I see the lights blaring in front of me, and for a moment, everything disappears. I can pretend none of it's real.

If only that were the truth.

I can barely remember the last few days. Or I choose not to think about it.

When I can finally see through the lights, I see them cheering. The dull roar of ecstatic screams connect with a picture. My trainer says that they're calling me the innocent girl. The one that didn't have to kill.

Oh, but I watched it happen. I'm not supposed to be here.

The last name doesn't help either, that I was destined to win with the last name Winnings. Silver Winnings, what a prestigious name, full of honor and pride. They say with a name like that, I was destined to be the winner, no matter how horribly I prayed. No matter how desperate I was not to be. I want a new name. Actually, I would like no name at all. Become nothing, floating through humanity unnoticed.

We never really get what we want, do we.

The next couple hours are the worst. The fake smiles, me pretending to be appreciative, to be happy. That it was a strategy what I did, a strategy to survive.

My thoughts shift to home, to mom, to Sterling, to Marcus. How can I look at them seeing what I have seen? Having done what I did? How can I look at my mother and not think about the boy from seven, who I brought food to like she would do to me when I was out working on the field everyday? How can I look at Marcus and tell him I love him without thinking of Micah and Carla? How can I look at my brother, how small he is, and not see Lottie staring back at me?

If I had just run faster-

Finally, it's over. I smile and leave, just like I'm supposed to.

I'm back in my room that night, up on the tenth floor. It feels like it's been years since I've been here, since I slept in that bed. Before, my district partner Clover was right down the hall. But he was gone now. Everyone was gone now. Except for me.

I feel like I'm losing myself. I think of a Hunger Games way back, one I watched when I was a kid, where the victor got so mentally ill after his games he never recovered. Would that be me?

I'm about to throw myself on my bed when I hear the buzzing in my ear. It grows increasingly louder, and I'm about to yell for help when it stops.

Then the voice begins.

"Do not fear, Silver, the only one who can hear this is you."

What the-

"Do not say anything, just get into bed and pretend like you are trying to get to sleep."

Not that I normally would take orders from unpresented forces, but this thing was inside my head. I might as well listen.

What the hell was going on?

"Silver, one of your doctors implanted this in your head when they were fixing your wounds from the games. Do not worry, he is one of us. We are everywhere."

Like that's supposed to make me feel better about voices inside of my head.

"We need you to listen carefully, Silver. This device is not detectable, so the Capital will never know what's going on. You must listen."

You said that already.

"Silver, you are the champion of the Hunger Games, and we want you to help us."

Help you what?

"We have reason to believe you will be on our side. We'll discuss more later. This is only the beginning."

Of what?

"Welcome to Firefly, Silver Winnings."

Firefly, coming May 2014.

#swag