The Charred Remains

Chapter 3: And So It Begins

A/N: Here you go kiddies, as I said, unpredictable posting schedule. I apologize for that, but this is still a WIP because I suck at finishing fics before posting them. Also, you'll see, in a far off chapter, why this fic has the title it has. c: Thanks a million to my amazing beta MeddlingAdler for her help and suggestions. She makes chapters much more amazing, and any mistakes are my own! Enjoy!

My Dearest John,

I apologise for the jumping of that first letter. I was overwhelmed with information when I began, and I simply tried to pour everything into it with little thought to how you would perceive it. I have, thankfully, had time to think about this letter before I started it. This letter is going to focus on the days leading up to our first kiss, because I fear, the time before that was rather tedious, and not worth mentioning…quite vanilla if you will.

We had been living comfortably together for a month before I started thinking about seeing what your feelings towards me were. I had observed that men, and men with other men didn't disgust you, but I did not know how you'd feel about being in a relationship with another man. Of course I could only surmise that you had relations with men in your army days, but beyond that I was not sure you wanted to commit emotionally to a man.

I had observed your many, many dates with women, and started to note what attracted you to your dates. I thought that I could apply the attractions you feel towards women to me, though without the soft curves and other physical attachments. I simply wanted to know what you looked for in the personality of a woman to see if I could emulate that aspect. I disguised my fact collecting by seeming interested in asking you about dating. At this point I hadn't told you about my sexuality, so when I approached you about dating, you flashed me a quick little smile, which, annoyingly, I found to be extremely endearing. I was quite close to just walking away, resigning myself to a life of pining after you, but then you put your hand on my shoulder and said, "I was wondering if you'd ever ask me about this sort of thing."

The look I gave you must have been something because you soon doubled over in laughter. I turned on my heel, thoroughly annoyed with your behaviour, but then you stopped me, again, with your hand on my shoulder. It's going to sound redundant, but that point of contact from you was like fire.

I turned back to you, glaring to hide my pleasure at your touch, "You've had your laugh John, now if you please, I'd like to never think of this conversation again."

Your mirthful eyes changed into warm, inviting pools of cerulean, "Please Jim, I'm sorry, I won't make a comment towards your…dating life again," you smiled sweetly, which was infections because my lips began to twitch.

I quickly hid the almost smile by rolling my eyes, "I have no dating life to comment on, which brings me to seeking advice from you. You have an…exciting dating life and I was hoping you could help me…have one."

John, you should know, I have never been embarrassed discussing anything with anyone, but the mere thought of discussing dating with you made me…nervous. I detest being nervous. Despite the stumbling of my words, that warm, inviting smile stayed on your lips. This time I didn't hide the smile from my own lips.

"Well you did come to the right bloke, but I'm not sure I have the model dating life," you did like to joke a lot; your jokes were always lost on me. I will admit, with everything that goes through my brain on a daily basis, humour is lacking for me.

I tilted my head, curious as to why you would say that. You understood my curious look because you steered me over to the sofa and sat me down. I pivoted round to face you, our knees just barely brushing whenever the other would shift in his seat. I was so painfully aware of this fact that sixty percent of what you said to me was lost.

"Why do I not want to model my dating life on yours?"

You chuckled, deep in your chest, your head shaking, "Well, I'm not sure where you've been, but so far none of my relationships have worked out."

Of course I knew that, it secretly delighted me when you'd announce the end of yet another fling, but I didn't say that, instead I frowned, "I have noticed, but I can't even get someone I'm interested in to notice me."

God John, I swore to myself that if you kept on smiling at me like you wanted to wrap me up in your arms and protect me from the big bad world, I wouldn't be able to hold back. As it was, my hands were already curled into tight fists to keep some modicum of self control as we sat and talked.

As the conversation progressed the topic finally came up, the chance for me to reveal which sex I was more inclined towards.

"I mean, you've at least had to have a girlfriend in the past?"

I shook my head.

"So, never had a girlfriend, how about a…erm…a boyfriend?"

Another shake of my head, but this time there was a heat in my cheeks.

You swallowed thickly, "Ah…well I've never had a boyfriend either, and right now I have no girlfriend, so I am quite unattached…looks like we're up the same creek mate." You smiled, and I melted.

"You—you're not put off by the fact that I'm gay?"

You grinned wide, shaking your head, your hand patting my knee, "No, no, that'd never put me off. To each their own I say. My sister is currently divorcing her wife."

Ah yes, your sister, Harry, who I had thought was your older brother when we met, though I can hardly be at fault for that deduction. I did love that surprised look on your face when I fed you your life story. You were amazed, which surprised me. I hardly ever spout off that parlour trick anymore, having met many fists when I was younger by deducing people. I think that's the biggest reason I was so attracted to you. You accepted the things about me others used to use to tear me down. You built me up, restored the confidence I was lacking in my adult life. To state it simply, you were the perfect fit for me, though it took you quite a lot longer to realize that yourself.

We discussed a few of the finer points of dating that night, you shared your tips and tricks with me, which I was thankful for, but I wanted to know the things you were attracted to. Once the conversation hit a lull I jumped in.

Clearing my throat, my eyes jumping anywhere but your face I finally asked, "Well, what is it that you're attracted to? I-in a woman I mean?"

Honestly John, your smiles need to be outlawed for what they do to my heart.

You grinned at me, shaking your head, "Ah, what attracts me to someone hm?" you lifted your hand, index finger and thumb stroking your jaw. "I suppose, right now, it's just a pretty face and soft curves. I'm not much for something serious at this time, but if I meet the right person, then I suppose I might change my mind."

You have no idea how much that statement excited me. You said, 'the right person,' not woman or man, but person. It could have been a simple slip of the tongue, but somehow I don't think it was. That statement gave me the hope I needed to keep my confidence of winning you over.

Over the next few days we discussed the finer points of dating until you came home with a huge smile. There was a new intern at the clinic you worked with. His name was Stephen, and according to you, he was a right good bloke. Kind, good looking, enigmatic, intelligent, and open minded. You invite the both of us to join you and Sarah, your boss, for dinner. I agreed to attend to meet this Stephen person as well as hope to make you a touch jealous.

The dinner was rather lovely, I will admit, and Stephen was a lovely bloke, but I was more focused on you. Thankfully I am a talented actor so I did give Stephen due attention, which led to him asking me to meet for drinks at a later date that week. You seemed to be quite proud of yourself for a successful night. You had a certain glow about you, which wasn't caused by Sarah, whom you admitted was just a close friend at this point. I rather enjoyed that bit of information. She is a lovely person, but she would have driven you crazy in time.

We met in January of 2010, you moved in January 10th; it took us until March 18th to have our first kiss. I felt I should make it clear that we had spent a substantial amount of time together before doing something so fantastic.

I had been seeing Stephen for a few weeks when I approached you, apprehensively, to enquire about kissing. I had never kissed anyone before, so I was growing fearful of possibly kissing Stephen and disappointing him. You reassured me that kissing isn't an art, and once it happens I would know what to do.

I frowned, "Is that how it was for you? Someone kissed you and you just automatically knew what to do?" I raised my brow, challenging you to be truthful.

You shifted into a more nervous look, your hand rubbing the back of your neck, "Well no, I suppose not. I practiced with a girl from primary school."

I huffed out a breath, "Well then teach me what to do."

You chuckled at me, "Why not just tell Stephen the truth. I'm sure he wouldn't mind teaching you."

You can be quite thick sometimes John. I glared at you, "I want to be skilled when I kiss him. I detest being uninformed and awkward. Most of my adolescent life I was perceived as awkward and the school kids bullied me for it. I do not wish my adult life to be lived in such a way if it does not need to be, so will you help me or not?" I crossed my arms firmly over my chest, glaring at you.

You gave a put upon sigh before stepping forward. My heart was beating furiously as you looked at me, studied me, trying to gauge my intentions. You wanted to know if I was being serious. You must have seen what you needed to because the corner of your mouth lifted into a faint smirk, "Alright, alright, I'll teach you, but it might be best not to tell Stephen you kissed your flatmate. He might not like that too much."

I nearly fainted when you gave your consent, further proof that you weren't put off by men, but seemed to hide that fact.

I smiled readily at you, "Thank you John, and I will not tell Stephen I practiced with you," I fidgeted a bit, unsure of what to do with myself. I really had not kissed anyone before, so this was not a trick.

You stepped forward, you hands gently gripping my forearms. You moved them to circle your waist. My heart pounded at this new proximity to you. I looked down at you, eagerly awaiting the lesson. At the time I wasn't worried about what you could read from my body language because I was much too focused on you. You didn't seem all that nervous, but then why would you? You've kissed plenty of people in your life.

Back to the moment, my arms were around your waist, my spine rigid, heart beating frantically, and my eyes wide, eagerly waiting and watching you. You smiled up at me, your hand coming up to curl gently around the nape of my neck, your thumb gently brushing against the soft hairs there. Your smile was gentle as your other hand settled against my right hip. You stepped closer to me, your eyes going to my lips. I licked nervously at mine, very much wanting the contact. I sucked in a deep breath as you leaned in.

Right before we met you whispered, "Breathe Jim," and I let out my breath, softly, only for my heart to stop at the contact of your lips.

Your lips were soft, a bit moist, but firm against my own. My eyes fluttered a second before finally closing. My arms tightened around your waist, drawing you closer. I loved the feel of your smaller, more compact body pressed against mine. Your hand moved up from my hip to circle my waist, the hand on my neck pressing slightly to bring our lips a bit harder together.

It was a chaste kiss until I poked my tongue out. I needed to taste you John, and to have you so close, in a position that I could do so, I had to go for it. My tongue came out to lick at your bottom lip, drawing in a taste of tea and toast, your most favoured breakfast. My knees shuddered slightly. I felt the tips of your fingertips digging into my spine. Against my chest I could feel the beat of your heart, sped up as well. Your lips came unsealed, the tip of your tongue emerging to brush gently at my lips, then things exploded.

My hands started to roam along your back, gripping, feeling, taking stock of the muscles and spine I could feel beneath your tee shirt. I pressed myself into you, my hips slotting against yours perfectly. A moan sounded between our now opened lips; though from whom it came I still am not sure. You hand had ventured from my neck to scrape against my scalp. Your tongue was much more adventurous as it licked along my own, into my mouth to lick and taste. I learned from your movements, my own tongue venturing into your mouth to drink you up.

I had no idea something seemingly mundane could be so invigorating, though it could have just been because it was you, but I found my mind completely silent, something I had not experienced in years. As the kiss drew to an end you sucked my bottom lip between your own, your teeth very gently scraping along it as you drew your head back to look at me. You wore a sated sort of smile, "I think you should be fine," you breathed, and then you stepped back. I felt so cold when you did, my whole body shivered, but I smiled thankfully at you.

I made myself nod, "Thank you John," I fear my voice was quite breathless at this point. I leaned up, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before walking away.

That, John, was our very first kiss. It would be a few more weeks until we'd have our second, which would lead us to becoming much more than flatmates. I fear that must be saved for the next few letters. Again, I don't want to overwhelm you. Get some rest now. You need much of it in order to heal properly. I do so look forward to seeing you again, awake, alive, and at least knowledgeable of your life. When I see you, we will work out the finer points, but for now, rest John. I will see you soon enough.

Love Always,

JM