"Lionblaze, just click that little thing at the top right corner!"
"What little thing?"
"That button! The one at your right! It's the red one, geez!"
"But all of them are red."
"That's it, I'm gonna fire you if you can't even learn to use a camera!"
"I just learned about cameras three sunrises ago! How am I supposed to learn that fast?"
"JUST CLICK THE FREAKING BUTTON!"
"Ahem," Lionblaze clears his throat and stands in front of the camera. "Welcome to the Ask Jayfeather sh—"
"Lionblaze, this is my show! Get out of the scene!" Jayfeather snaps. Lionblaze groans and grumbles about not getting enough lines or something and heads behind the camera again.
Jayfeather is sitting in the leather chair in the middle of the room-stage.
"Now, welcome to the Ask Jayfeather show," he introduces, shuffling some papers with his paws on the desk. "We've got a few questions today so I may as well answer them now. Remember, you can send as many questions as you'd like. Seriously, spam if you want but I'm not saying I'd necessarily like it."
He turns to his brother/cameracat, and whispers, "Lionblaze, get the questions!"
The golden tabby scampers off-stage for a moment and returns with a stack of papers. He pants and settles down behind the camera again, tilting it slightly so it focuses on Jayfeather.
"First question," Lionblaze begins. "Someone named birdshadow the bold asks you if you like waffles."
"Waffles?" Jayfeather makes a thinking position and stares off at the ceiling to pretend he is. "The orange food?"
"Um, I'm pretty sure they're considered golden, Jay," Lionblaze whispers to him, but him standing just beside the camera makes his voice loud enough for the audience to hear.
"No… they're more of a light orange," Jayfeather retorts.
"No, golden!" Lionblaze argues back. "What kind of waffle is orange? Seriously!"
"Okay, on with the show!" Jayfeather exclaims, throwing his paws in the air. He turns back to look directly into the camera, giving a nod. "And I totally like waffles."
"THEY'RE RAD, YO!"
"Lionblaze, get back behind the camera!" Jayfeather snaps again. Lionblaze groans over-dramatically and sits down obediently.
"Next question," the grey tabby prompts.
"I should get paid more," Lionblaze muttered. The golden tom brightened up as he read the next one.
"LightningClanWarriorFernshade asks, and I quote: 'I have a question! Ok, so I know he is a medicine cat and stuff, but he HAS to like a certain she-cat in the clan, doesn't he? So who is it?' And then she put this smiley emoticon that looks like this—"
Lionblaze imitated the emoticon with a wide grin with his face right in the camera.
"Lionblaze…" Jayfeather growls in warning. The golden cat goes and stands back to his spot.
Jayfeather sighs as the question registers. "Why does everyone ask about this? I really, honestly don't like any cat in the clan. Not every cat needs a love interest, you know! And I don't have one. Never had, never will."
"Wait, what about that she-cat from the past that you told me about?" Lionblaze interrupts. "Er, what was her name? New Moon or something?"
"Half Moon!" Jayfeather corrects, a bit frustrated and seriously considering to fire his brother for another cameracat. "Not New Moon! What, have you still been reading the Twilight series?"
Lionblaze just smiles innocently at him.
"Wait…" Jayfeather eyes narrow. "How did you know about Half Moon? I didn't tell you that I… might've… kind of, might've, a teensy teensy tiny bit, liked her for a teensy teensy tiny while."
"Well, when you were asleep, you started mumbling things about—"
"Wait, what?!" Jayfeather's eye twitches and he looks like he's about to lunge out.
"Okay, next question!" Lionblaze laughs nervously and digs for the next one in the pile. "Hmm… Warriorfanwriter asks if you still miss Half Moon and if you wish you could love each other like mates."
Jayfeather sighs with a flash of longing in his eyes but he blinks and then it's gone and replaced with an indifferent expression.
"Well, I guess I still do miss her but I have more duties to tend to than spend my life hanging onto the memory of a dead she-cat," the grey tom says. "Maybe I did wish that we could love each other but now I realize that won't work, and it's not my main priority. Besides, I'm over her. Totally."
Lionblaze sighs. "Whatever you say, bro. Next question is from peaceloveandmooshrooms! First, do you like any she-cat? Second, why do you hate people ruining your herbs? And third, what is your opinion about elders?"
Jayfeather stares at the camera. "What is with them and me liking a she-cat? See above."
"Well, people are too lazy to scroll up again!" Lionblaze retorts. "Just answer! Come on, it's only one word."
"Fine…" Jayfeather gives in. "No. You guys have to understand that not every cat needs to find romance or something. And my love life is a failure, so there."
"Well, you're not exactly the most likeable, so…" Lionblaze trails off as he sees his brother glaring at him.
"Anyway, second question," Jayfeather continues. "I'm not sure about what you mean by "people", but if you mean cats ruining my herbs, it's because I worked hard to sort them and find them! If you have to work to find them and clean them and sort them, wouldn't you be irritated if some cat just messes it all up? Besides, herbs save cats and they're very important. Third question about elders… they're frustrating to deal with, that's what. Although Firestar was technically extremely old before he died too, but he was okay."
"Last question for today is from warriorcatsfan1!" Lionblaze says with a small smile. "They ask whether you prefer pancakes or waffles."
"Waffles for the win," Jayfeather exclaims. "Every cat knows that!"
"Ditto!" Lionblaze gives a paws up.
The grey tabby spins his chair around a bit to be directly facing the camera again and gives a small wave.
"That's it for now. If you want to know anything else, just submit your questions!"
Lionblaze grins widely into the camera before it shuts off to black.
"Lion and Jay, over and out."