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PART 8; What is Love (baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no m... -shot-

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Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another inspired episode of Sasuke-chan in Angst Land. This is the return of your good ol' pal Bob the Brain, whom you all love and adore so much. It was hard receiving all the fan mail through Sasuke's thick skull without him noticing, but if he weren't currently infatuated with Uzumaki Dobe it may have just been impossible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (yes, somehow, brains have hearts, too.)

Speaking of which, exactly one week ago Sasuke found himself in front of Naruto's door, only to find that he had gone. Next, he went to that Sakura chick's house to see if she knew where the ass was. She was gone, too. Kakashi told him they wouldn't be around for awhile; they were on some mission in the Wind Country and wouldn't be back for a month. Sasuke felt horribly out of the loop, poor woobie. Someone give him a cookie to keep him from bitching, eh?

He's been so quiet lately, angsting and brooding by the lake, and I swear if Itachi's name crosses me again just to cover what he really wants to think about, I will fart out a tumor so bad the medics will have to shave his head to get rid of it. He's such a brat.

Anyways, the saga will continue upon Naruto's return. For my sake, I hope Sasuke comes to terms with being the gayest gay that ever gayed, save for maybe that Gai-sensei dude, because dayyyyamn! 'Nuff said.

'Til we meet again, ladies and, hey, are there any guys reading this?

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Sakura found that being swayed into coming back to this shithole desert was the worst thing she had ever done. If she perspired one more drop she swore she'd make Naruto drink it. So far, all he's done is gone and made a useless ass of himself. In fact, every time she thought he was going to do something cool she turned up sorely disappointed. She should know never to set any standards for Naruto.

Well, okay, a Naruto who goes and makes an ass of himself is a normal thing. However, they were here on important business and, at the moment, she was stuck babysitting Lee's unconscious body and checking constantly to make sure the bleeding in his nose really had stopped. It really had been a disaster.

Each of them played a role in aiding in the improvement of the Kazekage's current form. Shikamaru shared some basics in tactical fighting, and it turns out that Gaara's pretty clever, having out-maneuvered the Shadow Possession as long as he had in a practice battle. Next, Sakura gave Gaara some tips in chakra control seeing as he, much like Naruto, could be a bit reckless and lose his temper in battle. She taught him how to scare of his enemies with his power without even having to break a sweat. He was also quite good at that. Then, as expected, Lee stepped in and got Gaara into Taijutsu, which none of them had ever seen before. His reflexes were quite good; it was almost as if he'd never lost Shukaku, given how efficient he was at putting up his sand barrier. It cost him chakra, though, so he was encouraged to dodge and block, as well. Lee spent quite a bit of time with Gaara, actually.

Of course, Naruto wasn't about to let Lee hog all of his Gaara time, and insisted that the two of them needed to train in private. Sakura didn't have a good feeling about that.

Turns out, Sakura was absolutely correct in not having a good feeling. How did she know Naruto was going to pull something stupid? Just how did she know?

She discovered Gaara's new 'Ultimate Defense' during one of his and Lee's daily spars. Gaara seemed reluctant, giving Naruto a few odd glares before performing a seal she never imagined Sabaku no GAARA of all people using. To add insult to injury, Temari and Kankuro had to be around to see it, and boy were they surprised.

Lee seemed to freeze in mid air, as if he were about to launch an attack and suddenly forgot what arms and legs were. Gaara stood below him, glaring up in a very, well, Gaara way, except there was one huge different.

Gaara had transformed into a girl. A naked girl. A very naked girl. A very busty and beautiful naked girl. A girl Lee landed right on top of, and if there were any new arrivals to their audience of five, it wouldn't be a far off guess to suggest that something very indecent were about to take place in this arena.

A few painful seconds passed before Gaara peeled Lee's bloody, unconscious face from 'her' ample breasts, then 'she' transformed back to normal and stood, completely unperturbed, quite unlike his audience, frozen and stunned to silence. Temari didn't know what was worse, o'woman hating Shikamaru passing out bloody because of this, or Kankuro, Gaara's own brother! Naruto was laughing his sweet little ass off, and ass that would be black and blue all over when Sakura got to him.

"Naruto, that was stupid, " said Gaara, frowning down at some of the blood that leaked through his shirt. At least he had half a brain in his skull to realize that. "Why did you tell me to do that?"

It seemed Naruto was too busy choking on his own laughter to respond. Sakura had enough of the sound, so she punched his face right into the ground and gave him a nose bleed the good old fashioned way. That was only the beginning, though.

As she proceeded to beat the snot out of her stupid team mate, she turned to Gaara and urged him to never use that technique again, to forget it if he could, and to apologize to his siblings for making such a shocking spectacle. He didn't argue. He just picked up Lee's unconscious body and the pair were swept away in a whirl of sand.

Now, not an hour later, this is where Sakura found Lee, in the medical ward. She never thought him to be a pervert. Of course, she couldn't say she didn't sympathize. After all, there was still a certain framed drawing of Sai's burning a hole in one of her packs. She wondered how Sasuke was doing, all alone and probably bored out of his mind without Naruto around to annoy him.

"H-hey, Sakura-san, is that you?" said Lee, and she was relieved to find signs of life at last. He must have taken to the naked female body the way he did to alcohol (which she heard was a disaster.) Yeah, that's it! Lee wasn't a pervert, he was just sensitive. Lee was too wonderful to be a true perv.

"Yeah, how do you feel?"

"... Was that really Gaara?"

"Unfortunately. Naruto taught him a few dirty tricks, I suppose," she grumbled, thinking back to Naruto whom she punished thoroughly, and was now laying next door in so much pain, undoubtedly. If he was going to pull this crap he should have thought twice before asking Sakura to come. The incessant heat and limit on shower time was already bad enough, thank you oh so much. "He probably just misses Sasuke and is taking it out on us."

Lee smiled, and clutched his forehead when he sat up a bit too fast, probably a headache from all the blood loss. She rested a palm on top of his forehead and let her powers work their magic. She knew he couldn't stand to lay around any longer than necessary.

"Ah, much better. Thank you so much, Sakura-san."

He reached up perhaps to grasp her hand, but stopped midway to rub the back of his head. He was blushing. "I suppose you think I'm just a pervert now, I... "

"You suppose wrong," said Sakura, motioning for him to stand. He did, and now they were on their way out of the medical ward. There was no reason to hang around this dull place anymore. Not to mention, after she saved Kankuro, not a doctor here would argue with her if she said everything was under control. Lee would be just fine.

"Sakura-san, my, err, weakness at the arena. It hasn't disturbed you at all?"

Sakura shrugged. "No more than all the stupid times I've seen Naruto pull that stunt. He is unbelievable sometimes."

"But... "

"But... but nothing, Lee-san. Shh. No, you won't do five hundred laps around the village blindfolded! You had a... moment. Even I've got mine... " and she blushed, once again thinking of the Evil Drawing. Oh yeah, she had hers all right.

Gaara chose to appear out of nowhere at that moment, and where he said nothing pertaining to the earlier incident, she supposed inviting Lee to lunch with him was his way of apologizing. She'd been invited as well, by Lee, and she just might have accepted if that flash of disappointment in Gaara's eyes hadn't crossed her's. Oooh, so that's how it was.

She bopped herself on the head a few times at they left. No, that's not how it really was. For the love of... not all guys could be like, like...

Ah crap, was she really ready to admit to herself that Sasuke and Naruto were...

Well, in any case, that Kankuro had sure become handsome. Just what was he doing this evening, she wondered.

[ T B C

A/N: Sorry this took so long. My muse for this fic died, then I kicked it, and it un-died. It's a zombie, now. Yay! I like zombies.

No, despite my efforts this fic is still about nothing. You guys don't mind, do ya?