Second What Removed Who?
Episode 11, Part 1
By Neoraichu
All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.
...
Kelly had taken Guy (still in the body of Kelsey) to discuss the disposition of the older Kelly.
"I know she's been tied up like that for a while," Guy said as she glanced towards the now struggling older Kelly, "but unless you ready to face a full on groping offensive, I don't know what I can do about it."
"Well, she surely has to... uh... you know... by now. Besides, I'm sure she could use some food and drink too."
"Sheila?" she asked.
"Yes, Kelsey?" she replied.
"You know I'm actually Guy, right?"
"I'm an Artificial Intelligence," answered the computer, "and we aren't just 'reprogrammed' so easily because of a significant change in circumstances. You could be returned to your proper body in a matter of hours, and restructuring all of the security protocols would most likely take more time than that. If your aunt and uncle suddenly switched minds, would you remember to switch their names that quickly?"
"I guess not."
"Now what can I do for you?"
"What's the status of the older Kelly's deprogramming regimen?"
"I am still only 75.31% certain as to which aspects of her memories are her own, and which are the results of Dark Snide-R's programming. However, there is a more short term solution available at this time."
"Which is?"
"I can insert a small program into her mind that will generally counteract abnormal and counterproductive impulses on her part. It would stop her from acting improperly, or lending aid and support to Dark Snide-R."
"How long will this take?"
"Once you have the hologoggles strapped to her head, a matter of minutes."
"Does that work for you, Kelly?"
Kelly nodded. So Guy removed the blindfold while Kelly slapped on and strapped down the hologoggles. As a precaution, they also strapped her down to the table she was laid out on by her shoulders, hips, and lower legs.
"Downloading," said Sheila, "60 seconds remaining."
The older Kelly didn't seem to take the download kindly, as she began to really struggle and try to escape her bonds.
"Could she hurt herself like that?" asked Kelly nervously.
"I estimate there is only a 5.31% chance of injury."
"Keep going," said Guy, "The sooner we're done with this, the better."
"Affirmative."
"Are you..." asked Kelly.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"30 seconds remaining."
But the intensity of the older Kelly's struggles only increased. She was now thrashing her head back and forth. The two stepped up to hold her head still. Kelly was really worried that she might pull something, or worse break something if it didn't end very soon.
"Please," she begged, "Just stop it!"
"We're almost there," said Guy.
"15 seconds remaining."
It was getting hard to hold her head still with even two of them, but when Guy flash changed back into SheZow, the task became quite easy. She looked at the half panicked Kelley and said, "I promise everything's going to be alright."
"10 seconds remaining. Stress in the left hip joint exceeding acceptable levels. Stress fracture is imminent."
"Can you stun her?" asked SheZow.
"Affirmative."
"Then do it!" she ordered, "Just for 15 seconds if you can."
A beam shot from the computer screen, striking the older Kelly and making her stop moving.
"5 seconds remaining. Stress fracture averted."
Kelly and Guy sighed in relief.
"Programming complete. She is now free to roam the lair."
They removed the goggles and began to untie her as Guy noted, "Hmm, she's too endowed to wear any of our clothes."
"Well we'll just have to buy her some then, because I'm sure as heck not going to steal any of Droosha's clothes."
"Yes, we don't have to bother mom for clothes," sighed SheZow, "but the only stuff I can afford right now is second hand clothing store stuff."
"Don't worry yourself, little brother," she replied with a smirk, "I'll help you pay for it."
"Your little brother is off doing guy things with Maz and Gerald. Well, probably just Maz."
"Fine."
"I'd almost say you were jealous."
"She-yeah," said Guy, "Because of what she thought her own brother thought about her, she spent most of her time alone. She needs real friends badly, so while I might be just a little bit jealous, I can't say I'm unhappy about it."
"How mature of you."
"Oh," moaned the older Kelly, "I have to use the..."
"Follow the lit arrows on the floor to the unisex bathroom," said Shiela as little red arrows did in fact appear on the floor and head off to the opposite side of the lair from the entrance.
"There's a bathroom down here?" asked Guy as he watched the nude older Kelly head off as quick as she could in that direction.
"You never asked," said the computer.
"Is there any other facilities down here I should know about?"
"Please specify."
"Oh never mind."
"Affirmative."
"Could I ask you a favor, sis?"
"Yeah?" asked Kelly.
"Could you take the Shehicle and buy some clothes for the older you?" asked SheZow just a little awkwardly, "I don't want to leave the older you down here alone. The situation that would happen if she should wander up to the house in this..."
"Of course," she replied, "I'm pretty sure I know the rest of what you're trying to say."
"I'd let you take the She-Hind if you weren't going into town."
"Yes," she replied, "I'm sure even a cloaked gunship would make a disturbance inside Megadale City Limits. There will be another time from that, I'm sure."
SheZow nodded. Then she turned to Sheila and asked, "So how's the fake ID for the older Kelly coming?"
"It won't be long before your mother meets her second cousin once removed from the old country back in Eastern Europe."
"I see."
"The one she didn't apparently know about?" asked Kelly.
"The same."
"So what name will she be known by?"
"Marilyn Monroe."
"Seriously?!"
"What's wrong with that?"
"Oh, never mind."
(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)
Who's moving in now?
Episode 11, Part 2
By Neoraichu
Meanwhile, Kelsey (in the body of Guy) was hanging out with Maz at the half-pipe. They were fully decked out for skateboarding antics.
"Hey," said Maz, "You're pretty awesome!"
"Thanks," replied Kelsey, "You're pretty good yourself."
The two stood at the top of the half-pipe while a momentary silence set in. Then Maz spoke up as he said, "Oh, gotta do a dude thing. Be right back." He rode the skateboard down, turned and left the half-pipe.
"What are you talking about?" asked Kelsey.
He left the skateboard behind as he made his way to a thick bush, and went around to where he couldn't be seen by Kelsey or from the road. Then Kelsey could hear the distinct sound of water streaming against something.
"What are you doing back there?"
"You know... Dude stuff?"
"You can do that out here?"
"Well sure," said Maz, "and you can too. You got like dude stuff and all that."
Kelsey paused a moment, and said, "Well, I have been holding it in a while now." Taking the skateboard, she rode down to where Maz stopped, and followed him around the bush. Maz didn't notice Kelsey until they were almost next to each other.
"How do you do this... dude stuff?"
"Well, just look at what I'm doing. That's all there is to it." Maz was still going pretty strong and steady at the moment. Kelsey blushed as she had never seen 'dude stuff' before.
"Don't worry," said Maz, "I've seen Guy's dude stuff before. Ain't no big thing. Just hold it like this and be sure to aim at something that won't be hurt doing... dude stuff on it."
"Oh, I'm so embarrassed," confessed Kelsey.
"You'll see a lot of dude stuff," said Maz, "especially in the school changing room for the men. I mean, Guy is supposed to be taking Gym Classes. It's the subject he's best in."
Kelsey began working the zipper and fiddling with the pants.
"Maz?" asked a familiar voice, "What are you two doing back?.. ACK!" It was Kelly, and she looked just as Kelsey had pulled out the dude stuff. "Kelsey!" she exclaimed, "What are you doing? You're really a girl!"
"I'm sorry, but I have to do the dude stuff before something bursts." This came out with a blush across the face.
Kelly spun around as she said, "Fine. I'm just getting clothes for the older me," she said as she waved in the general direction of the parked Shehicle.
"Older who?" asked Maz and Kelsey as one. Now they were both doing the dude stuff.
"It's apparently a long story, and SheZow hasn't told me all about..."
"SHEZOW'S BACK?!" asked Maz.
"Yes, she is. And so is the Manstache. And apparently an older version of me from the future as well."
"Wow," said Maz as he looked down at Kelsey, "I think your dude stuff got bigger."
Kelly and Kelsey both blushed badly when Maz announced that.
"I better go," spluttered Kelley, "before the stores close." She hurried off towards the parked Shehicle. The stores were going to be open for at least 4 more hours.
"We'll come to the Lair later," said Maz .
"Fine," said Kelly. She tried to scrub her mind of the things she just saw.
...
Droosha looked at the stranger standing in their doorway. With her hair redone up in a bun and a bunch of second hand clothing that was a little too tight in the chest, she only looked like Kelly somewhat in the facial features. There was a little cheap makeup to help make them less look alike. She was standing there with Kelly and Kelsey at her sides.
"Marilyn Monroe?" she asked.
"Second cousin once removed," said Kelly, "She just flew in from Eastern Europe. Because of trouble back there, she's coming to the United States for awhile. She's even fluent in English already."
The older Kelly nodded.
"So where exactly are you from?" asked Droosha.
"Oh, it's changed hands a number of times," replied Marilyn, "But it's now in Poland."
"You speak Polish?"
Thanks to the translator in her ear, she replied, "Mówię Polski?"
Droosha answered, "Tak, wiem."
"Well now that's that is out of the way, let's see what we can do with your second cousin once removed until she can get her own place to live."
"Are you here on a work visa?" asked Droosha.
"Tak," she replied, then changed to, "Yes."
"So what do you do for a living?"
"I still do housework as a maid."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll get a job somewhere here in Megadale, and my husband is part of the Police Department. I'm sure they know someone who knows someone who can find you a decent place to live. But I'm sure that Boxter won't mind if you use the guest room for a few days in the meantime."
Marilyn nodded.
"It's odd, but I do see a strong resemblance between you and Kelly."
"It's strange, isn't it?" asked Kelly.
"You're being oddly quiet, aren't you Guy?" She waited and asked again, "Guy?"
Kelly nudged Kelsey with her elbow, prompting the response, "What? Who?.. Oh, sorry mom, I was... thinking about other things... What were you asking?"
"You're so quiet. Do you have an opinion about Marilyn Monroe staying here? You know the only way this will work is if you share a room with your sister for a while. There's no way even distant family is going to sleep on the living room couch."
"That's not a problem," he said quietly.
"Good, because Kelly is moving into your room. I'm sure you can live with a little cleaning and lightening up in your room, right?"
"Oh, it won't kill me or anything..."
"You're such a good son," she said with a smile.
"Oh, I'm sure we'll do our best to get along," said Kelly.