Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom!

Where was I? Everything is warm and cozy…almost like a bed. But it doesn't feel like my bed at home. And it isn't a hotel bed; I would know if I had a conference scheduled, and even if I was abroad I would be able to recognize a hotel bed if I suddenly woke up in one.

"Happy birthday, Dad!" I heard someone shout. Funny, that voice sounded just like…but it couldn't be…could it?

Daniel burst into the room carrying a present nearly as big as himself, with Jazzmine not far behind. I knew I recognized his voice! But that meant…he was calling me his father! I nearly wept with joy!

"I know you've wanted this for a long time, Dad, so I ordered it from the National Ghost Research Society months ago and kept it hidden." I raised an eyebrow, but thankfully accepted the present anyway. I first opened the card. It read:

Dear Dad,

Happy birthday! Mom, Jazz, and I all wish you a very happy birthday and hope that this coming year will be even better than the last one!

Sincerely,

Danny

I unwrapped the present and took the box out of the wrapping paper. The box was plain brown, except for a piece of paper taped to the front that read 'what happens when a ghost hunter isn't careful'. I opened the box and, for the second time that morning, nearly wept with joy. Inside was a charred, blackened orange HAZMAT suit. Obviously the Idiot's. I had Daniel and Jazzmine as my own children, and Jack was dead! There was only one thing possible that could make this day better.

"Mmm…" I heard come from the lump lying next to me on the bed. YES! I screamed inside of my head. I had Maddie! I had now obtained everything I had ever wanted! Save for the Green Bay Packers, obviously, but they would cave and take my offer given time. Especially after I overshadowed the mayor of Green Bay. I felt the covers begin to stir.

"I think we'll leave you two alone," Daniel said as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Danny, that's gross!" Jazzmine yelled. Daniel paused.

"You're right. I'm scarred for life now." Scratching his head, he led Jazzmine out of the room. Smart boy, I found myself thinking as I was now alone with my dearest Maddie.

"How are you feeling, my dear?"

"Fine…how about you? Happy birthday!" she said as she rose up from the covers. I blanched.

"Maddie? Are you sure you're feeling okay?" I was confused. Maddie had apparently lost her lithe form. In fact, she was looking positively rotund. She caught my eyes hovering over her abdominal region and she began sobbing.

"Don't you even think about saying it!" She snapped. "Especially since you were the one who suggested that I try eating fudge!"

"You don't think you could even try to lose a little weight?" I suggested.

"That's it!" She shouted. "I'm sick and tired of you trying to make me change who I am!" She leaped out of bed and began shoving things into a suitcase.

"Maddie, dear? What are you doing?" I asked, now beginning to panic.

"I'm going to my sister's. Maybe she can appreciate me," she all but shouted at me, and before I knew it she was downstairs. She left the house and drove away in that infernal contraption she, the Idiot, Daniel, and Jazzmine had brought to my college reunion. The Fenton Family Ghost Assault Vehicle, or some other nonsense. I crouched down and built up my ghost energy in order to morph into Plasmius and give chase. Nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing. Jazzmine was in the kitchen giving me funny looks.

"Dads' acting a little loopy today," I heard Daniel whisper to her. She nodded. I stalked up to my bedroom, enraged, sad, and above all, confused. I went into the bathroom, thinking that a cold shower would calm me down. It was then that I saw what would forever leave me scarred for life.

I was looking at the reflection of Jack Fenton.

Although I would never admit it to anyone, the scream I uttered right before passing out sounded rather feminine.