I sit on the foot of my bed.
We go into the Arena tomorrow.
Myself, Boeh and Axis, Azure, Cutter, Melanie, Cliff, Bean…
…
…
…
…Priscilla.
Had you told me two years ago that it would've come to this, I would've laughed and shaken my head and said, "Ah, the Capitol's messed up, but they're not that messed up!"
They are that messed up, though. I just didn't know it until now. I sit on the edge of my bed and feel sick. I can't sleep…Not now. Not with these thoughts whizzing around in my head. I sit in the dark and absentmindedly stroke the covers on the bed.
What if I hadn't volunteered? What if Talon had gone in instead of me?
He would've protected Priscilla.
I know for sure he would've protected Priscilla.
And I know that as much as I want to, I can't. I have things to get back alive to. I have parents, I have a sister, I have friends. Hate to say, but Talon's a little orphan that has none of that. He would've kept Priscilla safe until his last dying breath.
As for me, well… She has to die for me to see Cassia again. And Valentina. And Mom and Dad. She has to die for me to win, for Elijah to be avenged. I know it deep inside. And I hate it.
Oh, well. I won't think about it, now. I can't stand to think about it now.
What if I die tomorrow?
I can see it all. Cassia, huddled up close to Valentina, watching. My cannon booms, and the tears start. Mr. Crowly looks in the living room and stares at my dead body on the screen. Valentina is angry and miserable. Cassia screams my name over and over again. Valentina screams my name and a bunch of swear words. Cassia runs out of the room, leaving Valentina alone with her father. A lot of screaming goes on in there. A relationship is broken apart. Trevor provides a scoff but his face has on it an expression of hurt. Cassia is beside herself with grief. She wants a knife, I know it. I hope she never gets it. My body is sent back and they have my funeral. Who knows, Cassia could be dead, too, by then. They bury me next to Elijah, and Valentina screams with tears the whole time. Nick is confused. After everyone else leaves, Talon runs to my grave and collapses on his knees, burying his face in his hands. "It should've been me!" His screams are carried away by the wind. Later, maybe Boeh, maybe Cliff, maybe even Priscilla will speak on my behalf on the Victory tour. Cassia, (if she's still alive) will stand with Mr. Crowly, Valentina and Nick on the podium. Platinum will glance out across the District and maybe he'll feel like shit that he let them all down again. Maybe a little later, Nick will start asking where I went. Maybe he'd even start asking where Cassia went. Valentina will abuse him every time he asks. Trevor will make him train when he gets old enough. He'll go into the Games, just like me, and then….
I can't let that happen.
I have to come home alive.
Which means Priscilla, and Bean, and all those people I've been dreading to kill have to die, too. I've been thinking about how nice it'll be when Azure's out of the alliance, but God… I just can't stand to imagine her dead…
But it's going to have to happen. Even if I'm the one that kills them all.
I hear Priscilla sobbing through the walls of the bedroom and my heart breaks.
I can't think like this. I have to avenge Elijah.
I finally lay down in bed and try to get some sleep.
It's a little hard when people are going to die the next morning, though.
"It's time to get up!" Esperanza says, bursting into my room and flipping my lights on. I bury my head in my pillow. I'm exhausted.
"Nate! Come on! Today is it! Today is the day you've been waiting for! Up up up you go!"
I grunt and she goes to get Priscilla.
I thought the expression was "ladies first!"
I climb out of bed and go through my morning routine. When I come out to the kitchen for breakfast, Priscilla looks even worse than me. There are dark circles under her eyes, and her dirty blonde is frazzled.
"Morning," I try but she scowls at me.
"Shut up volunteer," she whispers, before playing with her food.
"Now, you should make sure you eat plenty of food, because you never know what the Arena will look like!"
"They have to have some kind of food there," I grumble, "Wouldn't be any fun watching the tributes starve to death, now would it?"
"Nate!" Esperanza says sharply. I pick some more at my food and just shrug.
Priscilla does the same.
The two of us aren't friends anymore. We're allies. Acquaintances. I'm going to break her heart by telling her that there is no way I'm letting Bean into this alliance. That's just how it's going to be.
"Now, Octavian gave us a special hint to the Arena this year!" Esperanza says, "He-"
Priscilla holds eye-contact with me, ignoring Esperanza, and blatantly interrupts her, "Nate, I saw it. He was saying how the people were upset the Games took so long last year because everyone could hide in the house. That means there's not gonna be a lot of places to hide."
Seeing her act so grown up so fast is the tiniest bit heartbreaking, but I nod and keep eating.
Esperanza looks offended that she was interrupted. Priscilla goes back to eating and the three of us sit in silence until Platinum knocks.
"I want to talk to Priscilla first," he says.
Esperanza nods and whisks me out of the room. She talks about fashion to me that I don't care about, and I sneak far enough away from her that I can vaguely hear what's going on in the other room.
"Priscilla… Listen-"
"I CAN'T DO THIS, PLATINUM!"
"Yes you can," he says, "You can."
"Nate!" says Esperanza. I shuffle closer to her but keep an ear out to Priscilla and Platinum.
"WHY ARE YOU… WITH MCIALWAIN!?"
"Priscilla, I'm not…any special treatment…Nate…"
"YOU WANT…WIN BECAUSE…"
"PRISCILLA!"
All I hear after that is muffled sobs and the occasional Ashley.
After a while, Priscilla reappears with red, puffy eyes and says, "Your turn…"
I walk into the room and Platinum wipes the tears from his cheeks.
"Nate…" he says, quietly, "Take a seat."
I'm confused, but I sit down anyways.
He stands across from me and unfolds a piece of paper from his pocket. Two pieces of paper. What the hell?
He speaks, reading off the papers in front of him.
"People of District 2… Friends…Families…Neighbors…Acquaintances of the deceased… It is with every regret that I stand before you today. Regrets for what I've done in that Arena…Regrets for the person they've made me into. Regrets for my own stupidity. Regrets… That I'm standing in front of you today…And Elijah isn't."
He pauses to recollect himself and my eyes fill with tears. I choke on the tears, "Platinum-"
"He was young." His voice falls to a whisper, "So young." He tries to pick it up again, reading off his paper and looking at me. "And brave. So brave. He had every right intention. He wasn't like me. He played the game with grace, and with courage, and with distinction. He…He had the most charming smile in the world. All he would have to do is smile at you… And you would want to be his friend." His voice falters and he reaches up to wipe his eyes. "The things he did in the Arena were… Just… Incredible. It was no surprise to me that somebody would want to sponsor him. He was just so happy all the time… His personality was infectious. He was optimistic, something that is hard to be in an Arena. He was compassionate. Friendly. Kind. Even though he knew that some people would want his blood, he was still courteous to them. He was so innocent. Naïve, but in a good way. He was cute like a baby. That piece of hair that always stuck up in the back… It was just so Elijah. How good-humored he was about it at his interview… That was so Elijah, too."
I bury my face in a pillow and sob. Absolutely sob.
Platinum continues, flipping his page and wiping his eyes. "His eyes."
I quiet my sobs only enough to hear him.
"His beautiful eyes. His… His large, round, innocent, blue eyes. They showed off every emotion he felt. They showed the laughter, the happiness… The fear that I put into him… The fear that I never should've inflicted." There's a long pause before he continues. When he says the next sentence, he clenches his teeth harder and tries to keep his voice low and steady. "The pain of cruel, ruthless killers out to get his blood. That never should've tortured him! I'M SORRY CUPCAKE! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR IT!" He collapses on a chair and buries his face, and this time I actually hear Platinum Krietzer sobbing.
I'm terrified. "Get it together, Cupcake!" I shout through tears.
He stands back up and his eyes skim the bottom of the last page, even though his face is drenched in tears. The last part comes out as a pained whisper, "They were the prettiest shade of blue I'll ever see. I'll never forget them. I'll never stop thinking about him. I'm sorry I'm here and he's not. I'm sorry you're stuck with me when he should've won. But, to make it up to you… I'm going to get Nate McIalwain out of the Games alive."
There's a silence before he puts the papers in his pocket and I tackle-hug him and bury my face. He hugs me tightly for a while and whispers, "I thought you should hear me say it."
"It was beautiful," I whisper.
He lets me go and says, "I have to go now. Good luck in the Arena, Nate."
I sniffle and dry my eyes one last time and say, "Thank you."
Platinum gives me a nod and walks out of the room. There's a second or two that passes before Priscilla and Esperanza walk back in. We sit in silence before the time to launch arrives.
I sit next to Cutter on our way to the launching areas. The hovercraft takes off and my ears pop.
Cutter flashes me a smile. I see his lips moving but I can't hear the words over the whirring. "What?!" I practically have to shout.
"Are you ready for the Games, volunteer!?" he asks louder. I smile and nod, stepping into the character I'm going to have to keep for days. He flashes me a slight smile, but it looks forced.
A Capitol person walks over to me just then. "Give me your arm," she says. I obediently hold out my arm to her and she injects something into my forearm. When it enters my system, whatever it is glows so I can see it through my skin. After that, she walks over to Cutter, takes a new syringe and says, "Give me your arm." He holds it out to her and says, "Trackers, right?" She gives a nod and it makes sense to me now.
We land and are escorted to our individual rooms to be lifted into our Arena.
This is it.
The nerves fly around my stomach so bad I crouch to throw up as soon as I enter that room. I hear someone walk in and look up, swallowing my nerves.
"Hello Nate." Septimus says.
I stand up and walk over. "Hi," I say quietly, walking over to him. He drapes a jacket over my shoulders and I put my arms in it. He zips it up and adjusts the sleeves for me, while I stand still and let him do it.
"Everyone in the Capitol has their money on you," he says, adjusting the hood.
"Thirty seconds to launch," a female voice says.
"They do?" I ask Septimus.
He nods and after a pause, he says, "I think you're ready."
"Twenty seconds to launch," says the voice.
"I don't feel ready," I confess to Septimus.
He stares at me for a second and looks like he wants to say something. Septimus leads me to the area surrounded in glass and gestures for me to step inside.
"Why are you so quiet?" I finally ask, as the doors close around me.
He looks over at me and says, "That's exactly what Elijah said, too."
I'm about to react: to scream, to be puzzled, to ask what else he said to Septimus before I saw him on TV, but it's too late.
Septimus is cut off from my view and I finally get a glimpse of my Arena.
I blink and look around.
The first thing I notice is that there are no trees anywhere. Off to my left is a cornfield will tall stalks, but they look to be withering. The field itself doesn't really look large enough for more than five tributes to successfully hide there. There's a fog that covers the field and sinks low, so thick I have no idea where the Cornucopia is. Not to mention the fact that it's evening-time here. It's getting chilly already.
The 11 girl is to my left, and Melanie's District partner is to my right. Looking down the line of tributes, I realize I don't even know a lot of their names. And I don't exactly have forever to learn.
I look for my alliance. Cutter is close to me, Azure is close to him. I see a figure I think is Melanie off to my right. The fog is so thick I can barely see Priscilla.
The countdown's started, I realize just then, and it's already on 10.
I am going to avenge Elijah.
I'm going to be radioactive.
The gong sounds and there's about a second pause before everyone springs into action at once, running forward toward where they think the Cornucopia is. I run straight ahead, glad that the evening is still young and I can see. The grass is tall and the area is muddy, but I keep running until a strong hand grasps my shoulder and pulls backwards.
I fall backwards but I'm caught by whoever pulled. Cutter laughs and says, "Hey!"
"Hi!" I say, and he holds up his hand for a high-five. I shrug and think, eh, what's the problem with just one? and high five him.
Azure runs over just then and says, "Ah, thank goodness I found you guys!"
"Come on!" Cutter says, "Let's keep going!" The three of us run through the mud. Boeh runs past us, shouting, "FUCK YOU ALL!" Shit, she's ahead of us.
We run until suddenly we hear a SMACK!
Azure ran into the side of the Cornucopia.
"We found it!" Cutter says with a smile. He takes off running to the front and I follow, until we get to the mouth, where Boeh is just running away. She has a knife.
I climb into the mouth and grab a sword. Cutter and Azure start screaming at each other about who gets the bow and arrows when I hear footsteps and hold my sword to someone's throat. When I see her clearly, I take my sword away. "Priscilla. You found us."
She smiles, "Hey ally."
She looks a lot better than she did this morning when I saw her.
"I saw knives in there. Go get them." She nods and runs in the Cornucopia just as the girl from Six makes it there.
I can do this, I think, gripping my sword tightly. When she sees me her eyes get wide and she starts to run away but I take off after her and start slashing my sword. It hits her back and she collapses at my feet without a word. I slit her throat before she can even speak and run back to the others.
I wonder why no cannons have gone off yet. Last year, it happened as soon as someone died. Cutter apparently won the bow and arrow, and I notice Melanie has a trident and joined the alliance. Cutter shoots the Nine boy in the chest with an arrow as I approach again, and Priscilla throws a knife at the ten girl and it hits her right on the head. Cutter shoots an arrow at Axis just as he runs past, but it misses. I debate running after him until I'm smacked in the back by something and turn around to see the ten boy standing over me, mace in his hands. I don't even think about what I'm doing, I see him as one of those dummies I destroyed at training, and I attack until I'm positive he's dead… even though I still haven't heard a cannon yet.
And, just like that, there you have it. One of the tributes I tagged as a threat is dead at my feet. By my hand.
The Five girl shows up at the Cornucopia just then, and she punches Azure in the nose before running inside, taking a knife and a backpack, and running out again. When I look over, Priscilla is fighting the 6 boy and Melanie is busy holding off Cliff. I take off after 5, but she gets away. When I come back, Cliff pushes Melanie aside, grabs a sword from the Cornucopia and runs. The Five boy and the Seven girl are fighting currently, but I cut it short by smacking him off her and putting my sword through his chest before I have time to think about it. When I look up, the little 12-year-old from Seven is running off with supplies of her own. Cutter shoots the 8 girl just as she tries to run away holding a scythe. The Seven boy appears just then. Another of the ones I thought would be a threat. I can take him now. He throws Cutter aside and gets into the Cornucopia, grabbing a backpack and taking the scythe from Eight. Priscilla whips a knife his way but he dodges, and soon I tackle him and we hit the mud hard. If only I could just get a good enough angle… He cuts my arm with his scythe and it stings like hell. Before I know it, he's thrown me off him and taken the opportunity to run away. I walk back to the others just as the 12 girl comes running and Cutter shoots her through the head.
Oddly enough, though, there are so many dead bodies and not one cannon has gone off.
"Did anyone see-"
Suddenly, I hear more footsteps and raise my sword.
"Priscilla!"
Shit. It's Bean.
"Bean!" she runs to meet him and I exchange a look with my alliance.
"I'll break it to them," I finally say quietly. I walk over and finally speak to them, "Listen up, you two."
The two, who were previously hugging tightly, quickly separate. "Chris, you're a little boy from 11. You have no business in this alliance."
"Nate, please!" Priscilla says, offering a pair of chocolate brown puppy eyes that always used to make me melt. I have to stay firm, though.
"We all decided that it's not right."
"I'm part of this alliance too, Nate! You have to let him in."
Finally I resort to desperate measures, and raise my sword.
"Priscilla, you go back over there with the rest of them. Now."
Bean nods and Priscilla hesitates before slowly walking back to the others.
"Chris, you are not in this alliance and you never will be. I'm feeling merciful, so I'm going to let you take one thing and then I'll give you five seconds to run. If you're not out of my sight, I will kill you. That's a promise."
He whimpers but nods, taking a backpack and running away as fast as he can. I walk back to the others, where Priscilla is swearing up a storm. Cutter looks at me sadly.
"You didn't kill him, did you!?" Azure's voice sounds nasal because she's still gripping her nose.
"No. I let him go once. Priscilla, if we find him again, he will be killed."
Cutter and Melanie nod. Priscilla glares at us, probably trying to decide if either of us will actually do it.
"Whatever. I hope you're all fucking happy," she growls.
"Next order of business is water," Cutter says, "We need to find some."
"Bean found some," Priscilla growls, "He told me there's a stream by here."
"Azure and Melanie, you stay here. Azure, you get a weapon. Melanie, you guard the supplies," I command.
She starts walking and Cutter and I follow her until she kneels on the ground. "If you listen you can hear the water running."
We kneel beside her and sure enough, there's a stream there. I feel the mud soaking through the knees of my pants, though, and it's cold.
"Let's get our weapons cleaned and then head back to the others," Cutter says.
"Hold it!" Priscilla says as I'm about to put the tip of my sword in the water.
"What?"
"Don't put your bloody sword in there! That's our drinking water, and it's a narrow stream, Nate!"
"Then how am I supposed to clean it?" I ask.
She cups her hand, places it in the water, and cleans her knife that way.
I sigh and eventually mimic her. I figure that if I just took her boyfriend away from her, I might as well just listen to the little girl. After I clean my sword, I clean the cut on my arm. I sure hope we find medicine for it.
After we're all cleaned, I lead our way back to the others. Melanie and Azure appear to have already taken inventory of what we have, and smile at us when we arrive back. I also notice that the dead bodies are gone.
"What happened to them?" I ask.
"Some big whirring thingy came and took them!" Azure says with a smile, oddly seeming to know what I was asking about.
Melanie starts, "So guys, we have-" she's suddenly interrupted by a loud cannon. And another. And another. And they keep going until I count nine cannons. Nine people died today.
"Why'd they wait?" Priscilla whispers to herself.
"Probably because it was too hard to keep track?" Cutter guesses.
We all exchange a look and shrug.
"Anyways, Azure and I looked in the backpacks while you were all gone, and check it out!"
She holds up four rolls. "Sleeping bags!"
"There are only four though," I remind her, "There are five of us."
"Oh, it's fine!" Azure says, "I'll sleep with Cutter!"
"No you won't," the blonde boy says warningly.
"Actually," Melanie says, "We also have a blanket," she says, "And I think whoever's on watch should just sit up and stay warm with the blanket."
"Good thinking," Priscilla says.
"Next we need food."
"Oh, we have it!" Azure says, "We have lots of crackers and jerky and even some bread!"
"That was easy," Cutter remarks and I nod.
"Well, it's getting dark. Anyone get a good sleep last night?" Melanie asks.
"I did," I lie.
"So did I," Azure says.
I take a pause, even though all I want to do is nap.
"Fine. You take watch."
We all sit against the side of the Cornucopia when the Capitol anthem plays. Suddenly I feel more awake than I did five seconds ago. I stare up at the sky and this is what I see:
Axis: District 3.
Joule: District 5.
Trolley: District 6.
Steele: District 6.
Spindle: Distict 8.
Jonathon: District 9.
Laura: District 10.
Buck: District 10.
Stacey: District 12.
Then the Seal, then it shuts off.
I realize just then that we killed every one of those people except for Axis. And I think we can all have a good guess of who did kill Axis. We all know Boeh didn't like how he always man-handled her. And she got away with a knife, which is frightening. The night is silent other than the occasional cricket or bug, and I even hear some animal noises, which is nice because it's potential meat.
Cutter sets out sleeping bags and hands Azure the blanket in the dark. I climb in a sleeping bag and hold onto my sword.
Sleep comes to me easier than I thought it would. As my world fades to black, I realize my first day in the Arena came and went a lot faster: and easier: than I thought it would.