2014
Allen walked down the Square, his black coat blending into the river of people streaming down the sidewalk. It was a normal, day, an everyday kind of day, a day when people rushed on towards their myriad destinations, a day where the world continued to spin on its axis even as the shadow of eternal rest fell over a most beloved person.
Today, Allen tread slowly, softly, as if by doing so he could postpone the inevitable, as if his slow tread could recall the dead from solemn sleep back to restless life.
But – the tears threatened to fall. The mere thought of Lavi, dressed in his best suit, lying still and pale in the dark coffin, made Allen's lips tremble. This Lavi was a mysterious entity, so different from Lavi as he had been in life, a big-hearted man whose wit and charm had touched all his friends. The pale, sleeping man Allen would see in the church – that was not Lavi.
So thinking, Allen entered a quaint compound where a sizable crowd, all in black, had already gathered.
"Allen," someone whispered to his right.
"Lenalee!"
"Come here," Lenalee said, pulling him over to a less crowded corner. Her hands were cold against his shoulder.
"Your hands are cold," Allen observed. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she said, but her voice wavered.
"You're not fine," Allen said. "Did you cry all night?"
"Most of it," she said, looking down.
"I stayed awake all night," Allen said. "Our grief… it's normal, Lenalee."
"Yeah, I know. How are you feeling?"
"Numb," Allen said. "Empty. I can't imagine not talking to Lavi again, not laughing at his jokes, not teaming up with him to make fun of Kanda."
"Numb," Lenalee said. "That's a good way of describing it."
"Speaking of that, where's Kanda?" Allen asked. "He didn't come today?"
"He's here," Lenalee said. "He came with Tiedoll. Daisya and Marie are probably trying to distract him from his grief."
"Bookman's over there," Allen said. "Have you spoken to him yet?"
"No, I arrived just before you did."
"Let's go over."
Allen put his arm around Lenalee's shoulders; together, they walked towards Bookman.
"Bookman," Allen said. "How are you?"
"Allen, Lenalee," Bookman said. He tried to smile, but his eyes were rimmed a shade of red. "Thank you for coming."
"Thank you for letting us come," Lenalee said.
"He – he would have wanted you to come," Bookman said. "I … I'm glad to see you all here today. At least – he – Lavi – at least he didn't live in vain."
"There are many people here today," Allen agreed.
"A testament to Lavi's life," Tiedoll said, walking up to the group.
"Froi," Bookman said. "Thank you for coming despite your busy schedule."
"I couldn't possibly miss the chance to say goodbye, could I?" Tiedoll said. "We all watched him grow up into an adult. It's only fitting that we send him off."
Bookman nodded.
"Allen and Lenalee," Tiedoll said, "do you mind helping me look for Kanda? I haven't seen him since we arrived. I'm quite worried about him. The poor boy has been moping for the past few days."
"Of course," Allen said. He guided Lenalee away. "Do you see him?"
"No, but I see Daisya over there," Lenalee said.
"Daisya!"
Daisya turned. He was munching on something. "Allen, Lenalee."
"Where's Kanda?" Allen asked. "Have you seen him?"
Daisya said. "I left him with Marie. He was no fun at all."
"It's a funeral, Daisya," Lenalee said. Her lips were trembling; the word "fun" brought up sad memories. "It's not supposed to be fun."
"Lavi wouldn't have wanted such a solemn send-off," Daisya said. "He would have preferred a happy send-off party, you know what I'm saying?"
Allen smiled at Lenalee. "I think so too. He would have wanted a cake, perhaps, and colourful clothes. And fireworks."
Lenalee almost laughed. "I hate to say it but I agree. Definitely fireworks."
"Fireworks... he always loved fireworks. Anyway, want a biscuit?" Daisya asked. He reached into his pocket.
"Yes, thank you," Allen said, taking the proffered snack, and the one offered to Lenalee as well, when she shook her head.
"If you want Kanda," Daisya said, "you should try looking in one of the dark corners around here. He's probably hiding somewhere in the shadows."
Allen nodded his thanks. With Lenalee, he circled the large hall, looking for a man skulking in the shadows.
"He's there," Lenalee said when they had circled halfway around the room. "Kanda. Why are you standing here alone?"
"Leave me be."
"Don't be rude to Lenalee," Allen said. "Although you always are, you prick. You're not the only one hurting, you know?"
Kanda looked away; his gaze was focused on the floor. "I don't want to talk."
"Since when do you ever want to talk?" Allen said.
"Allen!" Lenalee said.
"I'm sorry, Kanda," Allen said. "I'll be nice to you today, since you're clearly grieving."
Kanda didn't meet Allen's eyes. "Hmph."
Allen was about to reply when the person standing at the podium took that moment to interrupt all the conversations in the hall.
"May I have your attention please, ladies and gentlemen? The service is about to start," the man said.
"Let's take a seat," Allen said. Lenalee pulled Kanda along as she followed Allen towards the seating area.
At this point, Tiedoll had taken the stage. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I must say I am very sorry to be here today; I would rather have seen Lavi living his life fully for many more happy years. I am sure many of you agree with me.
"Let me start by offering my condolences to Bookman. Your loss must be a painful one, and we all grieve with you. My condolences, too, to everyone here who loved Lavi, for he was a brilliant man, a man of wit and intelligence, and yet not proud despite his many achievements. He was fond of fun, and, as Daisya kindly reminded me this morning, he would have been sad to see us grieving in a hall draped with dark curtains.
"Therefore, let us remember him as he was in life! He was taken too early from us – he was so full of life that life could not hold him in her embrace any longer. While we deal with the heartache, the heartbreak, we must also move on in life. Yet we must also give him the special place he deserves, a special place in our hearts and in the shrines of our memories. He shone while alive; and shine he will even in the darkness of death.
"Perhaps the eulogy is not the best place to mention this, but I want to honour Lavi by telling you that he was unstinting in his efforts to improve the world. He created a trust fund some months before his death, and now the funds, with Bookman's approval, will be used to breathe life into the L Bookman Foundation for Research.
"So this is how we will remember him – not merely as a man who did so much that he deserved a grand funeral, but also as a man of brilliance, a man who made the lives of his friends richer just by the light of his personality. Let us celebrate his life for him; though short, it was a great one, far greater than many men are able to achieve in their long years on this planet.
"Lavi has been called home to his maker; so let us remember him in the way he would have wanted. Let us grieve, but let us also celebrate, and above all, let us spread his influence around the world, and create a better world for all our children to live in."
Tiedoll picked up the glass of wine he'd placed on the podium. "To Lavi and a life well-lived!"
The eulogy delivered, Tiedoll took a step back and wiped his thick glasses. There was silence, for a few moments, and then Daisya stood up and clapped.
"To Lavi!" Daisya shouted, raising his glass in turn.
Allen stood up too. "To Lavi!"
The attendees stood up, one, or in pairs, or in groups, and Bookman's tears fell freely as he watched them. Nearby, Kanda scowled, but he stood up too, though he did not toast to Lavi's memory.
:::
"Come out," Allen said, knocking vigorously on Kanda's door.
All remained silent, so Allen continued to knock. A few minutes later, a sigh issued from within the room.
"Leave me alone," Kanda said. "I'm trying to meditate."
"No you're not," Allen said. "You're just throwing your own pity party inside. Get your sorry ass out of there, please."
"Go the fuck away."
"What kind of roommate would I be if I let you rot inside your room? Lenalee's worried about you."
"Hmph."
"Come on. It's been two weeks. You can't go on like this."
"No."
"Fine," Allen said. "See if I care."
Allen's footsteps faded away, and Kanda found himself alone again. In the dimness of his room, he thought he could make out the red river that flowed from the wounds in Lavi's body, the glassy eyes and the grasping, cold hand that shuddered as life ebbed away from the body.
And he – he was powerless to do anything, because he could not recall life where life had expired, because he was no medical professional trained to bring a man back to life.
Kanda rubbed his eyes, and the vision disappeared. His floor was again a shade of cream, bare and clean, and there was no sign of Lavi.
He's gone, Kanda told himself. You're seeing things. Get your act together.
But Kanda again lifted his eyes to the spot where he had seen the vision; when nothing appeared, he sank his head into the embrace of his arms and remained in that position for hours to come.