Here we go with chapter 20 (crazy, right?) and I think it's one of my favourite chapters so far! I couldn't wait to write this one & I hope you love it just as much!
Also: Can you tell which books I'm currently re-reading? ;)
Writing this chapter only took me an hour which is a record I think, so yay to that!
Now: Enjoy reading & reviews are much appreciated!

"You love me. Real or not real?"

I tell him, "Real."

- Suzanne Collins

"DiNozzo." Tony spoke up after grabbing his phone from the nightstand.
"Tony, how is Ziva doing?" He was greeted by the gruff voice of their boss.
"She's sleeping right now, the past days have been difficult." His voice was quiet in order to not wake her up.

"I will come over in 30 minutes." It was a statement rather than a question and Tony had nothing to oppose to this and he didn't even have the opportunity since Gibbs had already hung up again.
Letting out a deep sigh he relaxed for about 10 more minutes until he carefully slipped out of bed and tucked Ziva in again before quietly leaving the room to prepare some coffee.

Gibbs arrived on time, as usual, and gratefully took the cup of coffee Tony offered him.
He didn't say anything though, he simply glared at him and waited for him to start talking.

"She had some more flashbacks and restless nights and has still difficulties with eating regularly but at least she's slowly opening up towards me and her therapist." Tony started to explain and waited for Gibbs reaction.

"She better does, it's not good for her to keep things bottled up inside." He replied but Tony knew there was more to come simply from the look he gave him.

"You haven't left her side since the accident." It was yet another statement and something in his eyes told Tony to wait until he continued speaking.
"What's going on between the two of you?" Tony knew he was referring to rule 12 but he didn't think they would have such a discussion right there and then.

"I'm not sure, we had a long conversation before she went down for a nap. It's not that simple." The words left his mouth before he could fully comprehend it and he wasn't quite sure how Gibbs would react.

"This is not the right time DiNozzo." Now he was back to business, a slight anger evident in his voice.
"Rule 12 exists for a reason." His words stung and unraveled something inside of Tony.

"She needs me Gibbs and I won't leave her side, no matter what!" His voice grew louder within seconds and he almost yelled at him. "Damn, I love her and I don't care if this costs my job! Do you think it's fun seeing her suffering like that? When she wakes up from a nightmare telling you she's afraid of losing yet another person she loves? Because it's not but I refuse to be that person that leaves her!" He was raging and didn't care that it was his boss standing in front of him.

Gibbs never got the chance to reply though because they were interrupted by someone else screaming hysterically.

"No, please no, stop it!" Ziva stood in the doorframe, sobbing with tears streaming down her face.
"Ziva." Tony stood there in shock, watching as she slid down the doorframe and buried her head into her hands as they rested on top of her knees.

He quickly approached her and tried to calm her.
"No. No, no, no." He heard her whimper as he gently touched her knee.
"I'm sorry Zi, I didn't mean to yell. Do you hear me?" She seemed so far away from reality that he could only hope that she wouldn't push him away again.

Cradling her into his embrace she immediately curled up and tightly clutched his shirt, the sobs still wracking her body. He immediately knew it wouldn't be easy to get her out of this flashback again.

"You can't possibly turn our daughter into a ruthless killer." She heard her mother screaming at her father from behind the door.

"She will be valuable for Mossad and I won't let her ruin this career with dancing." When she heard this silent tears ran down her cheeks.

She was only 8 years old at that time and loved dancing more than anything else but her father wanted her to do martial arts instead of dancing classes, something she wasn't happy about.

"She's 8 years old, how can you say that?" Her mother sounded angry as she spit out those words.

For a few seconds it was silent inside of her parent's bedroom but she could clearly hear her father slapping her mother's face and that's when she stumbled towards her room, locked the door and started sobbing violently until her mother came to comfort her.

A few minutes later the sobbing slowly subsided and turned into tiny hiccups while she tried to catch her breath. Feeling Tony's strong arms around her trembling body calmed her down and her muscles began to relax again.

"I'm so sorry Zi." Tony repeatedly murmured into her hair as he tenderly ran his fingers up and down her arm.
"It is ok." She managed to bring out, her voice a little hoarse.

"Did you have a flashback?" Ziva nodded.
"I did not mean to raise my voice." He stared into her eyes that were still a little watery.

"I know." She let out a deep breath. "It just reminded me of how my parents used to fight over my future." It was still hard for her to talk about her childhood but feeling safe in Tony's arms made it easier

"I'm sorry you went through all of this." He knew it wasn't his fault but whenever he heard something about her past it made him incredibly sad and upset.

Silence settled between them as they both sorted their emotions and took a few deep breaths.

"You love me." She stated after a while. It was quiet but the words nevertheless reached Tony's ears.

"Yes." It felt like the only thing that needed to be said and he simply held her a little closer to his chest.

She let his confirmation sink in and after what felt like an eternity she replied in a small voice "I think I love you too."

Feedbacks make my day, let me know what you think (they always feel like christmas presents) (: