House Targaryen

Sansa

The invitation came at 6 pm. Rickon dove at it like a bag of Cheetos and brought it back to the couch,

"Read it Robb! Read it read it read it!

Robb shoved Rickon aside, "Hello friends, please come to our Stark-Baratheon-Lannister-Targaryen party tomorrow evening at 4 in the Baratheon apartment. Come and celebrate all these years of Westeros Pines. Do not bring a plus-one as this party is exclusive to these four families. That means you, Viserys,don't think I don't see how you're always up on that Doreah-."

"Ew! Sinful!" yelled Rickon. Robb continued,

"Please don't bring food and RSVP Cersei if you are able to attend, you know my email address."

"Sounds pretty chill." said Bran, "Tommen probably knows where all the sugar is at."

"MOM!" Robb yelled, "I JUST GOT AN INVITATION-"

"DROP IT!" yelled Catelyn's voice from the other room, she ran into the living room, "Who's it from?"

"Cersei, read it."

Catelyn read the invitation, "Okay, I'll email her." The phone rang, "Shit- Hi, Lysa, oh... Hi Arya! How's Portland? Well, that's what you get for screwing around in a chocolate fountain. Okay, bye sweetheart." Catelyn hung up, "Arya is happy in Portland for the next week."

"That's good to hear." Said Jon,

"Yeah." Said Robb, "We punished her enough sending her away to Portland with Aunt Lysa. I think Sansa misses her."

"I don't." said Sansa, "She's annoying and it's nice to have a break from her."

"Don't be a mean spleen." Rickon scolded, "Arya is a bleen tween."

"Ohhh Ricky-baby." Catelyn gushed, "You don't make any sense ever."

"Wow, it's nice to know everyone values me so much around here." said Bran, cuffing Rickon in the face. "I feel so so so chill about myself now."

Daenerys

Viserys was sifting through the mail when she got into the apartment.

"Aw Christ." He whined, "Another Stark-Baratheon-Lannister-Targaryen party? The last one of those ended in disaster."

"Who died?" Dany inquired, Viserys jumped a foot off the couch and threw the mail in the air,

"HOLY FRIDGE, WHERE WERE YOU?"

"…the pet store." Dany lied.

"Don't lie to me, D'naynay."

"You're becoming Doreah."

"You were with that stranger."

"It wasn't just the two of us… Theon was there."

"Oh yeah, just the boy who I want to mediate my sister's relationship, the kid who thought it would be a good idea to SWALLOW A TACK."

"He's recovering from surgery at the Khatchadourian apartment because Yara needed to borrow his room because her water polo team is staying over, I don't know why."

"The Khatchadourians hate Theon, he groped Irri that one time, remember?"

"Oh, right. Never heard the end of that."

Viserys did an impression of Irri's voice, "THAT LITTLE BITCH NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP SOMEWHERE, IT IS KNOWN."

"So what's this party anyway?"

"The last time one of these happened, some Stark nobody knows about lost a hand. It's a party for only Starks, Baratheons, Lannisters and Targaryens, because all those families have lived in Westeros Pines since like the 20s."

"So it's tomorrow?"

"Yeah, you need to dress nice, there might be some hot Lannister cousins there."

"I'm in a relationship, thank you very much."

"No Khatchadourians allowed at the party! Ha!"

"What do you want me to wear?"

"I don't know, it's your choice, you're not two anymore, but seriously, if you don't look completely adorable, I'll… scream."

…

Sansa

The Stark family arrived at the party early. Cersei opened the door in a red bra and yellow panties, she screamed and covered her eyes,

"GET OUT! GET OUT YOU SEEDS!" She shouted, not closing the door,

"We're not in." Jon sassed, "Just close the darn door."

"Aint!" yelled Cersei, "I ain't gonna shut this door, you get out, I'm naked! Alright fine, come on in, the only snacks we have out right now are nuts and a few cans of Mello Yello that Robert picked up on his little trip to Wisconsin last month, he was drinking his way through the state you know… insubordinate drunk." Cersei muttered under her breath, "Anyway, make yourselves at home, but don't sit on anything and don't touch anything, my father spent a lot of good dollars on all the Lannister heirlooms, such as this, uh, cup, and this bowl… oh and this gravy boat, and this beeee-you-tiffle vase, see, you can put a flower or two or six in there…"

"Psst!" said a voice from behind a table, "PISTY-PISTY-PSST!" Theon poked his head out, "Robb and Jon and Sansaaaa!" he whispered, "Come to the washroom, and be quiet about it."

Robb, Jon and Sansa followed Theon into the washroom,

"Why the fuck are you here?" Jon squealed, "No Greyjoys allowed!"

"Yeah, about that, see, there I was at Drogo's, right? And Dany came over, so Drogo was all like, 'Get out so I can make intercourse with this mean, evil woman who hates Theon'-."

"He didn't say that."

"Yeah, I made that part up, but he did kick me out, so I panicked because Yara's having a water polo party and I was still a titch delirious from all the painkillers I'm on so I ran up here! Yippee! Home Free? How 'bout Home Nope! I realized, shit, there's a party here! So I hid."

"How did anyone not notice you?"

"They weren't home. The door was wide open though and I was admiring that Lannister gravy boat."

"You need to get out before somebody sees you, Cersei takes this party way too seriously."

"Ooh, idea!" Theon shrieked, "I'll pretend to be your cousin Threon!"

"Oh, Christ."

"Yeah, see, these sunglasses…" Theon put on a pair of sunglasses, "will hide my identity. Call me Threon Stark."

"Oh yeah." said Robb, "Yeah, you should have a Southern accent."

"Yeah." Said Theon in a horrendously fake Southern accent, "They'll never guess." He made his way out into the party, "Howdy, Myrcella." He said as Myrcella passed by, leading Cheesy on a leash.

"That's a pretty chill Stark cousin you got there." She whispered, "I hope he's single."

Sansa, Jon and Robb went back out into the party, Dany came over, she was wearing a dress that looked like it belonged at a wedding reception or graduation or something.

"Aww, don't we look adorable." Jon remarked, "Too bad your brother is dressed like a depressed Urban Outfitters employee."

"Viserys wants me to attract a hot Lannister cousin, so he made me dress like this. Oh, and is Cersei going to put clothes on?"

"I think she might when Renly shows up. She hates him enough to put clothes on."

"Does she think she's doing anyone a favour by not wearing clothes? She's had three kids, it's not something anyone wants to see."

Viserys ran over, his face was purple, "Hey, kids, hi, I need help, how do you unsend an email from an iPhone? Like, I need an answer within two seconds."

"You can't." said Sansa, "It's impossible."

"Shit. Awww shit shit shit, see, I was emailing Doreah, and things got kind of spicy, and I accidentally sent a particularly spicy one to the wrong email address. Sexy-Babe-LanLan ."

"Who the fuck is Sexy-Babe-LanLan?" Robb started to laugh,

"Cersei LanLan, you imbicile. Doreah's email address is Sexy-Babe-Flaxseed. Well, I guess I'm screwed. I'm sorry, Dany, you're gonna have to move in with the Starks."

…

After a few hours, everyone had shown up at the party, Joffrey's uncle Tyrion had passed out under the kitchen table and Cersei had her kids all lined up at the door, greeting everyone. Joffrey came over to where Sansa, Dany, Robb, Jon and Theon were.

"Oh, joy, we've been visited by the leader of the Titsy Bitch Parade." Theon quipped in his fake Threon accent, he adjusted his sunglasses,

"I know it's you under those shades, Theon."

"I'm THREON STARK."

"You're not smart." Said Joffrey, his eyes glazing over with contempt, "I need to take a break from being a good little son." He sat down on Sansa's lap, "milady."

"You smell like… perfume… Are you wearing eyeliner?"

"Yeah, my mom said I had to look presentable and she had Myrcella dress me up."

"That would explain the bow in your hair." Dany sassed,

"LISTEN UP, YOU LITTLE… SPOONHEAD."

"Spoonhead?"

"Yeah, your hair's all silver, like a spoon."

"It's a genetic deformity. All Targaryens have it."

"All two. You and your brother are the only Targaryens left. The rest are dead!"

Dany squinted contemptuously at Joffrey and then ran away in tears.

"YOU DICK! YOU SET HER OFF!" Jon screamed,

"It's not my fault her whole family is dead!"

"Okay, let's not talk about this, it's mean to talk about around Dany and it makes me sad." Sansa whined. "So, Theon, how about your alter-ego."

"Drogo's hair is so pretty, if he was a girl I'd marry him for that hair."

"WHAT IS YOUR OBSESSION WITH THE KHATCHADOURIAN FAMILY? WHY?" Robb shouted,

"Chill it, bro, you're still my bro, but I follow the religion of Drogoism."

"I'm texting him right now and telling him you said that."

"I love the ladies but Drogo has female hair and he'd be smokin' if he had tits."

"I accept you, Theon, love is love but your obsession is getting creepy, I overheard Jhiqui and Irri discussing a restraining order because of how you're always at their apartment and how you groped Irri and threatened to come into Jhogo's room when he's sleeping and draw a tiny moustache somewhere on his body if he didn't stop blowing his nose." Jon complained. "Oh and you also pasted a picture of your face to the inside of their front door with the caption 'Theon sees you Armenians all day and night'."

"You shoulda seen that kid's face when I said the moustache thing, he was so scared."

"Exactly, he's ten, you can go to jail for that." Said Jon, "I'd be scared too."

"Okay, bros, Drogo feels bad for me, it's so perfect."

"Why is everyone supposed to feel bad for you?" Joffrey yelled, "How horrible is your life, son?!"

"…I'd rather not talk about it." Theon whispered, taking off his sunglasses and frowning,

"Okay, okay, let's not ask Threon anymore questions." said Robb, "God, just hitting all the sensitive topics tonight, aren't we? Put your sunglasses back on, Threon."

"I am Threon." Threon whispered in his Southern accent, slowly placing his sunglasses back on his face, "Pardner. I just gave myself a hernia."

Sansa tried not to laugh, she refused to let anyone know Theon was actually making her laugh. He wasn't even funny. He was a fricking idiot. Myrcella cartwheeled over the back of the couch.

"Hey, big kids."

"Myrcella, get out of here, you little shist." Joffrey barked, "You can't sit here."

"I don't mind." Said Sansa, "As long as my dad doesn't pass out under there with y'all's uncle."

"Tyrion's kind of a bitch." Myrcella giggled,

"Oh sheesh y'all, gotta hide, Jaime Lannister's givin' me a weird look." Said Theon, he hit the floor and laid there. Robb patted his head. "Let's play Spin the Bottle again, it was so chillful at Sansa's party."

"You hated that party, you were forced to kiss Arya."

"Other than that it was chill as fridge!" Theon squealed,

"Oh, yeah, your voice, don't let it get to that octave." Jon complained, plugging his ears, "You sounded like a mouse in a meat grinder, you sounded like Joffrey at the grocery store."

"Sorry pardner." Theon said in his Threon accent. Dany came back over, her mascara was running,

"Are we friends now-?" Joffrey began, Dany cut him off when she whipped him in the face with her shoe. "Guess not."

"You're a complete ass, Joffrey, the lowest of all the dicks in the world-…" Jon snapped, "I would lock you in a room with a bunch of wasps, you fucking-."

"Jesus, Jon, anger." Sansa whispered,

"I ship Daniella and Jonald." said 'Threon'. "They are both hating of Jeffrey. Sonja, Bob. Heehee, that's Sansa and Robb in Threon talk. I need to excuse my Southern Stark self." Theon stood up and skipped into the washroom.

"You were so out of line Joffrey…" Jon growled, "So out of line, you make me sick, how dare you talk about something so out of line, you make me want to puke."

"Calm down, Jon." said Dany, "Seriously, the last time this party happened, someone lost a hand, do you want it to happen again?"

Jon was silent.