Chapter 4 –Heart of Rock 'n' Roll
"Ok, ok, don't panic. Maybe we should stick a mirror under her nose to see if she's breathing," Rachel's hypocritically panic-stricken voice stirs Tina from her very pleasant dream.
"Wait, I think she's moving," Mercedes says, sounding relieved.
Tina blinks her eyes open to find her both of her friends' faces mere inches from hers. She lets out a surprised yelp.
"Hurray, you're alive!" Rachel claps, then coughs. "You have horrible morning breath, but you're alive."
"Yeah, now get your lazy butt out of bed or we're gonna be late," Mercedes orders.
Tina yawns and rubs her eye. 'Late for what?" Rachel draws the curtains open, letting a flood of sunlight directly into Tina's freshly opened eyeballs. She squints and holds a hand out in front of her face.
"Late for the lunch shift, silly! Kurt and I have to work from 10:30 to 2:30, and you get to be an honorary Spotlight Diner waitress with us! Don't worry, you don't have to actually serve any tables, but you do get to sing with us and wear the uniform. Mercedes and Artie are coming to eat and hang out, too. It's been way too long since the five of us got to spend any quality time together, just us. No Cheerios, no jocks, no students who randomly transfer in and out of schools whenever they feel like it. Just the underdogs who started it all." Tina notes a flicker of sadness in Rachel's eyes as she averts her gaze towards the window.
"That sounds like fun! What time is it now?"
"9:45."
Tina scrambles out of Mercedes' bed and darts towards the bathroom. As she passes through the living room, she notes that Sam is nowhere to be found. His couch-bed is neatly made, with no sign of any of the activity that occurred there the night before.
At least, she thinks it occurred. It wasn't just a dream, was it? No, the sweet soreness in her limbs tells her it was real. The hot water envelops her, reminding her of lying in Sam's arms. She giggles while she washes, remembering the time he requested videos of her soaping up her boobs. He got to see a whole lot more than that last night.
She had snuck back into Mercedes' room just before dawn. With no real walls in the loft, the girls might have heard what went on in the living room from their bedrooms, but they hadn't said anything about it yet, so Tina decided she wouldn't either. She and Sam agreed that they wanted to keep their new… whatever it was… a secret for now. They didn't feel like dealing with teasing or questions or anyone pressuring them to become a real couple. And they certainly didn't need a repeat of Blaine's disgusted reaction to catching them kissing at their senior lock-in.
The bathroom door creaks open and, through the shower curtain, Tina sees a disembodied arm make its way inside with a red and white garment on a hanger. "Tina, I'm leaving you a diner uniform here on the doorknob. Now will you hurry it up!" Rachel barks.
Tina snaps out of her daze and quickly gets out of the shower, towels off, and puts on the uniform. She laughs at the sight of her reflection, uncannily similar to how she imagined it when she blacked out after Sam hit her in the head with a trophy. Her friends in New York might not be living quite the sitcom life she dreamt of, but it's beginning to feel more and more like this is where she always subconsciously knew she belongs.
Tina gnaws on a French fry and sits back, enjoying the sight of Kurt and Rachel frantically trying to handle the lunch rush. A blond toddler sneezes on Kurt's arm, and he visibly shudders. Rachel trips spectacularly over her own feet while carrying a full tray, but manages to recover without dropping anything. Tina notes that a few impatient patrons are glaring at her, thinking she's a waitress who simply can't be bothered to get up from the table she's sharing with Artie and Mercedes. She glares right back at one of them, a woman with a blond bouffant and a loud Texan drawl. The woman cowers a bit at Tina's scowl, and she feels victorious about convincingly portraying a New Yorker's attitude.
"This. Is. Priceless. I need to remember to come here more often when these two are working." Mercedes bursts into a fit of giggles at the sight of an elderly woman pinching Kurt's cheek while slipping a single dollar bill into his shirt pocket.
"Yeah, I'm probably never eating at my dorm again," Artie concurs. The two clink glasses, and Tina feels briefly regretful that she'll miss out on the opportunity to join their future adventures in schadenfreude.
Rachel whizzes past their table, calling out, "Don't get too comfortable, you three. As soon as I take this next table's order, we're all getting up on that stage and showing these people what national champion glee club alumni look like!"
"Is that, like, a thing that people need to be shown?" Artie asks, furrowing his brow and shifting his eyes back and forth between Tina and Mercedes.
Kurt beckons them over to the jukebox and asks, "So what should we sing? The tips are better when we go for something fun, loud, and retro. And since it's the five of us, it should be something that celebrates what brought us all together: music."
Tina browses the song titles for a moment. "If you guys don't mind cheesing it up a bit, I think I see the perfect song." She points towards her selection, and the others nod enthusiastically in agreement. Kurt types in the song's code, and they bound towards the stage as the synthesized rhythm begins to play.
Rachel looks annoyed and mouths at them from across the restaurant, "Huey Lewis? Really?" Tina arches her eyebrow at her as she begins to sing.
New York, New York, is everything they say
Ain't no place that I'd rather be
Where else can you do a half a million things
All at a quarter to three
Rachel throws her order pad in the air with a smile and heads towards the stage as Artie takes over the next verse.
When they play their music, ooh, that modern music
They like it with a lot of style
But it's still that same old back beat rhythm
That really, really drives 'em wild
All five of them join in for the chorus and resurrect as many of Mr. Schue's patented arm motions as they can think of.
They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating
And from what I've seen I believe 'em
Now the old boy may be barely breathing
But the heart of rock and roll
Heart of rock and roll's still beating
Mercedes emerges from behind the others with a prop feather boa and oversized sunglasses to sing the next verse.
LA, Hollywood and the Sunset Strip
Is something everyone should see
Neon lights and the pretty, pretty girls
All dressed so scantily
Rachel hip-bumps Mercedes from center stage and steals the spotlight.
When they play their music
That hard rock music
They like it with a lot of flash
But it's still that same old back beat rhythm
That really, really kicks 'em in the
They all join back in, snapping along in unison from behind the microphone stands.
They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating
And from what I've seen I believe 'em
Now the old boy may be barely breathing
But the heart of rock and roll
Heart of rock and roll is still beating
Kurt points at one of the bus boys and calls out, "Johnny!"
They all spread out through the restaurant during the horn breakdown, encouraging the patrons to get up and dance with them. Kurt and Artie duet on the next verse, pointing at the various tourists who look like they could be from some of the cities named in the song.
DC, San Antone and the Liberty Town
Boston and Baton Rouge
Tulsa, Austin, Oklahoma City
Seattle, San Francisco too
They all head back to the stage as the girls harmonize on the final verse.
Everywhere there's music, real live music
Bands with a million styles
But it's still that some old rock and roll music
That really, really drives 'em wild
As they sing the last chorus, they exchange knowing smiles and glances. It may not be a great song, but they know they are great together.
They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating
And from what I've seen I believe 'em
Now the old boy may be barely breathing
But the heart of rock and roll
Heart of rock and roll is still beating, yeah
Rachel adds a sultry flair as she sings, "In Cleveland."
Mercedes shouts, "Detroit!"
Tina growls, "Uh! Heart of rock and roll!"
They gather for a group hug as the crowd hoots and hollers. Someone even throws a five dollar bill on stage. Gunther seemingly appears from nowhere and points to Mercedes, Artie, and Tina. "You three need jobs?"
When Kurt and Rachel's shift ends, they all head back to the loft to change clothes and relax. Everyone agrees that they went out pretty hard last night and would be happy staying in for the night. They decide that they'll order pizza, play games, and watch old competition videos.
"Ok, but I'm going home to get the ones my dad filmed," Kurt declares. "The ones Rachel's dads recorded are shot entirely in close-up on her."
Rachel rolls her eyes but agrees. "Ugh, fine. Actually, maybe we should all just go there. You guys have a bigger TV, and it's Blam night so we'll have the place to ourselves."
"Blam night?" Tina blinks at her.
"Don't ask," Kurt sighs.
"No, literally don't ask," Artie explains. "Kurt and Blaine agreed that Friday nights would be Sam and Blaine's special night every week. We're not allowed to ask what they do."
"I've been assured that there's no sexual exploration involved," Kurt interjects.
"They stay out pretty much all night," Mercedes continues, "and they're both always in a really good mood on Saturday."
"Huh." Tina thinks back to the various weekend activities she did with Blaine and Sam last year but can't imagine what they'd be doing on a weekly basis that would be such a big secret. Everyone already knows what huge dorks they are, so there's not much that could embarrass them. She's suddenly overwhelmed by missing them both even though it's only been a matter of hours since she last saw them. As much as she loves spending the day with Rachel, Kurt, Artie, and Mercedes, she hopes that tomorrow's surprise activity includes Blaine and Sam. And even more pressingly, she hopes that she and Sam will be able to find a little more alone time before she has to head back to the reality of her lonely life at Brown.
The gang spent the night oohing and aahing at how young they all looked in the videos, gossiping about all the bygone high school drama, talking frankly about how much they missed Finn, and promising to stay in each other's lives no matter where life took them. Tina felt so consumed with love and hope that the prospect of returning to Brown didn't seem so scary anymore. Even if her friends weren't physically there with her, she was never really alone. She had intended to try to stay awake until Sam came home, but her mind felt so at ease that she drifted off to sleep next to Mercedes in a matter of minutes.
Her eyes pop open to the sound of shuffling feet in the living room. It's hard to tell in the dark, but she thinks her watch reads 3:37. Whatever Sam and Blaine do on Friday nights must be pretty crazy. The only places she can think of that are open that late are bars, truck stops, and pharmacies. She delicately slides her legs out from under the covers and tip-toes across the room, looking back to make sure Mercedes doesn't stir. As she reaches the curtain that separates the bedroom from the living room, she bumps into something hard. "Ow," she and the hard thing both whisper.
They step back and look at each other awkwardly. "Hey," Sam finally says with a small smirk.
"Hey," Tina smiles back at him.
"So, how was your day with 'The Originals'? You know, for people who preach inclusion and acceptance, it's kinda cliquey." Sam seems surprisingly annoyed.
"It was really fun, thanks for asking. How was Blam night?" Tina retorts.
"The first rule of Blam night is you don't talk about Blam night. But point taken," Sam acknowledges.
"Wait a minute, what is that?" Tina asks, sniffing the air. "Do you smell that?" She moves towards the kitchen to try to detect where the pleasant odor is coming from, then realizes it's coming from Sam himself. "Is that vanilla? Coconut?"
Sam turns beet red. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He begins to back slowly away from her, then turns and runs towards the bathroom.
"I know that smell from somewhere. Get back here!" She chases him and catches up just in time to stick her foot in the bathroom door as he's closing it. She enters the bathroom and closes the door, pinning him against it. "Why do you smell so perfumey? Please tell me you guys didn't go to some kind of weird pansexual strip club!" Tina twists her face in disgust at the idea of Sam and Blaine getting simultaneous lap dances next to each other.
"Um, yeah, that's it. You caught us. We went to a strip club with both male and female dancers. How did you guess?" Sam says unconvincingly, darting his eyes everywhere around the room but towards Tina's.
"Ok, now I really need to know the truth. If it's more embarrassing than that, I'm out of ideas." She tightens her grip on the arm she's holding against the bathroom door and notices something. "Whoa, how is your skin this soft?" She strokes his arm, then his hand, and finally his face.
"Duh, I'm a model. I take good care of my skin."
"No, it was definitely not this soft last night. Did you have some kind of spa treatment?"
Sam looks away and pretends to whistle.
"That's it, isn't it?" Tina claps victoriously. "But what kind of spa is open until three in the morning? Oh, ew, it's not one of those kinds of places, is it? That's even worse than a strip club!"
Sam groans. "Ok, listen, I'm going to tell you something," he says reluctantly, "but it can't ever leave this bathroom. Agreed?" He holds up his pinky. She hooks hers into it and nods. His face suddenly lights up in excitement. "Ok, so there's this magical place that one of my model friends told me about a few months ago. It's an underground, unlicensed night spa operated in the basement of a laundromat. The services are dirt cheap and they're amazing. Only a few people even know it exists, so I can't tell blabbermouths like Rachel or Kurt or Mercedes. But Blaine and I go, and we get, like, manis and pedis and facials and massages and seaweed wraps. It's the best part of my entire week! I get time with my bro, I get to relax, and my agent says it keeps me looking well-groomed or whatever."
Tina crinkles her forehead as she pictures the boys wearing white robes and cucumbers over their eyes, lounging blissfully in a dark, filthy basement. "Well, you do both have luminous skin. But is it sanitary? Are the workers compensated fairly? Are you absolutely sure they aren't the kind of people that drug you and steal your kidneys?"
Sam rolls his eyes, "Ugh, I should have known you wouldn't understand."
Tina laughs, "No, it sounds like fun. As long as I'm in on the secret, maybe you guys will let me crash Blam night next time I come to visit?"
Sam's eyes light up. "You think you're coming back soon?"
"I don't know if I can get away from school before the semester ends, but of course I'm coming back eventually. Maybe I'll even rent an apartment for the summer or something."
"That would be amazing! You know, I didn't really realize how much I missed you until you were here. Now it's weird to think about you not being here." He hugs her like he doesn't want to let her go, ever.
She pecks him on the cheek, hoping he will reciprocate with something more. Instead he pulls back, and her heart sinks.
"No way, none of that tonight. It's four a.m. and we need our rest for tomorrow." He opens the bathroom door and ushers her out.
"What's tomorrow?" she whispers.
He smacks her gently on the butt and pushes her through the curtain into Mercedes bedroom. "That's one secret that you're not getting out of me tonight."