And so the hunt for Harbinger began. Nora had a few leads to go on, but neither sounded very promising (or safe) to Kaidan. One was a mercenary boss that had a nice little empire built on the Citadel, who had contacted Nora after she put out feelers on the extranet for information on Harbinger. Not much was known about this boss, other than the handle the mercenaries went by – the Silver Varrens. Bit of a silly name, but the group was anything but silly. And the other lead…

"A stripper?"

"I believe they prefer to be called exotic dancers."

They were out on the Presidium, eating lunch at Apollo's Café. Over the past week, they had become a little more familiar with one another, but it was still awkward as hell. More than once she had walked in on him as he was exiting the shower. He was almost certain she had done it on purpose, because she was always giving half-assed excuses. 'Oops, just needed to borrow your toothpaste,' or 'Oh, I'm sorry, I was just seeing if you were alright. You were taking a long time!' He couldn't even bear to yell at her on these occasions, he was too overwhelmed with embarrassment and just a teensy bit of pride. She was actively trying to see him naked. She hadn't actually succeeded yet, but still.

"A stripper," reaffirmed Kaidan, looking at her dubiously. She took a bite of her sandwich and made a face. Alien food was never as good as the stuff Kaidan cooked for them at home. He was even teaching her how to do more than boil water – which she was somehow still failing at.

"Anyway," Nora said, rolling her eyes. "She sent me a message and said she had some information on Sovereign."

"Sovereign? I-I thought we were after Harbinger?" He didn't know who was responsible for these ludicrous code names, but he sort of wanted to punch them.

"Sovereign is Harbinger's lieutenant – his right hand man. We find Sovereign and he'll lead us right to Harbinger."

Kaidan scowled. "I don't like it."

"So you've mentioned. Several times, I might add. It's getting a little annoying, your negativity." And here came the teasing. It was something Kaidan was used to by now. When she wasn't making him intensely uncomfortable by constantly trying to touch him, she was flirting, teasing, and deliberately nettling him to see what sort of reaction he'd give her. But he was getting better at dishing it out as good as he got.

"Well, maybe if we had something more to go on than a stripper and a criminal…"

"Merc boss, not a criminal. Honestly, Kaidan, if you can't exercise good manners, I won't be able to take you anywhere."

He smiled into his glass of beer as he took a sip. And then there was the sound of breaking glass. He looked up sharply to see she had dropped her glass of water and it had shattered across the table. Her hands were shaking. Scratch that, her whole body was quivering uncontrollably, and her hands were clawing at the skin of her forearm underneath her hooded sweatshirt. She whimpered a little, her face contorted with pain. Several people were starting to stare.

Kaidan leapt into action. He got up and slipped an arm around her shoulders, helping her to her feet and guiding her from the café while a worker began cleaning up the shards of glass that littered the table and floor.

"Come on," murmured Kaidan, his free hand grasping her wrist gently to cease the scratching.

The withdrawal was the toughest thing to deal with. At the best of times, she was irritable and withdrawn when the urge for red sand hit her. At the worst, Kaidan would wake in the dead of night and find her curled up, sobbing, on the living room carpet, knees tucked underneath her and her forehead resting on the floor. Her fingernails would be bloody, shallow red gashes running the length of her forearms. She'd plead, she'd bribe, she'd threaten, and all he could do was hold her. She would be wracked with spasms, like this one, where intense pain prevented her from doing much more than crying on his mattress.

Kaidan helped her to the sky car lot, and eased her into the back seat of his car. She preferred the back, where it was darkest, where she could lay down or curl up. He clambered into the car after her, and after a few taps on an interface screen, he set the car's autopilot for his home. She curled into his lap, sobbing and shaking, and he held her against his chest. His large hands began rubbing slow, soothing circles along her back.

"It hurts," she whispered against his neck and he nodded.

"I know. I know. But you'll be okay."

"Please," she begged, her voice ragged and hoarse. "Please, Kaidan. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts."

Kaidan's jaw clenched, and he squeezed her closer to his chest. He guided her hands around his neck, so that her fingers wouldn't scratch at her forearms. They fisted in the fabric of his shirt, and she sobbed against his neck.

"You know I can't," he said quietly into her hair, trying to keep his voice even. "You'll be alright. We'll get you home and you can relax, alright?"

Another choked sob bubbled from her and she curled up tighter in his lap.

Damn it. At that point, he'd sooner rip his heart from his chest than see her in any more pain. He'd never admit it to her face – he could barely admit it to himself – but he'd gotten ferociously attached to her over the past couple of days. At the back of his mind, he knew how foolish it was to get so close to her. She was a murderer, a drug addict, and psychologically unhinged. But he didn't care. She was also smart, and funny, and she challenged him like no one else had in years. They'd argue about everything, from galactic politics to favorite foods to sports teams, and every single argument left him frustrated and angry, but he always came back for more.

She shivered in his grasp, and he glanced down at her to see that she had managed to fall asleep. Or she passed out. He couldn't decide which thought comforted him less. He leaned forward a little to check the sky car's progress. Good, they were almost home.

He took a moment to look down at her, shamelessly drinking her in. There was a little knot of worry between her eyebrows. He reached up and smoothed it away with his thumb gently. She shifted fitfully in her light doze, mumbling something he couldn't quite catch.

He blew out a heavy sigh. How the hell had this happened? Everything in his life was going just the way he wanted, and now his best friend was dead and he was living with her murderer – practically married to the damn woman. And he was falling in love with her, to boot. To say this was an alarming turn of events would be the understatement of the entire cycle.

She jerked suddenly and her eyes flew open. For a panicked moment, she looked lost, eyes flicking around desperately, and then her gaze found Kaidan's face.

"Kaidan?"

"Yeah, I'm here. We're almost home." She shivered and he adjusted her, nestling her head further under his chin, his hands rubbing her upper arms vigorously to warm her up.

"I'm so tired."

"Go back to sleep. I've got you."

She nodded and almost instantly she was unconscious again. At least it was better than writhing in pain. At long last, the sky car was lowering itself down behind the gate of his home. The gull-wing door opened with a whoosh, and he carefully gathered her in his arms. It took a bit of effort, but he managed to carry her from his car and into the house.

But there was something amiss. Someone else was in the house.

He could tell the second he stepped over the threshold. Small, subtle changes that would have been missed by someone less meticulous than Kaidan. There were a few books that were askew on the shelf, and someone had been moving the framed pictures on the shelves along the wall. His jacket on the hook had been removed and replaced in a hurry. Oh, and the big clue that someone was in his home –

He was looking right at the fucker.

"YOU!" snarled Kaidan. Luckily, his arms were full of unconscious Nora, or else the man standing before him would be dead so fast…

Vega held up his palms to show that he was unarmed and not a threat. There was an apple in his mouth. He slowly removed it to speak, chewing the bite in his mouth between words.

"H-Hey, jefe... No hard feelings? I know I should. I mean, you did shoot me, yanno."

"Yeah, and I'm about to again, shithead. What are you doing in my house?"

Vega gestured wordlessly to the woman in Kaidan's arms. Kaidan swallowed and glanced down at her, not wanting to believe it. "She's been letting you into my house? For what?"

Vega snorted and made a crude gesture with his hands. Kaidan grit his teeth and stalked past Vega to placed Nora down on the couch. He sat down on the edge by her hips and brought a blanket around her. He didn't look at Vega, but he knew the other man was watching. Somewhere, buried deep down, Kaidan felt incredibly hurt by this revelation. He wasn't entirely sure why. He certainly didn't have any sort of claim to her. And if she was sneaking someone into his house to have sex, she obviously didn't want him to have a claim. "Well, she clearly doesn't need you right now. Get out."

Vega gave another derisive snort and folded his arms over his massive chest. "No offense, hombre, but I think I'll wait for her to tell me to –"

"Unless you want another bullet in your lung, I suggest you get the fuck out of my house. This time I won't let you live."

Kaidan didn't move as he spoke. He didn't even raise his voice. But it was sharp and clear, and silenced Vega mid-sentence. The larger man scowled at Kaidan, before turning promptly on his heel and striding out the door. Only then did Kaidan get up and shut the front door with a click. He locked it and activated the alarm system. He stood at the door for who knows how long, staring at her sleeping form.

She doesn't want you. She doesn't need you.

And he believed it.

He turned to leave, to find something to distract his overly-active mind, but then the sound of her shifting on the couch got his attention. She gave a quiet, sleepy moan and sat up. "What happened?"

"Vega was here. In my damn house."

"…Oh." Her voice was very small. Silence dragged on between them.

"I thought that –" What did he think? He wasn't even sure himself. He stared at her, scowled at her, hands fisted in the pockets of his jeans. He felt raw, skinned alive. Everything hurt, and he hated it. "If you needed a boy toy, you could have told me. I'm an adult. You didn't need to do this behind my back. You didn't need to lie."

"W-what did he say to you?"

"Does it matter? You let a stranger into my house, and you lied to me again."

"I'm sor –"

He cut across her fiercely. "I've had enough apologies, thanks. I just want this shit over with so I can go back to my life." And he stalked from the room without another word. He entered his bedroom and slammed the door shut, shaking the walls with the force. He pressed his forehead against the wood of the door with a stifle groan. He needed sleep, to recuperate, to reset his brain. He ripped off his shirt and the pants came next, and he tripped and stumbled into the bed, leaving a trail of shed clothes in his wake. His head hit the pillow and he knew no more.

He regained consciousness slowly, different sensations coming to his attention one at a time. He felt the crisp bed sheets beneath his fingers, could smell the detergent on them. He heard outside noises of cars passing by. He sat up slowly, running a hand through his sleep-tousled hair, and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of his bedroom.

With a start, he realized there was someone else in the bed with him. It was a wonder he was even surprised anymore.

Nora slept peacefully, stretched out on her back with one arm thrown over her face. She was wearing his sweatshirt, he realized, the red one that he never really wore any more. She was wearing little else, and he couldn't really be surprised anymore. Kaidan just looked at her for a long minute, hating himself for getting wrapped up in this. For getting wrapped up in her. As much as he still hurt, he couldn't bring himself to stop caring. He was going to burn, he knew, but at least he could spend his last years tormenting himself with her.

He leaned down, bracing his forearms against the mattress beside her. He reached out and touched her forearm.

"Hey."

She shifted a little, and with a sleepy sigh, she opened her eyes and looked up at him from under her long lashes.

"Hey yourself," she replied and he could barely make out her smile in the almost pitch black of his bedroom. His thumb grazed over the scratches along her forearm.

"I'm… sorry about what I said before. But you aren't a prisoner here. If you need… guests," he managed to say the word instead of snarling it, "just let me know. No more sneaking around."

She was silent for a long minute, before nodding. "Okay."

The moment dragged on, and they simply looked at each other in the darkness. She sighed and stretched. He stared. And then Kaidan pushed himself up off the mattress and stood. Nora propped herself up on her elbows to watch him in the darkness. He could feel her gaze on him as he pulled on his trousers and buttoned them. She made a quiet noise of disapproval. He smiled, but somewhere deep down, he knew this familiarity would need to end. It was too difficult, too complicated now.

"Thank you, again. For getting me out of Apollo's. I just wish I didn't keep fucking it up, though."

He pulled a Spectre shirt on, and moved to the side of the bed she was laying on. "Don't mention it." He held out a hand to help her up. He knew he just wanted to touch her again. He was pathetic.

She accepted his hand gratefully and stood, but her foot caught the blankets and she stumbled against him with a sharp cry of surprise.

His arms came around her automatically, to steady her while she found her footing. And then she lifted her head and she was so close. Kaidan didn't want to admit to himself how much he enjoyed it, the feeling of her pressed against his chest, her warm breath ghosting across his face. Her nose brushed against his as she spoke softly.

"What would I do without you?"