"Come again?" said Cain, as soon as the shock had worn off.
"No thanks, once was plenty," quipped Elvira.
She turned to the boy and whispered, "Go wait in another room while we talk."
Klarion took his cat and silently left the room.
"How could this be?," asked Cain, after the boy was out of earshot. "How could we have had a child and I'm just now finding out about it?"
"Hey, I just found out myself, okay," said Elvira.
"How cou-" began Cain, but Elvira cut him off.
"Look, after my lovely stay here at casa del yuck I went back to hosting my show, Movie Macabre. During the months that followed I started gaining all this weight and eating everything in sight, but I figured it was just some kind of stress related thing as a result of having had to put up with you and this hovel for all that time. Then one night I was in bed trying to get some sleep and I started having all these freaky visions of devils, pentagrams, and naked people covered in blood dancing around a fire with animal masks on. I mean, normally I enjoy having that kinda stuff in the bedroom, but I couldn't tell if this was a dream, or reality, or some mix of the two. All I know is when I woke up the next morning I was seven pounds lighter and felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders."
Cain listened patiently.
"Anyway, I went on with my life after that and completely forgot about the whole thing when all of a sudden last week this kid shows up at my doorstep claiming to be my son," Elvira continued.
"And you believed him?" asked Cain.
"At first no," said Elvira. "I've had lots of cats come sniffing around in the past, all claiming to be my offspring, all wanting to try and steal the horror host spotlight away from me, and all turned out to be nothing but phonies."
"And this was different how?" asked Cain. He was becoming increasingly agitated.
"Well, this kid, Klarion, said that after his less-than-holy birth, he ended up in some place called Limbo Town where he was raised by a lovely young witch couple."
"Witches?" asked Cain.
"Yeah, the whole town is full of 'em. It seems little Klarion inherited some witch genes from my side of the family. We're witches way back on my mothers side. Anyhoo, he said that the older he got, the more he felt he didn't belong with his adopted parents, so he left Limbo Town in search of his roots. Eventually finding me."
"How?" asked Cain. This whole thing was starting to stink like rotten fish to him. As an old storyteller himself, he wasn't buying this yarn for one second.
"Magic, I suppose," said Elvira with a shrug. "I guess witches can smell their own. Believe me, I was as skeptical as you at first. It wasn't until I took a DNA test that I had to admit it; he's mine."
"Yours fine, but what makes you think he's mine?" asked Cain.
"Well look at him," said Elvira, gesturing to nowhere in particular. "He's got your naturally pointy horn hair. Not to mention your sharp teeth, pointy ears and bad attitude. Plus, the timeline adds up. He can only be yours."
"Even if what you say is true, and he is OUR child, which I'm not saying is the case, but if it was… why have you two come here? Do you expect we'll get married and live happily ever after here in The House of Mystery? Because-"
"Ugh! Gag me with a spoon, why don't you. No," said Elvira.
"Then what? Is this a money issue? Because I'll have you know that caretaking isn't exactly the highest paying job in the world," said Cain.
"No kidding," said Elvira, regarding Cain's outfit.
"Look, all I want is for you to spend some time with the kid. Get to know him. He really is a wonderful little… guy. Besides, I've had him for a whole week now and I need a break. I got a horror convention coming up in a few days that I have to make an appearance at and I do not want to have to worry about him running around wrecking up the place."
"Wrecking up?" asked Cain.
"I-I-I mean distracting me from my work," said Elvira.
"I don't know," said Cain. "I mean, I like kids. In small doses, anyway. I am a storyteller after all, but having one live here… and my own flesh and blood? I just don't know."
"Well, I'll tell you what," said Elvira. "You think about it, meanwhile, I'll go get little Klarion and you two can have a proper meeting."
She quickly left the room.
While he waited for her to return, Cain began to pace the floor nervously. A son? Could this be? There was a time once before when he had thought that he had maybe, possibly had a son. One from many, many centuries ago. That was just a half-formed almost memory, though. This was different. This son was right here in his house, in his life. This one couldn't be denied.
As he paced he began to stroke his pointy beard and think about the situation. There were advantages to having a son. He knew many things he could teach the boy. He could instruct him in the fine art of taking care of the old House of Mystery. He could teach him all the nuances and techniques involved in telling a well-crafted mystery story. He could even teach him all about his other interests such as cooking, gardening, and raising pet gargoyles. The more he thought about it, the more Cain liked the idea of having an heir to pass all his wisdom and knowledge onto. As he came to this realization he also came to the large window at the end of the sitting room and looked out of it with a wistful smile on his face.
That is until he saw the black Ford Thunderbird convertible with the vanity license plate reading KICKASS on it peeling away from the back of the house at full speed.
"The Macabre Mobile!" yelled Cain, as he opened the window and stuck his head out. "Elvira, you get back here!" he called at the top of his lungs.
But the car quickly vanished over the horizon.
"Oooh that… woman!" growled Cain to himself.
"So…," said a voice that made Cain turn around with a start.
Klarion stood in the doorway of the sitting room holding and petting his orange cat.
"What are we gonna do first... daddy?"