Future fic taking off from Episode 2.3 "The Barbarian Sublimation"
"Oh come on how's that fair?!"
"Leonard, I can hear you belly-aching from my room. What on Earth has you in such a tizzy?"
"I hate you sometimes Sheldon. I hate you so hard right now."
"What did I do?"
"Um, stole my girlfriend and got my sexual fantasy!"
"Firstly, Penny hasn't been your "girlfriend" in nearly three years now so I couldn't have stolen her, and secondly, why would I have your sexual fantasy? I don't want my own."
"Whoa, did Sheldon just admit to having sexy thoughts?"
"Not helping, Howard."
"Hey man, don't get pissed at me. I'm not the one Penny is dressing up for."
"Exactly what's going on here, Gentlemen?"
"Leonard's upset because he ran into Penny on the stairs carrying a costume she said was for Comic Con."
"Oh I see."
"Do you Sheldon? Do you really?"
"I said I did."
"But do you actually understand?"
"I never said that. I can visualize Penny carrying a costume up the stairs. She told me in a text message she would be bringing it home today."
"Uh, dude, you shouldn't grind your teeth like that. It's bad for them."
"Why is she dressing up for you and going to Comic Con at the same time?"
"Probably because our guild is meeting there. She's dressing as the barbarian Queen Penelope and I'm going as Sheldor the Conqueror."
"Her costume was basically a fur bikini."
"Oh I have her vambraces, knee high boots, and cape in my room. She needed a place to store them since her room is a mess. She will probably bring that over as well."
"That's not the point, Sheldon! How did you get her to cosplay and go with you the biggest geekfest in history?"
"I asked."
"It can't be that simple. I asked her plenty of times and she never said yes."
"I don't know what to tell you, Leonard. I guess you didn't use the right incentive."
"And what exactly was that, Sheldon?"
"This should be good."
"I told her per our Relationship Agreement, which she signed in triplicate and before a witness, that I was a lotted three events she was to accompany me with none of her usual snarky comments or whiny behavior. In turn, I would do the same as turnabout is fair play."
"So that's how she convinced you to home with her for her grandmother's funeral."
"No, Leonard, that one wasn't covered by the Agreement. Her Meemaw died, so of course I would go."
"Wow, that's surprisingly decent of you."
"Thank you, Raj. It was hard because of all the crying, snot, and touching, but I somehow got through it all."
"And there's the Sheldon we know. You had me worried."
"Worried?"
"Yes, that of all of us, you were the better significant other."
"I must be doing something right. Penny constantly compares me to God, despite my repeated statements about how I don't believe in a higher being. Religion is hokum and hogwash for the illiterate and unwashed masses."
"Uh, I don't need to know what goes on in the bedroom between you and my ex-girlfriend!"
"Penny never says that in the bedroom."
"Oh, so she's never said you were amazing or oh god?"
"No, she's usually too breathless or passed out."
"Uh, passed out?"
"Yes, she once said she came so hard she blacked out. I could never get her to explain where exactly she went since she never left my bed, but she couldn't find the words apparently."
"Tell me this is a bad dream, please tell me."
"Go on, Sheldon. Tell us more."
"Howard!"
"No need to yell, Leonard. I am sitting right next to you."
"So not only is he taller and got my dream girl, but he's a better lover and negotiator."
"That's what I'm hearing."
"Sucks to be you, dude."
"Your sympathy is overwhelming, Raj."
"If you'll gentlemen will excuse me, I'm going to Penny's as she made me promise to come over so she could model her costume. Something about fur makes her horny. I'm not sure what horns has to do with it since technically her character doesn't wear any, but hopefully she'll make it clear."
"Kill me now."
A/N: This episode was problematic for me because I myself play MMOs and have since the days of UO (Ultima Online). I've never sublimated my sexual drive in a video game and it kind of bothers me that's how Penny is depicted as if an attractive and dynamic female can't enjoy it without an ulterior motive; and yes, used to be I was among the rare females who played, but more and more that's untrue as I've found a lot of the female characters are actually women in real life. On the other hand, I won't deny when I first got started, I got hooked into it just like Penny did and was so obsessed personal hygiene went by the wayside (blame my then boyfriend who got me started so I would stop bitching at him for missing our dates to play). Its not something I'm proud of, but the first step is admitting you have an addiction, right? Also, side note, I've actually played AoC (Age of Conan) and it wasn't that fun as the quest lines were too simplistic and the graphics were blah.