A Competition of Lesser Violence
Chapter 1: The Bet
Shizune had a headache. The Fifth Hokage and her apprentice had been bantering back and forth all day.
Sakura Haruno had always been very respectful towards her mentor, but at a certain age began to grow a lot more confident when interacting with the last Sannin. The pink-haired medic still knew when to back away or when to leave the older woman to calm down, but both of them enjoyed winding each other up a little too much. Tsunade had been teaching Sakura for ten years and by now the majority of Konoha knew to stay away when the two of them were fighting. It was always with a spirit of competition and humour, although that didn't mean you wanted to get in between their arguments.
"That's not funny, Shishou!" Sakura's annoyed voice came from Hokage's office.
Shizune listened closely to hear the sound of shuffling about before Tsunade laughed.
She tentatively knocked the door and entered the room, inwardly sighing at what she saw. Sakura was picking up (likely very important) documents from all over the floor.
"Good afternoon, Shizune," Tsunade greeted her with a smirk.
Bending down to help the flustered medic pick pieces of paper up off the floor, she asked, "What's going on here?"
"Tsunade-shishou didn't fancy doing paperwork this morning," Sakura muttered back. "She threw it at me."
Shizune looked up at the Hokage to give her a long, disapproving look but only got a smile in reply.
Sakura gathered up the papers in a messy pile, accepted the rest from Shizune gratefully and stomped up to the Hokage's desk, plonking them down in front of the Sannin.
Tsunade looked at the pile, then back at Sakura. With a blank expression and tone, Tsunade said, "That's not very neat, Sakura. What am I paying you for?"
Sakura crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "It's your work. I gave it to you in a very neat pile originally. And you're not paying me. I'm currently on my lunch break."
Tsunade smirked lazily and leant back in her chair. "I know you are."
"Speaking of lunch, I brought you some earlier. I put it in your top right-hand draw," Sakura added.
Shizune watched with worry as the Hokage's face darkened and she slowly reached for her draw, opening it with chakra and staring at the contents.
There was a small silence and Sakura stood up a little taller, seemingly proud.
"What did you do with the contents of this draw?" Tsunade asked, still glaring at the open furniture.
"I cleaned it out," Sakura answered smugly.
The Hokage pulled out a very healthy-looking salad and placed it on her desk torturously slowly.
Sakura made a beeline for the paperwork and held it above her head as Tsunade brought her fist down on her lunch. Lettuce and tomato flew up in the air before Tsunade pointed an accusing finger at her apprentice. "Where's the sake, Sakura?!"
Sakura calmly placed the paperwork back down on the surprisingly-intact desk, took a few steps back and shrugged. "It's in my fridge, at my apartment."
Tsunade glared daggers at the two of them. Shizune often got caught in the blame game when it came to Tsunade and Sakura. Usually, the Hokage fired accusations at anyone in sight, regardless of their guilt or not. With Sakura and Shizune around all the time, they were frequent targets. In this case, Shizune would be happy to share the accusation as she had been on Tsunade's case for years about her drinking habits. Even worse, Tsunade had been succeeded in getting Sakura to drink sake with her increasingly frequently.
Shizune silently congratulated Sakura. Tsunade gave up with hiding her alcohol collections years ago. Instead she put them in plain sight and locked them away with seals and jutsus that were incredibly tricky to crack. It was frustrating to say the least – and the Hokage knew it.
Slowly, a smirk reappeared on the Hokage's face. She reached for a draw on the other side of her desk and opened it, pulling out another bottle of sake and placing it on the desk. "I stole this from your fridge the last time I was at your apartment. Thanks, Sakura."
Sakura's shoulders slumped and she lowered her head. "No fair."
Before the Hokage could gloat, Shizune changed the subject. "I heard there was a complication in labs earlier."
Sakura looked up and frowned. "I was about to beat Shishou's record for curing a poison and since she's such a bad loser, she sabotaged it."
Tsunade laughed. "You tripped up, Sakura."
"You tripped me up," she shot back. "Unless the table grew an extra leg before I crashed into it and knocked it over."
"That's what you get for being too smug before you actually beat me." The Hokage shrugged.
"Sore loser," Sakura grumbled.
"Klutz."
Shizune pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, trying to fight off the headache that had only increased as she stepped into the office. "The two of you have been fighting all day."
"It's just a bit of friendly competition, Shizune," Tsunade answered.
Friendly competition? Even the softest of challenges between these two could end up in a trip to the hospital. Moreover, recently, everything they did was a contest. What Shizune would give for a day without having to worry that one of them would take it a little too far. Mostly, she worried for Sakura's safety despite the girl increasingly proving that she didn't need to. The thought of two women as strong and stubborn as Tsunade...
An idea struck her. Shizune looked between mentor and apprentice and smiled. "I have a competition for you."
"What?" The Sannin was always sceptical of Shizune's ideas (they were never 'fun').
"Who can go the longest without being violent."
There was a short silence.
Tsunade pointed at her. "That's stupid."
"You're stupid," Sakura muttered under her breath.
"What was that, girl?" Tsunade frowned.
Sakura smiled and shrugged innocently. "Nothing, Shishou... I'd obviously beat you."
The Hokage raised an eyebrow. "No you wouldn't."
"Yes I would."
"You broke a door yesterday," Tsunade pointed out.
"You threw your chair out the window last week, again," Sakura argued.
"Why don't we see who can last the longest without breaking something? Or someone," Shizune suggested.
"Fine." Sakura nodded.
"Fine," Tsunade repeated.
"No violence at all. No shouting, threatening people, scowling, throwing objects or punches…" Shizune reeled off. "No aggressive behaviour at all. Not even evil smirking. The loser has to do a week's worth of paperwork that I have stacked up for the both of you."
"Deal," The Hokage said.
"Easy." Sakura nodded.
"Good." Shizune smiled in relief. If this worked, it would be the best idea she'd had regarding these two in a while. After increasingly losing control of them, hopefully now she'd get a bit of peace and quiet – even if it was short-lived.
There was a long silence and she allowed herself to relax. Imagine, a whole day without a broken bone or a stress headache.
"Sakura," Tsunade let her apprentice's name roll off her tongue.
"Shishou?" Sakura said slowly, wearily.
Shizune tensed.
"Would it be possible for you to come in early tomorrow morning?"
"Sure thing," Sakura said through gritted teeth, her smile a little more forced.
"Great, how kind of you," Tsunade answered politely.
"'Kind' is my middle name. See you tomorrow, Shishou, Shizune-san." Sakura smiled at Shizune and quickly exited the office before her mentor could request anything else.
Even if they couldn't tolerate being around each other without breaking their deal, that was still a win. When these two worked hard, separately or together, a lot of good things got done. The whole of Konoha could benefit from this competition.
Tsunade smirked and reached for her bottle of sake.
"No sake," Shizune warned.
"That wasn't part of the deal," Tsunade said.
If Shizune had plainly stated no alcohol at work, it was highly unlikely the Hokage would have accepted the challenge. However, now Tsunade was stuck. If she drank then Sakura would win. Sakura was right, Tsunade was a sore loser (both of them were).
"It's inappropriate behaviour in the workplace," Shizune said seriously.
Tsunade sighed and yanked open her draw.
Shizune raised an eyebrow.
Putting on a forced smile, Tsunade took her drink and slowly put it back in the draw, closing it quietly before looking up. "There."
Shizune smiled warmly. "Great. I wish you the best of luck in this competition, Lady Tsunade, and the best of luck with that paperwork."
Pleased, she turned around and left the room, ignoring the muttered curses that left the Hokage's lips.
This surely this wouldn't last long.
The following day, Sakura was annoyed. As instructed, she got to the Hokage's office extra early. She offered polite greetings which the Hokage reciprocated with perfect acting. Then, as a 'gesture of good will', her mentor gave her the day off. So she got up early for nothing. They both knew she hated mornings but also didn't like taking days off when there were patients to see to. Still, without complaint, she accepted the holiday with a smile and bow.
It didn't take long for Sakura to realise that Tsunade was playing dirty. Sakura's day off was hardly a holiday. After giving her the news with a smile, her mentor practically ordered her to go and meet her team at the training grounds. Sakura often enjoyed her team training sessions but everyone knew her friends were great at getting under her skin. Conversely, Tsunade was well-practiced at riling them up with little effort. Sakura could find that funny but not if she was subjected to the fallout.
Naruto was bugging her – he'd just been given a very dull and low-ranked mission as a 'nice break' and was down-right grumpy about it. Instead of stopping his whining with a swift punch like she usually would, she had gone into a silent brooding, trying to get across her building anger through her eye language. Sakura stared at him blankly, trying not to let his idiocy affect her like it usually did. If she stared him down nicely, maybe he'd get the message. She had informed her team of her little 'lesser violence' competition, hoping they would take the obvious hint.
She would win this competition and she would remember everything that happened during it. She wanted to make her team perfectly aware of that. Her talent for scaring people did not just happen in the violent moments, but the build-up to it... the threat that one more word could make her snap. How could she casually convey that without making it sound like a threat? Given how Naruto continued to push her buttons, her current strategy wasn't working.
"I think she's scarier like this," Naruto whispered to Sai. "I don't know when she's going to break. I'm going to say something, get caught off-guard and all that built-up frustration is really going to hurt."
Sakura frowned at him. She wasn't going to break! She would beat Tsunade.
"It's like a horror film," Naruto continued. "You keep expecting to jump, but it will come when you least expect-"
Whack.
After a very satisfying punch to the stomach, Sakura watched Naruto fly far way. She straightened and brushed her hands together, murmuring, "I'll give you horror film."
Kakashi and Sai looked at her and she smiled sweetly. "You didn't see that... Right?"
"...Right." Kakashi nodded.
Sakura looked at Sai blankly.
He swallowed and gave her his big, fake smile. "Right."
The challenge may have just become how much violence could she get away with.
Later that morning, Kakashi entered the Hokage's office to see a man lying on the floor. He looked up at Tsunade who was sat casually at her desk. "What happened to your 'no violence' competition?"
"What do you mean?" Tsunade smiled, completely ignoring the man currently knocked out in front of her desk.
Kakashi pointed to said man.
"He fell over."
Kakashi's accusing finger shifted to the Hokage's pink paperweight not far from the man's head.
"He fell over and hit his head on my paperweight."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
"Didn't he?" Tsunade spoke slowly, looking at him with a similar blank expression to the one that Sakura had also adopted. These women scared him more every day.
"Yes," Kakashi said just as slowly.
"Good." Tsunade nodded in approval. "Technically, that is the paperweight Sakura got me... Speaking of my apprentice, has she had any kind of outburst?"
Kakashi immediately wanted to leave. He had to decide if he wanted to rat out his violent teammate or lie to her just as violent mentor... He smiled as normally as he could, glad his mask hid most of his facial expression. "I've not seen her much today. Shall I take this man to the hospital?"
Tsunade smirked. "Yes please, Kakashi, you can have your annual check-up whilst you're there if you want."
Kakashi swallowed.
"Or the last ten check-ups that you missed," the Sannin added.
Kakashi sighed, stepped forward and picked up the man before heading out of the office.
Tsunade was in a good mood when Sakura entered the Hokage's office. The Sannin looked up and smiled. "Good afternoon, Sakura. How are you?"
Sakura bowed politely and replied just as kindly, "I'm very well, Shishou. How are you?"
"Perfect."
"That's great to hear."
There was a small silence where they smiled at each other.
"Where's Naruto? I assumed he'd be with you after I gave you this fine day off," Tsunade commented.
"He's taking a man to the hospital," Sakura answered. "The poor guy was unconscious. It looked like he had a pretty nasty head injury."
Tsunade smirked. She would bet her apprentice's salary that Kakashi had handed over the man she knocked out to Naruto. Leaning her elbows on the desk and resting her chin on her hands, she asked, "Are you sure Naruto didn't need to go to the hospital himself?"
Sakura frowned slightly before smiling again. "Are you sure you don't know why this unconscious man became unconscious?"
Tsunade smiled back. "What are you suggesting?"
"Only what I heard through Kakashi," Sakura said sweetly.
"Really." Tsunade hummed. "He was telling me earlier about your little incident."
Sakura frowned, an obvious expression of he'd better not have all over her face.
"So I think you lost our competition," Tsunade concluded happily.
"No, you did." Sakura frowned. "You sent a man to hospital!"
"So did you," Tsunade countered.
"I only broke a couple of Naruto's bones." Sakura shrugged. Tsunade smirked and Sakura's eyes widened. She quickly added, "But it was unfair because I had to talk to Naruto! You know if he were here you also would have beaten him up over something."
"That's no excuse for your act of violence, Sakura." Tsunade shook her head. "I'm disappointed in you."
"You knocked a man out! Kakashi said so," Sakura shot back.
"You hurt someone first." Tsunade smiled.
"So you admit it." Sakura crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, but you still lose," Tsunade said matter-o-factly.
"I bet you hurt someone before that man too," Sakura grumbled.
The Sannin continued to smile.
"Kakashi didn't even say anything," Sakura admitted quietly.
"He didn't about you either." Tsunade shrugged. "He offered to take a man to the hospital to get away from me."
"When I asked about the fact that you might have been violent today, Kakashi said he needed to go and water his plants before disappearing... When I know for a fact that I'm the only one who waters his plants." Sakura rolled her eyes.
Tsunade laughed. "So he lied to both of us."
Sakura laughed too. "I guess. I'll keep that in mind for when I next see him."
"So will I."
Sakura sighed. "Threatening people is a lot more fun than letting them get away with things."
"I agree." Tsunade grinned. She loved bonding moments with her apprentice.
"So about this competition..." Sakura trailed off.
"You lost." Tsunade smirked.
"No."
"Yes."
"No, I won." Sakura frowned.
"No."
"Yes."
"You lost," Tsunade repeated, unprepared to back down.
Sakura was silent for a moment before she suggested, "Draw?"
Tsunade smirked. "I have a better idea."
Shizune entered the Hokage's office at the end of the day to see mentor and apprentice sat side-by-side. Sakura had found a chair (that looked like the one Tsunade smashed through the window last week), and had pulled it up alongside Tsunade. They were both working on some paperwork together.
As lovely as it was to see, Shizune was a little surprised.
"Good idea, Sakura," Tsunade said with a smile.
"Thanks, Shishou." Sakura grinned before looking up. "Good evening, Shizune-san. How're you?"
"I'm good, thank you, Sakura." She smiled. "It looks like you're both getting along very well. This is a lot better don't you think?"
"Oh yes, certainly." Sakura nodded.
Shizune laughed. "I'll be honest. I didn't expect either of you to last the day."
Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Really, Shizune, what little faith you have."
"I think we've done so well that we could go out for a drink together. What do you think, Shishou?" Sakura grinned.
"Brilliant idea, Sakura, but I have a better one," the Hokage replied with a smirk.
"Oh?" Sakura raised an eyebrow, sounding interested.
"Let's get absolutely smashed. We deserve it. Let's both get so drunk that we can't stand up," Tsunade said enthusiastically.
Sakura laughed. "Sounds like fun."
Shizune frowned at them both. They knew her thoughts on the two of them drinking. She would not be happy if they followed through with their plan.
Sakura looked up at her. "Oh, I'm sorry, Shizune-san."
She smiled. That's her Sakura. When it came to drinking too much sake, at least the apprentice had a little more common sense.
"Did you want to join us?" Sakura grinned.
Shizune twitched.
"Oh no, Sakura. You know Shizune's thoughts on drinking. Besides, we're the ones who deserve the reward for not being violent today." Tsunade smiled.
"True, we do deserve at least... ten bottles of sake, each," Sakura said thoughtfully.
Tsunade turned to the other medic in the room. "Shizune?"
"Tsunade-sama," Shizune said through gritted teeth, a less-than-convincing smile on her lips.
"I assume both Sakura and I will have hangovers in the morning, so by any chance can you cover for us?" Then the Hokage mumbled to Sakura, "she could join us if she wasn't such a prude when it came to alcohol."
"I am not a prude!" Shizune raised her voice. "You full well know that both of you have important work to do that should have your full attention! Neither of you should be drinking so much you have hangovers! You shouldn't be violent at all! Your performance today does not give you an excuse to go out drinking tonight. I will not stand for this behaviour."
Sakura shook her head slowly, an expression of bitter surprise across her face.
"Shizune," Tsunade said in a slow, disappointed tone. "Honestly, the two of us have managed to be friendly all day and you raise your voice and rant at us, after you were the one who set up this 'no violence' competition."
Shizune's eyes widened.
"I think you lose, Shizune-san," Sakura added seriously.
"The extra paperwork can go to you," Tsunade decided. "I'm disappointed in you."
"But..." Shizune trailed off.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Dismissed." The Hokage waved her hand in the direction of the door, leaving no room for argument.
When Shizune left the room, Tsunade winked at Sakura who giggled.
"That was easy." Tsunade smirked.
"Poor Shizune." Sakura shook her head. "Do you think she'll figure it out?"
"If she does, I'll tell her it was your idea." Tsunade grinned.
Sakura frowned. "I think she'd believe me if I said it was you."
"But you were a convincing actress."
"I learned from the best."
Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Are you sucking up to me for something?"
"Can we go for sake now?" Sakura smiled sweetly.
"I thought that was the plan," she replied simply.
"It wasn't just a made up plan to wind up Shizune-san?"
Tsunade snorted. "Sake is never a made-up plan."
Sakura hummed in agreement before standing up and heading to the door. "Since it was your idea, are you paying?"
Tsunade got up and followed her. "I thought after I kindly gave you the day off, you'd pay."
"I'll buy the first drinks if you buy the next two lots," Sakura suggested with a grin.
Tsunade shut the door to the Hokage's office and walked side-by-side with her apprentice down the halls. "OK, if you buy the next seven lots."
Sakura laughed.
"But I have a better idea." Tsunade smirked. "I can sense our favourite liar."
"Good, I need to ask him how his plants are." Sakura grinned wickedly and Tsunade mirrored her.
Shizune sighed as she entered the hospital room. A man was sat up in bed. She moved closer and picked up his chart.
A little work would make her forget about the ridiculous event in the Hokage's office.
"So, Mr. Hitoshi Peaceful." She smiled. "You were unconscious. Any side-effects since you woke up? Headaches? Memory loss?"
The man frowned to himself. "Everything's a bit of a blur... I was standing in the Hokage's office and something hit me in the head really hard."
Shizune raised an eyebrow. Looking up from the chart, she studied him closely.
Hitoshi frowned to himself. "Then someone was talking about violent... plants? Another man said his teammate broke several of his bones and that he probably needed to go to the hospital anyway. Then I found out that it was Naruto Uzumaki who carried me here from who knows where. I don't know what's going on."
"I do," Shizune said, her jaw tightening as the realisation hit her.
The door opened and Kakashi Hatake entered the room.
Shizune looked up in surprise. "Kakashi... You look awful."
Kakashi walked forward slowly. He was very pale. His eye was wide and his hair was stuck up like he'd just had a shock. He reached the window and stood there for a moment before turning around and speaking quietly, "I think I just paid for a month's worth of alcohol."
"Since when do you ever pay for things?" Shizune laughed. "If your teammates' words are anything to go by, you've never paid for your team meals."
"Since when do I ever go to the hospital?" Kakashi grunted.
"You..." The man in the hospital bed looked up at the masked man. "You're the voice I heard earlier on, the one with the violent plants."
Kakashi's eye twitched and if you looked a little closer you could see him shaking slightly. "If Tsunade and Sakura are ever fighting... Don't side with either of them... Move towns."
"Why?" Hitoshi asked.
Kakashi didn't answer. He stared ahead of him, unmoving, his eyes still wide in fear.
Shizune snapped her fingers in front of his face and shook her head. "We've lost him."
"I think I remember now..." The man sat in bed frowned in thought. "I had to give the Hokage some bad news. She threw something pink and heavy at me."
Shizune realised what. Sakura had given her mentor a bright pink paperweight for Christmas, so she 'would never forget to pay her apprentice her monthly wage.' To which the Hokage had replied with 'at least I'll never forget to give you lots of paperwork.' Sakura had then inquired about a pay rise and Tsunade laughed it off.
"Then it was Sakura Haruno, the teammate that Naruto Uzumaki said broke his bones."
Shizune couldn't believe she'd fallen for the little double act that went on earlier in the Hokage's office. It sounded like neither of the medics even lasted a couple of hours on the first day of the no violence competition.
"Is it me... or are the Hokage and her apprentice scary, violent kunoichis?" Hitoshi Peaceful asked.
"Oh... They're not that bad." Shizune laughed nervously.
The man shrugged and she walked up to Kakashi, guiding the shocked man out of the room.
It still sounded like Tsunade and Sakura planned to drink themselves silly tonight. Usually, Tsunade was much worse with having nasty hangovers in the morning, which made her very grumpy – but then Shizune thought back to the morning after Sakura's nineteenth birthday, when both mentor and apprentice had a hangover... She winced. Tomorrow morning was going to be interesting. In fact, Kakashi had just given her some very good advice...
The Land of Tea seemed like a nice place to live.
Author Notes:
Another little Sakura and Tsunade short I came up with :). I said I would upload it as it had been ready for a while apart from the start which I just wrote. So here it is. "Hitoshi" means 'Even-tempered' :D. I wanted to get this up before I went to bed, so I'll have to re-read it for mistakes in the morning. I had already pre-made the cover for this before my computer broke.
Thanks for reading :)