The Charred Remains

by raven612

Four months after Sherlock's death, John is brutally attacked on his way home from work. He wakes a week later, no memory of the past few years, but a shoe box full of letters promises to explain everything. He just wishes he could remember the life his letters tell him about, and most of all he wishes he could remember how he came to be married to a man.

6. And Tonight We Sing

The Charred Remains

Chapter 6: And Tonight We Sing

A/N: So sorry this took forever again, but this time part of it was out of my hands. My brand new laptop decided it had a malfunctioning motherboard so that put my laptop out of use for almost a week, and then there is the fact I got a new laptop and the fact that I'm now using word 2010 rather than 2007. Anyways, on top of all that I've been sick and then there were the holidays. Anyways, I'm done talking. Fair warning, there be porn ahead! Thanks as always go to meddlingAdler for her amazing betaing skills! Also, really long chapter to make up for the wait! You guys rock so hard and I love you all!

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My Dearest John,

The cab ride home from the pool was a bit of a blur. I was only aware of the points where our bodies were touching. We kept stealing glances at one another, both of us too afraid to really say anything. My hands kept fiddling about in my lap. I couldn't pin point a single thought that went racing through my head.

Well no, that's a bit of a lie. There was one thing I couldn't stop thinking about, or even stop fretting over, and that was the kiss we shared in the pool. I found myself worrying over its meaning and if anything more would come from it, what you were feeling, what it would change between us, and if we could finally become more than friends.

All too soon we arrived at the flat. I hopped out of the cab, eager to get away from you so I might be able to sort my thoughts. I threw a few notes at the driver before turning away. I heard you call my name as you tried to catch up, but the door slammed in your face. That gave me enough time to make it to the lifts before you finally caught me. I resolutely tried to ignore you, but then your hand, that damn hand, clasped over my bicep.

"Jim?" your voice was low yet firm. I glanced over at you before looking ahead again as the lift door opened. "Jim, why are you giving me the cold shoulder all of a sudden?"

Your hand fell away. I sighed, hitting the button for our floor. I put my hands into the pockets of my suit jacket and finally regarded you. You flashed me an unsure grin. I'm not sure exactly what the look on my face conveyed, but your faltering grin didn't last long and you turned your gaze to the lift doors. I frowned, wondering then if I was ruining what could happen between us. I studied your face, looking to see how you were feeling about the situation.

Oddly enough I noted you were disappointed, but what you were disappointed about I couldn't be sure of. You looked a bit sheepish, as if you were embarrassed by something. Good God, John Watson, you baffled me! You had nothing to be embarrassed about, but yet you were. The lift doors opened on our floor. I stepped out quickly with you shuffling behind. You didn't try to catch up with me this time, which was fine because I had so much to puzzle over. I unlocked our door and pushed it open.

Before I even had a chance to kick off my shoes you grabbed my arm to spin me around to face you. I looked at you, my eyes blinking in confusion as I studied you. You looked mad. Quite mad. I swallowed thickly, "John?"

You let go of my arm, crowding me back until I had the door against my back. I was almost afraid of you, but I knew that even in your blackest mood you'd never hurt me. I waited to see what you would do or say. Your mouth opened and closed a few times before your voice finally came out.

"Bloody hell Jim, are you going to ignore me and what we just did. I'd like to talk about it because it's not every day I go and kiss a bloke in a darkened pool area. Hell, it's not even every day that I even kiss a bloke like we had just done." You broke off to study my features. I quickly schooled them into a mask of impassiveness because I did not want to get my hopes up if nothing were to come of us.

I cleared my throat, "Forgive me John, but I thought you might like to leave the kiss as it was. I know you're not gay or have any attraction to men and that it was just a spike of adrenaline and emotions."

You looked incredulous for a moment before you barked out a laugh. I frowned, a bit put off by your sudden mood swing. Sometimes I wondered if you were secretly or formerly a female. You do tend to jump around a bit. I waited for you to rebuke me or to correct me if I was wrong, and being honest, I really hoped you'd correct me.

"You think that, in a moment of distress I'd kiss a bloke? I've been in war-zones Jim, I can hold my own under extreme pressure, and yes, I will admit I was bloody terrified I'd be blown to pieces, but I wasn't so out of my mind that I had no idea what I was doing when I kissed you. Look, I apologise if I read the situation wrong, but I felt like there was something building between us ever since the night I…I uh taught you how to kiss. I thought it had come to a head tonight in the pool, and I acted rashly. I am sorry though if it was something you didn't want, but we can't ignore it. I want to know how you feel Jim because I can't read you like you can read me and I need you to talk to me."

John Hamish Watson, I don't think you will ever cease to amaze me. I was speechless. My heart was pounding fiercely in my chest. If you were just a bit closer to me I think you would have felt it. I was speechless. You had more or less just admitted you were feeling the same as I had been feeling for a long time. I had no idea what to do with that information. I often envy your simple thinking process John, to be so accepting of the information so quickly and looking for it to be addressed so quickly by me. I still have no idea why you think I can process emotions as quickly as you.

You were looking at me, waiting for me to reply to you. I took too long to properly respond and you looked at me sadly. You nodded your head once, as if acknowledging that I didn't feel the same. Your hand slipped off of my arm. You nodded your head once, slowly, sadly, as you spoke, "I see, please forgive me Jim," and then you turned away heading towards your room.

I watched you walk away for a moment before I regained my faculties. I moved forward. I had come too far to lose you now over the fact that I couldn't properly sort my thoughts at the moment, but I did have to do something. I grabbed your arm and spun you around to face me. Your eyebrows shot to your forehead as you studied me, your eyes squinting and a word forming on your mouth, but before you could voice it, I dove forward to claim your lips.

I could go on forever about your lips John, but they are so firm and a bit chapped…rugged just like you are. I enjoyed the way they caught my lips, almost like they were teasing me, begging my tongue to come out and soothe them. I would never deny you the comfort.

As I surged forward my arms wrapped tightly around you to draw you close, and for a moment I had the silly notion that I could just get you tucked up inside of me so that you could never leave me or doubt me ever again. I needed you to feel what I was feeling because I couldn't voice it. I really hoped you could see what I wanted to show you as my fingers fitted to the back of your head, flitting through the soft strands of your hair.

I'm not sure which of us moaned, but the sound was swallowed between us. As we stood in the centre of our flat our bodies fit themselves together as our lips melded. I could feel the tips of your fingers digging into my waist as he scrambled to hold onto my shirt. I loved the slight hiss of pain your blunt nails caused. I pulled my head back, grinning as your head followed, still searching for my lips.

"John," I breathed, the word caressing your lips and cheek, following the path of my fingertips as they just barely touched your skin, aflame with passion. I stared at you, committing this gorgeous picture of you into my memory because I wanted to remember what you looked like in this moment, the moment where finally something good was happening in my life. My hands came up to cup your cheeks as I leaned in to press a chaste kiss to your lips. "John, will you let me show you what I can't seem to tell you?"

God I nearly broke my resolve to have you agree when I saw you nibble your lower lip in a moment of apprehension. My sight was riveted by the sight before the slow nod of your head caught my attention. My blood warmed in my veins as you gave your consent, "If that's what it will take Jim," you muttered just before I gently placed my lips against yours, easing you into a deep, desperate kiss. My hands came down to your lower back where I pulled your hips against mine. I pushed my tongue gently into your mouth, exploring the crevices. I needed to map you so that I could save the information in the vast stretches of my mind.

I gently pulled my lips from yours, having caught your lower one between my teeth. I loved the shiver of pleasure I felt roll down your spine underneath my fingertips. I grinned as your lip finally fell free from my grasp. I studied your lips, swollen and pink, slowly turning red from the attention I laved on them. Simply divine Johnny. I slipped my hands around your hips to thread my fingers with yours. I steadied a look into your deep, blue eyes. The pupils were blown, a flush coloured your neck, the pulse point in your neck was jumping erratically, and all of that was because of me. I smiled softly as I gently led you towards my room.

I kept my grip light so that you could turn away if you wanted to, but after we crossed the threshold, I'm afraid to say, I wouldn't let you go. I turned us so that your back was to the bed. I leaned forward, my lips just barely moving across your own, "Lie back John," I whispered, applying gentle pressure to your chest to give you more of a hint.

You complied, almost eagerly, as you kicked off your shoes and scooted back to lean against the head board. I grinned, standing at the side of the bed. I shrugged out of my jacket, walking over to place it on the back of the chair at my desk. I then reached up and loosened my tie, letting the strands fall down my chest before I gripped one side to pull it all the way off. I draped it over my jacket. I looked up to see you eagerly watching me, your tongue making an appearance every so often to wet your lips. I could feel myself growing so very hard under your scrutiny.

I moved to stand at the end of the bed, my fingers slowly pushing the buttons of my shirt through their holes. I'm not entirely sure what the grin on my face was conveying, but all I could feel was a mixture of emotions, predominantly euphoria as I watched you shift, the bulge of your cock pressing against the seam of your jeans. God what a bulge it is too. My mouth began to water at the sight. I couldn't wait to taste you.

"C'mon Jim, hurry it up, you're killing me," you growled. I hadn't even noticed the progress of my undressing had stopped when I began to study you.

I smirked, resuming the journey of unbuttoning my shirt, "Patience Johnny boy. You must behave yourself or there will be no treat for you," I called out in a sing song tone. I heard a growl low in your chest. You sat forward as if to come after me, but I managed to stay you with a pointed, lustful look. You whimpered, settling back, shifting your legs once more.

I couldn't wait any longer as I pulled the shirt from my frame. I needed to feel you. I crawled up onto the bed, moving towards you, throwing my leg over your hips to settle on top of you. I leaned forward, your arms coming up to wrap around me, your fingertips digging gently into my skin. I hissed as your nails bit into my flesh, grinning as the pain mixed with the pleasure. I bit your neck in retaliation.

"Oh God, Jim," you groaned, your hips pushing up into my own. I shivered, feeling your hard lines against me.

"Shhhh Johnny, just let me taste you here," I muttered, dragging my tongue and teeth down the column of your neck. I shivered so deliciously under me, your fingers digging even deeper into the flesh of my back.

I smoothed my hands down your chest, the rough fabric of your hideous jumper catching before I could grip the hem. I had to leaned back to pull the thing over your head. I never hated that you wore more than one layer until the moment. I growled seeing the button up beneath the jumper. I set to work immediately forcing the buttons through their holes. I leaned down, kissing and nibbling at the skin that was exposed to me as each button came undone. I kissed my way down the centre of your chest, reveling in the soft hairs that brushed against my lips as I worked towards your navel. I dipped my tongue into it, loving the noise you made when I did so. I tipped my head back a little to see the looks passing over your face as I nibbled around the edge of your navel. I was so overcome; I nearly lost my focus due to the urge to just take you.

"Jim…fuck, you're driving me crazy," you shifted your hips again, this time rolling them against my chest. I chuckled, digging my teeth into the soft flesh between your navel and groin area. You jerked against the sensation, your hands coming to grip my head. I felt your fingers digging into my scalp, subtly trying to push me further down. I grinned against your flesh as I realised what you wanted. I looked up at you, grinning like a shark as I shuffled back to rest on my knees between your slightly spread legs.

I smoothed my hands up your thighs, reveling in the strength I felt there. I smoothed my hand over your groin, stroking the outline of your hard cock trapped beneath. I smirked, reaching up to pop the button of your trousers. I gently pulled the zipper down, dragging my knuckle teasingly down your length, feeling it grow and twitch under my ministration. I leaned back slightly to gently ease your trousers down, revealing your strangely coloured pants. I will admit, I'd never seen red pants on anyone before, and I was rather bemused to see you wearing them. You must have caught onto my thoughts because when I looked up you were looking away, the blush on your cheek matching the colour of your pants.

I grinned, leaning up to gently turn your head to look at me, "You're gorgeous John Watson," I breathed before ghosting my lips over yours.

You let out a soft sound, your hands coming to grip my hips, the tips of your thumbs going under the hem of my trousers to trace along my hip bones. You leaned up to press a much harder kiss to my lips, "I'm hardly gorgeous Jim, not with the scars and such," you muttered, trying to duck your head under my chin to avoid eye contact. I felt you press a kiss against my throat.

I frowned. I hardly figured you'd be self-conscious of a war wound. I moved back a little so that our eyes could meet. I grinned at you, keeping our eyes locked as I moved to your left shoulder. I heard the sharp intake of breath and felt the grip on my hips tightening. I'm not sure if you were afraid or eager for my touch, so I lowered my lips to the center of the ragged, star shaped scar marring your flesh.

The skin was much smoother than the rest covering your body. No hair grew there. My lips brushed over the pink portion of the scar where the bullet struck and moved out to the darker flesh where you were crudely operated on in the field before following a pale web the branched out from when they operated on an infection that had set in. I truly detested the scar John for what it could have done to you, but I also adored it because it brought you to me. I traced my tongue along another web, following it back to the centre where I brushed another kiss onto it. I lifted my head to look at you again, "Beautiful John," I whispered again before lowering to kiss along your shoulder, nibbling at your pulse point and sucking to leave my mark.

"Thank you," you stuttered out, voice laden with emotion as I worked my way back to your lips, where I proceeded to kiss you breathless with nothing my the wet slide of tongue and gentle nip of teeth.

"No John, thank you," I sighed, moving back down your body to resume where I'd left off. I pulled your jeans all the way off along with your socks. Your red pants still amused me, but I had more carnal pursuits in mind when I saw your length throbbing beneath. I groaned as I leaned forward to bury my nose against you, breathing in your earthy, musky scent. I could live off the smell of you; it shot straight to my own groin.

I opened my mouth, letting my warm, moist breath caress the material encasing you, teasing you to draw out the pleasure. I wanted to draw this out as long as possible. I had been dreaming of this very situation for so long; I intended to enjoy it to its fullest.

I poked my tongue out to flatten against the cloth over your hard cock, dragging it up the fabric then nipping at the skin just above you waistband. I smirked as your hips stuttered beneath me, begging me to free you. My hands gently skimmed up and down your thighs, loving the soft hairs that stirred beneath my touch. I scooted back a little more to nip at the insides of your thighs, close to your groin.

I think you were beyond words now because the only sounds spilling from your lips were incoherent mumbling, whimpers, and moans. They all sounded so gorgeous. I dragged my tongue up the inside of your thigh and curled it under the white border of the band around your leg. I pulled it back out, finally hooking my fingers under the band of your pants and slowly pulled them down. I chuckled at the look on your face, nothing but pure want and desire with an odd mix of something else I couldn't quite place at the time.

"Not fair, you need…Jim…trousers off," you panted. I ignored you, watching the long, hard, thick length of your cock jump free and flop against your stomach, throbbing with want, and who was I to deny such a beautiful erection.

"In time dear Johnny boy, in time," I finally replied as I lowered to nuzzle my nose into the dip next to your cock. I groaned at the completely masculine scent that greeted me. I smoothed a hand up your thigh to wrap around your length. I stroked my hands up to the swollen head, my thumb smearing the precum around the purple tip of your cock. I grinned, hearing the hitch in your breath as I did so. I gently traced the nail of my thumb through the slit before sliding my hand down to hold you at your base. I shuffled around a little so that I could take you into my mouth. I wrapped my lips around you, letting my tongue swirl around your tip, tasting what it was that made up your essence. I was never addicted to anything in my life John, but just that one taste of you was like the world's strongest drug. I knew I'd never be able to give it up.

I groaned, letting the sound vibrate over you. You gasped above me, your hands once again finding my scalp. You tried not to push me John, but you couldn't help yourself. I loved that I could do this to you; make you completely compliant beneath me.

Encouraged to continue, I slid my mouth down, taking more of you until the head of your cock knocked the back of my throat. I swallowed around you, your hips responding to the feel as they pushed your cock even further down my throat. I hummed in appreciation. One of my hands reached beneath my chin to cup your balls. The weight of them fit so nicely in the palm of my hand. I moaned, feeling your cock twitch as I slid my thumb down your sac between your balls. I hallowed my cheeks, sucking hard as I drew my head up your shaft, my thumb smoothing over a ball as I gripped the base of your cock so that my tongue could torture the swollen head of you.

I did appreciate the fact that you are circumcised for it made pleasing you much easier, though I would have enjoyed teasing you with your foreskin if you had it. I closed my lips around the head once more, my nails gently dragging over your balls as I lapped at the precum leaking from your hole. God John, the taste of you was nearly enough to set me off. I continued to lavish your cock with my tongue, occasionally dragging my teeth very gently along the vein on the underside of your cock before I pulled off.

"Jim…ah…close," you huffed out as I settled on my knees to look up at you. I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth to clean up the spittle and precum there. I leaned back and started to undo my trousers.

"Not yet Johnny, no cumming without me," I said quietly as I drug my zip down, teasing you. Your hands clenched in the sheets at your sides. I chuckled at just how utterly wrecked you were. Your cock was leaking against your stomach as I wiggled myself free of my trousers and pants, throwing them onto the floor.

As soon as the hard length of my cock was freed it bounced up against my stomach. I reached down to give myself a few pulls.

"Jesus Jim, you look…God you're gorgeous," you breathed out. I grinned, proud of the admiration pouring from your lips. I leaned up to give you a quick kiss. I lowered my body so that we could finally touch, skin to skin. Your hands came to my waist and smoothed down my sides to grip my waist. You pulled me down, your nose and mouth coming into contact with my ear, your hot breath tickling the flesh, "I've never…ah…gone this far with a man before," you admitted in a shy little whisper.

I smiled, endeared beyond belief that I'd been given this right. I raised myself up on my arms, hands resting on either side of your head. I had no words John, nothing I could say to express my gratitude and feelings for you so I lowered myself to capture your lips in a hot, searing kiss made up of teeth, tongue, and desire.

I plundered your mouth with my tongue as I snaked a hand down between our bodies, which, focused now on something other than the divine taste of you, I found were slicked with a fine sheen of sweat. I groaned into your mouth, my fingers slipping down your chest easily. I maneuvered myself to my knees and lowered my hips. We both gasped as our cocks brushed against each other. I pulled my lips from yours for a moment, "I'll take care of you Johnny, just let go for me okay," I whispered between kisses peppered along your jaw.

I felt you nod your consent. I nodded too as I wrapped my hand around our erections. You bent your head back, your hips moving up, savouring the contact. I started to move my hips, my cock sliding along yours, our precum, sweat, and my saliva mixing to form a perfect lubricant for us. Soon you began to move your hips as well creating a delicious friction between our cocks. I groaned, still hardly believing we were doing this, or that I was doing this with you. God it was amazing.

As I felt my orgasm building I tightened my grip around our cocks, squeezing them even closer to each other. I could sense from your incoherent babble and trembling that you were close John, so very close to going over the edge. I wanted us to cum together though John, so I slowed the pull a bit, swiping my thumb over the head of my own cock, but then I felt your hand join mine. My hips stuttered in their movement and I opened my eyes to look down at you. I grinned. The blue of your eyes had gone so dark against the blackness of your pupils blown so wide in desire.

"Oh God John," I groaned, the burning in the pit of my stomach growing and combusting as the edge of pleasure came nearer. I lowered my head to nibble at your lips, your fingers twining with mine to push me even closer, the calluses on your hands making me shiver.

"Come on Jim, cum for me," you breathed, and a burst of bright white light blinded me. I felt a warm wetness coat my fingers as a strangled noise burst from my lips.

I'd never felt anything so divine before. I soon felt your body tense up, and then more warm wetness coated my fingers as you called out my name with your release. I slowly removed my hand from our cocks, panting now, my arm trembling with the effort of holding myself up from collapsing on you. With a final effort I managed to push myself over to roll onto my back. I worked to catch my breath.

"Wow…that was…just wow," you huffed next to me. I could hear the smile in your voice. It made me grin too. I struggled to sit up. I bent over to grab a tissue from the table next to my bed. I wiped my hand clean and offered you the same tissue. You cleaned yourself up as well before giving the soiled tissue back. I tossed it onto the table before returning my attention to you.

"Just imagine what it will be like next time," I teased, shuffling down to lie next to you. You chuckled, turning onto your side and sliding your arm over my waist. I turned myself a little to face you, my hand coming to cup your cheek, gently smoothing it along your skin, drawing you close to press a chaste kiss to your lips.

"I look forward to it," you breathed, eye lids drooping slightly as everything from the day finally caught up to you. I smiled as I watched you fall asleep. I pulled the duvet up and over our bodies before settling in next to you. I felt you nuzzle under my chin so I wrapped my arms around you to hold you close as we fell asleep together.

"Goodnight Johnny, sweet dreams," I whispered, kissing your temple before burying my nose into the soft strands of your hair before falling away into the best sleep of my life.

Now, I do hope we've come far enough for this letter to not frighten you. I admit it may have come rather quick, but the doctors advised me that writing the most important moments of our life together would be the best help for you. I know you might be struggling with what this letter contains, so just take a deep breath John, count to fifteen and lay back. I know it might be a bit hard to get comfortable in a hospital bed, but know that by reading this letter you are mere steps away from coming back to me. There are only a few more letters John, and then we can have our life back.

Get some rest now; I'll be with you again tomorrow. I can't wait to see your gorgeous eyes once more.

Love Always,

JM.