Act VI

An aching pain in his hands woke Outside Dave from his stupor, leaning against a dumpster in an alleyway. His joints ached from overuse, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember how it happened. He winced as he flexed his rugged fingers-the doctor at the facility had prescribed some anti-inflammatory for when this would happen. This wasn't the first time he wished he could get a hold of that medicine again.

Weirdly, his eyes burned as well, like he'd been weeping-but he couldn't remember the last time he'd cried. Life had dealt him such a bad hand of cards the last few years nothing seemed worth crying over anymore. In fact, the only time he could remember weeping was when his wife left him, taking their baby daughter. She even had the nerve to zing him literally on the way out the door with "I wish you'd had a few more tears for us."

Bracing himself against the dumpster, he slowly rose to his feet. The afternoon sun stung his sore eyes and he pondered where his morning had vanished to. He remembered going to sleep the previous evening in his usual spot and then…nothing.

Staggering his way to the sidewalk, he headed down Third Ave toward his home. Maybe he'd find some hint of what had happened…or better yet, maybe he could still catch that sweet girl in the top floor apartment on her way to work. She always had a little breakfast surprise for him.

"C'mon, Coach, we have to hurry. Who knows where he could be already," Nick called out, banging on the door with his fist again.

The door creaked open and Coach stepped out. He had the grim look of a man who was prepared to face death and deal it. The claw hammer in his right hand solidified this horrific visage.

"There's my little Grim Reaper!" Nick crowed, patting his roommate on the back. "Now, let's go kill a man!" Nick slapped the head of the wrench he was carrying in his palm for emphasis.

"So, I'm thinking we cruise down to Davis Street and see if Dave's down there, dumpster-diving the Burger King," said Nick as the pair approached the building's front door. "He likes to get the leftover Croissan'wiches. And if he's not there-"

Coach and Nick opened the door and froze…to their amazement Outside Dave was sitting on the curb next to Nick's car in front of their building. He turned to look at them.

"Can you guys spare any change?" he asked pathetically.

Coach ran at Outside Dave with a crazed look on his face and a high pitched wail, hammer raised high above his head. Outside Dave, with a speed disproportionate to his size, rolled away from Coach's first strike, which knocked the passenger mirror off Nick's car.

"Hey man, watch out for my car!" Nick wailed as Coach chased Outside Dave around the side of the building, into the alley.

Nick stooped down to pick up the mirror and in doing so glanced up and down the street. Not a single person was visible and neither, remarkably, were any cars coming or going.

Setting the mirror upon the hood of his car, he trotted to the entrance of the alley. To his horror, he had a sickening sense of déjà vu as Outside Dave had Coach in a chokehold-identical to the grip that Winston met his fate in.

Coach's eyes were beginning to bug out of his face and he weakly dropped the hammer he was desperately trying to connect to Outside Dave with in some damaging fashion. His life was slipping away.

Nick once more glanced around before entering the alley. Coach was starting to shake.

Nick pulled the sleeve of his shirt down over his hand and picked up Coach's discarded weapon. He slapped the smelly giant on the shoulder.

Outside Dave's tear-streaked, bewildered face turned toward Nick. The bewilderment turned to a sad form of relief after the first hammer blow connected to his skull.

"Yeah, there you go big guy." Nick dropped another blow. Coach fell from the homeless man's grasp and immediately gasped for air. Outside Dave crumpled to the ground, twitching.

"Okay, buddy…you're okay," Nick soothed his fallen friend, while pressing the hammer back into his hand. "Here, hold this-I'm going to make a quick call upstairs."

Coach blankly nodded while rubbing his neck with his free hand.

"Cool, be right back!" Nick jogged deeper into the alley and entered the apartment building through a side entrance near the garage. He ran swiftly up the stairs, sweating heavily by the time he reached the front door.

He let himself into the apartment and quietly closed the door behind him. Winston's corpse was still tucked in a blanket on the couch.

"Winston, I'm sorry…this really isn't what we wanted for your birthday," Nick whispered thickly as he withdrew his phone from his front pocket. "Don't worry, pal, I'll get you back into your nice, comfy resting place on the floor soon. It's more comfortable than that old sofa."

He dialed 911 and took a deep, ragged breath.

"OH MY GOD, PLEASE HELP!" He wailed into the phone convincingly. "He is, I mean…was…I…he's dead, Winston's dead! No, it was an intruder and Coach just chased him out the door with a hammer! M-my name is Nick Miller and I want to report a break-in…and I think a murder!"

Epilogue

12 hours later, Nick Miller reflected on the bizarre day as Jess snoozed quietly next to him in bed. She was understandably upset when she got home but after a Valium and splitting two bottles of wine she had finally calmed down enough to sleep.

Nick knew that the next few months were going to be tough, with Coach's pending manslaughter trial and having to clean out the extra bedrooms in the apartment. It was pure luck that Winston's mother was in town so they didn't have to handle the funeral arrangements.

And Winston did end up getting the best birthday gift of all-a memorable death! Sure, he and Coach had tried for heroic, but in the end, it could have been a lot worse. Suicide? Nick frowned at the mere thought of that.

He did feel remorse for Coach. He was pretty sure, though, that he wouldn't serve more than 24 months and while Nick's testimony (and 911 call) didn't exactly help him he didn't think it was too damning. And as an added bonus, who knew that Outside Dave was wanted for several unsolved murders in the Valley?

On the bright side, the day's grim events made Nick realize exactly what he had to do next.

"Hey Jess," Nick nuzzled his ladylove. She just snored. "I think you might be pregnant…so, will you marry me?"

Coming Soon: COACH FEAR!