Chapter 5 – Protector and Caretaker

The pain barraged against her body, each blow fresh. They called her names, and she yelled at them to stop.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

They grabbed her, and she fought. She kicked and punched, trying to push them away. They aimed for her face and pinned her legs down. She screamed, and their hand landed on her face. The pain she expected didn't come.

Instead, warmth filled her body. Her dream changed, and she saw her parents. They held her, whispering that it would be okay. She gripped at them tightly, her arms nearly choking her dad, while her mum held her hand. They were telling her that it would be okay – that they would be her caretaker and protector. Then she heard Professor Spock whispering in her ear, assuring her that he would do his best to help her.

She woke suddenly. The room was dark, and Tara lay fast asleep on her bed. Zia rolled onto her back, certain that sleep wouldn't come again that night. She couldn't tell her parents that the nightmares had returned, because then she'd be subjected to rigorous therapy and psychologist meetings again. While the therapy had worked when she was a teenager, she didn't want to have to go through that again.

A strange smell reached her nostrils and she sniffed. Was it coming from her… clothes? It smelt masculine. Was she wearing one of Tara's shirts? No, it was hers. She wondered about the scent until the sun rose to signal the start of Sunday.

o.O.o

Spock didn't sleep that night. He paced in his room, committing every face he'd seen in Zia's mind to memory, so that if he ever came across one he could make them pay. Any kind of abuse was wrong, and he wished he didn't know it from personal experience.

The sky outside lightened and Spock left his room, walking calmly to Admiral Barnett's office despite every muscle in his body telling him to run. Movement inside told him that the Admiral was awake and getting started on that day's paperwork. Spock rapped on the door.

"Who would be knocking at this hour?" Barnett muttered. "Come in!"

Spock entered and closed the door behind him, "Admiral."

"Spock. What can I do for you?"

"I wish to convey a troubling matter. Last night I discovered that a Vulcan cadet that I teach, has suffered childhood trauma. Her roommate came to be to beg help because she was having dangerous nightmares and I was only just able to calm the cadet before she disturbed the entire wing."

"She's a Vulcan? Wouldn't that convey favouritism?"

"I do not know. All I wish to ask is that I be granted permission to teach her how to bury her emotions so that she becomes more active amongst the other cadets. No one should suffer what she has suffered."

"I assume it was xenophobia."

"Yes, Admiral, it was. Do I have your permission?"

"Of course, as we need all our cadets in top condition to give them the best results for their futures."

Spock hid how his stomach swooped. "Thank you, Admiral."

"Just make sure she comes out okay." Barnett grimaced, which was his sympathy. Spock inclined his head and left the office, heading for the Cafeteria, his face unreadable. A few cadets nodded to him and he nodded back. Hopefully the two women he sought would be having breakfast already, as it was just past seven. He wasn't disappointed and met Tara's gaze across the room. She tilted her head and he nodded.

o.O.o

"Are you okay?" Tara asked.

Zia looked up from her porridge. "I'm fine." She shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to reveal the details. But the way Tara was looking at her was strange. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good," she said evasively. Blair joined them, his tray laden with breakfast.

"Today there's ice-skating at the lake behind Block-C," he said eagerly. "We really should go and check it out."

He and Tara chattered away while Zia zoned out. So, it had only taken a week for the nightmares to take hold. Should she tell her parents? They'd worry and pull her out of the Academy… No. Zia loved the Academy already, and despite her worries, she liked the people too. She wanted to do well and to serve aboard a Starship, away from Earth and among a small group of people that she could befriend.

"Hello, Earth to Zia!"

She blinked as Tara snapped her fingers in front of her face. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You've got that side-project you're doing on the Ferengi for anthropology, right?"

"Yeah…"

"I've got some algorithmic stuff that needs doing, and I was planning to do it today. What say we go to the library and get that done before classes tomorrow?"

"Sure," Zia replied, smiling slightly.

They finished their breakfast, made a quick stop at their room to get their satchels, and headed for the library. It was snowing again, and their boots sunk deep with every step. At one point, Tara stumbled and face-planted into the snow, earning careless laughter from her Vulcan roommate.

"That's mean," Tara chuckled, spitting snow from her mouth. Zia helped her up and brushed snow from her clothes.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh." A large smile split her face and she picked up Tara's satchel from the ground.

"I never thought I'd see a Vulcan smile," she sighed. "C'mon. We don't want the library to be full by the time we get there."

"It's Sunday," Zia pointed out. "Most people did their homework yesterday and will be having fun or ice-skating like Blair is doing."

"Good point."

It was warm in the library and it wasn't too full or too empty. Of the eight-hundred or so cadets every year, that was a good number. They sat near some fourth-years and took their books out, getting started.

"I've got so much to write," Zia sighed.

"Better get started."

"Yes."

Having completed their culture and traditions yesterday, Zia moved onto their religions and economics. They skipped lunch in favour of getting their work done, and by the time Zia had finished, Tara was still writing algorithmic equations and reflecting on each one.

"I'm going to get some coffee. Would you like one?" Zia asked.

"Yes, please," Tara muttered. "I've still got two whole exercises to do."

Glad that she didn't do any of the advanced numeracy classes that Tara did, Zia zipped up her jacket and headed outside. The snow had stopped, which was a relief, and there was no wind, leaving everything eerily still. Halfway to the Cafeteria, someone called her name.

"Cadet," Professor Spock called. He jogged through the Quad until he was level with her.

"Yes Professor, what is it?"

"I was hoping I could speak with you."

"Sure. Is everything okay?"

What could he want to speak to her about? Her homework? After handing it in she'd realised that she'd written it in second-person and had mentally berated herself for not noticing. Maybe he was informing her of that. But his manner was too calm, too casual. As they walked around the Quad, Professor Spock seeming to search for words.

"The Academy does not see many Vulcans," he said conversationally. "It was something of a surprise to have one in my class, and I do admit I am slightly curious. I grew up on Vulcan and knew all the others, but I have never seen you before."

"Oh, I didn't grow up on Vulcan, Professor," Zia stammered. Where was this going?

"Where did you grow up?"

"Um, on Earth, but I don't really like to talk about it, Professor."

"Miss Abbott, I am telepathic." Amusement seeped into his tone. "Most Vulcans are, and I do not have to be telepathic to know that something is amiss. In class you are distraught and that is not the Vulcan way. As a fellow Vulcan, I am concerned."

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I really don't want to talk about it."

Spock looked at her calculatingly. "Allow me to share something about myself. Undoubtedly you have heard that I am half-Vulcan half-human."

"Yes, Professor."

"That is true. My mother is a human ambassador from Earth. Throughout my entire childhood, my peers taunted me with insults about her. Growing up, my human side was most dominant, and I lashed out a few times. At age twenty, I was accepted into the Vulcan Academy of Science and was due to begin Kolinahr, a ritual which would purge all emotion from me. However, the counsellors claimed that I did well, despite my disadvantage of having a human mother. It was then that I realised that I would not be accepted on Vulcan, so I came here to the Academy. For the first year I endured curious looks and provocation, but that ceased quickly and once I graduated I applied for a teaching position, and I have been teaching for over four years. Now I am more content than I have been in a long time."

As he said this, Zia was looking down at her shoes in embarrassment, partly because she was having a conversation this intimate with her Professor, and partly because she related but was too afraid to say so.

"I don't understand, Professor," she murmured.

"Yes, you do. I believe that you know what it is like. If you admit to it, I can help you."

She frowned at him. Spock had only looked at her once in class, and now he was offering to solve her problems. A night free of bad dreams was an attractive offer, but still… "Why?"

"We are kindred spirits," he said simply. That wasn't the explanation she was looking for. "You and I are the same race, but you have not been taught the Vulcan way and that leaves you vulnerable. I wish to teach you to bury your emotions."

"Look, I'm fine how I am."

"Are you?"

"Oh." Realisation hit her. "I was screaming in my sleep, wasn't I?"

"Yes."

"Oh God." She hid her face in her hands. "Did I hurt anyone?"

"No. Your roommate sought my help and I mind-melded with you to calm you down. Now I wish to train you as a Vulcan, which will, in theory, eliminate your nightmares."

They reached a snow-covered bench and she brushed it off and sat down. Spock sat beside her, his hands on his knees. "I was bullied," she said quietly, "every day. The whole school was against me. They called me names and beat me up after school. My parents sent me to a physiologist every day for therapy and it kind of worked, but occasionally I would wake up screaming. The bullying stopped not that long ago, just after I sent in my application to Starfleet. I spent all my time holed up at home and when I got the letter, it made me so happy." She looked at her boots. "I don't want to hurt anyone."

When she looked up, Spock's eyes were on hers. He had soft brown eyes, framed by his arched eyebrows and straight-cut black hair. Zia's eyes strayed to the tips of his ears, almost hidden in his hood, and she stared.

"Am I the first Vulcan you have seen?" he asked. His voice was so soft. She recalled the harsh tone in which he had spoken to Bishop and could hardly believe they were the same person.

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's kinda weird."

The panic was gone, and Zia found that she was relaxed. It felt good to tell someone, even if it was her physics professor. He'd said that they were kindred spirits, and she believed him.

"What will I need to do?" she asked. The softness retreated, and he was her professor again, all business-like.

"There is a Vulcan ritual called Kolinahr that purges all emotion. Certain aspects of the ritual, such as mediation and fasting, will be important for your recovery. You will need to learn the importance of logic and embrace your true nature. It is my hope that you can learn enough to protect your emotions. Vulcan children begin learning when they are four, and attend harsh schooling throughout their childhood to become one with logic."

"How long will it take?"

"I cannot give you an estimate at this stage. Let us say you come to my office every two nights, to begin with?"

"I suppose to."

"Come tomorrow at six o'clock, and do not eat dinner. My office is fairly simple to locate."

Zia began to feel cold. She'd never liked cold, preferring the stifling heat of summer. Now she wanted to curl up in a warm spot by herself and try to get everything sorted out.

"I-I should go… Tara is probably wondering where I am."

"Yes." He stood and inclined his head, the Professor Façade falling into place. "Have a good day, cadet."

Once he was out of sight, Zia stood and returned to her original task of getting coffee. The Cafeteria was half-full of cadets stopping in for a snack. She poured two long blacks into cups and covered them with her gloved hands, heading back outside.

Inside the library, Tara slept with her face on her textbook. Zia placed the cup beside her and gently shook her awake.

"Mm?" Tara yawned and opened her eyes blearily. "Oh, Zia. You're back."

"I have coffee."

Zia sat beside her and they sipped their coffees in silence. When Tara finished, she closed her workbook.

"I've had enough," she said. "How about we try and catch an early dinner?"

"Sure." Yawning, Tara stood and slowly gathered her things, Zia doing the same beside her. The library had slowly filled throughout the day and several cadets laughed in a corner while others read books or wrote paragraphs.

"You look really tired," Zia said as they left.

"I am. So, you've got the anthropology file done?"

"Yeah. Did you get yours done?"

"Almost, but I have no class tomorrow morning. Thank god that we have weekends! I wouldn't survive without them." Tara swept her hair behind her ears and smiled at a pair of men that they passed. One looked Zia up and down, while the other had eyes for Tara. Zia shifted and turned her head, showing her ears. Surprisingly, he didn't look away. He smiled, and something fluttered in her chest.

As soon as the men were out of sight Tara spun to face her roommate. "They were totally handsome! And the brunette liked what he saw with you."

"No, he didn't."

"If you say so…"