House Targaryen

Arya

"Does this red dress look better on me? Or the blue?" asked Sansa, holding up two dresses. Arya didn't want to go to this stupid wedding, she had no interest in stupid weddings. Jory Cassel, she'd always pegged him for not being into marriage, but there he was, marrying some girl from across town named Lafonda McRae.

"A bag would look better over your face." said Arya,

"I'll go with red." said Sansa contemptuously. "You need to put a dress on."

"Uh, how about no."

"Uh, you can't wear jeans."

"Uh, what about a pantsuit?"

"Uh, you don't own one, just put on this blue dress."

"I can't, you're way fatter than me."

Sansa smacked her sister in the head, Arya grabbed a purple dress out of her closet, her mom had bought it for her a year ago for Sansa's confirmation and it still fit.

"Now you look better, just brush your damn hair and put some lip gloss on."

"HOW ABOUT YOU GET DAD TO BUY YOU A NEW FACE, HE BUYS YOU EVERYTHING ELSE!" Arya screamed, launching herself across the room and latching onto Sansa's head. "BITCH!" Sansa shook her off and Arya landed on the floor.

"I'm not going to get mad." said Sansa, "I always do this before my time of month."

"EW! GROSS!" Arya yelled, plugging her ears as Sansa attacked her head with a hairbrush,

"STOP SQUIRMING!"

"STOP BRUSHING!"

Catelyn opened the door,

"Girls, play nicely, we don't want to get Rickon worked up before Dany gets here."

"Why isn't Rickon coming? Bran is."

"Rickon's too little for weddings."

"I heard my name." said Bran, he had a suit on and a combover.

"AHHHHH, MY BABY LOOKS SO HANDSOME!" Catelyn squealed, pinching Bran's cheeks until they turned red, Rickon came over in his footie pyjamas, he was riding ShaggyDog and he had hot chocolate and Cheeto dust dribbled down the front of his onesie.

"When's 'A-nerys comin'?"

"Rickon's got a girlfriend." Bran teased, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"She'll be here soon, muffin." said Catelyn. Rickon rode ShaggyDog into the living room and jumped onto the carpet to watch The Backyardigans. As if on cue, Dany opened the door,

"Hiii!"

"'A-NERYS!" Rickon squealed,

"CAB'S HERE!" Ned yelled from the kitchen,

"Ohhh, crap, We'll have to get Arya fixed up in the car."

Arya passed Dany on the way out, "If I call, come pick me up."

Daenerys.

"So, Rickon, what do you want to do?"

"Do you gotta boyfriend?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Your eyes are pretty."

"Thank you, that's very sweet."

"Your hair is pretty..."

"Okay-"

"Can you stay here forever?"

...

Catelyn

Catelyn.

The reception started at around eight. For whatever reason, Cersei and Robert were there with Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen. Tommen and Bran ran away to go play in the hotel bathrooms so Catelyn and Cersei were lumped together.

"It was sweet of Joffrey to give Irri her carrots back." Said Catelyn

"I told him to. Can't have the Khatchadourians hating us now can we."

"I think what you need is coffee."

"No, I don't drink coffee, it makes you hyper and tastes like rat poop."

Robert came over,

"So, you little hens…"

"Don't call me that." Said Catelyn.

"Anyway, Ned and I are gonna go across the street and get hammered, so that's where we'll be if you hens are looking for us."

"BAWK BAWK BAWK!" Cersei squawked like a chicken,

"You're so sexual when you make obnoxious screeching sounds." Said Robert, "See ya, hens."

Once Robert was gone, Cersei made a face, "I hate him."

"What you need is coffee and a girls night out, I'm telling you, I could put aside our problems if you would just loosen up."

"No, I hate that man. I fantasize about throwing him out our penthouse window. If he didn't own Westeros Pines I'd surely get rid of him."

"You're crazier than I thought."

"I'm a crazy screaming hen. How much arsenic would it take to-."

"Hello mother." Said Myrcella.

"Heyyy Miss Mousey! What do you want, I was in the middle of a conversation if you couldn't tell..."

"It would make me ever so happy if you could RESTRAIN ARYA FOR TWO SECONDS."

"Oh, shit." Said Catelyn,

"Yeah oh shit, she's making a horrible mess and Sansa already passed out!"

"What's she doing?" said Catelyn with her head in her hands,

"Well, it all started when Joffrey said that girls don't fart, so she sat on his lap and farted, so he threatened to sic Cheesy on her, so she ran away and stole some tequila, she's dancing in the chocolate fountain right now." Myrcella whimpered, "It took all I had not to cry."

Catelyn started across the reception to her daughter, Arya was in the chocolate fountain, trying desperately to twerk and failing, Sansa was out cold on the ground and Joffrey was passed out a few feet away, Jory ran over,

"I'm so sorry, Catelyn, I thought if I let her have a few shots of tequila she'd stop scowling, I didn't think this would happen, oh God, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, hon, ARYA MAISIE STARK, YOU GET OUT OF THERE THIS MOMENT, OR I WILL EXTEND YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR THE DEER FIASCO!"

"I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU, MOM, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME! I- WHOA-" Arya slipped and hit the floor with a wet, chocolaty squish, Bran and Tommen ran over and started licking her,

"Wow, Bran, your sister's good!"

"That's what she said!" said Bran sassily, winking into the middle distance at no-one.

...

Daenerys.

Dany carried sleeping Rickon to his room at around nine, he was actually pretty cute when he wasn't covered in a colourful assortment of snack foods. He and ShaggyDog were snoring when there was a knock on the door, Dany answered and saw Theon outside. She slammed the door in his face.

"OKAY, CAN YOU TAKE A BREAK FROM BEING AN EVIL BITCH FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR?"

"YOU ARE NOT COMING IN, I'M BABYSITTING!"

"Yeah I know, Robb told me."

"Then Robb's an asshole, go away, I'm pretty sure Drogo would let you into his apartment with open arms, HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY RESPONSIBILITY, I'LL CALL HIM NOW!"

"I already tried his apartment, he kind of answered the door and slammed it halfway through his sentence... apparently Irri found out it was Joffrey who had the carrots, and, well, let's just say shit hit the fan for real."

"Just go home, Theon."

"I can't, Yara completely lost her shit when she found out I was smoking weed."

"That was oregano."

"Psh, who gives a seed..." Theon busted the door open. "Now, if you don't mind-"

"Oh, I mind."

"-I'm just gonna sit here and watch TV, hey, be a good little babysitter and go fix Daddy a pulled pork sandwich."

Dany seethed, then leapt onto the couch and started kicking Theon in the ribs,

"MAKE IT YOURSELF!"

"YOU ARE A VERY ANGRY LITTLE GIRL, YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD BE DATING JOFFREY INSTEAD OF DROGO, YOU SHOULD BE DATING SOMEONE WHO'S FULL OF ANGER JUST LIKE YOU, see, Drogo's just kind of muscular, he wouldn't kill anyone, well, maybe Viserys but let's face it, everyone wants to kill Viserys..."

Dany stopped kicking Theon and collapsed on the couch, "I'm about to call security on you, they let Jon off for the night to go to the wedding but I know Sam Tarly despises you with a passion." Dany made a grab at the phone but Theon took hold of her ankle and pulled her backwards.

"DON'T BE SO BITCHY!"

"If you wake Rickon up, I'll call my brother, and he'll come up here and kill you."

"I'm not scared of him!" Theon sang, jumping up and skipping into Robb's room, "COME GET ME, LITTLE BABYSITTER! COME AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!"

Dany ran after Theon, luckily she was pretty fast and tackled him to the carpeted floor of the hallway. "I'm gonna step on your face."

"You can sit on it."

"YOU! ARE! A! PIG!" Dany shrieked, slapping Theon in the face in between every word. "I hope you get your dick cut out, fucking idiot."

"You're kinda sexy when you threaten me... Does Drogo like his women mean?"

"I guess he does." Dany punched Theon in the stomach and shoved her knee into his crotch, "You are a dick dick dick dick dick dick dick!"

"You don't have to be so mean!" Theon pouted, "All I wanted to do was eat a sandwich and watch TV."

"Two things you can do in your own apartment."

"Maybe I'll go home when Yara calms down. But in the meantime-." Theon stood up, shoving Dany to the ground and sidling into the living room, "Hoarders is on."

"NO NO NO!" Dany screamed, jumping up and throwing her arms around Theon's neck,

"LET GO, YOU CRACKASS!"

"I WON'T! I WON'T I WON'T I WOOOON'T!" Dany looked into the living room and saw Rickon sitting on the couch, "Shit…"

"Stay away from my woman!" Rickon yelled, pointing a Cheeto-y finger at Theon, Dany let go,

"Rickon, sweetheart, it's bedtime. Get out of here, Theon…"

"I just need to watch Hoarders!"

"Ugh, fine, just sit there and be quiet."

…

Catelyn

The cab ride home was completely silent. Ned had told her he'd be back later with Robert, Arya was pouting and staring out the window, Jon and Robb were slightly drunk, Bran was asleep and Sansa was crying. Catelyn turned around in her seat,

"Arya, when we get home, I'm calling Aunt Lysa."

"No frickin' way, I am not goin' to Portland!"

"Just for a few weeks before school starts. When we get home, you are packing a bag- SANSA STOP CRYING! It's not that bad."

"YES IT IS!" Sansa sobbed, "Arya ruined everything! Lafonda's cousin was hitting on me and then Arya ruined everything! I hate her! She's a bigger asshole than Robb!"

"Hey!" Robb yelled, "How dare you compare me to Arya!"

Arya punched Robb in the leg with a chocolaty hand. Catelyn took out her phone, "I need to call Dany, kids, just don't yell."

…

Daenerys

The phone rang and Dany almost peed her pants. Theon was sitting on the couch watching Hoarders and crying, he'd made himself a grilled cheese and he kept whining 'Why do all my friends have girlfriends?!'. Dany answered the phone,

"Hello?"

"Hi sweetheart." Said Catelyn's voice on the other end, "We're on our way home, how's Rickon?"

"I just put him back to sleep, he woke up once but he's asleep now."

"Okay, good."

Catelyn hung up and Dany turned to Theon, "You need to get out of here."

"I don't think so. I'm out of ketchup and Susan's husband just told her that he'll think about moving back in if she admits to being a hoarder."

"You've seen that episode sixty times, you have it on your iPod."

"It's my favourite one, and ahhhh this part gets me every time…" Theon started to cry harder, "IT'S BEAUTIFUL! DON'T YOU AGREE?"

"No! It's not beautiful! Now get the fuck out of here."

Theon stood up. "Make me." Dany picked up a half of the sandwich and threw it out the door, Theon dove after it and she slammed the door before he could get back in. "DAENERYS TARGARYEN YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW AND LET ME IN SO I CAN FINISH HOARDERS!"

Arya threw the door open. She was covered with chocolate. Sansa followed her,

"Hi Dany, you're so lucky Viserys isn't a twelve year old girl." She sobbed, running into her room, Robb and Jon followed and finally Catelyn came in carrying sleeping Bran.

"Hi, hon, thanks for helping tonight, your money is just on that table there." Catelyn dropped Bran on the couch, "If you don't mind, I have to make a phone call."