Only The Good Die Young
Chapter 4
My talk with Finn was amazing, I haven't heard his voice in so long that I started crying as soon as he spoke.
He sounded happy, he said that Santana Lopez and Mercedes Jones had been to visit and sing for them, they're famous singers now, they had solo careers but now work together. Neither Finn or I have seen them for years, after High School we tried to stay in touch but after a few years we just grew apart, still, Finn said it was nice to catch up with them, we may not have been best friends at school but I'm so proud of them and when I hear them on the radio I do miss them. Anyway, I couldn't talk to Finn for too long because he had to go do drills. He doesn't know when he'll be back but he said it will hopefully be soon. I didn't tell him about the cancer, he said I sounded sad but I told him I was just tired and missing him and he didn't say anymore.
That isn't a lie, I am tired and missing him, but I'm also in immense pain, the chemo side effects have started, I feel so nauseous and tired and aching and to be honest I just want to go to sleep for a very long time. I'm going back to the hospital soon, so I'll ask what they can do then but for now I have to grin and bear it and go back to work. Only a short rehearsal today and then we have a few weeks off for summer, I'm going to go and visit Quinn one day. Since we moved to New York we became really close and now she's my best friend! I haven't seen her for weeks though so tomorrow should be good, at least it might take my mind off of everything.
After Rehearsal
Rehearsals may have been shorter today but they sure weren't easier. We ran through the whole first act with all the dances and no breaks and then performed all the dances one after another to make sure they were up to Grant's standards. For everyone else they were, but not for me! To be honest, I'm not the best dancer and I know that, maybe I should have thought about that before taking this role, but I knew that I would be able to do it because when I want to do something, I do it. But however much I want to now, I don't physically think I'll be able to do it. Grant called me over after and told me that I need to start paying attention and as the leading lady I should be the one to show the others how to do the dancers. He said that he may not be the one who decides who's hired and fired but if he has any say in it, I won't be in the cast much longer unless I get better.
I can't believe it, I acted professional in front of him and told him that I was sorry and would certainly get better but now I'm in the car and the tears won't stop falling. I need Finn. My breaths are becoming short as I try and keep my tears at bay but nothing I working. I just want Finn to tell me everything will be alright. I'm going to call him.
"Hello, you've reached Finn Hudson, sorry I can't talk right now, leave a message and I'll try get back to you asap!..."
"Hi Finn, it's me, I just miss you so much and I need you! Please come home, bye."
I shouldn't have done that, now he's going to call back and want to know what's going on. There's no way I can hold it in then. I'm going to wait until I go to Quinn's, she'll know what to do. I won't tell her what's actually happening but I'll make something else up. Until then I will ignore all calls from Finn.