Baby Come Back Chapter Four: Friends in Low Places
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Daniel sat on the side of the bed in his quarters stunned, more so than if he'd been struck by a zat and undoubtedly he could not be more stunned by anything else that might come along. Nope. He was the epitome of textbook stunned. Jack had explained – in glowing detail – the events of the past few weeks. Events Daniel did not remember. He had married Vala. Had told Jack his true feelings – which Jack gladly expounded on. "You said, Daniel and I quote, 'I'm crazy in love with her and I'm ready to settle down. Start a family. Live happily ever after. We got married today' that's it – that's what you said."
There was more to this situation, Daniel mused, Vala had been reassigned to SG-3 when Jack found out, Mitchell and Sam and maybe even Teal'c were furious with him for not telling them – that part he figured out for himself. He was too tired to think about it and his head had started pounding again. He'd get some sleep - maybe tomorrow would be better.
The door flew open and Vala rushed in hands waving wildly, "You'll be glad to know that divorce is not necessary. We can have the marriage annulled. It appears that since there was no consummation of the vows after the ceremony, divorce is not necessary. Apparently consummation prior to the vows doesn't count, however the legal completion of a marriage by an act of sexual intercourse between the spouses is required." She spit it all out without a hint of regret as if reciting directly from some internet site. Finally taking a breath she added, "I emailed you the link. I ordered the paper work. We can officially be back to being friends. No consummating activities are allowed in the interim, which of course won't be a problem, well at least not for you. We'll both be back on SG-1. Oh! Glad to see you're better, I was really worried about you, Daniel. Well. This ordeal will be over with soon. Let's just pretend it didn't happen. You want some Jell-o? …ah, I see you already got some. My god Daniel, you shouldn't sit around like that, in your boxers and nothing else. That's just not fair! Goodnight."
Daniel looked down at his state of undress and shook his head. Apparently he could be more stunned. Maybe she hadn't wanted to be married. Maybe they had both been drunk. He slipped under the covers and propped his hands behind his head. Ordeal? No consummating activities? Pretend it never happened? Sitting around in boxers is unfair? What difference could it possibly make now? She'd obviously seen it all before. His head began to pound even harder and his left eye was twitching. He was in love with Vala Mal Doran…Jackson. He'd realized that well over three weeks ago and obviously had acted on it within the past three weeks. But suddenly, it seemed, the universe was conspiring to keep them apart. Moving his right arm across his eyes he groaned. Now what the hell am I supposed to do? Friends. She wants to be friends?
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Vala, eyes puffy from crying and lack of sleep, was over the top chipper at breakfast with Sam, Teal'c and Cam the next morning. "Did you miss me?" She sat down and grinned idiotically at the other three.
"I did." Teal'c bowed with a slim smile.
"And you Samantha? Did you miss me too?" Vala slathered raspberry jelly on her toast and took a huge bite.
"I did…actually."
"Cameron?"
"No comment."
"It wasn't my fault Cameron, I wanted to keep it all a secret but Daniel insisted we needed to tell Jack. It's all Jack's fault. Besides we're not really married."
"WHAT!?" Mitchell jumped up knocking his chair over. The entire commissary quieted and everyone was staring.
Vala paled and ducked her head pushing her scrambled eggs around her plate. "I mean we did have a wedding but since we never…consummated the marriage – not afterwards anyway - we aren't really married and we're having the whole thing annulled. Happy?" She let go of the fork and it rattled against her plate. Looking up she tried to act as if it was no big deal but she could feel the stinging behind her eyes. "I have to go. I left something with Reynolds and I have to go and get it." She dashed out.
Dumbstruck, Mitchell picked up the chair and sat. "What? The whole thing was a scam? Meant to torture me? Test my leadership skills? I'm gonna kill me a General and happily face the firin' squad. Had a wedding but they're not married…I don't think I understand. This whole 'thing' just keeps gettin' weirder."
"ValaMalDoran appears to have been crying, again. I believe ColonelsMitchell and Carter that she is unhappy with the thought of annulment. Perhaps it is time we put aside our misguided annoyance and help to resolve this 'thing'."
"Right! I noticed the eyes, damn I feel like a jerk. It was never about Daniel and Vala. I shoulda been mad at the bureaucracy in the first place." Now Mitchell was really sulking. "We were a team and I as much as anybody screwed with the team. Maybe more. We shoulda stuck by them." He kicked the table leg angry with himself.
"Indeed, ColonelMitchell. You may have contributed to ending their marriage."
Teal'c's accusation hit Mitchell like a freight train. He'd worked months to bring this team together and now – in a few days – he'd managed to shake the foundation. "So what are we gonna do?"
"I've got an idea." Sam grinned and the three of them moved closer and began to whisper.
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Vala perched herself on a stool in Sam's lab and stared at the blank computer screen; she refused to cry. She'd been a fool to let her guard down where Daniel was concerned. She should have known better than to let herself feel happy. Somehow it always gets spoiled. But she couldn't deny that she was miserable with the fact that her short venture into marriage with Daniel had to come to an end. Obviously she wasn't cut out for marriage.
Sam entered, followed by Teal'c and Mitchell and Vala looked up with a bright faked smile.
"Find what you needed?" Sam went straight to her equation board.
Brows crinkling in confusion Vala didn't answer.
"The thing you left with Reynolds?" Mitchell offered in explanation.
"Oh! That. Yes, ahm…my pen. My favorite pen." Lifting one of the economy pack Bic pens from the desk, Vala held it up waving it around in the air.
"Vaaalaaa?" Sam asked.
"Yeeesss?"
"You're not really wanting to end your marriage to Daniel, are you? Be honest."
Ducking her head Vala answered. "Noooo."
"Ah! Good! Okay, guys. Here's the plan." Sam started writing on the equation board in magenta color. PLAN underlined three times. She picked up the green marker and wrote: VALA-SAM-TEAL'C-CAM. Then she drew lines down in a column.
Everyone else pulled their chairs up like school children and watched carefully. "Where's Daniel?" Vala asked quietly.
"Oh, right…" Sam picked up the eraser and obliterated the word PLAN, then neatly printed: DANIEL'S CAPITULATION TO MARRIAGE and underlined it four times.
Vala grinned, leaned over and hugged Mitchell's arm. "Oh how wonderful. You've decided to help? Really. That's… well…that's just wonderful. But I meant where Daniel is physically?"
"DoctorLam has given DanielJackson a stronger pain reliever. He is asleep in his quarters. I delivered the medication myself and made sure he took them."
"Teal'c! You drugged him?!" Sam turned from the board astonished.
With a slight bow he reported, "I did."
"Good job, buddy." Mitchell patted the Jaffa on the shoulder. "Go on with class Miss Samantha."
Using a red marker Sam wrote under Vala's name: Under no circumstances will give in to any...she paused a long time in writing...
"What?"
"Any what?"
"Come on Sam, any what?"
Sam wrote again…any advances from the target subject should they be presented.
"You need another column." They all turned towards the doorway to find Jack waving.
"O'Neill, you wish to participate in ColonelCarter's plan to entrap DanielJackson?"
"Yeah. If I don't turn to stone from Carter's glares."
"Pull up a chair General. We can use all the help we can get." Sam didn't smile until she turned back around to the board.
She continued in red under Vala. WILL however use all known tactics of … again she paused.
"Of, ahm… of…" Mitchell scrunched up his face in thought.
Vala twirled a pigtail and stared at the board.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow and contemplated.
"Of seduction." Jack offered and Sam wrote it on the board. Settling in a chair beside Vala Jack grinned and studied Sam's six.
After adding GEN J.O. in green to the board beside their names next came the blue marker.
"Ah, wait a minute there Carter. Make that Jack if you don't mind."
Popping the top from the green marker she used her fist to erase the GEN J.O. and replaced it with JACK.
"There. Now Cam, what can you do?" She twirled the blue marker in her fingers.
"Hmm. Let's see. Well first I can apologize…"
"Oh no. Let's keep him on edge." Sam turned and caught Jack staring at her backside.
"Okay, then I'll badger him with questions…"
She wrote questions in blue under Cam's name. "Like?"
Mitchell, Teal'c and Vala sighed and looked at the ceiling for the answer. Mitchell scratched his head, Vala bit at her lip and Teal'c just stared.
"Like why, why, why in a million, million years would he marry Vala." Jack offered his suggestion.
"Perfect!" Sam listed the why's and the million's on the board followed by marry Vala?
Sam replaced the blue marker with pink. "Now me. I'll work on his emotions: Emotions. And get him to talk about his feelings: Feelings. And use the term wife: WIFE.
Vala drew a deep audible breath and tears filled her eyes.
"Hey, Princess, it's gonna be alright. We're sorry we screwed this up, but we're all here for you now." Cam placed an arm around Vala's shoulder.
"I'll be fine. Go on Samantha." Wiping at her tears she smiled. God, she really loved her team and Jack. They were real friends and if anyone could straighten out the memory losing archeologist it was these guys.
This time Sam pulled out the extra large black marker. "Teal'c?"
"I believe, SamanthaCarter, that it would be prudent for me to ensure that DanielJackson is never allowed to be alone with ValaMalDoranJackson. He can be quite the trickster even with his memory not fully intact."
ENSURE SUBJECT NEVER ALONE WITH WIFE.
Sam rooted around in her box of colored markers and pulled out the purple one. "And you, Sir?"
Jack stood and approached the board taking the purple marker from Sam. Constantly remind subject of all (underline, underline) reasons subject reported prior to the subjects – YET AGAIN (capitol letters) – memory loss. I've (underline, underline) got the inside info (exclamation point, exclamation point)
"O'Neill would you please share your inside information?"
"Sure T." And Jack uncapped a marker and began drawing a telephone, stick people – one with a bow tie and one with a veil – and gave a play by play account of all he knew.
"Alright class, you have your assignments. We begin the assault tomorrow sharply at 0500."
xxx Chapter Five coming soon: Tired of Being Alone
A/N: Friends In Low Places - Garth Brooks