She-Hind Sight
Episode 6, Part 1
By Neoraichu
All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.
...
SheZow was now in command of her new super-vehicle, the She-Hind. And now that SheZap was gone and her Zombie minions destroyed, she had some time to aquatint herself with it. The Manstache just happened to be there, too.
While SheZow was in the main pilot's seat, Manstache was in the co-pilot's seat. Both seats were rather nice bucket seats covered in rich Corinthian Leather, but with a fine cloth lining down the middle of the back and on the seats.
"Sheila 2. 0. 3. 6.?" she asked.
"Please call me Sheila. Ready to receive commands," replied the computer.
"Show me the Help Files for your operation and systems."
"State or enter Password."
Since SheZow a little lazy to type, she simply stated, "Megamonkey."
"Password accepted. Beginning Help File access."
"Hmm," she mused, "Where to begin... Ah, give me the help file for weapons systems!"
"Affirmative," she replied.
When SheZow read the weapons file, she was practically slack-jaw impressed. While looking over her shoulder, the Manstache was impressed as well.
"I guess Kelly and Gerald weren't messing around with this," she said quietly.
Shehineguns: Available in two pods of six .50 caliber fully automatic guns. Ammo Capacity: 1,000 rounds per Ammunition Type. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). Ammunition selectable in Armor Piercing (AP), Armor Piercing Explosive (APEx), Armor Piercing Incendiary (API), Dum Dum/Full Metal Jacket (DD), Explosive (Ex), Frangable (Fr), Incendiary (In), Ironwood (Iw), Rubber (Rb), Silent Subsonic (SS), Silent Subsonic Tracer (SST), Silver (Ag), and Tracer (Tr). Ammunition may be fired by type, or in prearranged belts. Present prearranged ammo belts include:
Anti-Armor Belt: AP-APEx-API-APEx-API-Tr
Anti-Material Belt: AP-APEx-API-Ex-In-Tr-Ex-In
Anti-Personnel/Less than Lethal Belt: Rb-Rb-Rb
Anti-Personnel/Lethal Belt: AP-DD-Tr-DD-DD-Ex
Anti-Supernatural Belt: DD-Ag-Iw-In-Tr
Safety Belt: Fr-Fr-Fr
Stealth Belt (requires Silenced Gun Configuration): SS-SS-SS
Stealth Belt for Night Fire (requires Silenced Gun Configuration): SS-SS-SST
Sheatling Mini-Guns: Available in one pod of two .30 caliber fully automatic Gatling guns. Ammo Capacity: 10,000 rounds per Ammunition Type. Pod have a fixed (forward) firing position (under the center fuselage). Ammunition selectable in Armor Piercing (AP), Armor Piercing Explosive (APEx), Armor Piercing Incendiary (API), Dum Dum/Full Metal Jacket (DD), Explosive (Ex), Frangable (Fr), Incendiary (In), Ironwood (Iw), Silver (Ag), and Tracer (Tr). Ammunition may be fired by type, or in prearranged belts. Present prearranged ammo belts include:
Anti-Personnel/Lethal Belt: AP-DD-Tr-DD-DD-Ex
Anti-Supernatural Belt: DD-Ag-Iw-In-Tr
Safety Belt: Fr-Fr-Fr
Shehine Cannons: Available in two pods of two 20 mm Shehine Cannon, one 30 mm Shehine Cannon, and one 50 mm Shehine Cannon, all fully automatic. Ammo Capacity: 250 rounds per Ammunition Type per cannon caliber. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). Ammunition selectable in Armor Piercing Explosive (APEx), Armor Piercing Incendiary (API), Explosive (Ex), Explosive Fragmentation (ExFrag), Explosive Incendiary (ExIn). Ammunition may be fired by type, or in prearranged belts. Present prearranged ammo belts include:
Anti-Aircraft Belt: APEx-API-API-ExIn
Anti-Armor Belt: APEx-API-APEx-API
Anti-Material Belt: APEx-Ex-ExFrag-ExIn
Anti-Personnel Belt: ExFrag-ExFrag-ExIn
Sherail Cannons: Available in two pods of one 20 mm Sherail Cannon. Ammo Capacity: 500 rounds per pod. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). Ammunition consists of one type: Titanium steel casing with lead core filler and Shetonium Armor Piercing core. Nominal firing speed is Mach 25. Firing these Cannons requires 80% output from the She-Hind's main power reactor.
Sheguided Missile Batteries: Available in two pods. Ammo Capacity: 25 rockets per pod i Array. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). All missiles have the option of using Heat Seeking, Radar Guided and Laser Guided Aiming Protocols. Standard load consists of 5 Anti-Armor Missiles, 5 Anti-Aircraft Missiles, 5 Anti-Missile Missiles, 5 Tactical Nuclear Missiles, and 5 Full Spectrum Decoy Missiles per pod.
Laser Sheguided Bombs: Available in one bomb bay. Ammo Capacity: 8 Bombs of the 500 kilogram variety. Pods have a fixed dropping position (in the main fuselage). All bombs use the Laser Guided Aiming Protocols. Standard load consists of 2 High-Explosive Bombs, 2 Napalm Incendiary Bombs, 2 Anti-Bunker/Anti-Runway Bombs, and 2 Anti-Personnel Cluster Bombs.
SheLaser Cannon in Intense Infra-Pink: One pod of two lasers. Ammo Capacity: Limitless. Pod has a fixed (forward) firing position (under the main fuselage). Can be fire continuously, or pulsed at a rate from 6 to 120 pulses per second. Effective Range: 1,000 miles for combat, 1,000,000 miles for targeting.
"Infra-Pink?" asked the Manstache.
"Don't ask me," she replied, "The ones who could tell us are no longer with us."
"Just reading all that is making my head swim."
"I know."
"And this is just the first file."
"I know."
"Perhaps we should move before we continue," noted the Manstache, "That super villainess..."
"SheZap," offered SheZow, "and he's really a dude in drag like I was."
"Uh, SheZap, promised to return with reinforcements to destroy us, and if she has Zombies, who knows what other horrors she might bring with her this time."
"Good point."
"My sensors can detect almost any threat," offered Sheila.
"But it's better to be sorry than safe," observed SheZow.
"Isn't it supposed to be 'Better safe than sorry'?" noted the Manstache.
"Manstache is correct," chimed in Sheila.
"Everyone's a critic," moaned SheZow.
"I have a full autopilot, and pre-programmed for hundreds of destinations around the world."
"I don't suppose you have another secret hangar to go to?"
"Negative, but I do have access to a number of secret military bases which would suit your purposes, Miss SheZow."
"What's the closest currently unmanned base?"
"Area 51.1 in Nevada."
"Where in Nevada is that?"
"The base location is secret."
"But you know where it is?"
"Affirmative."
"Never mind. Set a course for Area 51.1, and don't spare the horses."
"Horses?"
"Uh..." she replied awkwardly, "Oh, just start flying already."
"Affirmative."
(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)
The (Last) Stand (in Vegas)
Episode 6, Part 2
By Neoraichu
SheZow read the terrain and map displays as they flew, and noted, "We'll be passing within 10 miles of the Las Vegas City Limits."
"Is that important?" asked Manstache.
"Negative," replied Sheila, "Even if by some chance, the airports are still running their Radar Arrays, the She-Hind is all but invisible to such detection."
"Then steady as she goes, Sheila."
"Affirmative."
Moments passed by in silence.
"So," asked Manstache awkwardly, "What are you thinking about?"
"It's odd," she replied, "but now that I have cleavage, it just doesn't seem like the big deal I thought it would be."
"Really?"
"No, not really," SheZow answered, "I'm thinking about how much I miss Maz and Kelly. I wonder just who this Dark Snide-R is, and where they came from."
"Then why the first answer?"
"I don't know, it just seemed like something Kelly would expect me to say."
"Well I'm really Kelsey," answered the Manstache, "So you don't have to answer the way Kelly would expect. I don't want to treat you the way I think Gerald would want me to."
"You're right."
"What I didn't think I would say..."
"Uh-huh?"
"It's just that..."
"This is something chic awkward, right?"
"Yes..."
"Just spit it out like the dude you look like."
"Okay, I think I love you!"
"Wow," admitted SheZow, "I didn't see that one coming."
"Shemergency! Shemergency!" interrupted Sheila, "Dark Snide-R Attack Drone detected! Range 10 miles and closing. Intent: Hostile. Recommended course of action: Extermination."
"Hey Sheila," asked SheZow, "Just where do you reload?"
"Unnecessary," she replied, "I self-manufacture ammo as necessary. I have 3 months and 2.7 days of raw materials for this purpose. All it takes is an hour of downtime to reload all weapons systems."
"Then feel free to go to town on these clowns."
"Affirmative," replied Sheila, "Slang dictionary indicates that 'go to town' is alluding to the execution of directives at my own discretion."
"That's what I said."
"Deploying, arming and firing Anti-Aircraft Missiles and Shelaser Cannons in pulse mode."
"Well this is boring," mused SheZow over the whoosh of firing missiles, "I wonder what I should be doing to help?"
"Incoming radio communication request," noted Sheila, "Allow access?"
"Who's it from?"
"Unknown."
"Are you in any way vulnerable to radio signals?"
"Negative."
"Then put it on screen."
An albino figure dressed in a black jumpsuit wrapped in a gloss black cloak appeared on the screen. His eyes were both red and they appeared to softly glow red. Other than a fangy grin, they had great white teeth. The eyebrows were unusually bushy, but not a unibrow.
"So it seems the great and powerful SheZow has arrived from the past," smirked the figure with a gender neutral, yet evil voice.
"Dark Snide-R, I take it?"
"That is correct."
"I owe you," replied SheZow and the Manstache as one.
"Oh, you mean for Gerald, Kelly and Maz?"
"Yes," they answered as one once more.
"Don't you care how I know them?"
"No," replied the Manstache, "I only care that you pay for their deaths!"
"Deaths?" he mused aloud, "Why do you assume they're dead?"
"Are you saying they aren't?" asked SheZow.
"Of course not, silly girl. They are my honored guest at my Las Vegas estate," he replied, "Ah, you're probably thinking 'He's a world crushing villain. It's obviously a trap'."
"Something like that," replied the Manstache.
He turned aside and called, "Gerald, Kelly, Maz? Why don't you come here and tell your collective friends and siblings that the reports of you demise were greatly exaggerated!"
The camera turned to show beings who certainly looked like Gerald, Kelly and Maz, except...
"Hey Maz," called SheZow, "What's with the goofy black getup?"
"I am no longer Maz," he replied, "I am Moderately Gray Snark-R."
"Oh yes," replied Dark Snide-R, "Your friend Maz has been quite the apprentice over the years. He's almost like the son I never had."
"Kelly?" asked SheZow anxiously, "Has he been treating you well?"
"He's not as bad as he sounds," she replied, "The only reason there was violence is because we attacked him first."
"But didn't he hack and destroy Sheila? Didn't he take out the Shehicle?"
"Why don't I bring them to a meeting place of your choosing so you can see just how well they are doing for yourself?"
"I need to close this channel for a few minutes so my ally and I can talk about it."
"Very well, I await your return call."
The screen went dark as the channel closed.
"Smug little bastard, isn't he?" quipped SheZow.
"Indeed."