A note from te Serade Black: Thank you for the well wishes on the baby. We're very excited, but it does put a hold on my convention attendance! I shall be attending Leaky Con, but only as an outsider, since my costumes are not fitting right now ;) Regardless, I shall be attending Ascendio 2012 in full force complete with another performance. Not a Live! Wizard Chessmatch again, but something even grander! So, this chapter is the PG13 version! All NC17 portions have been edited out, but you can read the saucier version over at my lifejournal. Thank you for the reviews. You know FF writers feed off of them like crack, so keep them coming. I absolutely love the guesses and predictions and remarks made in the reviews - they were really clever clever ;) But, no secrets shall be given... Enjoy ~SB
Ch. 8 "The Gears Start Turning"
The old elevator in the Ministry creaked with age as it soared in various directions. Department memos hovered about the dozen or so heads that all faced forward, their arms holding some sort of restraining mechanism in order to keep them upright.
Standing in the back, since his stop was mostly last, Sirius hung casually in the corner just people watching. He pitied and envied them at the same time, wondering what a normal life was like; to just blend in with your surroundings having no one take notice you were standing right behind them. For so long, Sirius went undetected once he escaped from Azkaban thanks to his cunning plan of starving himself and sneaking out of those bars. Now, he wished those eyes would remain off of him even into his matured life. He no longer wanted to be in the tabloids, the society section of the Daily Prophet, or in their fading column "Black Tracks" that depicted his outings. Lately, he was featured alongside of his young companion, referring to her as "Harry Potter's Best Friend". That got old rather quickly. Still, he wouldn't change their past for anything.
The elevator stopped on the appropriate floor he desired. Parting the ways between the remaining occupants, Sirius politely excused himself off the rickety contraption and started walking down the hallway. His visits were seldom to this area, having his appointments been met in a different area of the Ministry. Still, he added a slight swagger to his step as his boots clicked loudly on the hard cold floor, eager to see his witch.
He approached the tall intimidating double wooden doors that looked ages old. With cracks and worn marks into the etched wood, it did not hide its age very well. Next to the double doors with the brass handles a plague was mounted on the wall:
Department of Mysteries
Sirius gave it as much respect as he did any other authority and opened the door without a second thought. He then continued down a separate hallway, once that felt very sterile and scientific as the pathway was lined with more dark doors, leading off into different mysterious areas.
Finally, he came upon a clearing that was the lobby for the departments beyond and an attractive looking witch with blonde curly hair sat with her nose buried in a book. A Quick Quotes Quill hovered around her head, poised for further dictation. On the counter in front of her, a small bouquet of flowers bloomed, adding to the otherwise dreary decor.
The witch looked up as she heard his clicking boots and with a proud flirtatious smile, she folded her book and cozy up to his attentions. Her big green eyes gazed at him with hopeful interest, but friendly just the same.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Black," she charmed. Here eyes traveled the length of him as he leaned over the counter to speak to her.
"Hello love, is Miss Granger in?" He asked politely, taking a dangerous look down the front of her blouse. He was a man, after all.
"She should be back in her office. She was off in the lab a little while ago, but she's since returned," the reception witch answered, indicating for Sirius to go on passed her.
Pushing off of the counter, he plucked a single flower out of the bouquet nearby and put it between his teeth, offering the witch one of his classic winks. He ventured down the hallway to the last door on the left and he saw that hers was open.
He walked in without warning and holding out his hands to display himself, flower in tact, he came upon his witch speaking to Isa. Both women looked in his direction and offered a sincere chuckle, but it was the way Hermione's face lit up upon seeing him that was heaven bestowed upon him. With a roll of her eyes, Isa gave Sirius a slight smirk and shook her head, excusing herself so that Hermione could greet him appropriately.
Hermione's office was simple with contemporary furnishings showing her muggle side. The wall was lined with her education degree, alongside of individual merits and awards granted to her for her achievements; the most recent was for uncovering one mystery of the Veil. On her desk, odd pens, quills and scrolls were put in neat disarray with two moving portraits depicting her Hogwarts years and a sweet one of her and Sirius from Luna's wedding.
"Hello, handsome," Hermione said, dropping formalities now that her colleague had left her office. She went to her wizards and slid her arms around his neck, removing the flower between his teeth to kiss him. "This is a sweet surprise."
With a kick of his boot, the door to her office closed and he felt free to wrap his arms around her waist in their newfound privacy in order to greet her without any indiscretions. His heart soared as she warmed him with her embrace, still never believing she was there with him. Every day that she had returned from using the Time Turner had been a long awaited blessing, one he never hoped to take advantage of. This is why he was there with her at that moment.
He hugged her tightly, nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck, taking in her erotic scent. He could smell her intoxicating perfume that was a gift from him ages ago. It was the same familiar scent that had stayed with him all through his most tormented years, having embedded it to memory from the time she first came to him in 1981.
"I love you," he whispered low and against her ear, feeling his pulse quicken for her. He slid his fingers down her back and flattened his hands over her rear, "Missed you."
She felt her cheeks warm from his gentle petting; his body felt stiff and solid against her. Hermione ran her hands down the front of his blazer, her fingers sliding along the lapels and gripping them playfully.
"I always do, Sirius," she replied with an upturned kiss. She loved the way his stubble scraped her lips and chin as they moved together.
Without realizing it, Sirius had gently walked Hermione towards her desk, where she was leaning up against it. One hand slid down her thigh, feeling for the hem of her whimsy skirt. He was found out as his hand attempted to pull her skirt up provocatively up her leg.
He was stopped in an instant, "Sirius." Still, he insisted.
"Thank you for wearing a skirt to the office today, kitten," he growled, finding her sweet spot hidden just below her ear. Her hands slid to his shoulders, giving weak resistance.
The grandfather clock in the hallway ticked away, the sound echoing through the neighboring rooms openly. The portraits on the walls nodded along to one another, still getting used to the new additions that were replacing the older, less friendly ones from years' past. Coupled pictures of Sirius and Hermione decorated the walls, depicting their short life together that everyone would know. Harry, Hermione and Ron in their more youthful years grinned back proudly as they waved their graduating certificates into the Ministry together and lastly, a fond picture of the original Marauders, sans Pettigrew was centered almost too perfectly amongst all the others. Several times, the Hermione in one picture would venture off into the Marauder's frame to sneak off with the other Sirius, leaving the older Sirius to stand alone and file his nails on his coat.
The old picture of the Black Brothers still remained on the wall. Sirius was still very fond of the picture and hadn't the heart to take it down. Hermione supported him, doing nothing to the portrait other than updating the frame it was placed in. There, Slytherin brother against Gryffindor brother remained teasing.
Upstairs and to the end of the hall, a grand bed with mahogany wood was draped in beautiful French linens articulating the deep carvings. There was a matching wardrobe and night stands on either side of the bed to compliment the room, while giving it a regal elegant feel.
Hermione sat in bed propped up with thick plush pillows as her head leaned against the wooden bed frame. A book laid across her lap and for the time being was deeply engrossed in the story as her eyes began to drift off the page and into her real life.
Next to her, Sirius lay on his stomach with one arm tucked under his pillow in habit. His other hand reached out blindly, just to rest a hand somewhere on her skin to feel comfort that she was close. He loved his witch desperately, even on nights where he sacrificed sleep because she still had the light on in order to read.
She glanced over to her handsome wizard that lay so peaceful, but not yet sleeping. A small grin passed over her lips as she thought fondly of their meeting when he was much younger. A boy then, by her standards, she admired the man he had become. Even more so, she admired him for remaining so fixed on her and it was then that she realized this was their destiny to be.
"You know," Hermione started with a quiet voice, not sure if he would hear her, "I'm going to start getting a complex pretty soon."
Very slowly, his eyes opened and blinked for a few moments. He wasn't asleep, but it was obvious he was just on the cusp of dreamland, until he heard her speaking to him. She still clutched her book, but as he looked up at her from the comforts of his goose down pillow, she closed it and slid it away.
"About what, love?" he asked, brushing his hand over her arm, closing his eyes again as he listened to the sooth of her voice.
Her answer was simple, ""If you don't ask me to get married. Pretty soon, I'm just going to have to ask you." Her answer was quick and casual, with devotion in her voice.
With a slight grin, he answered, "You don't want to marry me. Trust me."
"The hell I don't. Of course, I want to marry you. I've just been wondering when you were going to ask me. We haven't even talked about it, Sirius." She said, obviously wanting to pursue the subject matter with him.
He didn't even open his eyes, just rested his hand over her arm and sighed, "Hermione."
Rolling over on her side, she wanted him to open her eyes and look at her when they talked about this sensitive subject, "Don't you want me to be your wife?"
His grey eyes finally opened to meet hers. They both rested on their pillows, their hands touching as if pleased to just be so close and mixed messages seemed to be communicating between them. He did not want to alert her, nor did he want to exhaust this conversation if already he knew she wasn't going to be happy with his side of it all.
"Hermione, to me you're more than my wife. You saved my life, twice, and for that I am eternally grateful. I am your servant, always. I am more in love with you than you will ever understand."
"Then, why not ask me to marry you?" she still asked, not seeing the difference.
For almost a full minute, they looked into each others' eyes, dreaming about life with or without the other one. They had a long life ahead of them together, something that was proved fragile; to change anything might change it all.
With a light sigh, Sirius rolled over on his back, knowing that he wasn't going to be getting to sleep anytime soon as this persisted. He was left without answers, only honesty, and he knew that she wasn't going to like what it was he wanted to say. So, like a bandage, he pulled it right off.
"Because, I'm afraid," he began, pinching the bridge of his nose to avoid a headache he felt coming on, "I'm afraid things would change and not be as they are now. If we got married, things might not be as good."
"Of course, they would change," she said, rising to lean on her elbow, hoping to see his face better, "but for the better. We've come so far, beaten the odds and after everything, I still can't see myself without you. Being married to you is almost at the top of my list."
Curious, he turned his head and asked, "And what, if I may ask, is at the top of the list?"
She swallowed sheepishly and glanced down away from him, her hair falling to shield her face, "Having a baby...with you."
His hands went to his face and he cried into them, "Merlin's-"
He felt the frustration and fear welling up inside of him, like water building up against the dam and any moment, it was going to falter and collapse. He pulled the covers off of him and started to pace the room, feeling a strong sense of uncontrollable anxiety closing in on him. His life was gaining perspective and it wasn't anything he envisioned. Anyone would have been over the moon to marry this witch and have a family with her, but he was too old for all of that, now. He was just happy to be alive and more than blessed that she wanted him in return. He wouldn't deprive her of anything, but for her to start a family with him would be the end. It would change so much, things wouldn't be spontaneous, but remain on thin ice like this lifetime they shared. He just couldn't grasp it; he just couldn't wrap his head around the reality of how things were beginning to play out.
"Sirius, I find this outburst a little disconcerting. Why are you acting like this?" she asked, sitting up in the bed they shared. The sheets and comforter pooled around her, restraining her from getting out and walking alongside of him. Instead, she watched him pace.
"Hermione, I wouldn't have much to contribute to the gene pool. I'd fuck it up!" he said, shaking his head and pacing in the bedroom. His eyes caught a portrait sitting on their dresser and he wondered if the smiling couple looking back at him with wide smiles was really a right match.
"Will you stop? You would not. Besides, where is all this coming from? You just told me that you wanted children, Sirius," she asked, a little concerned, but at least he stopped pacing and stood where he stopped.
Handsome and shirtless, his shoulders slumped and he appeared worn like he'd lost a battle. He walked over to her and rested a hand under her chin, admiring her pretty young face, "That was years ago, Hermione. Before, everything happened."
She took the hand that held her face, looking up into his eyes from the confines of their bed, "Sirius, none of that matter. I love you more now, than I did back then."
He smiled sincerely, loving the way she looked up into his face so hopeful, "It does matter, love."
"Why? I don't see how your views can change so drastically."
"Because, you're almost a lifetime behind me," he finished, coming back to his side of the bed. He was finding it very difficult to continue looking into those beautiful eyes and not granting her what she wanted most of all. He was more than flattered that she would even tease with the idea of becoming Mrs. Black, but he didn't want to condemn her to that title. Not when things were so perfect now, after years of waiting.
She watched him crawl back into bed and pull the covers back up to his chest. She leaned on her side, resting a hand against his chest, "Sirius, I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well start clearing your head of that."
As she rested her chin on the back of her hand, leaning on his chest, he couldn't help but begin to stroke her head. Her luscious waves cascade around her pretty head, looking up at him hopeful and with complete devotion. He yearned for her when she was away from him to the point where his heart ached until she was back in his arms, or just nearby at reach. He treasured their time together, always wanting to be the man she needed, but it was at this moment where he doubted himself.
"Darling, my fear is that everything will change between us. Like something would go away and everything I've held onto would just disappear and I would be lost all over again. I just can't risk that," he said as his hand stroked gently. Finally, his hand stilled on her back as he watched her close her eyes to his words.
His words were quiet on her ears, sweet and light, but concerned nevertheless. She tilted her head to the side and ran a finger along his perfect jaw, "I understand. I'm staying with you whether you marry me, or not. I'll just have to deal with your decision."
With a silent retreat, he closed his eyes and whispered, "Thank you."
"But, in a few years, I might just start signing my name as Black, just to break up the monotony."
He chuckled and resumed stroking his fingers through her soft hair. She leaned up to kiss him, holding her lips to his for a few extra moments, savoring his scent and energy that was all around them. She felt his hand hold her head to him, wanting to cherish their connection as well.
As she pulled away, their eyes just opening, "But someday, I might have the upper hand of your mind and cast a muting spell to hold your tongue and you can't speak Russian to protect us."
She meant it as a joke, but she saw how quickly his face turned into a grimace. He turned his head to face the window, incredibly conflicted from the inside out, disappointed that she hadn't conceded to everything. How was he going to convey to her that child between them would not be the smartest move? What they had now was perfect. A healthy love between them, a happy home, strong support system and whatever they wanted at the disposal of their finger tips and if something, just one more thing like either of the two issues she brought up were factored in, things might change drastically and jeopardized his world.
"I cannot go along with that, love," he said, his voice sounding strained. He still didn't face her.
"Sirius, to be fair, it really shouldn't be up for a discussion. Eventually, I'll be ready to move forward. I don't want to be known as 'Sirius Black's young girlfriend' in all the papers forever. That, to me, sounds unstable." She felt like she was pleading with him, but her voice and breath as cool and calm.
"What do you mean unstable?" he asked quickly, turning his head back to face her. He didn't like how she believed they weren't concrete.
She rolled on her back, somewhat pleased she had stirred something in him that forced him to inquire. She fixed the comforter and sheets around her answering, "Unstable. Inconsistent. Short term-"
This made him lean up on his elbows, his eyes were dark, but convincing, "But, I'm not going anywhere."
"And neither am I, but it's the principle of the matter. I want our life to progress and evolve, I want to be your wife someday, I want to have children with you, and I want to do all the things that you wanted to do when we first met. That's all." She tried to convince him, but merely just stated her case in the calmest 'matter of fact' voice that she could carry.
He sighed while shaking his head, "My priorities have changed, obviously." His voice was quiet, but sincere. "The only thing I want in this life, is to make you happy."
She rolled over on her side, her eyes almost pleading, believing she held the power to convince him. She reached out and ran a hand down his cheek lovingly, "Then be a family with me. I have always held a special fondness for you when I was younger and it's no question why we're together, now. I always dreamt of having someone just like you, someone with a past, someone with stories, someone that I could learn from and above all else, someone I could fall in love with. You have so much more to offer than just a friendship to a child and be that "filler" dad to your best friend's son. You could mold a person that you created to carry the same values you do. You can alter your own destiny and put a better name on the House of Black. It's up to you, Sirius. You're the last one."
He closed his eyes as he cherished the soft touching of her hand along his features, as if she were worshiping him at that moment. He didn't deserve the words she was saying.
"You can't blame a girl asking the love of her life to marry her," she finished.
He smiled and held her hand against his face, "You're twenty-one, love. Not a long life to compare."
"I don't want anyone else, Sirius," she confirmed. "I'm sure of that."
"You just haven't met everyone, yet," he chuckled, warmed by her confession and devotion.
She shook her head, believing that she might be finally getting through to him. "We would be incredible parents. We have so much to offer and I know that you would feel so much more fulfilled than you already do."
Sirius relaxed off of his elbows and rested his head back against his pillows, not letting go of her hand. He looked up at the ceiling, thinking about life and the roads ahead. He pacified her with a quiet, "Perhaps."
She didn't push on, she just leaned over and laid a gentle kiss on his cheek and curled up closely against him. She was feeling more and more complete, again. Though she knew that her battle had not been won full out, at least she had started the process.
As their lights dimmed and the room took on its slumbering energy, he whispered to her through the darkness after all was silent. "I know when I came out of the Veil and you were the one that touched me," he began, feeling her stir next to him to hear him better. "That was the happiest I had ever felt. I don't want to jeopardize what we have together, now, at this moment, under this roof and in this world. But, if I have to make a decision in order to keep you happy, than I will."
She hummed her appreciation and kissed his bare arm, "Thank you, Sirius. Things can only get better."