House Targaryen
Arya
Arya was running through the halls with Nymeria when she heard a weird noise. It was a squealing noise, Nymeria heard it too and started to bark. She barked all the way to the the Baratheon apartment, where the noise was coming from.
The door was open a crack, and it didn't look like anyone was home. So naturally Arya had to go inside. She opened the door and almost got run over by a deer.
Nymeria took off after the deer, but Arya told her to stay. She was in some deep shit now, the worst part was, Myrcella had been in the apartment.
Daenerys
Dany felt Drogo's lips come off of hers.
"I'm sorry, my teeth stick out, I'm trying to fix that." she argued,
"The fuck is he doing?"
Dany turned around and saw Viserys standing in the kitchen, holding a knife and grinning, he was wearing no apparent clothes.
"I think he's either trying to scare you away or he's just reached a new level of insane."
The door slammed open and Arya and Nymeria ran into the room, Viserys screamed and hid under the sink.
"Funny story." said Arya, "We kind of set a deer lose in the building."
"A deer?"
"Where the hell did you get a deer?"
"Yeah, that's the funny part, it's not our deer."
"What do you mean 'our'? Are you implying that your dog is a partial owner of the deer?"
"Are you implying that you weren't just getting Dany pregnant there?"
"WHOSE DEER IS IT?" Dany screamed,
"I think it belongs to the Baratheons, it was in their apartment."
"Why were you in an apartment that doesn't belong to you?"
"The door was open and Nymeria smelled venison. Problem is-"
"You set a wild animal loose in an apartment building?"
"No, the problem is, Myrcella saw and she's gonna tell on us, I need the two of you to create an insane web of lies so I don't get in trouble."
"At least you're being blunt about it. We can't help you, we're kind of preoccupied with my crackass brother."
"And I just don't want to help you because you almost got me arrested."
"THAT'S IN THE PAST."
"It was a few days ago, and you shouldn't be breaking and entering."
"I didn't break anything, I just opened the door and let the deer out."
"I don't want to lie to help you not get in trouble." said Dany, "The Baratheons hate me enough as it is."
"And honestly, you owe me."
"I don't owe you anything, Khatchadourian."
"Then I'll just tell your mom you blackmailed Sansa and Dany and I into going to the liquor store."
"Can you just help me find the deer?"
"WE'RE NOT HELPING YOU!"
...
Sansa
Bran was laying on the couch and moaning. He wouldn't shut up.
"What's wrong with you?" Sansa screamed,
"I'm on my way out." said Bran, "I can see Heaven from here."
"Why are you dying?"
"I ate a green chip. I can feel the poison going through my veins. AAAAAAAH, THERE IS NO GOD..."
"Calm down, it's just a chip."
Bran squealed again and rolled off the couch, he stayed there with Summer licking his hair. Arya and Nymeria burst inside, Drogo and Dany were behind them with disdainful looks on their faces.
"Nobody panic!" Arya yelled.
"You're panicking." said Sansa, "Your face is red as fuck."
"PUT A QUARTER IN THE SWEAR JAR!" said Bran, his voice muffled by the carpet.
"What did you do, Arya?"
"I broke a... couch." she lied.
"She stole a deer and let it loose in the building." said Dany, "And Myrcella saw her."
"It was Myrcella's deer."
"Why in the hell does Myrcella have a deer in her apartment?"
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNOW?!" Arya screamed, collapsing on the floor, "I need subway tickets, Sansa, I need to go away, FAR AWAY."
"I don't think any of us would really argue with that, but you have to face your problems like a responsible adult!" said Sansa, "It's just a little deer, how much trouble could it cause?"
...
"Okay, yeah it could cause a lot of trouble." said Sansa as they stared at the ruins of the lobby. The deer had flipped the front desk over, ripped up the green carpet and shredded the wallpaper. Benjen the doorman emerged from the rubble,
"That animal is the spawn of Satan."
"Where'd it go?"
"It followed Jhiqui Khatchadourian back to her apartment, can't bet on it still being alive, Jhiqui was STEAMED at that thing for ripping a chunk out of her skirt and you know how she is, Drogo, you'd know-"
"Where'd Jhiqui go?"
"Back to her apartment.
...
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DISGUSTING ANIMAL!" yelled a voice from inside the apartment that Drogo's sister shared with Doreah's brother, Dany opened the door to find Jhiqui standing on a chair, poking at ShaggyDog with a stick.
"Where's the deer?" Arya yelled,
"AHHH! WHAT THE FRIG ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?"
"That's my brother's dog." said Sansa, "Sorry about him, did you happen to see a deer?"
"Yes, actually, I did." said Jhiqui, getting down off the chair, "This thing scared it and it ran away, I think it went into the elevator after Loras Tyrell, JUST TAKE THIS DOG OUT OF MY APARTMENT." ShaggyDog ran to Arya.
"Do you have like a net or something?" asked Dany, "To catch a deer in?"
"I have a shotgun-"
"Okay, no, we're not planning on killing it. Remember, we have to bring it back to Myrcella alive."
"You could find Doreah, she's good at pouncing on things, you know, tackling stuff."
There was a sobbing noise outside in the hall, Dany peeked around the doorframe and saw Theon curled up in a corner holding a half-eaten jelly donut and crying.
"What's wrong, Theon...?"
"I was halfway through my thirty-second joint when a deer came around that corner and ripped my jelly donut in half..." Theon buried his face in his hands, "This donut had hopes and dreams... and a pregnant wife at home."
"Weren't you going to eat the donut?"
"Yeah, but I was gonna eat the wife as well..." Theon sobbed harder, "He'll never get to see his little baby donut hole graduate!"
"STOP CRYING!" Sansa yelled, "God, you burners and your fucked-up ideas about food, where did the deer go?"
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, I CAN'T SEE DEERS THROUGH THESE TEARS..."
Drogo stood over Theon, "If you don't tell us where the deer went, I'll give you something to cry about."
"This is one battle you ain't winning, Khatchadourian." Theon lit another joint and laid down, "I need to sleep off this pain." Theon sneezed and a piece of chocolate donut came out of his nose. Arya picked up a few shreds of pot that had settled around Theon and sniffed it,
"Smells like oregano."
"It's not, oregano doesn't get you high." Theon sobbed, "Drogo, if I squint, you look like a beautiful girl."
"It's oregano." said Dany, licking a few shards,"Smells like oregano and tastes like oregano."
"WHERE IS THE DEER?"
"Okay, fine." said Theon, standing up, six donut holes fell out of his pocket, "It's oregano, I followed you here and pretended to be high because I thought Dany might hate me less if I was adorably pathetic, and I wrote up cue-cards about donuts and grief, are you happy now? But I actually did get my donuts stolen by a deer. A pissy, mean deer that smelled like Love's Baby Soft and anger."
"Which way did it go?"
"I think down the stairs, I was too busy being sad to know for sure."
Arya looked down the stairwell, "THE DEER! IT'S STUCK IN THE STAIRWELL!" ShaggyDog ran down the stairs and the deer panicked, it kicked a hole in the door and ran onto the 7th floor, ShaggyDog followed but Arya called him back, "Theon, you need to babysit this crazy animal for a while."
"Naw yo." smirked Theon, "No dogs allowed in the mile-high club, except service animals-"
"You're not cute!" Dany whisper-screamed.
"Cucumbers!" Theon giggled, making a cute face, "How 'bout now? Huh, you mean little girl. 5 foot-five of pure hatred." he took a bite of a Boston Cream and chewed with his mouth wide open. "Ha ha ha, beee-yutch."
...
Bran
Catelyn dragged Bran down the stairs into the lobby to find a disaster. Irri Khatchadourian was down there too,
"Irri, have you seen my daughters?" Catelyn asked, "Bran said something about them encountering a deer in the Baratheon apartment, but you can never trust this kid."
"I don't know about a deer." said Irri, handing Bran an Aero bar, "I just came down here to find Benjen, I think someone's stealing carrots out of our fridge."
"Probably someone who lives with you."
"No, I don't live with any deer." Irri smirked, passing Bran a Kit Kat, which he inhaled. "BENJEN, I CAN GET YOU FIRED IF YOU DON'T COME WITHIN TWO MINUTES."
Benjen came out of his office, "What do you want Irri?"
"I've come to report a theft."
"Another one? Your brothers are nothing but trouble. That Rakharo especially, I'd shoot the bastard if I could."
"They actually didn't do anything this time, but the Khatchadourian family is missing a bunch of carrots."
"Oh, that's a hard one, oh wait, YOU ATE THEM." Benjen yelled, "Come on back to me with a real crime, Jesus, Irri, if I wasn't head-over-heels for your mother I'd have you incarcerated."
"Uncle Benjen, you're in love with Adelina? But you can't be! Your job is protecting Westeros Pines and you're married to your job!" Bran yelled.
"Adelina Khatchadourian is an exotic Armenian flower."
"That is disgusting. My mom is married... to my dad, and they have five kids, she's had five fricking kids, that flower ain't so exotic anymore." said Irri. "SOLVE MY CARROT PROBLEM OR I'LL TELL MOM WHAT YOU SAID." she tossed Bran a Coffee Crisp and left. The phone on the upturned front desk rang,
"Hello? Oh, she's right here, Catelyn, it's Cersei Lannister for you." said Benjen.
Sansa
Cersei paced up and down the living room of the Baratheon apartment, she had found the deer, it was tied to the fireplace and trying to escape. Myrcella was glaring at Arya from a corner.
"Well, who darn did it?" Myrcella finally screamed, "Who dun did let out my darn damn deer?"
"Myrcella, darling." said Cersei, "If you don't shush your little lips about this darn deer you don't get any dessert. I know who the culprit was! YOU!" she yelled, pointing four fingers at Dany, Drogo, Sansa and Arya, "It was a collaborative effort!" Catelyn opened the door,
"SANSA AND ARYA!" she yelled, "What the fudge were you thinking?"
"IT WASN'T ME!" Sansa squealed, leaping onto the carpet, "Cersei, it wasn't me."
"It was me." said Arya, "Nymeria wanted to eat the deer so in retrospect you owe me a thank you and maybe a fruit basket because I may have saved your deer here from certain annihilation!"
"The dog wanted to eat Cheesy?" Cersei yelled, throwing herself onto the deer, "CATELYN, YOU NEED TO PUT THAT DOG DOWN!"
"Nymeria was just hungry!" Arya argued,
"Don't worry, Arya, we're not putting anyone down." said Catelyn, "I'm sorry, Cersei and Myrcella, it won't happen again and Arya will be severely punished."
"Good, anyone puts my Cheesy in danger, they meet a sticky end." said Myrcella through a mouthful of Twizzlers and cake. Catelyn stared at Dany and Drogo,
"As for the two of you... I can't punish you but Dany, Viserys hasn't been looking for you because he and Doreah are sinning in your apartment and Drogo... my brother-in-law has the hots for your mother."
Joffrey burst into the apartment,
"There's my little baby boy!" Cersei shrieked, "Cheesy didn't die!"
"That's great for the fuckin' deer, listen, I need to hide 700 carrots where Irri Khatchadourian can't find them."