He took a deep breath, as if he had held it until she answered.

"But", she added before he could say anything, "if you need time to figure out what you've just learnt, and if you want me around while you do that, there is one condition."

"Anything you want", he said urgently. "What is it ?"

"Honesty", she said firmly. "No more lies, no more evasions or untold truth. And to begin, tell me why you behaved as if you didn't need me since we work together again."

He seemed to hesitate, with that look he had when he knew that she'd not be pleased with his answer.

"Spill it", she said. "You owe me that at least, don't you think ?"

"I suppose I thought that it was what you wanted", he whispered. "After what you said to me in the plane on our way back from New-York... I thought that you'd prefer me to work with Fisher and leave you alone."

"You stayed away from me because of that !" She couldn't believe it.

"Well, you said : «You were difficult and exhausting and maybe I don't want to put the rest of my life on hold to be your sidekick. » I think it was pretty clear about what you wanted me to do."

She shouldn't have been surprised that he would remember her very words. Yet she'd had no idea of the devastating impact they'd had on him. She couldn't believe that after all these years with him, she had not taken into account, or at least not enough, both his ability to hide his true feelings and the extreme vulnerability he hid behind the glib, cheerful facade. Maybe because of the two years she had spent away from him ? For whatever reason, she had quickly dismissed the idea that he had been hurt by her angry outburst. But obviously he had, even if he had never mentioned it again.

"For God's sake, Jane", she said, "why did you have to pick that very occasion to do as you were told ? Or rather, as you supposed that you were told ?"

As he remained silent, she decided to wind him up a little to force him to tell the truth.

"Apparently you decided to give me a hard time by shuting me out in retaliation ?" She knew it was not true. Even if he could be mean on occasion, that kind of petty revenge was not like him.

"Not at all", he protested immediately. "I just thought that you were right. I shouldn't have made of you my first condition in my deal with Abbott without asking you about it before. And I was actually difficult and exhausting to work with. I got you that job to make up for what I had done to your carreer. Then I thought it would be better if Fisher was the one to deal with me, so you were free to prove yourself, as I knew you would… Besides", he added, "you didn't seem to want to spend time with me. Once I suggested you could make the journey in my airstream, and you declined."

"But I hate airstreams", she exclaimed, "and OK, I was also a little miffed that you had hardly spoken to me for days. How could the great mentalist misread me so badly ? It seems you're losing your touch", she said, her kind tone making up for the sting in her words.

"Maybe", he said in a pleasant tone belied by the sadness of his eyes, "it's because my emotions messed up too badly with my brilliant mind."

"And in spite of these emotions, you nearly encouraged me to date Pike, going so far as asking an helicopter for me not to miss a dinner with him ? What was I supposed to think ?"

"That I was happy that you had found a nice guy to appreciate and love you the way you deserve to be. Someone with a normal background, a clean record and a promising future. And I was actually happy for you, you know."

"Happy for me, yes, but what about you ? And remember, I want nothing but the truth."

He sighed. "I was utterly, completely miserable of course. What else ? But what could I offer you, compared to him ?"

"So once again", she said, "you made the decision for me. Wasn't that precisely what I had asked you not to do ?"

"I didn't see it that way", he protested, "I tried to let you decide by yourself by keeping myself out of the way".

"How could I have decided freely, if I only had one option", she exclaimed. "You're not telling me the whole truth, once again."

"I do", he said vehemently.

"No you don't."

He hesitated just a moment, then said : "All right. I didn't act on my feelings also because I was scared."

"Scared of what ?"

"Scared of not being able to move on at all. You see, when I met Fisher in the island, not knowing who she was, I tried to have a date with her, and to remove my ring."

"Yes, Fisher told me about the ring. But it was back in place when I met you in Austin. You found out that you were not ready."

"Yes. And I thought I'd never be. Having killed Mc Allister didn't change anything about my guilt. And guilt prevented me from coping with grief and turn the page. So it was better for you not to remain saddled with a messed up, self-centered wreck such as me."

She should have guessed. How could she have missed the truth ? How could she have overlooked the distant, cheeful, bordering mechanical behaviour, all the signs she would have immediately recognized as bad signs in the old days ? She had thought he was OK, that Red John's death had freed him, but it was the contrary. He had felt as trapped in his past as ever. Where had gone her everlasting concern for him that made her guess when something was wrong with him ?Was she the one who had been self-centered this time ?

"Was it really a self-centered decision, to let me go ?", she said. "I rather think it's one of the most selfless, but stupid things you ever did. And what if I had gone to DC with Pike, as he asked me to ?"

At the shock in his eyes, she understood that he had not expected that at all. It had been quite unexpected for her too, by the way.

"He asked you that ? So your relationship is very serious for him."

"Yes, and I'm afraid I lied to him, telling him I was feeling the same", Lisbon said guiltily. "But I was just desperate to have someone in my life… to make me forget it could have been you", she finished without even thinking.

This was it. She had made the first move, as she had sworn to herself she'd never do. But things had changed, all was changed tonight. Jane was being honest with her, with no reservation, no elusions.

"And what now ?" she asked. "You've just said you need me. What made you change your mind and tell me that ? Do you think you'll be able to move on, now that you know you didn't cause Red John to kill your family ?"

"I still think that if I'd been a different person, it wouldn't have happened. But yes, I hope that now, maybe, I'll be able to turn the page. I'm still completely unworthy of you, you know that."

"I don't see things that way, and whatever the truth is, you're the one I want, no matter your backround, record and so on. You're the one I love, with the faults and torments of your past, but also your kindness, your brilliant mind, your incredible capacity to enjoy life and make the others enjoy it."

"And you're the one I love, with your courage, your strenght, your intergrity and above all, your incredible heart. I'm the luckiest bastard in the world."

"Stop insulting the man I love or I punch you on the nose", she said pleasantly. She'd never felt so happy in her life.