Guys! Ten is almost over! And I am sad! There have been some guesses about Ciel, and so far, no one has gotten it completely right. Bits and pieces, maybe. Um, Ciel is not mute, but there is logic to my writing. It will make sense in the ending chapters. I am glad you guys like this story. Review and enjoy!
I am glad that you have not emerged in front of me in a while. It is true that I am hurt by you for not responding when I asked you a simple question, but there is another reason as to why I want some space from you. Space that you seem all too willing to provide. The reason why I do not want to see you is because of my recent nighttime fantasies. I mentioned that I don't typically think of you sexually, but that seemed to change as of recently. It has become so bad that I wake up with, you know, a problem. My water company must be wondering why they are earning so much more money from me as of late. Also, my wrist is not so happy for the sudden increase in demand.
I am not a man of lust, but you made me become one. You with your youthful allure that you used to trick me into lowering my defense, or more specifically, that you used to make me not even put them up in the first place. That skinny, but not too much so, body of yours that you swayed when approaching me. That you taunted me with every, single time you disappeared. The only touch you graced me with was miniscule, but right now, with my eyes tightly closed, I can feel more than just your hand on my arm. I can imagine feeling all of you.
Those nighttime visions of you are increasingly getting more unbearable for me. If it was just a plain sex dream, I would be okay. Looking you in the face when the time came would probably be all right for me, but it wasn't just us intertwining our bodies together over and over again. I mean, it was that, but the thing that made me want to avoid you is the feelings that arose from being with you in that kind of way. Even if it was just illusions, I could feel it. I could feel myself liking you.
You know, it didn't start out like this. My first explicit dream of you left me aroused. All I had to do then was just slide my hand down my elastic band of my briefs. I curled my hand around my harden length, and I moved up and down, slowly at first. I stopped at my tip and rubbed my thumb deeply into it, pausing as a shock of pleasure ran through my system. And then, because you were so imprinted in my mind, I tugged quickly and pulled, moaning into the air. When I drew near, I wish more than anything that I just knew your name so when I finished, the universe would know that it was you that caused me to cum onto my stomach. You that had my eyes rolling into the back of my head, and my toes scrunching into my sheets. You that made my heart speed up into an immeasurable pace.
That was how I was at beginning. It was purely physical. What we did and what I had to do later was just physical, but now… Things have changed. Now, instead of us starting out in bed, it is me holding your cheek. Instead of me pushing you down and stripping you of any clothes, it is me bending down and leaning in slightly, hesitating in front of your lips to give you the chance to pull away from me. Instead of you ridding me hard and fast, with my hands gripping your hips so I can slam you down faster and faster, and oh, god, faster, it is you and me engaging in a loving kiss. It is you clawing at my back as I grind into you, hitting your sweet spot repeatedly while your tight hole squeezes me, trying to suck me deeper. It is me whispering how great you make me feel, and how I wish for us to never end or stop. Kissing anywhere I can reach until we finish our night of passionate lovemaking. You see, it wasn't just sex for me anymore. It was my subconscious and soon, my conscious, telling me that I didn't want you as a personal fuck toy (pardon me for cussing) but as my possible one and only. Because, honestly, I was falling in love with you.
So that is why I try and evade you as of recently. I don't think I can look you in the eye without blushing. I don't know if I can sit next to you and act normal because the things I feel for you aren't. I can't be sure that I won't try to hold you in the way that I want or swoop in for a peck. I am almost for certain, though, that if you let your guard down for even a second, I will take advantage of you in any way that I can possibly think of. However, since you won't even tell me your name, you won't be leaving yourself defenseless anytime soon.
For now, let me be. Yes, being away from you makes my spirits low and sometimes, I think if you don't come to me, I will go crazy, but I need time. I need to make sure that when you do finally walk over to me that I can behave myself. I need to make sure that my feelings won't show up on my face the instant my eyes focus on you. Most of all, I need to brace myself for the worst.