"Compliments of The Confederates," Jasper yelled over the loud music, sliding a shot glass towards each of us.
I sniffed the clear liquid before throwing it down my neck, grimacing as it burned its way down to my belly, "what the hell is this?"
He shrugged, "no idea, I just asked for what's good." Rose wordlessly pushed her drink at me and I threw that one back too.
We were celebrating the end of The Confederates North West-wide tour with a whole lot of drinks at a dark, slightly dingy club - by this point I couldn't even remember what the place was called. Alice was on the dancefloor with the Wolfhowl boys who took it turns to pick her up and fling her around as if she were a ragdoll much to her shrieking delight. Meanwhile Jasper's bandmates sat moodily in a corner, drinking craft beers, ignoring each other and everybody else. I marvelled again at how such a great guy could find himself surrounded by complete douches.
"You girls aren't dancing?" Jasper asked, sliding into the booth next to Rose.
"I don't dance," I answered, "I'm pretty sure most clubs aren't insured for it."
Rose nodded her head towards the dancefloor where Alice was bouncing up and down on the wide shoulders of Seth, "I think your girlfriend is representing for KSXB just fine."
"How'd the show go today?"
Rose rolled her eyes at him, "same old shit, different day. You really want to talk about work?"
He nodded. Jasper had this rare ability to connect with people, pick up on their likes and dislikes and make them feel at ease talking to him. I figured he could see Rose growing bored and wanted to engage her in a subject that would interest her. And if there was one thing Rose was interested in it was work. She was a workaholic control freak who kept the show, and me, from falling apart on a weekly basis.
"We had a really great reaction to the matchmaking show so we stretched it out into this morning. The listeners seemed to really engage with Bella and Alice," she smirked, "I think a little bit of conflict really brings the show to life, makes the girls more sympathetic."
"Hey, did that dude call back? The blind date guy?"
Garrett leaned over from his dark corner, "man I loved that guy." The Confederates' drummer wasn't exactly the most talkative so I was surprised to see his eyes lit up with excitement.
"I didn't have you down as a morning radio listener," Rose joked, picking up Garrett's beer and taking a long swig, well aware that he was watching her lips curve around the bottle, "no, he never called back. Shame really, I was hoping we could make him a regular."
I sank a little lower in my seat as Rose glanced at me. I was annoyed with myself that Rochester - the stupid ass name had stuck - not getting back to us about his blind date had bothered me. It wasn't like he owed us anything and, more to the point, we didn't even know him. Yet I'd found myself hoping beyond hope that he'd call. There was no way on God's green earth I'd admit it to Rose and Alice but I had been desperate to hear those long vowels again. I'd had that idiotic teenage girl buzz that morning as I bounced out of bed and made my way to the studio, just at the prospect of hearing his voice.
Rose had tried to call him with the number we had registered but had gotten no answer, not even from his messagebank. I could only guess that his date went well and he'd decided to switch allegiances to Team Alice. Plus he was probably still in bed with his date doing the bad thing. Lucky bitch, I bet that man can talk dirty...I want to hear him talk dirty...
Jasper and Rose continued their conversation, him nodding enthusiastically in response to her lecture about listener figures and advertising revenue. Meanwhile I turned my attention back to the dancefloor where Alice was now crowd surfing. Of course.
"You look like you need to let your hair down," Jake was suddenly leaning down next to me, using a meaty finger to pull my bottom lip out from between my teeth. I dismissively told him I was fine but the next thing I knew the chunky bastard had me out of my seat heading over to join his little crew who had effectively cleared a space around the centre of the dancefloor as they flicked their sweaty hair along to Ram Jam. Alice linked her arm with mine and then we were jumping up and down on the spot, not even dancing, just...jumping.
Before too long I was sweating just as much as the guys around me, belting out I Want To Know What Love Is at the top of my voice, grabbing air in true stadium rock style as Al leant against my side playing a mean air guitar. All thoughts of Rochester were gone and I was enjoying myself despite the condensation building in my leather pants. Note to self: leather pants and rock clubs - surprisingly incompatible.
I'm not in love so don't forget it…
Jake was suddenly pulling me into his chest, crooning along to the DJ's choice of slowie.
It's just a silly phase I'm going throooouuuggghhhh…
He grinned down at me and I rolled my eyes, letting him lift me onto the tops of his studded boots and step me round in tiny circles. Resting my head on his chest I had to admit it was kind of nice to be wrapped up in the arms of someone so big and strong and...what's got into you Bella? Pull yourself together woman.
Seeing Alice's satisfied grin as she whirled past us, dancing solo pulled me out of my head and I disengaged myself from the situation, apologising to Jake and making my way through the crowd back to the booth where Jasper's bandmates didn't seem to have moved a muscle, each staring silently in different directions.
"I thought Alice was going to explode for a second there," Rose appeared behind me, rubbing freshly painted lips together and throwing her bag onto the table, "slow dancing with the non-fine guy huh? Change of heart?"
I sighed, "no, he's just not…"
"British?"
"Don't be ridiculous Rosalie," I picked up her bag and hit her shoulder with it, "I was going to say he's not my type."
"He seems nice though. And he's into you," she poked Garrett and ordered him to the bar to fetch more beers, "like, really into you."
I followed her gaze to the dancefloor where Jake was ignoring the thin blonde grinding up on him in favour of staring at me like a massive perv. I wished I could like him in that way, it'd make life a whole lot easier somehow but there just wasn't that spark. I wanted that spark.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The weekend was, as usual, over far too soon and I found myself back in the studio slogging through another Monday morning show. Mostly I adored my job but there were some mornings when it just felt like we were going through the motions. This was undoubtedly one of those shitty going-through-the-motions Mondays.
Things had started badly with Rose in one of her uber-bitch moods not helped by my sloth-like start to the morning - she'd practically had to fold me up and put me in her Mary Poppins bag just to get me to the studio. Then Alice, who had spent the weekend at Jasper's, rolled up with her freshly-fucked glow ten minutes after the show started with no idea who our guests were. And to top things off? Maggie from Corporate - Rose's arch nemesis and the woman with the ability to pull us off the air at a moment's notice was sitting in on the show. Fucking fabulous.
"We're going over to Maple Leaf now to speak to Jennifer. Hi Jennifer."
"Hi," the caller giggled nervously. I sat back and let Alice do her job.
"Jennifer, we're talking today about keeping that love alive. You've been married for twenty seven years. How the hell do you do it?"
Jennifer from Maple Leaf gave us a whistlestop tour of her marriage, telling us about her husband Jeff and her kids Tammy and Elliott. On any other morning the twee little love story of Jennifer and Jeff would've been a welcome distraction from thinking up quips and comebacks but this time I was acutely aware of Maggie jotting things down in her notepad of doom, her lips pursed into a tiny cat's ass.
News came and went, we conducted a passable interview with a local food blogger turned author and argued about the weekend's episode of America's Got Talent...who knew Alice felt so strongly about clog dancing? I certainly didn't and neither did Amy in Burien who felt the sharp end of my co-host's tongue when she declared the art of clonking about a stage in wooden shoes 'dumb'.
Just as I was losing the will to live Rose was banging on the window, holding a piece of paper up against the glass with 'ROCHESTER LINE 4' scrawled across it in green pen, underlined several times. I'm not going to lie, my heart raced a little bit...alright, a lot...as I pressed the flashing button that would put the call through to us. Alice nodded at me encouragingly, fighting to keep the grin I knew she was dying to break out off of her face.
"Now Alice," I began, "do you remember we spoke last week about those interfering friends who insist on getting all up in your love life?"
"You mean those great friends who don't want you to die alone, your body only discovered when the neighbours become concerned about the flies and the smell of rotting flesh?"
"Yes, the selfish ones that don't even notice your absence before your innards turn to mush" I rolled my eyes at her, "you might recall that we spoke to a caller who was, like me, the victim of a particularly crappy matchmaker…"
"Your anonymous British beloved Bella?" oof.
"We may just find out whether he's still available to fill the space of my 'beloved' right now," what the fuck are you talking about Swan? "should we be listening out for wedding bells Anonymous?"
His low chuckle filled the room and I melted a little bit, "I wouldn't say so, no."
"Last time we spoke you told us that 'a gentleman never kisses and tells', have you by any chance changed your mind?" Alice probed.
"There were no kisses to tell of I'm afraid Alice," ha! "but what I can tell you is that I'm still very much anti-blind dates. Perhaps even more so."
"You're going to have to give us more than that. Was your date that awful?" I tried my very best not to sound too gleeful, "let me guess, she was a he? She had a reality TV crew following her? Um…you recognised her from America's Most Wanted?"
"Oh Anonymous," Alice soothed, "was she only using you to get close to your old pal Firth?"
"Damn, don't tell me she stole my cunning plan!"
He patiently waited for us to finish before sighing deeply, "her boyfriend turned up."
"What?!" Alice and I screeched in unison. Through the glass I could see Rose punch the air in anticipation of radio gold.
I leaned into the microphone, lowering my voice, "let me get this straight Anonymous. You were sent on a blind date with a woman who was not only already fully hooked up with another man but who also thought it was appropriate to bring a date to your date?"
"This is all making Bella sound functional," Alice dodged the softening old apple I threw at her and it splatted against the wall with a squelch. Note to self: stop bringing fruit to work when you know you're only going to eat muffins for breakfast.
"I'm making her sound bad rather unfairly," he sighed, "he was her ex. Until he showed up at the restaurant to woo her back."
"You need to paint us a picture, I need to see in my mind's eye exactly how this went down," Alice said while my weak heart recovered the composure it lost over the use of the word 'woo'. It was a dumb word but it went straight to my Victorian romance conditioned ovaries.
"We were enjoying a pleasant enough drink, looking through the menu, when the pianist starts up," he sounded amused at least, "her mouth falls open and I turn around to see this chap coming for us crooning You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine."
"Original or Buble?" Alice asked, like it mattered.
"Bloody Buble."
"Ooof," she made the universal punch-in-the-gut sound, "you can't compete with Buble."
"You certainly can't. She ran straight into his arms while I sat there looking like an absolute fool."
"Did you get 'The Look' from the other diners?" I knew 'The Look', I'd been given 'The Look'.
"Naturally. And especially when he got down on one knee right there in front of me…"
"Did she say yes?" Alice was kneeling up in her seat, like a toddler at the dinner table, eagerly clutching the microphone in anticipation, "did she say yes?"
He barked out a huge, warm laugh, "of course she did."
My heart broke a little bit for him, I knew all too well the feeling of a date gone bad, I mean not that bad but still...I knew it. He gave us some more details about the romantic engagement tale that his date would no doubt be relaying to her future grandkids and offered himself up as a perfect example of why people should never interfere in the love lives of friends, much to my smug satisfaction.
"So no more blind dates?" Alice asked sadly.
"I think I'll be taking this as a sign that I should take a break from dating for a little while," he confirmed.
"As I keep telling Bella, if you don't put yourself out there…"
"The poor guy doesn't even have ovaries to shrivel," I interjected, "best of luck to you Anonymous and thank you so much for sharing your tale of woe. It's good to know there's somebody out there with a friend even more unbearably and inappropriately over-involved in your love life than Alice is in mine."
"Thanks ladies," he finished before Rose cut him off and took us to an ad break.
"Bella," she squealed, racing into the room, "you've got to see the messages we're getting! Half of Seattle wants to see you and Rochester making sweet, sweet love."
"Not literally I'm sure," I deadpanned through the panic.
She gave me a patented Rose eye roll, "of course not literally but it's something to think about…can I set it up?"
"NO!" I yelled before she could back out the door and do it anyway, "don't even fucking think about it Rosalie. And you," I rounded on Alice, "can wipe that fucking grin off your face too."
"But…"
"No Rose, I'm begging you. You can't do this to me."
"He might be The One," Alice whispered, making a heart shape with her thumbs and forefingers, pouting in what she obviously thought was a cute-as-pie manner.
"That face might work on Jasper but it's not working on me Alice Brandon. Now shouldn't we be working?" I nodded to the clock which showed we still had a half hour left to fill.
Once the show was all wrapped up and we were handed over to Boring Bill, our resident news and comment guy, Maggie approached me.
"I really think you should consider Rose's idea. A little drama could do wonders for the ratings."
"Thanks Maggie but I just don't feel it would be appropriate. Besides I'm sure he wouldn't be interested," translation: I couldn't take the rejection.
She sighed and pulled another cats-ass face, "I assume you've heard that listener numbers have tanked since KPUM Breakfast debuted their new format? And with Alice in a relationship some people might say The Morning After has lost it's edge..."
"Rose mentioned it, yeah," was this bitch about to blackmail me? Surely that made her, like, a pimp or whatever.
"Something to think about," she simpered, turning on a spiked heel and tucking her big red folder of doom, probably containing our pre-written letters of termination, under her arm as she sauntered away.
XXXXXXXX
A/N: So...wow. Thanks to Tarbecca who recced this story over on A Different Forest and gained me what seems like a bazillion new followers and favourites and...actually I'm feeling a little under pressure now. An admission: I made a slight mistake on the story description - I had meant to label the story AH but I typo-ed. Sorry to those who were looking for cannon AU business - I'm afraid you won't find it here. If you've reviewed I will drop you a line but under the circumstances I thought you'd rather get an update :) EQx