Ok, I hate longer author's notes so I try to make it short for you.
This chapter is a little shorter since I realized that my original plan needed a chapter before I could get into a new subject and I think it turned out to be rather important!
On another note: I know I shouldn't say it but I have a new story worked out for months now & I really want to start writing it but I need to finish this one first, it makes me crazy because I'm super excited!
Last but not least: The next chapter is already chapter 20 and I have no clue how we got here, but I'm glad you're still sticking around and liking this story!
And now: Enjoy reading!

"That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect."

― Lev Grossman

Being at home again Ziva went straight into the kitchen to make a much needed tea for herself and a coffee for Tony.

She knew she should talk to him but as she leaned against the cupboard and waited for the water to heat up she couldn't come up with a way to start this conversation.

Sighing she finished their drinks and quietly joined him on the couch.
"Pretty much to progress, right? He softly spoke up, sensing how absentminded Ziva was.
"Mhh." She nodded in reply, still unsure how to approach the topic from earlier.
"Mind to let me in on your thoughts?" He now slightly nudged her, wondering what exactly was on her mind.

It took her a few more moments but eventually she spoke up again.
"I told Lauren what happened last night. I mean after I had my flashback." Her voice was small and she seemed insecure all of a sudden.

Tony didn't exactly know what to reply to that, or if he should interrupt her at all but decided on asking her something.
"What did she say?" Now he also wanted to know what Lauren's opinion was on Ziva's reaction last night.

"She told me to talk to you." By now her voice came out in barely above a whisper and she looked down into her lap as another moment of silent passed between them.

"We talked about my feelings towards you and the situation in general, it is…" She trailed off, not knowing how to continue. It was just so hard to open up in someone else's presence even if it was Tony.

"Hey, you can talk to me Ziva." He now placed his hands over hers and reassuringly squeezed them.
"It is not that easy." Silent tears were now making their way down her cheeks and Tony was immediately worried about her emotional state again.

"I know it is not easy, but we can figure this out, together." His voice was steady and genuine and when she looked up again he gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I just cannot hide my feelings anymore Tony. But it would also make everything so much more difficult. I just do not know what to do anymore." Once she had brought those words out tiny sobs began to escape her lips and she couldn't hold them back any longer, it simply became too much.
Hugging her tightly against his chest he silently let her express her emotions she had kept inside for so long.

"You still need to recover Zi and I won't walk away, you need to understand that. We're doing this at your pace and that's ok with me, we shouldn't rush anything at the moment." He understood her and even more understood the situation which brought some comfort to Ziva.

With that he had also told her that he was in this as well, that he wanted to be with her, something she couldn't quite believe just now.

"Listen," He spoke up again, his voice growing soft "I know you are impulsive at the moment and there will be times where I have to remind you to not take things too far, ok?"
For a moment she had to think about his words, process them in order to understand what exactly he meant but soon enough she nodded in agreement and for the first time really looked at him.

"Ok." She whispered, her voice still hoarse from the crying but he nevertheless understood her.
Looking into her eyes he saw desperation but also hope and to support his words he placed a tender kiss onto her forehead and briefly caressed her cheeks.

They stayed like this for a while until Ziva spoke up again. "I am a little tired."
He knew she wouldn't be able to take a peaceful nap unless he would stay by her side and so he decided to lie down with her until she had fallen asleep.

"C'mon let's sleep a little. I will stay with you for a while, ok?" She nodded and they both got up and wandered down the hall.

Once in the bedroom she nimbly got into bed and waited for Tony to join her. As he did so he tucked her in, knowing she was freezing at all times lately.

As soon as he was leaning against the headboard, his legs stretched out she shuffled closer and curled into a ball next to him, her hand resting on his chest and her head buried into the crook of his neck. He instinctively wrapped one of his arms around her and planted a small kiss into her hair before hearing her letting out a small sigh.

A few minutes later he heard her breath evening out, a sign that she had fallen asleep after a rather exhausting morning. It wasn't long though until he felt his phone vibrating next to him and he couldn't help but wonder who would call him in the middle of the day.

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