"Please say something," Jane stepped forward. "Anything."

Maura shook her head and stepped backwards. Her head was spinning and her heart was pounding in her chest. "No."

"No?"

"You don't get to do this now, Jane." Maura was crying as she tightened her grip on herself. "Are you only doing this because you don't want me to be with Frankie?"

"I'm doing this because I decided that I finally needed to allow myself to be happy. I've spent my whole damn life trying to be someone who I wasn't just to make other people happy, and I'm tired of it, Maura," Jane cleared her throat as she stood in place. "I'm tired of being the person who is so caught up in what everyone else wants for me, that I deny myself of what I truly want."

Maura closed her eyes and said a silent prayer to a god that she didn't believe in, that her tears would stop streaming down her face. She needed to be strong within herself, she needed to gain control over what was happening.

"So why haven't you said something before now? Why leave it this late? You've never once indicated that you may even slightly be interested in women."

"Because I hated the fact that both of my brother's have fallen for you at some point, and both tried to take their feelings further, and yet here I am hiding my feelings from everyone, including myself, and I'm tired of being unhappy," Jane paused to collect her thoughts. Her heart hammered in her chest. She wasn't used to being so open and exposed, but god it felt good. "I'm almost 40; it's time to start living for me."

"You know," Jane began fumbling with her hands, running finger tips over scarred palms. "I've never been so scared in my whole life." She shook her head as a nervous laugh surfaced. "Do you know what it's like growing up with all these expectations?" Jane looked up and caught Maura's eye, the doctor was nodding as her focus remained on the floor. "Of course you do. I guess we both grew up in a household where our parents had certain expectations of us, whether they had been personal or professional." Jane moved forward and placed her hand gently on Maura's shoulder. "Come, sit."

Maura reluctantly moved with Jane and the two sat at opposite ends of Jane's couch.

"Do you know what my Ma said to me the first day that I got my period?" Jane turned her head and asked. "She clapped and danced about shouting that her little Janie was finally becoming a woman. I mean I was 15, I was late to the party, and all my friends at school had got theirs a lot earlier, so to fit in I began lying about having my period."

"That's an unfortunate thing to have to lie about, Jane," Maura finally spoke. "Menarche doesn't begin until all parts of the reproductive system have reached maturity and begin to work together. Just because you were 15 doesn't mean you were, as you put it "late to the party", all females start Menarche at different ages; although the average age in America is twelve and a half, you weren't too far behind, statistically speaking."

"Yeah well I wish I knew you back then just so you could have told my mother that, it would have saved us a trip to seeing several doctor's." Jane clasped her hands together and looked down at the floor. "When I was 15 I realized I developed my first crush," She paused and sighed. "Her name was Stacey Newman; she was 16 and dating my cousin Antony. She had the most amazing legs and the perkiest breasts." The detective blushed at the fond memories. "Antony's Mom, Aunt Gina saw me practically drooling over Stacey and told Ma. Ma didn't believe her of course, or at least that's what she told me."

"What happened?" Maura questioned, edging the detective to continue.

"Well that had all happened a week before my first period,"

"Your Menarche." The doctor corrected.

"Yes, my first period," Jane softly glared at Maura. "It was an avoided topic of conversation in our household, until that night...and I remember Ma beginning to talk about how one day I would find the most perfect boy and I will marry him, I'll change my name and birth his children, I'd become a good little house wife, just like Ma." She leaned back and sunk into the couch. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I had ambitions. I was caught between pleasing myself and making my parents proud. So I chose to do both but make sacrifices in the mean while. I'd become a detective, but I'd marry a guy. I would settle down and become a wife to a husband who loved and adored me. Even though," Jane's voice cracked as her eyes filled with fresh tears. "Even though I knew deep down that I would never be truly happy being with a guy. I did it to keep people happy, to stop people talking about me. I sacrificed my love life for the purpose of making my family happy."

"That's not healthy." Was all Maura could mumble.

"It actually became easy, Y'know? Until I discovered my feelings for you, everything was easy." The detective wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

"You would never have been truly happy, Jane."

"It hurts that my mother would accept either of my brothers dating you, and yet she wouldn't accept me dating you." Jane licked her dry lips and chewed her bottom lip. "Tommy moved past his crush on you; he has his life now. But what about Frankie?" She turned to eye the honey blonde who tilted her head at her question. "He has it so bad for you Maura, he's crazy about you. He's stubborn and he won't give up if he feels there is something there between you two. And now I'm torn between wanting the person I want, or allowing her to fall into Frankie's arms."

"And what about me, Jane? Do I get a say in all of this or do I settle as being the prize for whoever you decide gets to be with me?" There was anger in Maura's voice and that made Jane cringe. "I can't help that Frankie fell for me, I wish he hadn't but he has and I can't change that. I can't. Even if I didn't have feelings for you I wouldn't be with him. I see him as my brother, I see him as my family." Maura paused and sat analyzing Jane before she continued. "And Frankie needs to respect that. He needs to stop coming on to me, I've told him no. I have told him he is only a friend in my eyes; he is family." She sighed. "He's not the one I want, Jane."

The two women sat with silent tears falling down their cheeks. "Where does Casey fit in with all of this?"

"God he deserves so much better than me. He's a good man but we would never have worked out. I'm a detective...he's a soldier. We don't have jobs, we have careers. The only thing I was willing to sacrifice to be with him was my heart and my happiness. I was willing to ignore my feelings and force myself to settle down with him because I could love him; not because I was in love with him. If he wasn't making me choose between my career and him, I could have married him; I could have made everyone else happy."

"Except us." Maura whispered, nodded in understanding.

"It would have killed me if you fell for Frankie and began seeing him."

"Jane, it wouldn't have killed you." Maura tilted her head and raised her eyebrows to her best friend.

"No, Maura," Jane's bottom lip quivered as her eyes filled with fresh tears. "It would have killed me."

Everybody's been there,
Everybody's been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don't run, just stop holding your tongue.

Brave - Sara Bareilles.

Apologies for the short update, but at least it's something, yes?

30+ reviews on a first chapter? Whether they were good or 'bad' reviews, I thank you for making me smile and challenging me to think. You guys help me so much with my stupid doubt.

- MT.