Toshino Kyoko couldn't believe that she'd ever even considered the possibility that she wasn't gay. Seriously, what the heck had she been thinking? Girls were just so damn hot! So curvy, and cute, and wearing those tight little gym shorts whenever they weren't in those awesomely short little miniskirts… Kyoko giggled with excitement just watching them. Now if only she could get her hands on one...

The bow wearing blonde smiled to herself, her eyes raking over the female half of her class as they changed into their gym clothes. She totally should have applied for another all-girls school… Oh well, there was always university, right? Now that she knew her preferences she could angle for an all girls college or at the very least somewhere that had a lesbian bar nearby.

That talk with Yui on the train yesterday had been very refirming for her. Her best friend had not only been completely okay with Kyoko's preferences, but had known about it for longer than Toshino herself had! Damn, that had been a relief.

Those stupid bitches from yesterday who'd been bullying her and Ayano had been absolutely, one hundred percent, completely correct! Which somehow made all their insult and jabs seem… petty, somehow. It was like being insulted over being called a blonde when she clearly was one anyway.

Plus she was a genius, so what did she care if people called her dumb?

Taking that IQ test on a whim had been such a great idea. She was a proven genius now, so Yui couldn't call her an idiot anymore. She still did, which was strange because Kyoko was clearly brilliant, but that was probably more because of habit than ill intent.

Besides, being as smart as she was, Kyoko knew she had to make concessions for the lesser minds around her. She had to be patient while poor, old, small-brained Yui slowly absorbed and accepted that Kyoko was just as awesome as she'd always said she was.

"Dyke," one of the girls behind her hissed with a snicker. When Kyoko glanced over her shoulder, she saw that three girls sneering at her like they'd actually managed to beat her at something. As if they could ever hope to defeat the great mind of Nanamori All-Girls at anything!

A boost of confidence surged through her, and she grinned to herself. As the girls stepped past her towards the exit, she smacked the one who'd said that right on her lovely, round, and firm, butt.

The girl in question yelped in shock, before turning around to face Kyoko, looking red in the face. "Did you just spank me?!"

"Mmhm," Kyoko rolled forward a step, right into the girl's personal space.

"Hey, what?" The girl fell back a step from Kyoko, obviously too dumb to comprehend the sheer amazingness that was before her. Poor, little, small-minded bigot, the blonde thought to herself. I almost feel sorry for her.

Reaching out, Kyoko grabbed her boob. "Squish."

The girl shrieked, flinching back and cover her chest. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Sorry, I slipped," Kyoko beamed innocently.

"Like you did you damn, perv-" She broke off with a squeal when Kyoko bent down and pinched her thigh. "Stop doing that!"

"You're kinda pretty." Kyoko murmured. "In a 'I have totally average looks but I'm still working it' sort of way."

"...What do you mean average?!"

Kyoko frowned, taking a step back and peering at her face. "Yeah, you're right. Underneath the makeup you're kinda below average, actually."

The girl's breath hitched in her throat before she drew back her hand to slap Kyoko. This wasn't the first time Toshino had been slapped, so she recognised the signs and stepped back out of her reach easily.

The hand passed harmlessly through the air in front of her. Kyoko sighed and shook her head, "So you've got a niceish body, but a bad face and worse personality. Sorry, one out of three isn't good enough for me. I'm gonna have to turn you down."

"I wasn't asking you out!" The girl shouted, hands clenched into fists at her hips and leaning forwards as she screamed.

"Well then it's a good thing I stopped you before you did. I would have had to turn you down in front of the class, and that would have just been awkward for everyone, you know?" Stepping around the girl, Kyoko skipped out of the changing room, humming to herself happily.

It was fun being a genius.

"You know, it says something that your mum called me up to pick you up from detention." Yui muttered to herself as she and Kyoko walked down the school halls.

"It's not my fault," Kyoko pouted.

"You sexually assaulted another student." Yui growled and glared at her charge/best friend. "How is that not you're fault?"

"I thought it'd be okay."

"When was grabbing another students breasts ever okay?" Yui asked in exasperation.

Kyoko blinked before giving an answer that to Yui was very obvious in retrospect. "In middle school?"

"...Fair point. But you still should have known better." Yui fixed her friend with a glare. "It was funny back then, but now it's just creepy and traumatising."

"You're just jealous you didn't get to touch her boobies." Kyoko waved her off.

There was no fighting that logic, and Yui had known her best friend for long enough to know that trying was pointless. All she could do was sigh, shake her head, and hope she was there to stop it happening next time.

"It's pretty late, huh?" Kyoko frowned as they passed by a window. The sun's light had turned a deep golden red as it started to set over the horizon. The track and field were empty, and there was only one other student visible on school ground, already heading towards the front gate.

"All the clubs have already gone home," Yui confirmed.

"Huh. Detention was kinda fun, so it really didn't feel that long, ." Kyoko smirked to herself. "Mr Kajura fell asleep, so I just drew the entire time."

"Glad to see you learned from this experience." The shorter haired girl muttered dryly.

"Yeah, I'm getting better at lining up perspectives when there's things like mirrors or alternate light sources in the picture."

Again, all Yui could do was sigh.

They walked in silence for as long as it took for Kyoko to get bored. "Hey, did I tell you that at Comiket this year, I was asked to help do some art for this big collaborative doujin that-"

The door in front of the two of them slammed open, and a girl stepped out muttering, "I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna damn well murder her!" Panting heavily, she turned and looked across at the two of them before blinking in surprise and straightening up.

It only took Yui a moment to recognise her. "Kaname?" She frowned, an eyebrow raising.

Kaname stared at her for a moment, her face going from angry, to shocked, before a flash inspiration flared behind her eyes and a grin broke out on her face. "Yui, right?"

Yui didn't like that smile. Nor did she like being called by her first name by someone who was still very much a stranger. "No. Funami." She corrected.

"Yeah, I know your last name," Kaname waved her hand in distraction, but that mischievous/evil smile didn't disappear. "Want to do a me a favor?"

"Not particularly."

"Please, this will just take a minute." Seeing Yui's still unimpressed face, she rapidly continued on. "Listen, please, I have an… emergency, and I need to go right now." She opened her school bag and took out a stack of paper. "I need to deliver these to the Student Council room, but I've really got to get to the uh... hospital."

"The hospital," Yui repeated disbelievingly. "You're going to the hospital to 'damn well murder' someone?"

Kaname coughed into her hand. "Look, it's the student council applications, right? You mentioned your friend applied? If you don't get these to the room your friend will have to retake the interview."

"You mean Ayano?" Kyoko piped up.

Kaname glanced at her. "Yeah, her." She shoved the handful of paper into Yui's hands. "Please, just run them over there really fast. I've gotta go."

Yui struggled to stop all the papers slipping from her grasp and falling to the ground. "I didn't-"

"Thanks, bye!" Kaname shouted over her shoulder as she ran away, down the hall.

"Who's your friend?" Kyoko asked after a moment's silence.

"...I only met her yesterday," Yui sighed, before turning around and walking back the way she came. "Come on, let's just deliver these quickly."

"She seems bossy." Toshino said, "And she's not very cute at all."

"I wouldn't know," Yui murmured honestly.

They walked the rest of the way, Kyoko talking incessantly about anything that crossed her mind and Yui responding with either sarcasm or disinterest. Normally she was more concerned by her best friend's interests, but today she was tired from going home and then having to come back to school, as well as annoyed at having this job shoved onto her.

It wasn't long until they were standing at the door to the Student Council Room.

Kyoko reached for the door knob, but Yui stopped grabbed her hand before she could touch it. "It's rude not to knock."

Kyoko blinked, before saying, "But Ayano didn't mind when-"

"We were friends with Ayano." Yui cut her off with a roll of her eyes, before adding, "Besides, didn't we watch Love Lab together? Remember what happened when they didn't knock in that?"

Kyoko's eyes widened, before nodding in understanding. Then she got a mischievous grin and reached for the door knob again.

"No!" Yui slapped her hand away.

"Aww. But what if they have huggy in there?"

"This isn't actually that show! I was just using it as an example." Rolling her eyes, Yui knocked on the door.

There was no response.

Sighing for what felt like the billionth time today, Yui knocked again more loudly and called out, "Excuse me? Anyone here?"

Inside the room they heard a muffled shout of surprise, before what sounded like cursing and clattering as things fell to the floor. Yui and Kyoko exchanged a glance, before a moment later the door was thrown open by a third year student who was adjusting the glasses on the bridge of her nose. She had shoulder length green hair, which had been tied back into a quick ponytail.

"Can I help you?" She said, sounding slightly out of breath and annoyed at being interrupted.

Yui's eyes travelled down to the President's untucked shirt as well as her zipped, but unbuttoned skirt. Now she knew why Kaname had been so annoyed, and why she'd looked so mischievous when she sent the two of them this way. The way she was sweating and panting like she'd just been for a run, combined with her smudged lipstick, and slightly ruffled hair made it clear what she'd been doing before opening the door. Just not who. Looks like she was at least up to second base.

"Student Council Application forms." Yui said cooly, using her best poker face. Kyoko, if you've noticed, please don't say anything. She held them out the forms. "Miss President," she added with a respectful nod. "Vice President Kaname asked us to deliver them."

"Kaname? That bitc-" Interrupting herself with a cough, She adjusted her glasses before accepting them. "Thank you."

Yui wasn't sure, whether it was because Kyoko was oblivious to all the obvious signs, or because she'd noticed the signs and just thought it'd be hilarious, Who am I kidding? It's totally the second, the blonde skipped past the president into the council room. "So this is where Ayano will be spending her afternoons, huh?" Blue eyes looked around mischievously. "Neat."

Yui would have facepalmed. The president just looked very pale and nervous all of a sudden.

"Kyoko, get out of there." Yui groaned.

"I just wanna check their fridge." Kyoko waved her off.

"Kyoko!" Yui snapped. "Enough! Let's get out of here before- Oh god, you're already eating their pudding."

"Mmhm." Kyoko smiled at her friend with a spoon already in her mouth.

"What do you think you're doing?" The President blurted out. "Th-that's not your property, and you're stealing it from-"

"Hey, there's a teacher hiding under this desk!" Kyoko giggled out, interrupting whatever it was that was about to be said. "Hi, Mr Ishii." She waved under the desk.

Yui blinked in surprise and turned towards the President. "You're doing a math teacher?!" Somehow that just makes it worse.

"I-I… N-nooo-"

"Good for you!" Kyoko smiled, standing up straight and giving a thumbs up.

There was a thump under the desk, and out from under it emerged the partially balding, partially colour blind, and very flustered Mr Ishii. With all the authority one could hope to muster while buttoning up their trousers and straightening their tie, he said, "Ms Toshino Kyoko-"

"Only Ayano calls me that," Kyoko giggled, taking in another spoon of pudding. "Call me Kyokolicious please."

Mr Ishii was evidently very worried upon discovering there was very little authority one could muster while buttoning up their trousers and straightening their tie. "Er… No that would be inappropriate."

"I imagine it would be only a little less inappropriate than sleeping with a student." Yui was honestly more annoyed than disgusted. I've had enough of this day. I don't even care, I'm going home. "Kyoko, just get out of there right now, we're going home."

"Aww, but-"

"Kyoko!" Yui shouted, "Enough. We're going. Now." Everyone in the room froze at Yui's tone. After a moment, the irrepressible blonde nodded and stepped towards her best friend somewhat nervously. Taking out her phone, Yui snapped a photo of the President and the teacher.

"What do you think you're doing, young lady?" He sounded like he was still trying to sound senior and in charge, but an edge of panic creeped into his voice. "You can't take someone's photo without permission, that's against school-"

Kyoko ignored him, taking another photo. This time she zoomed in so you could see the teachers hand and the tan line where he usually wore his wedding ring.

"Now see here-"

One last photo, this one of the President's unbuttoned skirt. On their own, the photos wouldn't prove anything, but combined with testimony from her and Kyoko, it would force the school to investigate the matter and inevitably find more concrete proof.

"Give me that phone right now." Mr Ishii stepped forwards, sweating and holding his hand out. "I'm confiscating it."

Ignoring him, Yui pocketed her phone and walked out of the room with Kyoko falling in behind her. It was only a few moments later that Mr Ishii chase after her, sweating heavily.

"If you don't hand over that phone, I'll have to suspend you. I'll put you on detention for the rest of your life! You hear me?! GIVE ME THAT PHONE NOW!"

Yui stopped walking, her eye twitching. "You're threatening me?" She said in a voice much calmer than she actually felt. Taking a breath, she controlled her anger and turned to face the teacher. "You're. Threatening. Me."

The teacher blinked, and took a nervous step back.

"I'm not sure you understand this situation, sir." Yui said in the calmest voice she could, but it still came out as just plain irritated. Pausing for thought, she decided to play it safe and rapidly emailed the two images to her inbox. Then she locked the screen of her phone, before turning it off. "Here, take it." She offered the device out to him.

Mr Ishii paused. "You just-"

"Used a phone inside school, which you now need to confiscate." Yui finished for him.

"You just texted those pictures to someone." The teachers swallowed. "You need to tell me who."

When the phone wasn't taken, Yui simply turned around and walked away. "Come on, Kyoko."

"What do you plan on doing?" Kyoko asked curiously as they walked away.

"The man's a sexual predator." Yui growled, her lip twitching a little in disgust. "I'm just going to do the right thing, and tell the school."

"You can't!" Strangely it was the President who shouted this all of a sudden, but Yui ignored her and kept going. "Please, if you tell anyone I'll-" They walked into a stairwell, closing the door behind them and cutting off the rest of the senior girl's statement.

"...You sure that's the right thing to do, Yui?" Kyoko frowned. "He's not the only one who'll be punished, and think about what it would do to her reputation."

Yui raised an eyebrow and glanced across. After a moment she shrugged and looked ahead. "She shouldn't have been an idiot in the first place."

They left the school together, and made their way towards the train station in silence. The quiet lasted only until Kyoko got bored, and soon she was happily chatting away about how how awesome boobs were. And thighs. And butts. Really, any part of a female that could be considered even remotely attractive.

"Maybe I have a foot thing?" Kyoko pondered after a moment, "I should try to find some foot porn or something."

I can't even begin to describe how much I don't want to talk about this. Yui was extremely grateful when her phone rang. "Funami Yui," she answered, an edge of relief in her voice.

"Yui? It's me, Tsukasa."

"Who?"

"We saw each other practically five seconds ago! Tsukasa Kaname. We met on the train?"

"Oh, right." Yui frowned. "What do you want, Kaname?"

"I just got a call from Miyuki."

"Who?"

"How don't you know who that is? She's the Council President!"

"Not for very long," Yui muttered to herself. "Why did you send us there to see that?"

"I didn't think you'd actually see anything."

"What did you expect to happen?" Yui rolled her eyes. Am I the only person in the world that isn't retarded?

"Look, I was annoyed at her for doing, you know, that with him today when we were supposed to be going through the applications together, but Instead she decided she'd rather screw her boytoy and left everything for me to deal with. I thought you'd knock, they'd get interrupted, he'd hide, she'd answer the door flustered and embarrassed, and that would be it! I didn't expect you to take photos of them doing it!"

"The photos aren't anywhere near that bad."

"Whatever. Look, you can't tell anyone what you saw."

"...I'm hanging up now."

"Yui, seriously, if you don't promise me you won't tell anyone I'm gonna have to tell Sa-" She bit herself off.

"Tell who?" Yui asked.

"...Look, trust me, you don't want to tell anyone. This could get really ugly-"

Hanging up, Yui pocketed the phone with another roll of her eyes. She had no interest in being threatened.

"Who was that?" Her best friend asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Kaname." She was sooo sick of this day. "You wanna sleep over at my place tonight? I'm not in the mood to study."

"Uh… okay, I'll just call my mum and let her know."

Yui nodded in understanding, glad for the moment that Kyoko's parents were so relaxed about most things. Whatever came, tomorrow was going to pain. Dealing with her parents, the school principal, everyone really, all on top of her current babysitting duties and studies. She supposed she shouldn't complain, really.

It's not like anyone would listen, anyway.

AN: So, in my interpretation of the characters Kyoko is a genuine, personified, IQ over 160 genius, and Yui has a good pokerface when it comes to most things. This actually gets mentioned in the show when they play Old Maid together.

Anyway, the idea of this story is that it's a suspenseful comedy. IE, it's a series of tense social plays and heist scenarios as Yui tries to outmaneuver various opponents, all set against a backdrop of Kyoko's and Ayano's terrible (but sweet) relationship, and Chitose's repeated near death bleed out sessions.

Please review and let me know how I can improve. This is a new genre for me. I've done comedy in some capacity before, and I've also done suspense, but I've never attempted to combine the two.