Chapter 14 – How Vulcans Grieve

Pain flared in Zia's head and stars dance in front of her eyes. She felt Spock's agony as clear as anything, but she fought to keep her expression neutral. In front of her, Spock panted and stared at the space where his mother was supposed to be, as if she would suddenly reappear.

'She cannot be gone…' His thoughts reverberated around her searing head. She blinked, and the stars disappeared. Everyone stared at the floor. The blood flowed away from her ears and she heard nothing but electronics. He stepped forward. Pain flared again, and she pushed it down.

He glanced at her once, his face blank, and left the Transporter pad.

o.O.o

"Acting Captain's log, Stardate 2258.42: we have had no word from Captain Pike. I have therefore classified him as a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero, who has destroyed my home planet and most of its six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the Elders who now reside upon this ship, I estimate no more than ten thousand have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species."

His mother was gone. Vulcan was gone. Why?

He stood abruptly from the Captain's chair and moved quickly to the turbolift. There was only one person he wanted to see right now. He stepped into the turbolift, spun around, and blinked as Uhura joined him. The doors closed, and she pressed the button for the lift to move. Her gaze settled on him, the sadness obvious on her face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry." She touched both sides of his face and tears clouded her eyes. "I'm so sorry." Spock barely anticipated the kiss and turned his head, so it landed on his cheek. She had made a mistake. He'd never felt attraction to her. She was one of his best cadets, yes, and he knew she harboured feelings for him, but he didn't return them… couldn't return them. She pulled back, hurt flashing in her eyes, but she stayed there. "What do you need?" she asked. "Tell me."

"I need everyone to continue performing admirably," he said quietly. Please, could she remove her hands from his face?

"Okay," she whispered. She removed her hands and turned. Once the turbolift doors opened, they both left it briskly and went their separate ways.

Spock used the mind-meld to determine where she was. She was alone and in a small space. One of the supply closets where she wouldn't be disturbed. When he opened the door, she hid from sight and only came out once it hissed shut behind him. She threw herself into his arms and cried freely into his shirt. He laid his head on her shoulder and allowed tears to appear, knowing that he needed to get it out now to better his performance.

"They're gone," Zia hiccupped. "Your mum, the planet, possibly my Vulcan parents… those four-hundred cadets on the other Starships." She buried her face and sobbed into his shirt. "It's not fair!"

"Yes," Spock whispered. He pulled her as close to him as he could but that didn't seem to be enough. He couldn't express his feelings like he wanted to. She sensed his need.

"Mind-meld," she murmured. He lifted his head.

"Do you wish me to?"

"Yes. You need to."

Spock placed his fingers on key points on her face and closed his eyes, initiating the mind-meld. Emotions flowed through him, some were his and some were hers. 'Our planet has been destroyed,' he said.

'Show me your memories of it.' He complied and projected all his happy memories of Vulcan: laughing with his mother, taking long walks by himself and watching the Vulcan sunset. In his mind, he smiled at the memories. Fresh pain flared but it didn't seem as bad. Their emotions mingled, and his shoulders sagged.

'She is gone,' he whispered.

'They're all gone.' Zia's voice shook inside his head. 'If you go after Nero-'

'I cannot do that.'

'Why can't you?'

'Captain Pike's orders were to return to the Laurentian System and rendezvous with the fleet there.'

'Spock, that's a bad idea. Nero destroyed our home planet. He killed your mother. He probably killed my parents.'

'Regardless, I must think of the safety of my crew.'

She paused. 'I understand that. Do what you think is best for us all. I believe in you.'

Their eyes slowly opened as the mind-meld dissipated. He stared into her eyes and wrapped his arms around her. Her faith filled him. At least someone was on his side. They stayed like that for several minutes, before she slowly quietened and moved back. She wiped her face and then tenderly, much tenderly than Uhura, wiped the tears from his cheeks. He drew a shaky breath and stood straighter, his hands still on her waist.

"Thank you," she breathed. Her thumbs gently caressed his cheeks. "Thank you for coming when Tara asked, and thank you for teaching me."

"Thank you for allowing me to grieve," he replied. He pressed his forehead to hers and she sucked in a surprised breath. Their breath mingled together for a long moment and he fought the urge to close the distance between their lips. It wasn't right. Not yet. She slowly pulled away.

"Now mister, you have a ship to run." She smiled weakly. "It wouldn't do for the Enterprise to Warp into a crisis with its Captain in a supply closet with one of his cadets now, would it?"

He admired how she'd changed from the frightened cadet he'd known at the beginning of the term, to this brave woman who worked to bury her emotions like a true Vulcan. "Of course, cadet," he nodded.

"Okay," she nodded. "I'll go and get some food for the Bridge and get some redshirts to deliver stuff to the other decks."

Spock nodded and left briskly, the mask descending. His previous vulnerability was gone and now that his façade was back up, he was ready to sit in the chair again.

o.O.o

Zia's brow furrowed as she looked through the lists of food aboard the ship. There was a lot to choose from… what was small, but nutritious and filling? Ah, the High-Content Bar. Fibre, protein, energy and everything the average body needs.

She called over a passing redshirt and blueshirt and ordered three boxes of the bars, one for the redshirt to take to Engineering, one for the blueshirt to take to the Infirmary, and one for her to take to the Bridge. Once she had her box, she and took the turbolift to the Bridge and noticed that they'd jumped into Warp. Someone called as she entered, and all eyes were on her.

"I've got food if you're hungry," she said. The crewmembers converged on her, taking one or two bars before moving back to their seats. Spock looked at her, his face blank but eyes sad, and accepted a bar.

"Hey," Uhura said as Zia sat next to her. The Vulcan activated her console and slid her finger across the screen.

"What did I miss?" she asked, opening her bar.

"Just Kirk getting kicked off the ship," Uhura smirked. "He wanted to go after the Romulans, but Spock is going to the Laurentian System. Kirk was jettisoned to Delta Vega just before we jumped into Warp."

"Isn't that a bit extreme?" Zia murmured, biting into her bar.

"What's up with you Vulcans?" Uhura asked suddenly.

Zia stared at her, her face blank, and swallowed her mouthful. "What?"

"Your planet was just destroyed. I just spoke to him, and he didn't even seem upset. Now you're sitting here, eating food, acting like nothing's wrong."

"Uhura, you don't know what you're talking about," Zia said quietly. "Four hundred cadets and almost six billion Vulcans were killed. Trust me, I am grieving, but I now know how to bury it."

"What about Spock?"

There was a pause and Zia tilted her head. "Don't irritate him."