Chapter Nine - Auntie Matters
PERSONAL JOURNAL, HARUKA URASHIMA-SETA, APRIL 19TH, 2002
I can't help but feel I'm forgetting something. Something numbers-wise. Math has always been my one bad subject. Lucky for me, Shinobu was a brilliant shopper so I could fake it on the food budget. But I have this feeling my bad math is about to bite me on the ass.
Hubby is off with Hank, consulting on some weird stuff about the vase he returned to Molmol last year. I laid off on any warnings, should he not be here when my due date arrives. He's not that dense.
It's like Al Pacino said, they keep dragging me back in. Except - I chose to come back to the Hinata-Sou, trying like crazy to reconcile my mother who is also my grandmother with my nephew who is also my cousin.
My nephew who is also my cousin used to be an idiot weakling, and is now a slightly savvier nerdy cool guy, engaged to a woman who once would have gladly shoved a nuke down whichever of his orifices presented itself first, and now wants his exclusive services for her own orifices-Sarah stop reading this-you aren't old enough.
Nope-still not old enough.
Anyhow, my mother who is also my grandmother also used to be dead, only now she never died, but she seems to have come back wrong-from the death that she never died. God, I know Kei and the girls cheated your angel of death, but having my Mama back gave me my mind back, and let me come back to my husband and our little girl-not to mention starting preliminary work on more babies-SARAH! I said No.
Kei, bless him, is trying to listen to reason, but he's angry, and who can blame him? A guy known as a screw-up for good reason cobbled together a genuine miracle and its prime recipient all but tosses scalding tea in his face for it.
Mama, you've guided me since before my parents left us. You are the reason my mother chose to keep me when the shocking news came that two fifteen-year-olds not using protection are idiots. You stroked my cheeks when I needed it, paddled and kicked my other cheeks when I needed that.
But know this - though I've told him to shut up, man up and to try and not screw up so often, I love that little baby you gave me to take care of when I was eight. I may be Ryobo, I may be Oba-San, and I may now be Mama myself. But I am now and forever a lady of the Hinata-Sou, and that means loving and protecting Keitaro Urashima - even from you.
The older woman looked up, her lack of height taking nothing away from the strength of her non-stare.
"Then take your nephew and go out. I'm not stopping you."
The older woman looked at a man who was once her grandson.
"Something to say, boy?"
Kei did his best to look as disinterested as her.
"Nothing, Ma'am. I just wanted to get that letter of recommendation for my interview at the Hilda Inn."
"Hmmph! And why should I consider writing it? You left this place a ruin when I fired you!"
Kei reached into the kitchen cabinet, picked up a baby's tea-cup marked 'Kei-Kun's' and smashed it against the ground.
"See that? That is a ruin. An investment of many many yen in a place nearly fifty years old is not a ruin. Or are you just sorry that you didn't get to plan it?"
Kei walked out, and his sisters in the Sou realized that his temper could be a very ugly thing indeed. Shinobu thought back to the stupidity in Molmol, and her Sempai's words that, had she not released him to seek Naru, he would have threatened to hate them all. It was an ugly thought then. The certain knowledge that it was possible for him to be so angry brought it all back again.
Mitsu threw off her apron.
"Hope your vacation got you a lot of rest, lady-because you're going to need it. I quit!"
One by one, in no particular order, the sisters left, till only Sarah was there.
"Not going with them, child?"
Sarah stared forward.
"I know that you're planning something, Grandma."
"Do you now?"
"Yea-ah. You're kind of obvious, like Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back. Except even Luke knows it, this time. Kei can be dense, but he's not that dumb. So why not move it up?"
The girl sighed when Hinata would not respond any further.
Upstairs in the shower, another kind of frenzy was in motion.
"MITSU!"
Putting a robe on Mitsune Konno and pulling her out of her fiancé's shower, Naru sat down her oldest friend, and tried hard not to strangle her.
"Just what were you doing in there?"
"Ummm-scrubbing Kei's back?"
"With your boobs?"
"Hey, I lathered them up first!"
A minute's silence passed before Mitsu tried again.
"Look, remember when he broke his leg?"
"I wouldn't bring up broken limbs if I were you."
Mitsu got in her friend's face.
"You know, Narusegawa, you're not so tough that I couldn't take you if I had to!"
Naru pondered this-for about three seconds.
"Yes, I am. I could take on you, and your whole family!"
A lightning bolt struck next to Naru, and she looked up.
"BRING IT!"
Mitsu covered her friend's big mouth.
"Ix-nay on offending the elders of reation-cay!"
Naru reconsidered fighting all the hosts of Heaven, and focused back on Mitsu.
"Okay, he broke his leg. Which has what to do with you using your rack on his back?"
She shrugged.
"He was hurting. And I think the only thing I did for this guy who was already somewhat accepted here and to whom I owed favors and money was make a snide comment about not catching a summer cold."
Naru's anger seemed to give way to a lost look.
"Not our best time, alright? Shin-chan stayed near him, then. Mutsumi's too nice, and Su you have to peel off him. The rest of us? Okay, you've got me listening."
Mitsu closed her eyes.
"I love the little monkey. I think I have for awhile, and I mean before Kanako went all Torquemada on us. But every time he's ever been in a bad way, I twist the knife, turn the screws, you name it. I wanted, when he was reeling from whatever Grandma's pulling, to do something that screamed that I was there for him. So there I was - naked in front of him by my own choice, no punches, just a hug for a man who will never be anything more than my bro, and me doing all this knowing full well his future wife might kill me for it. Am I making any sense?"
Naru felt a lot better, having found a kindred spirit in the guilt that still sometimes haunted her. Some punches, some cruelty, had just been transactional. Other things she might never forgive herself for. It felt good to know she had a sister on that front as well.
"Only all the sense in the world. But - how did he get the burn marks on his back?"
Mitsu smiled.
"Because I am just that hot. Now let's go see how he's doing."
"What?"
"Ahem - you'll see - I'll listen from outside. Geez, Naru."
Mitsu waited outside, and heard Naru yelp yet again. Confused, she saw Motoko shoved out the bathroom door. The samurai girl blushed.
"I brought-the scented bath beads?"
Naru was red, but not from blushing.
"He's taking a shower!"
"I was willing to wait."
Naru's eyes began to dart about, Terminator-like.
"Where's Mutsumi?"
Mitsu answered.
"Meeting her folks in town for the day."
"Su?"
Motoko nodded.
"Live Video Conference with her siblings, concerning reforming Molmol's secret police force."
Naru looked about once more.
"Okay-I'm taking him to our room. You two rubdown artists - block my sides. Any questions?"
They had none, and soon Naru emerged with Kei, still looking as down as they'd ever seen him.
"Thanks, girls - that was a silky robe, Mitsu. Wear it more often."
"Uhhh-yeah, Kei. Anytime for you."
A partial Naru-glare cut the two unwilling guards off, and Naru took her man, entered their room, and closed the door.
"AAAAAGGGGHHH!"
Three seconds later, the door opened again. A young woman, fully clothed, was being held by the ear.
"Sempai, you're busy with studies! I was just going to comfort him while he slept."
"Comfort-Arlo."
Shinobu shook her head.
"But he's not asleep."
The door closed again, and the sound of a dresser being moved in front of it was heard. Mitsu tsked.
"She is getting sooooo territorial."
Motoko nodded.
"I would have thought better of her."
Shinobu sounded a bit lost.
"I think Arlo would understand being my second..."
Since the sounds of lovemaking were starting behind the door, the other two grabbed Shinobu to give her a cold shower-maybe several of them. The sounds stopped, but most residents knew this to be a mere interval between rounds. One former resident did not, and shoved open the door.
"Okay, you two-Kei and I-"
To her credit, Haruka had prepped herself for seeing her two former charges getting 'hot and heavy'. What she did see, though - frightened her.
"What the hell?"
Kei was in dirty outdoor gear, holding a pick-axe and a shovel. Naru was wearing a short-black wig, and holding an unlit cigarette while trying to look disdainful.
"Great-Seta and I have been cosplayed."
As the two hurriedly ditched their 'gear', Haruka grumbled.
"Congratulations. You two have officially scarred my baby."
Haruka marched over to Naru.
"Who were you supposed to be?"
"Ummm-you?"
"So-you were supposed to be Auntie Haruka, right?"
"Ri-ight?"
Haruka punched Naru across the room, then walked over to her.
"Then that must mean I'm Naru. Mind if I take my fiancé for a shopping trip, Oba-San?"
Naru was not hurt from the punch, but to say she wasn't stunned would be a huge lie.
"Well-sure. At least it'll get him away from the local stalker convention. Have fun, you two."
Haruka grabbed away Naru's prop cigarette.
"Two things - one, I never look disdainful - I look nonchalant. Big important difference. Two - the next time you two do that scene, Naru stays me - but Kei is just Kei."
Kei gulped.
"But that would mean I'd be - - "
Haruka stomped his foot.
"When you fantasy role-play-never go in half-way."
Naru and Kei exchanged a sly look.
"Well then, Auntie-"
They got on either side of her.
"Let's not go half-way on...anything."
As they held her close, Haruka rolled her eyes.
"One, I'm too close to delivering. Two, I cannot be embarrassed by innuendo of any kind. Three - "
Haruka smiled as she withdrew.
"-you two would *never* survive the experience-and I'd miss you."
As she predicted, the stunned look on their faces was priceless, and after they 'finished up', Kei got ready to go on an old-fashioned shopping trip with his favorite aunt.
JOURNAL
She's definitely set to become an Urashima woman - way smarter than her man most times, brick-like on those rare moments she is dumb. Since her new way of pounding on him leaves him with a goofy grin instead of tears, I'll let her be. Somewhat.
I got word from Emi. While my dear friend Doctor Kashigawa would never violate a patient's privacy, she did vaguely indicate that Sempai Bob's sessions with Alice and Arlo are going well. While Alice never really whaled on her son, she feels as rotten as Naru does about Kei. But Arlo forgives his Mom, same as Kei does his woman. Just when did these guys start to learn the kind of endurance and patience that we used to own?
But all that means is that I have that much more room to mess with Kei this day, and I intend to use it.
Kei made the notes he was told to, though as usual, keeping them straight was a clumsy cluster of fingers and pens and odd marks Haruka hoped she could decipher.
"If not in Japanese, at least try for English or Chinese?"
"Ha-ha, Auntie. I was only expecting to be buried in boxes. Why no purchases?"
Haruka was once again about to lambaste him for his sheer denseness, but realized quickly there was no man anywhere who would get what she was going through.
"No point. I have no idea how this baby is going to affect my figure, short, near and long-term. A lot of the really nice stuff is not for the truly plus-size-specially the rump."
She moved in for the tease.
"How does my rump rate, little kinsman?"
"Naru's not here, Auntie."
She broke his smile by seizing him by the ear.
"You go to all the trouble of peeping on me in the onsen and you dare have no opinion?"
"OWWW! Hey-I've always thought you were pretty-I'm biased, remember?"
Shockingly, he almost pushed her off as he broke her grip.
"I like every last bit of you-so does your husband."
Without meaning to, Kei let Haruka have some of what he meant for Grandma.
"You know, you're the only one who has a problem with your looks, and it's becoming as pathetic as anything I've ever done!"
Immediately, he expected a steel-splitting slap across the face, if not a knee to his privates.
"Thanks, nephew. I mean that."
Instead, she pulled him close.
"I know I go on about how I look. And you're wrong - really, it's worse than any whine you've put out - and you've put out some all-time classics."
Haruka let him go, and shook her head.
"I guess I always thought, that if I'd been prettier, my folks might've stayed around..."
He didn't point out that a car accident gave them little choice in the matter. She knew this. But it was hard arguing with that little kid who still waited somewhere inside you.
"Auntie, why don't we just have fun today? I mean, you can shop better with Naru or Sarah."
Haruka had been on the verge of yet another piece of innuendo, regarding their 'fun', but honestly felt she had drained that lizard.
"What did you have in mind?"
A moment later, they were moving to a rhythmic beat, their bodies in sync and in motion.
"They look like a whale and a toothpick!"
But as catty as schoolgirls could get, they had to concede, seeing Kei and Ruka move on the Dance-U pads with their on-screen counterparts was quite a sight.
"Wassamatta, nephew? Can't keep up with your preggers half-eaten Christmas Cake of an old Auntie?"
"Funny-I was going to ask you if you could keep up with your henpecked browbeaten womanizing crybaby of a nephew."
They laughed, and picked up the pace for a full hour or more. One of the girls watching came over as they finished, their watchers clapping.
"Wow! What are you two, Immortal?"
Kei nodded.
"Yea, pretty much. Umm-you girls better stay back. I was-in a public bath with a group of extreme otaku when it was struck by lightning. I fear their perviness might've transferred to me."
The girl thanked him, and walked off. Haruka glared.
"Really?"
"Well, these girls are all kids. I doubt I'd survive an accident here."
Haruka downed some ice water and shook her head.
"You'd never strip them, Kei-they're not family."
Since the international skee-ball competition Grandma had taken on in Atlantic City had passed through Japan, new stands had cropped up and stayed up, along with an odd type of funnel cake known as the zeppole. The day was working in their favor. Aunt and nephew were having a good time together. While it was likely not their last such day, the rare would only become the rarer, so they drank in pure stupid fun for all it was worth.
"Huh? Why are we going this way?"
The path Haruka took them on went from family-safe halls of fun to a place where even the video strip mahjong games looked tame. Keitaro knew this was an area of hardcore gambling, where fingers and toes might well be the price for welched-on bets. The structures were likely newer than the arcades they'd just hit, but already looked seedy and run-down. Then there were the people.
"She's sitting over there, as always."
It only took a minor look to silence a slightly confused Kei, something Haruka seemed grateful for. The older woman had a familiar look to his eye, but he couldn't place it, until Haruka stood right over her.
"Hey!"
"Hey yourself! All knocked up, I see-is he what did it?"
Haruka shook her head.
"He's just family that I drafted for my protection in these seedy neighborhoods. So how are you?"
"Me? Heh, girlie, I got some hot numbers just waiting to be played. Pay off the whole wad, ditch this ugly burg for a flat in Enoshima...yeah. Have you got some help for an old lady to make her stake?"
Haruka smiled, and offered up a note of decent worth, at least to Kei's eyes. This was not the case for the note's recipient.
"Heh-ya know, this was good enough when you were a cute little kid, running up to say hi. But if you're not gonna bother to adjust for inflation-"
The older woman sneered as she tucked the money Haruka gave her away.
"-then take your fat ass and don't bother coming round here anymore."
Kei saw Haruka begin to shake visibly-and saw her eyes redden. By instinct, he hurried her away, not bothering with a sneer of his own. By the time they had truly left that neighborhood, Haruka was openly sobbing. Kei found a place to sit them down. His anger at seeing his Auntie cry meant he almost relished the thought of someone accusing him of making her cry. Happily for the sake of busybody passersby, no one did. After about ten minutes, Haruka finally spoke.
"She's-she's always been like that. Just never so openly. She was-she was-"
Kei finished for her as the solid grownup held the seeming crybaby.
"-your father's mother? I could see it in her face, from pictures I've seen of Uncle."
She put her head on his shoulder.
"She has never once guessed who I am. Even when she was sharper, I think her mind was too focused on gambling. She's been going on about that flat in Enoshima since I was twelve. God, what's wrong with me, Kei? I was told what she was like, first by Father, then by Grandma. I could see what she was like pretty early on. But once every year, I made sure to come by. She was funny once-but she pretty quickly became pathetic."
She pulled back, just a bit.
"Am I gonna end up like her? Will the baby, or Sarah-or you-want me around when I do?"
Kei held his breath, then took two finger-edges and pincered Haruka's nose.
"Baka! Don't ever insult my Auntie like that. That old woman was old when she was young. My Auntie can be three times her age and still be terrific!"
Of course, she punched him.
"The baby needs all the air I can give it, moron."
Leaning over her fallen nephew with a smile, she offered a hand up.
"I think I need more shopping. You just gonna lie around all day?"
A man now firmly in love and loved by several gorgeous violent women shrugged off the blow and helped a woman who could have been any number of things in his life pick out clothes for when she was ready to wear them again. Boxes in hand, they entered an elevator to the next floor. When it suddenly stopped, Haruka groaned.
"With you in an elevator, and it gets stuck. Sounds about right."
Kei was so overjoyed to see her back in form, he didn't want to break it up.
"Hey! It's not my fault these things happen."
"And yet, here we are, with you around in my eighth month, entering my ninth, and the elevator gets stuck."
Haruka felt the pointless blame and argument like fresh air in her lungs, and would have hugged her nephew, except teasing him was just so much damned fun. So of course he had to end it.
"Eighth? Ninth? No-that's not right."
"What's not right?"
Kei shook his head.
"You learned you were pregnant in early September. You were pregnant before and during Molmol. You said you and Seta had last been together in late June or early July-"
Haruka saw that he was serious, and for some reason suppressed a shudder.
"Yes? So what? Out with it, kid-my math has never been that good."
Kei raised a finger in the air, and looked nervous.
"The baby's math must be even worse. Auntie, if you've been pregnant since July of last year, then you are not in your eighth month going on your ninth month-"
His eyes showed panic as he kept on.
"-you are in your TENTH month, going on your ELEVENTH!"
Haruka leaned against the elevator's opposite entrance.
"Which means I could-at any time-literally any time-but I've felt it move-how could I possibly-Kei? Are the rules different for our kind?"
Kei almost winced. It was the first time he could recall such a blatant description of a subject they tiptoed around.
"I don't know. Most of those-other Immortals-can't have kids at all. Granpa's diaries said that the company clerk from the 4077th MASH in Korea was one-but we're not like that."
Haruka felt an unbelievable pressure start to build.
"Okay-umm, nephew?"
Kei nodded.
"It's time. I know it's time because I just figured some secret out while we're stuck in an elevator. Alright-this is no time to panic."
Haruka suddenly had a craving for latkes and taiyaki.
"No-I'd say this is the perfect time to panic. On my mark-we two will together do what Urashimas do best when adversity first rears its head. Okay?"
"Okay."
Trapped in an elevator, two family members with a seemingly impatient third on the way did indeed join together to do what many an Urashima had done, in the initial phase of a crisis.
"WAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!"
Next Chapter : Hope Of Delivery
(To my patient readers. I'm sorry this chapter took so long, and was so comparatively short. I plan to be faster with the next chapter, and have more in it. But with my new job, taken in the fall of last year, plus other sundry crises, I have been so badly pressed for even the illusion of time. I hope this is enough for the moment - 'Goji' Rob Morris, 11PM EST, January 14th, 2012)