheBop', "I just know we can be the best of friends if we can just open ourselves up and discuss our feelings, darling."
"No!" screamed Manster as he fell over the edge, "Not my feeeeeeeeeelllllliiiiiinnnnnngsss..."
"That's gonna leave a mark," said SheZow as she glanced over the edge, "and I have to say, you really have to be comfortable with your manliness if you can dress like that." The last part was directed towards the Manstache/SheBop.
"Oh, I think I learned from the best," he said as he smiled at SheZow.
"Well, the cops might be changing back any minute," she replied, "so you might want to... I don't know... change back or something?"
"Oh all right," he sighed, "Sometimes an image can be such a pain to maintain."
"I know," she sighed, "Just get going."
"I'll be back in a minute or three."
"SheBop," sighed SheZow as he leaped away. She went to the elevator to make her way down to the ground level.
...
When she came out of the lobby, SheZow found a bunch of police as well as the Manstache surrounding the Menacing Manster as he lay in a crater of his own making.
"I shall now..." Manster moaned as he raised a shaky arm and pointed a clawed finger into the air, "PLOT MY REVENGE! I will get you SheZow and SheBop!"
"SheBop?" asked Boxter, now no longer a chicken.
"He fell on his head from 50 stories up," said SheZow, "Who knows what he's talking about?"
"Good point. And... I want to say, good job... SheZow."
"It pained you to say that, didn't it?"
"Yes," he replied, "Yes it did."
"Thank you."
Oddly, the Menacing Manster began to laugh. He laughed out loud.
"What's so funny?" asked SheZow, "Is getting beat so bad?"
"No," he said, "I'm laughing when I see the looks on your faces when I use my FINAL POWER! The one I've never used before! It will drain every bit of manly power, but the revenge will be well worth it even if I'm never super powered again!"
He raised a clawed hand into the air, and said, "In the name of all that's dark and evil, I damn SheZow and Manstache to the Future! I shall open a portal through Time just for them!" A black and white swirling tornado shaped vortex opened in the air nearby.
"No!" screamed SheZow as she was sucked inside. "I'll protect you, Miss SheZow!" shouted the Manstache as he was sucked in behind.
Spinning and tumbling in the black in white vortex was making SheZow queasy. It was quite disorienting and dizzying as well.
...
Meanwhile, back in the She-Lair with Sheila, Kelly and Gerald.
"Kelly," said Sheila, "There's something wrong. I just lost contact with SheZow."
"Lost contact?" asked Kelly.
"Yes, she just vanished."
"Has anyone else disappeared?"
"As far as I can tell, just the Manstache. The Shehicle is still there."
"This is terrible!" shouted Gerald.
"There's no one left to stop the Menacing Manster!" added Kelly.
"This is no time to panic," said Gerald calmly, "We need a plan for when they return."
...
SheZow landed on something... somewhat soft.
"Wow," she groaned, "So there's more than one way to time travel. Why do I already know its not going to be a bright and shiny future?"
"You're sitting on my chest, miss."
Looking down, she realized that she was in fact sitting on Manstache's chest. Her backside was in fact a few inches from his chin.
"Oh," she said awkwardly as she hopped off him, "My bad."