Thank you Tall Chai Latte, Peace-Love-Yaoi, Crazy Reader004, SASUNARU4ever, ashinau, itachifan incognito, and Envyyy! Thanks so much for reviewing! The 50+ of you who didn't, it would be much appreciated if you would :)
This is sort of a fillerish chapter, meaning not a lot of Sasunaru action. It's just a short chapter depicting Naruto's Saturday, but it still has relevant stuff in it.
Chapter 8: The Exorcist and the Ultimate Pervert
Soft snores traveled from the bed in the corner where a redhead lay, passed out. That Gaara. Several hours ago he was the guru of alcohol with all his 'in the right mindset to drink' crap, when in actuality he can't even hold his own liquor well. On the way home, Gaara passed out in the back seat. I had been…brooding in the seat next to him when his head took a dive and smashed into my thigh. And since he didn't spring up in pain or surprise (in fact he didn't even twitch), I brilliantly deduced that he passed out. Really it was just elementary my dear Watson. After all this did tend to happen every time he drinks more than two glasses.
And like the good friends we are, Kiba, Temari and I dumped him in his bed and were now chowing down on a crapload of junk food we acquired form the kitchen in his floor (since we had already drawn on his face and searched for any explicit magazines to use as blackmail of course-only true friends shower you with such acts of love). We are sitting cross-legged in a little triangle with our spoils in the middle. Temari, who usually holds her liquor well, had drunken a bit too much and about two minutes ago had started to totally space out. Whereas Shika got all philosophical when he was drunk of his ass, Temari got really happy. Her hazel eyes are currently glazed over and a small goofy grin is plastered on her face. Kiba and I are seeing who can finger-field kick their chip he farthest.
Kiba's face was drawn in concentration as he prepared to launch his sixth chip. He drew back his finger and then let it go. We both watched with baited breath as it sailed past the chip. Loud laughs spluttered from my lips and Kiba looked really confused and then pissed.
"What the fuck?"
"Haha! Kiba, man, you totally missed the fricken chip!" For some reason this was the funniest thing ever, and soon I doubled over and was hitting my fist against the carpet as I laughed uncontrollably.
"Shut up!" Damn, people are so hilarious when they're drunk. I wiped a tear from my ear and righted myself, a huge smile on my face. So great. I can't believe he missed the chip.
A long, heavy sigh came from the sedated looking Temari. Kiba and I turned to look at her.
"Have you ever noticed how handsome Shikamaru is?" She asked dreamily.
…what the fuck?
…
"Bwahahaha!" Both Kiba and I burst into loud roars of laughter.
"What?" Temari snapped, though not sounding nearly as intimidating as usual due to her dreamy tone. I clutched my side trying to stop the cramp forming there. Soon both Kiba and I were clutching each other to keep ourselves upright.
By the time we stopped laughing, Temari had wandered toward the corner and was now there, propped against the wall, sleeping. I couldn't blame her; it had to be like five in the morning by now. I turned back to Kiba who was shoving a handful of chips into his mouth.
"Dude, I saw you lip locking with Uchiha at the rave." Kiba said as casually as he'd state the weather. And in response, I ever so gracefully choked on air. Kiba chuckled at my reaction, and swallowed the chips still in his mouth.
"No need to flip shi-"
"SHH!" I hissed, looking around frantically. And yes, I was definitely expecting someone to be peeking out from around a corner for the sole purpose of hearing this juicy tidbit of info. Those faceless fiends probably snuck into Gaara's house just to get blackmail on me!
"Everyone's asleep!" Kiba hissed back. I looked around the room again, this time a bit more calmly. Hmm, he does have point.
"So you like him."
"Gah!" My hands swung around in helplessly frustrated movements. Why did he have to say something like that as if it was an observation? Why couldn't it be a question?!
"Never! What? No. Why?!"
"Um.." Kiba seemed at a loss on how to respond to my outburst.
"You can like whoever you want. Just be careful. And if it comes down to it, make sure you're the one who breaks his heart and not the other way around." Kiba gave me a warm smile, and I had to physically fight the urge to tackle him and give him a bear hug. He doesn't like them, as he has reminded me on many occasions.
"You're the best, Kiba. And I don't even want to think about Sasuke and what's going on with that right now. It'll just give me a headache." I said with a smile.
"I know I am." Kiba replied loftily. I laughed and socked him in the arm lightly.
"What about you and Hinata? Made any progress?"
Kiba groaned. "Ugh. I don't know. I mean I like her…"
"Just go for it. I'm sure she feels the same."
"I'm not sure. I haven't noticed her show any interest in anyone. Well at least not since grade school when she had the biggest crush on you." Whoa. Really? I never even noticed she existed until middle school when we were partnered up for an assignment.
Flashback
"Hey Hinata-chan! How's it going?" I chirped, smiling brightly at the girl who I had just been assigned to.
"H-hello, N-n-naruto-kun" The girl replied in a really soft, shy voice. She didn't look so good. Her skin looks like it has been dipped in scalding water it is so red.
"You ok, Hinata-chan?" I asked with concern. I reached up and felt her forehead. And then she suddenly fainted!
"Sensei!" A girl nearby cried as Hinata hit the ground.
"Naruto, what happened?" The teacher asked with worry.
"I don't know! She suddenly collapsed and her skin is really warm. I think she is ill!"
"She liked me?" I asked. Kiba looked at me like I was an idiot.
"Dude she was the only one that liked you" he deadpanned.
"…what the heck? You did too!" I pointed out stubbornly.
"Haha no I didn't" Well, now that I think about it, he was particularly mean to me then…
"Asshole."
After a good time spent observing me pout, Kiba crawled toward Gaara's TV. He shuffled through the DVDs laying next it. I crawled over too, looking over his shoulder as he rifled through our options, which of course, because this is Gaara's collection, consisted of horror movies, action movies and more horror movies. Kiba picked out a movie and slipped it in, throwing the case to me so I could see what it is about. The Excorcist I read silently. Oh I've heard of this movie! I've never seen it though! I heard it's some freaky shit though! The previews started playing and Kiba and I scooted back on the carpet so we could prop our backs against the couch.
"It's muuuuuuurder!" I shrieked in a high feminine for the fifth time in a row.
"Shut up! The movie just started!" Kiba whisper-yelled at me. I kindly threw a chip at him, but shut up nonetheless. I only like talking during movies I've already seen, that way it only ruins the experience for the other person.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I screamed as Kiba shrieked, "AH! GROSS!". Oh that is so wrong and gross and eww! That's not even right! So wrong and gross on so many levels! How the hell am I ever supposed to look at a cross again?!
"My eyes, my eyes! They burn" I cried as I threw myself at Kiba's chest and shielded my eyes in his shirt. Kiba and I continued screaming until the scene was finally over. With shaky hands I pushed myself away from Kiba who looked petrified and about to vomit. I know how he feels.
"I think I'm scarred for life, Kibs." I muttered.
"Same here." He groaned.
"I'm so glad I'm not into chicks because for at least a week I won't be able to look at them the same way."
"Oh god. I won't be able to look Hinata!" Kiba whined in response.
(A/N: If you've seen The Exorcist know what scene I'm talking about-according to it is the number one most disturbing movie scene. Just a fun fact for you all!)
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"Iruka, red apples or green apples?" I called to Iruka who was inspecting the peaches.
"Red." He replied.
"Aye-Aye." I grabbed a plastic bag and began loading the most delicious and shiny red apples I could find. I'm so glad Iruka picked red apples. The green ones are all sour and only taste good in pies or coated in lots of gooey caramel.
Once I had a good dozen, I walked back toward Iruka and deposited them in the grocery cart. I walked beside the cart as Iruka pushed it and we continued through the aisles, occasionally tossing things into it.
When we were finally done, we paid and made our way through the parking lot. I was happily waling along, semi listening, okay that's a lie I wasn't really listening to what Iruka was saying as I people watched. People-watching is so fun. A mother and a boy, no older than ten, walked by, and the boy looked at me. I smiled and waved at the kid and he grinned back. I continued walking, getting closer and closer to Iruka's car, when I saw a raven black hair. Now I only knew one person with that color hair and that is Sasuke. So, naturally, I had a brief internally spasm-like freak out, and craned my neck to look closer at him. But to my surprise and, slight (VERY slight!) dismay, this guy, though having the dame hair color, had long hair that was tied back in a low pony tail. He turned so that I could see he had the exact same eye color as Sasuke but this guy had deep lines slightly under his eyes. Geez this guy was almost as attractive as Sasuke! They could be siblings they looked so much alike!
His black eyes suddenly looked at me and narrowed.
"Eh!" I squeaked and I snapped my head forward. I always look a little too long at people and then I get weird looks!
"Naruto, are you ok?" Iruka asked. He's such a mother hen.
"Yeah!" I grinned at him. "What were you saying again?" I asked.
"Oh do you think that Jiraiya will like the roast?" Oh! I totally forgot that old pervert was coming for dinner tonight.
"Yeah I'm sure he will." I said, glancing bac toward where I had seen the Sasuke look-a-like-maybe-sibling-or-possibly-alien was. He wasn't there though, so I huffed and faced forward again, giving up my people watching. Getting caught once and making awkward eye-contact was enough for today.
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I flung open the door.
"Jiraiya!" I shouted and I shot myself at him and hugged him.
"Okay, Okay….Let go now. Seriously kid get off." The tall, white-haired man huffed. I let go and grinned at him.
"How's it going, Naruto?"
"Pretty good. You're not in jail yet for sexual harassment or something along those lines yet?" I asked, feigning shock. His eyes narrowed at me.
"No. I've been diligently working on a new book." He replied haughtily. I snorted. Oh I was well aware of 'working on his next book' meant. I spent part of every summer at his house, and I learned three things from that experience. 1. He is the biggest pervert ever. 2. His books deserved to burned (the fool gave me one to read when I was ten! What kind of adult figure gives a ten year old that trash!). And 3. I felt very, very bad for any and every semi-attractive woman that had, has, or ever will come across him.
"Oh Jiraiya! Come in" Iruka said as he came behind me. I moved aside as Jiraiya entered. We made our way to the kitchen.
"Are you staying for dessert too?" I asked, silently hoping he was that I could 'accidently' smash the crème pie into his face.
"No. I can't. I'm actually meeting up with Tsunade for some drinks." He replied. Rats!
"Make sure you bring the stretcher so you can carry her out when she passes out at the bar." I commented and Iruka immediately smacked me on the head with a soft reprimand.
"Itai!" I muttered. Jeez it was the truth!
"Have I ever told you the story of when me and Tsunade were young and I made fun of her and she punched me in the face?" Jiraiya asked as he chuckled heartily. I brightened back up in an instant.
"What! No!" I exclaimed. Even Iruka stopped his flurrying around the kitchen and drew closer.
"Well I made fun of her because she was completely flat chested." Iruka eyes popped out and he looked disappointed, meanwhile I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that Tsunade was actually considered flat chested in some non-Twilight zone place. And just imagining a young Jiraiya getting his lights knocked out by Tsunade was extremely entertaining!
"No fricken way!" I scooted in my seat in and listened intently as Jiraiya weaved his story.
Sorry for the shortness and total lack of SasuNaru! But I will make the chapter long and Sasuke will definitely be in it! And Naru's life doesn't totally revolve around Sasuke. I did warn that this was fillerish. Please review!