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PART 4; Run For Your Lives

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Now, Uzumaki Naruto wasn't the sharpest kunai in the pouch. He often said and did stupid, impulsive things that had him dancing on death's doorstep, and it took a strong hand or three to pull him away.

Sasuke, however, found himself unopposed to Naruto's blind rage. After all, pink as her hair was, Sakura was their girl. When their girl was done wrong, somebody paid the price.

Sasuke stood back, arms crossed and scowling as Naruto bashed and clawed at Sai's door. He could have sworn he saw a flash of red in his partner's eyes. Dragging the Kyuubi into this seemed a little too, well, over-the-top. Then again, Naruto knew this jerk a lot better than he did, and from what he knew, Sasuke wasn't fond of him.

The door opened, and, as usual, Sai was smiling that unique Sai Smile that said, "Kick Me, I'm an Asshole."

Naruto preferred punch, however, but Sai blocked the first strike with practiced ease. Figures.

"Hiya," said Sai.

"What did you do to Sakura-chan, you fucking jerk!" bellowed Naruto, throwing another fist out that Sai thwapped away with a snort. He made cross between a snort and a giggle when Naruto fell back into Sasuke. Neither boy at his doorstep was remotely amused, however. What a shame.

"I take it you wanted me to draw yours larger, Naruto-kun."

Sasuke looked beyond confused, not quite knowing that when Sai stated that something was 'larger', it usually pertained toward the male anatomy. Naruto would have a vague idea of what Sai was getting at, if only the word 'penis' wasn't suddenly engraved on the forefront of his brain.

"You drew my penis and gave it to Sakura-chan?" Naruto's expression was the bastard love child of mortification and disgust.

"Didn't she show you?" asked Sai, completely unfazed by the thousands of ways Naruto was killing him in his eyes. "I guess not. She must have wanted to keep it all to herself. She is a selfish hag."

Sai, of course, meant that in the most loving way possible, but insults were never a loving thing in Naruto's perfect world.

Before Naruto could pounce, however, Sakura appeared. Each hand clasped to Naruto and Sasuke's shoulders, and she shoved the two boys out of the way. She wore a sunny expression to match Sai's, which dropped to the pits of Hell the next instant. Sai didn't even notice until it was too late.

When she smacked him, the sound of impact caused Sasuke and Naruto to quiver horribly. Neither of them had plans to piss her off anytime soon. When they gathered the balls to look, they wondered which canvas and piece of furniture Sai's body didn't fly through.

Just when they thought the facetious boy had died on impact, he spoke. "I can't believe I fell for that again." He lifted himself from the debris, smiling away as it was the only way he knew how to handle himself in this kind of situation. "Was my gift flawed in some way, sweet angel?"

She was only 'Sweet Angel' when he was about to die, of course.

"No, it was just perfect," said Sakura, her voice dripping with more venom than the best of Shizune's needles as she cracked her fists. "In fact, it was so good, you and I are going to celebrate."

"I'm not a party guy." Sai turned, and Sasuke and Naruto got a clear view of the red hand print that was undoubtedly throbbing on his left cheek. He was still smiling, though. How disturbing could this guy get?

"You are now. Grab your cash. You're taking me to the most expensive restaurant in Konoha and buying me dinner."

"Hmm, I don't see why your birthday party should be my r-"

"NOW!"

He went to gather his cash, and Sakura stood, arms crossed and tapping her foot. She was cranky, tired, smelled bad, and Sai had done nothing but make this the worst possible day of her life. She was going to do something, anything, to take her frustrations out out him and make him feel it.

"Sakura-chan, are you forcing Sai to take you on a date?" asked Naruto. It was probably wise to stay out of this, but he simply couldn't contain his curiosity sometimes.

She ignored him. "And if you EVER call me a fag hag again, I'll-" Naruto and Sasuke sneaked the hell out before she could finish.

"It was nice knowing you, man."

---

The two boys fled as far as the bridge, both figuring that Sakura had a better handle on the situation than either of them possibly could have, wanting in no way to become involved further. Sure, she wasn't anything special on the battlefield, but damn, when she was angry, she was scary.

Sasuke had to consider, if all their children were as scary as she was, pink would become the most vastly feared color in the five great countries. That could be a pretty good jump start for the new Uchiha Clan, actually.

Itachi would still be laughing in his grave, though, and that was a problem.

"I never failed to mention that Sakura's gotten pretty fierce since you've been gone, have I?"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," grumbled Sasuke. Naruto glared, but didn't retort. He really didn't have it in him at the moment.

"I can't believe he drew my penis. I mean, he probably made it all small, and ugly, which it totally isn't. No wonder she's so upset. In fact, I feel like going back over there and-"

"No," said Sasuke.

"What?"

"No," he said again. He really didn't know why he cared, or why he felt his body temperature increase all of a sudden. Crap.

"Are you blushing, Sasuke?"

That earned Naruto a one way trip into the river via punch. When Naruto emerged, his grumpy teammate was no longer anywhere to be seen.

"Bastard."

T B C

A/N: I'll find some way to make Sai's wonderful asshattery relevant to the plot, honest. -whistles innocently-

Other than that, I don't really know what to say, other than this is probably going to be one of those fics that never ends until Sasuke dies, or something (haha, I'm only kidding.) I guess I should get other characters caught up in their gayhem. It can be kind of like the fillers, only a bazillion times better b/c Sauceghei's here to suffer, too! NaruSasu makes everything better (and so does Gaara, but Panda-chan's too busy at Suna. Woe.)