Chapter 3

When Angela woke up the next morning, she found herself alone in the bed. As Tony had announced, he had gotten up early for the training session with his team. She sighed. He was away for such a long time already that the space beside her had turned cold. She felt as if heaven had locked her out; it hurt so much that happiness was so close but so far away at the same time. She turned away from Tony's side of the bed and was reminded painfully of the end of her marriage to Michael. Like Tony, he had been away repeatedly on one of his trips to the most remote places of the world to shoot documentaries. And she had been left alone in that big house and in that big bed. After all, Jonathan had been there and she had always been able to plunge herself into her job at Wallace & McQuade; both had helped her to bridge the time until Michael had popped in again on a brief visit. Someday, Angela had to admit that this kind of living - or rather not living - together wasn't exactly what she once had in mind for a well-working marriage. Eventually, their separation was inevitable. Although it had been Michael who had put an end to their marriage when he moved out and left her and little Jonathan, she had mentally separated herself from him much earlier. She was frightened. Were Tony and she steering unstoppably towards the failure of their relationship as well? They had been yearning for each other for seven long years, now they were a couple for roughly one year only and faced the first chaps already. Would keeping their relationship as one between friends have been the wiser decision? After tossing and turning in her bed for quite some time, she couldn't take it any more and got up.

The phone rang and Angela hoped it was Tony who told her when he would be home. She quickly pulled the receiver off the hook.

"Hello?"

"Hello Angela. This is your mother!" Mona chirped into the phone.

"Oh, it's you, Mother", Angela replied without hiding her disappointment.

"Who did you expect?"

"Tony."

"Tony? He should be lying in your bed. It's only 7:30 your time on a Saturday morning. I was wondering whether any of you love birds might answer the phone at all", she said smugly.

Angela only sighed.

"Tell me Dear, are there any dark clouds in paradise?" Mona had a sixth sense for such things. For all these years, she had hoped that Tony and Angela would confide in each other and she had been the happiest of all mothers after the two of them had gotten together finally. But she hadn't liked the idea of starting their joint life in Iowa very much. She knew from the start that it wouldn't work; Angela being separated from her agency, without having anything to do really, and Tony having his first full-fledged job as a teacher - that couldn't go well! And now she saw all her fears confirmed.

"No Mother, Tony had to squeeze in an unforseeable practice. From this afternoon on we'll spend the weekend together", Angela reassured. She wasn't in the mood to talk about her love life with her mother.

"Whatever you say, Angela. But you know that you can always talk to me, right?"

"Yes, I know, thank you Mother. Why are you calling this hour anyway? Has something happened?" Angela became nervous all of a sudden. Although it was one hour later on the East coast, 8:30 on a Saturday morning was still fairly early for her mother who usually went out on a date on Friday nights.

"I have great news! You're scheduled for a marketing award, my dear. Apparently it hasn't gotten around to the Advertising Association of America yet that you're no longer on board because they want to make you have the Outstanding Achievement Award."

"You're making fun of me, Mother!"

Angela didn't believe her ears. That was one of the most prestigious prizes awarded in her industry. How long had she dreamed of it to get it? And just now, as she was slowly but gradually wasting away in this no man's land, this honor should be given to her? She didn't understand anything anymore.

"As much as I would like to do that ... your campaign for the Philology Association to enhance the reading habits of teenagers had set new standards, Angela. It not only was very creative and innovative, it also had its effect. You promoted a really good cause here! Parents read their children more stories and American teenagers started reading books again instead of only playing computer games. Part of the credit for this development belongs to you and that's why you'll get this award. As difficult as this is for me ...", Mona cleared her throat, "... you've earned this!"

Angela sat down on the little couch in the living room. She had to let that sink in. She knew that she was good in what she was doing, brilliant actually, but learning that others perceived that as well, above all the preeminent Advertising Association of America, filled her with satisfaction and pride. The Outstanding Achievement Award was something like the Oscars of the advertising industry; who once was awarded one, henceforth belonged to the illustrious circle of big shots in this business. And now she, Angela Bower, should receive this award. What a relief after all these years of constant struggle. She had been forced to put up with filthy remarks in testosterone-driven old boys' clubs, she had seen far less talented men climb the corporate ladder quicker than herself, and she had lived with being mistaken for the secretary instead of the president. Now she had finally reached Mount Olympus, where she had always wanted to be. Finally!

Mona pulled her out of her musings. "The award ceremony takes place in two months from now here in New York, on the occasion of the great advertising banquet at the Waldorf Astoria. I'm holding the invitation in my hand, I think you've missed to notify the Association about your move to Idaho." She just couldn't bite back this last small sarcastic remark.

"Iowa, Mother, not Idaho", Angela corrected her.

"Oh, what the heck! Where's the difference? Both hinterland! The centre of the advertising world is here, Angela! Here in New York! You've grown up here and you belong here. I know you. I'm well aware that you're not happy over there. And the fact that you're all alone on a Saturday morning supports my theory. Where is Tony? Why isn't he with you? You've moved into this dump only because of him! Angela, if you're not cautious enough, this will destroy your relationship. This won't work in the long run and the earlier you realize, the better. If Tony thinks he can change you into a devoted housewife, he is mistaken. That's simply not you, Angela!"

Mony was sorry for being so blunt and relentless. She would've preferred to tell her daughter this face to face and not on the phone. She could imagine exactly what her frank words did to Angela. Lying to herself was comfortable, and for a while she would get through with it, but sooner or later every cloud-castle collapsed. That she had to tear down her daughter's protective walls with a wrecking ball made her sad, but she had to for Angela's own good. Her love for Tony would perish inevitably, if the two of them went on like this. If Tony wasn't able or willing to see it, he was an idiot! 'I won't let my daughter lose her true self out there, that's for sure!' she silently swore to herself.

"The two of you will be coming, won't you?"

"Sure we will be coming. What are you thinking?" Angela replied emphatically although she indeed was a bit worried about the 'we'.

"If Tony doesn't have an away match, you mean ..." Why couldn't she hold back the sarcasm? She had burdened her enough already.

"Mother, Tony knows how important this is for me. I'm sure he'll do his utmost to be able to be there. By the way, the season will be over until then. There might be some friendly games, but I guess his assistant coach can take up the slack for him once." 'Hopefully', flashed through her mind.

"Okay, then just let me know when you will be coming. I'll pick you up at the airport." Mona hoped devoutly that the two of them would be coming. Heaven over Iowa would darken furthermore, if they didn't, she knew. And then, she was surprised about it and couldn't believe it herself, she said softly, "I'm proud of you, Dear!" and smiled into the phone.

"Thank you, Mother! I appreciate it. Talk to you soon."

Angela put the receiver back on the hook. She had to let her thoughts sink in. How she would've loved to share her joy with Tony right now, but he wasn't there. He was with his 'boys', that was what he used to call them, and not with her. Was her mother right? Was it only a matter of time until they would've drifted apart, until their love would be cooled down and their passion be extinguished? No, they had to fight against it! That was why she was determined not to let Tony's absence drag her down. She would surprise him with her sensational news in the afternoon. She would buy some champagne, get some treats from Mr. Drager's Delicatessen, she would lay the dinner table with love and would spend a wonderful evening with him. He had already planned some nice getaway for Sunday, and his ideas had always been great. They would be planning their trip to New York and she would finally have something to look forward to.

When Tony unlocked the door to their apartment, he had just completed a tough training session. The boys had all disappointed him a bit today. They hadn't exactly been delighted that he had scheduled a practice on a free Saturday morning. Usually, the youths liked to go to a bar or club on Friday nights and party until late. A few of them had planned to visit their families at home on the weekend. The coach had ruined all those plans with this short-termed special practice. They were ambitious just like him and enjoyed being so much more successful since coach Micelli had acceded his office. They weren't the bottom-placed team anymore but found themselves securely in the middle of the standings. The tough fitness training, the recurrent hitting practices and, above all, the long tactical briefings he was giving them, slowly came to fruition. His players enjoyed being able to learn from a former professional ball player, but once in a while they were annoyed by the unconditional will to win and incessant ambition of their coach. They were also looking for fun during their college years and weren't willing to sacrifice their entire free time to college baseball. They had made that clear today unequivocally and Tony had withdrawn from the soccer stadium peevishly and in a bad mood.

As soon as she heard the key in the lock, Angela jumped up from the couch and rushed to the door.

"Hi Honey!" she greeted him and flung her arms around his neck. There he was, finally! Now she would tell him about the upcoming award ceremony.

"Slowly, slowly!" he said, putting his sports bag on the floor. He kissed her on the cheek without much emotion. "Let me have a shower first", he murmured and vanished into the bathroom without another word.

Angela was in such a good mood that she let him go. It wasn't the first time that he came home from work a little grumpy. That had happened to her too back in Fairfield. In moments like these, she had always taken a relaxing bath, had given herself enough time to leave behind the troubles of the day, and had eventually taken the stairs down into the living room at ease and in a good mood to enjoy the end of her work day with Tony and the rest of the family. After a revitalising shower and some fresh clothes, he would give his attention to her and would react as enthusiastically to her news as she hoped he would.

Tony was back in the kitchen about fifteen minutes later. His hair was still wet, he had put on a pair of jeans and a fresh plain white T-Shirt. Angela smelled the cologne she loved so much on him. He took her in his arms, pulled her close, looked at her and asked, "Well, what did you do today?"

"I've got us a little something for dinner." She pointed to the kitchen counter where she had put the boxes from Mr. Drager's Delicatessen as well as a bottle of exclusive champagne Mr. Drager had to pull out of the rearmost corner of his wine cellar. The latter definitely belonged in the fridge, if she wanted it to be perfectly chilled at dinner time.

"Wow, Moet et Chandon? What are we celebrating?" he asked in surprise.

"Well, ..." She smiled at him whimsically.

"Are you going to tell me?"

Tony felt curiosity rise within him and only hoped that he hadn't forgotten another anniversary. It had never happened in Connecticut but here in Iowa he had missed the ninth anniversary of his inital move into Angela's house. She had tried to hide her disappointment but hadn't really succeeded - and he was startled that it could have slipped his mind. That particular day had always been very special to both of them and the eighth anniversary had been the starting day of their relationship as it was now. They had admitted they loved each other in the love tunnel of the Brooklyn fair they had gone to with the entire family plus Mrs. Rossini and Sam's peculiar college mate to celebrate the eight anniversary of Sam and him moving into the Bower household. He could've spanked himself for being so inconsiderate, for having neglected her that much, for focussing only on the preparations of the final exams of his students and the baseball play-offs and for forgetting their first anniversary as a couple. It was almost unforgivable. But it didn't seem to be an anniversary Angela had on her mind because she was beaming at him, no sign of disappointment whatsoever on her face. Then, finally, she eased Tony's tension with telling him about her big surprise.

"The Bower Agency is scheduled for the Outstanding Achievement Award for the campaign we conducted for the Philology Association. Remember? The campaign which should get teenagers back to reading books. The Advertising Association thinks it's groundbreaking and innovative. ... Oh Tony, I've been dreaming of this award for all my life - all my business life that is!" Her eyes were glowing and her entire body was radiant with excitement and joy. He hadn't seen her like this for a long time; so cheerful, so effervescent and elated, in such high spirits.

"That's wonderful! It was about time that these honorable old men acknowledged your talent. You deserve this, Angela! I'm proud of you."

Why could only her job make her smile like this? He had racked his brain about whether it had been too much to ask for her to move to Iowa more than once in the past weeks. He knew exactly how much she missed bustling New York, how difficult it was for her not to be involved in the daily business of her agency. Someone like she, who was used to having lunch at the fanciest restaurants, who loved going to Broadway shows or the ballet, who visited art exhibitions and enjoyed talking to colleagues about the newest trends in advertising, someone like this simply had to feel cut off the rest of the world out here. He also knew that he didn't have enough time for her. He didn't do it on purpose; no, to the complete contrary, he loved her like no other woman since Marie and he would spend every minute of the day with her if he only could, but he had taken over the responsibility for his students and his team and he wanted to live up to the expectations others had pinned on him. Moreover, this job was giving him a sort of satisfaction he hadn't felt before - neither as Mrs. Rossini's fish truck driver or bartender, nor as Angela's housekeeper. This was his first proper job ... and he loved it!

"I still can't fully believe it, Tony!" Angela interrupted his musings, "we're going to have a wonderful time in New York. The award ceremony will take place in the Waldorf Astoria. I thought we could take a little suite so we don't have to drive all the way to Fairfield after the banquet but can go on celebrating in our room," she wrapped her arms around his waist and added lasciviously, "if you know what I mean, ..." After only a brief pause she carried on with her planning; she had been picturing the entire weekend in her mind all day, she already knew exactly what she wanted it to be like. "We can have a stroll through Central Park on Sunday, have a little something for lunch downtown and drop by the office for a short check before we fly back to Branford in the evening. It's going to be wonderful, just wonderful, Tony!"

Tony smiled. He was glad that she had something to look forward to, something which would keep her occupied for the next few weeks. She would need a new dress for the occasion, she would have to write an acceptance speech, she would have to plan things with her staff - to put it shortly ... she would have something to do! And Tony was really truly happy for her. He had accompanied and supported her throughout the last nine years of her career and had listened to more than one story about how hard she had to struggle at the beginning. He knew that her first marriage hadn't survived her professional ambitions and that she had quarreled many times with being a full-time working mom. She had earned this, it was the reward for her year-long hard work. It was only until Angela's next remark that he was utterly happy and relieved.

"It's only eight more weeks until the ceremony. Luckily, the baseball season will be over by then."

What? What did she say? Right after the end of the season? Tony's heart had almost come to a complete stop. No, that wasn't ... that just couldn't be true!

"Uhm, when exactly?" He couldn't bring himself to say more.

"In June", Angela answered still completely clueless of what had already begun to loom around her.

"Are we talking about the weekend of the 25th to the 26th by any chance?" He almost didn't dare to ask and apprehended her answer.

Angela hadn't grasped yet that Tony had become somewhat reserved and tensed, she herself was much too enthusiastic about all this to be able to sense the negative vibrations in the room. Her antennas, which usually were quite sensitive to subliminal stimulus, were out of service at the moment.

"Yes, that's the one. Why do you ask?" She looked at him and slowly, very slowly, started to put two and two together when she saw how his face gradually turned to stone. "Now don't tell me that you've scheduled a hitting practice with your boys," she spit the last word out, "on this very weekend."

"No, no hitting practice." He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. "I've booked a training camp with the Iowa Hawkeyes just this morning. The University of Iowa invited us to a friendly game with their baseball team."

"Then go ahead and postpone it!" she demanded.

"Postpone it? How am I supposed to postpone something like this? The flights have been booked, the hotel reservations have been made and the game against the Hawkeyes has been fixed. I can't postpone this."

"Since when do you make plans for the weekend without consulting with me first?" she asked. Had he missed the point? Had everything and everyone become more important than she in the meantime? Didn't he bother anymore to talk to her about such things as him being away in Iowa City for a weekend? Did his job justify everything? Angela was confused and distraught. Her emotion had changed from complete bliss to unexpected surprise and was slowly turning into disappointed anger.

"We had to decide fast this morning", Tony tried to defend himself, "and how the hell was I supposed to know you would be awarded that stupid prize right on this weekend?"

Had he just said 'stupid' prize? What had only gotten into him?

Angela stared at Tony in disbelief. He had really called it 'stupid', 'stupid prize'! This was by far the most important acknowledgement of her work she had ever been granted until this day and she would ever be granted if she went on baking apple pies and bowling strikes in Branford, Iowa. Her eyes instantly filled with tears, rather angry than sad tears though. Her pulse had climbed up to 150 beats, her hands were trembling and a sudden heat had appropriated her body. She felt as if someone had pulled the rug out from under her feet. For months, she had been aligning her life completely to his. She had never complained when he was late, she had always listened when he spoke about his job. She had accompanied him to every dull school event and had allowed boring rednecks to tell her their even more boring personal life stories. Crying pubescent girls had been sitting on her couch, pouring her hearts out to Tony or making mooneyes at him, and hysterical mothers had begged for better grades for their kids ... also making mooneyes at him. She had tolerated all of this and now for once it was about her, about what she wanted, about what was important to her. And he was putting his job at the top of the list! Did she really have to settle for ranking at the bottom of his list of priorities? Behind his team, behind his students, behind his college? Which was her ranking anyway? Four? Five? One thousand?

"You must be kidding!" was all Angela could utter. Never had she been angrier with Tony. She not only was fuming with anger, but was abysmally disappointed, and that was even worse. Never had he hurt her that much; she hadn't been aware he would ever be able to hurt her like this. She shook her head. No, she just couldn't talk about it now, his reaction had hit her too hard. The mere perception that Tony might prefer to be with his team on this special day instead of with her, felt like a stab into her heart and she wasn't able to cope with it at all. So she turned around, snatched the first garment she saw - a very thin pullover, tore open the apartment door and ran out. She had no idea where she wanted to go, she only wanted to get away from him as far and as fast as possible. The last time that happened to her had been in Fairfield, after that night she had unwillingly babbled out love confessions in her sleep. How long ago had that been? Three years? Four years? She had fled out of embarrassment then, she was fleeing out of desperation now.

Tony was too flabbergasted to react fast enough. If he had only gotten the chance to instantly apologize for having called the award 'stupid'. He hadn't meant it like that! If he had only been able to explain what an honor it was to be invited by the almighty University of Iowa for a friendly game against their famous and outstandingly successful Hawkeyes. Until then, Wells College's baseball teams had just been too weak and bush-leagued to ever get noticed by prominent teams such as the Iowa Hawkeyes. If he had only been able to tell her how sorry he was to miss a romantic weekend with her in New York. Well ... if! Maybe he would've been able to set things right, maybe she would've listened to him, maybe they would've reconciled ... and maybe then they would've been spared the downward spiral their relationship had taken just this very moment.

Maybe.