Chapter 5

Ace had got up from the bench, took hold of Devon's hand and walked with him towards the open door of the guest house.

They had met with the woman who owned the place, and she had explained the Doctor had booked their rooms on the top floor, and handed them keys.

As Ace and Devon headed for the stairs, Ace kept her voice low as she giggled.

"Separate rooms? I'm with you!"

And he smiled, gripping her hand a little tighter as they began to climb the stairway.

Halfway up he paused, taking a rest to get his breath back.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I wish you'd stop asking that question!"

"But you were really ill when we found you – maybe the Professor's right, maybe you should go to the medical centre, just be be sure you're okay."

"I said I'm fine and I meant it – I'm okay for now, if I get any problems I will definitely contact the medical centre but for now, there's no need. I just want to enjoy myself, is that too much to ask?"

And as she looked into his eyes, she felt awkward, unsure of how to answer the question.

He looked well, completely recovered from his ordeal now. But it had happened so fast and she couldn't help but wonder if he really was as well as he believed himself to be...

"Devon, the Professor usually knows best. And I really don't want you to get ill. I think you should get checked over just to be safe."

"I'm not doing it today!" he exclaimed, holding on to her hand as they started to climb the stairway again, "I want to rest, I want to get used to this new planet, and I want to be with you."

He sounded weary all of a sudden, but Ace put that down to the fact that he was simply weary of her questions, and she fell silent.

They reached the top of the stairs and began to walk down the carpeted hallway, searching for the rooms the Doctor had booked.

The Doctor was on his back and he gave a sigh as a cool breeze shifted through the room, cooling the heat from his skin.

"I wish I had more moments like this in life," he said softly, looking up at the ceiling as an overhead fan turned but not nearly fast enough to completely cool the room.

Laura was beside him, they were both together in tangled sheets after he had taken her to bed and frantic, impatient lovemaking had followed.

He had tried to take it slow but after he slid off his tie and she reached for his shirt, their clothes had been off in moments and were now in a messy heap on the floor, as if her uniform was trying to spoon his jumper and her underwear was happy to be nestled inside his upturned hat.

She shifted closer to him and turned on her side and he looked into her eyes and smiled, seeing the flush that had spread through her face was still present, a left over from their love making.

"I wish we could live every day like this," he said to her, "But life is never perfect..."

And the sparkle in her eyes faded as she looked at him.

"What do you mean? We make each other happy, what's wrong with that?"

And again the Doctor thought of Ace.

He looked into the eyes of the woman he had spent a warm afternoon making love to, and suddenly the weight of his secret was too great to carry alone.

He had not known her long but he knew her well enough to have the measure of her – Laura could be trusted.

Yes, he could tell her...

"Are you close to Devon Travis?" he asked her.

She laughed softly.

"Close? Why would I be close to him? I worked security, he was a scientist! I saw him sometimes at the coffee machine. He was funny at the Christmas party when he got drunk. And he always used to say good morning to everyone. That's about all. Why?"

The Doctor was still watching the fan rotating as he took in a deep breath.

"Devon and Ace are getting closer. And when he broke into the power core to stop the countdown, he absorbed a fatal dose of radiation."

Laura stared at him.

"What? No, that can't be right – he's okay now."

"The particular type of alien radioactive material he was exposed to causes pain, mild burns initially – and then it fades away while it settles into the body. In a few days time, or maybe sooner, Devon will be in terrible pain as the radiation begins to attack his body – and where it attacks will be random, he had total exposure so it could destroy his vision, his ability to walk or speak, it could settle into bones or internal organs and start to destroy them. No one can predict how or when it will strike and he has zero chance of survival in the long term."

Laura drew in a slow breath as she considered all he had told her.

"That poor man..."

"And poor Ace. He knows everything, Laura – but he doesn't want the bubble to burst, he doesn't want the truth coming between him and all he's building with Ace. I've told him he must tell her the truth, but he keeps putting it off."

And he turned on his side and placed his hand on her hip as he looked into her eyes.

"I've not been the best friend you imagine towards Ace. I could have treated her with a great deal more fairness that I did in the past. I've often withheld knowledge from her, I admit it, I've been too secretive. But over the past couple of years I've learned to be more open with her. And I fear our friendship will be lost forever if she finds out I kept something as big as this from her."

"So tell her," Laura said, "You're worried about her, and she's got a right to know the truth."

The Doctor gave a weary sigh as he thought of his own opinion on the matter.

"But Devon is dying. It seems very wrong to step in and tell her when he should be the one doing that. And it doesn't matter what I say or when, Ace will always hold it against me that I kept her in the dark. I made her a promise, you see – no more secrets. That was a long time ago and I've broken that vow by saying nothing about Devon."

As he looked at her he was gently stroking her hip and the feel of his touch made her want to reach for him again, but she held back as she thought about the problem he faced.

"You're a Time Lord who's lived many lifetimes, and you're asking me for advice?" she said in surprise.

He looked at her apologetically.

"The passing of time," he told her, "Doesn't provide all the answers, nor can it ever provide the kind of wisdom to know how to deal with a situation like this, where there can never be a right answer. I see Ace smiling and happy and I see a light in her eyes like I've never seen before, and I know soon that joy will dissolve into grief and it's almost too much to bear."

Laura was thinking again of the scientist who always said good morning to her back at the research base.

"Poor Devon," she said again, "Maybe you shouldn't feel so bad about respecting his wishes – I mean, everyone dreams of finding the right one, of being happy forever. I know reality doesn't make it as easy as the fairytale, but we all want that. If he's found that at the end, maybe you should say nothing, just let them spend what time he has left together. I know you'll be there for her when the worst happens – how long does he have left exactly?"

As the thought had hit her, Laura's eyes had widened.

"And what about the radiation? Is Ace safe to get close to him?"

"Yes, of course she is. That particular type of radiation was chosen to protect the power core because it will be absorbed by every living thing inside the chamber if the seal was tampered with, and once absorbed it sinks into the body, it can't spread to others by contact."

"But he was the only person in there at the time."

"Exactly, Laura. He's taken a huge dose of alien radiation and there's no known cure. He's still hoping something will turn up – but that's wishful thinking. I think he knows that deep down inside but he doesn't want to face up to it. He has very little time left."

"But wouldn't you feel the same about the truth if you was in his situation?"

He looked into Laura's eyes.

"I think I already am running from the truth," he said, "I have been running for years one way or another, this situation is no different."

And as she looked at him she wondered what secrets hid behind his eyes, but her Time Lord lover was giving nothing away.

"Running, how?" she said softly.

His hand was stroking her hip again as his eyes darkened.

"It's a long story," he said in a low voice, and then, filled by the need for the comfort of her closeness, her shifted nearer to the warmth of her body and took her in his arms, silencing her questions with a kiss.

Further down the hallway, Devon grabbed at the bed post as he gave a gasp and pleasure flooded his senses.

"I love you Ace!" he gasped, and as his body trembled, he let go of the bed post and collapsed into her arms, their bodies warm and damp with sweat and room filled with the scent of their lovemaking.

Ace was breathless as she wrapped her arms around him and gently kissed him.

"I love you too, I've never been so sure about anything in my life...I know I love you."

Devon turned on his back and Ace turned on her side, resting her head on his shoulder.

He was still breathing hard as sweat ran from his skin – a little heavier than she had expected, but recalling how unwell he had been, she was not surprised at this.

He reached up and ran his hand over her hair.

"I wish I'd met you sooner."

"What matters is, we've met now, we've found each other."

"I know..."

His breathing was still coming in short, sharp bursts and he blinked away tears as he stroked her hair, thankful her head was on his shoulder and she didn't see the tears that glazed his eyes.

"If I'd met you sooner I could have spent longer with you," he whispered, "We could have had years -"

"Don't be silly!" Ace said, planting a gentle kiss on his chest as his breathing began to slow, "I spent years travelling through space and time. We couldn't have met until now."

She ran a gentle hand over his chest, smoothing away sweat that made his skin glisten, and settled her head against his chest once more, listening to the beating of his heart as it slowed to a normal beat once more.

"I feel as if I've waited all my life for you," Devon said softly as his hand swept over her hair again, "I mean, there's been other women, of course – but I just knew when I looked at you – I knew I'd wasted my time with all the others...all of them over the years, none compared to you, and I knew I was right the first time I kissed you."

"And now we've got all the time we need," Ace said, and as she raised her head from his chest and looked at him, she saw tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said as sadness choked his voice, "I'm just thankful for you. Believe me when I say you will never know how thankful I am, Ace."

And then he pulled her into a tight embrace and Ace held on to him, saying nothing as he gave a muffled sob as emotion over came him and he buried his face in her hair.

It was late in the afternoon when the Doctor was dressed once more and ready to leave the room.

He straightened his paisley tie and looked into the mirror, into his own eyes, and then he caught sight of Laura reflected over his shoulder. She was also up and dressed and she was smiling at him, and he briefly smiled back, even though as he cast a second glance into the mirror he hated the look in his own eyes:

He was deceiving Ace, he was holding back the truth and even though he had shared that with Laura, it wasn't enough.

He needed to talk to Ace...

"I'm ready to go," Laura said, "Are we having dinner here at the guest house?"

"No," he replied, "We're going out. I won't bother to disturb Ace, she's probably with Devon. I'm going to leave them alone for now. I don't doubt they're having a happy time together – I don't want to be the one who destroys that."

And he turned to her and saw understanding in her eyes.

He put on his hat and picked up his umbrella.

"Let's take a walk along the beach and see where it leads," he said, "I feel like leaving everything behind for a while."

And he unlocked the door, and they left the room together.

Devon laughed as he wrapped his arms around Ace and kissed her.

She set down her hairbrush on the dressing table and looked at him with a playful expression in her eyes.

"I'm trying to get ready, I can't go down for dinner looking like I've been -"

"Making love all afternoon?" he said softly, and kissed her fondly.

Like Ace, he was also dressed and ready to leave, but his hair was still damp from a shower that had taken much longer than expected, because they had taken that shower together, kissing under the warm water and then making love as the steam rose in the bathroom.

He picked up the brush and ran it over his dark hair, and then handed the brush back to her.

"So, what's the plan for this evening? How about a nice walk along the beach as the sun sets? I never thought I'd get the chance to see an alien sunset...now I can't wait for it!"

"I think if we go left away from here and take the path it leads to a promenade, I saw it a bit further down the coast when we arrived here."

Devon smoothed down his jacket and then checked the time on his new gold watch.

"We could go now, we've got an hour before dinner. Or we could find somewhere to eat while we're out. What do you think, Ace?"

She smiled.

"I want a beach and a sunset with you," she said warmly.

He took hold of her hand.

"Then the beach it is!" he announced, and they left the room and he paused to lock the door, and then they walked along the hallway, reached the stairway and went down it together.

As Ace and Devon walked away from the guest house, taking the sand-blown road that led to a winding path the snaked up the hillside to overlook the sea, the warm air blew salt off the tide and the sound of waves sighing to shore filled the air.

"This is lovely," she said as they walked, "I could stay here forever with you."

Devon glanced at her.

"I'd like that more than anything," he said quietly, and then as he caught a questioning look in her eyes, he said no more and the made their way up the slope.

At the top the pathway was sandy and covered either side by parched sea grass, the sun was dipping lower and the water below ran peacefully in a sighing ripple to yellow sands, like rolls of silk turning in and out in a soothing rhythm.

As they walked along Devon thought about her hopes for a future that could never be, and he looked at her, and she smiled at him, and so he smiled back, not wanting to say the words that would shatter everything forever in a way that would see nothing being the same again...

"So, you didn't have a wife back on Earth?" Ace asked him.

"No," he replied, "I have no one to go back to even if I could – I was on my own. And that life is gone, I have to let go of it because this is my reality now and I know I have to make the most of that. I'm one of the lucky ones, so is Laura – that base will be burned to the ground, the bodies reduced to ash. The Doctor told me what will happen – the cover up – I'll be presumed dead anyway. I'm just thankful I'm not, I'm glad I survived."

Then they stopped walking. Devon was slightly breathless and he caught a flicker of concern in her eyes that he quickly dismissed with a smile.

"That was quite a climb! Let's sit down for a while and look at the sea, it's so beautiful."

And he sat down on the grass and she sat beside him as they looked out to an alien ocean that didn't look any different to the waters of Earth, except that here the sea was deep blue with no trace of pollution.

While Ace and Devon were sitting by the sea, the Doctor and Laura were not far behind, but the Doctor's pace had been much slower as he walked along deep in thought.

Laura kept stopping to watch sea gulls dip and weave in the late afternoon sky as sunlit water sparkled lighting the surface of the sea as if it were diamond-scattered, but the Doctor's thoughts were still with Ace and a seemingly impossible situation.

And then he stopped walking, leaning against an old, low, wooden fence as he looked out across the beach where calm waters rolled to a flawless yellow shore.

"I've come up with a plan," he said, "And I don't like it but it's the best way. I'm going to tell Ace its time to leave."

And he turned his head, and he saw Laura was staring at him in disbelief.

"You're going to tell her to get back in the Tardis and just go? You can't do that, she loves the guy! You can't expect her to just walk away from him!"

And the Doctor gave a weary sigh.

"I know that and I will hate myself for it, but if he won't tell her the truth I have to protect her somehow."

"But you won't tell her yourself."

Guilt flickered in his eyes.

"How can I without losing her friendship? She knows I understand the nature of the radiation and its effects. I've kept a lot of secrets from her during my travels – a lot of things I didn't have to keep silent about, but it's just my way. I wanted her to learn, to work things out for herself – but I guess there's a world of difference between what I think is acceptable as Time Lord and what she finds acceptable as mortal human being. Perhaps some lessons have been too harsh. I only ever wanted to do right by her, but she won't see it that way, not when she finds out about this. She'll never forgive me for not telling her about Devon."

Laura had heard all he had said, and disagreed with much as she wondered why he had felt the need to keep so many secrets in the past, but she could only touch the surface of this situation, no one could get inside the mind of a Time Lord as old as the Doctor and understand his reasoning, he was the only one who knew his true motives...

There was a question she wanted to ask, one she had touched on before but now she recognised it as a dangerous one:

Do you love Ace?

Laura felt sure his fear of losing her had to stem from a fear far deeper than losing a close friend. While they had been in bed, wrapped in damp sheets and sharing kisses, he had told her much about his many lives and she guessed Ace had to mean more to him than just a friend for him to fear losing her so deeply. The Doctor had enjoyed the company of many companions over the centuries, some friends, others lovers – all had left one way or another eventually.

But he deeply feared losing Ace McShane...

"But she won't just leave Devon!" Laura exclaimed, "Think about it, Doctor – would you walk away from someone you loved?"

The Doctor thought of Ace.

"No," he said in a low voice, and then he looked back out to sea, falling silent as he kept his thoughts and secrets locked away firmly in twin hearts that rarely opened up to reveal the truth of the matter in its entirety to anyone.

Ace and Devon were still sitting on the grassy bank, looking out at a view of the sinking sun in a pink and golden sky that made the water below it glitter in a rainbow of colour.

"I'm going to tell the Professor I'd like to stay here with you," she said as she watched the sunlight dance on calm water, "If he doesn't like the idea, maybe we could both stay on with him , how do you feel about seeing a bit more of the universe?"

"Does that universe involve the possibility of running into more Cybermen?"

"Hopefully not. I can't tell what we will come up against. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's fun. It's not all doom and gloom out there."

He turned his head and their eyes met.

"I don't want to leave this planet. I've lost Earth, I can never go back there and this place is the next best thing for me. In some ways it's even better, cleaner, unspoiled – I could spend my last days here. But if the only way I can stay with you is to step back in that Police Box and go off into the unknown, I'll do it just to be with you."

Ace stared at him. For a moment no words passed between them as the sea washed fine sand and worn shells to shore on rolls of smooth white silk and it was the only sound that filled the air.

Then Ace started to smile.

"You'd really do that for me?"

He smiled too and nodded.

"You bet I would!"

And then he coughed hard, catching his breath.

"Are you okay?"

Ace sounded worried again, and he hated to know that, so he got up quickly, ignoring the searing pain that had shot through his stomach and was now fading out, leaving him feeling light-headed.

He took her hand and she got up too and they began to walk along the pathway once more.

"So," he said, "Where's this promenade?"

"Left," she replied, pointing up ahead where the pathway turned.

"We go left then."

"Right," she replied, and he looked at her as amusement dance his eyes.

"Left or right. Ace? Don't confuse me, I'm lost now!"

And she laughed.

"You know what I mean, Devon!"

And he laughed too, and then he coughed again, so hard that he lost his grip on her hand.

"Devon?"

Nausea swept over him as pain throbbed and suddenly his throat was clogged up.

She saw a flash of panic in his eyes as he struggled to breathe, raising his hand to his mouth to cough again, and then as blood sprayed out, covering his hand and staining his lips as she gave a gasp.

"Devon?" she said again, placing her hands on his shoulders to steady him.

He drew in another breath, coughed again and more blood ran from his mouth as his face turned deathly pale and he sank to his knees, briefly clutching at his stomach as pain throbbed again.

"Get help..." he said breathlessly, and collapsed on the sandy pathway, coughing again as more blood ran from his mouth.

Ace looked left and right, and caught sight of the Doctor and Laura making their way up the path in the distance.

"Doctor!" she yelled, "Help!"

And the Doctor, who had been talking to Laura, looked up, saw her waving, and broke into a run.

Ace was on her knees beside Devon, who was on his side and pale and shaking. Blood had run from his mouth on to the path way and he was breathing heavily.

Ace was clutching his bloodstained hand as the Doctor and Laura arrived on the scene and she looked up at him with fear in her eyes.

"He just collapsed!" she said tearfully, "Do something, get some help!"

Devon drew in a slow breath, and then another, and looked up at the Doctor.

"Tell her for me..." he murmured, and slipped into unconsciousness.

Ace gripped his hand tighter as more tears filled her eyes and she looked up at him.

"Tell me what, Professor?" she said tearfully, "Tell me what?" but then Devon coughed again and Ace opened his mouth, clearing his airway.

"I'll go and fetch help!" the Doctor said, and turned and ran back down the pathway, as Laura followed, leaving Ace kneeling beside the man she loved as she gave a sob and clutched his hand and tearfully begged him to please hold on...