Outside the next day, Dean is caught up in memories of Cas' "gift." Half of him is watching Sam play in his sandbox with a little plastic shovel; the other half is gliding through the brisk night sky, yelling out with joy over a field. He didn't really expect to see Cas again anytime soon, but he still waits up at night. Just for a few hours.
He doesn't let his thoughts touch on.. It was normal, dammit! What with the excitement and danger and thrill of… Dean jerks his head as soon as he realizes he was thinking about it again.
Sam is busy making a sand castle that looks more like a sand hovel monstrosity when Dean hears it.
Wings.
He's sure of it. The same sound that haunts him whether he's asleep or daydreaming. Out in the woods that line their backyard. He checks that Sam is engrossed in his sand pile and walks towards it.
It's darker under the trees, the sunlight muffled. A few feet in whispers harshly, "Cas?"
No one answers but there's a crunch of dead leaves far to his right. He turns and walks a ways in that direction and calls again, "Cas, that you?"
There a stillness that settles over the woods and it's suddenly a bit eerie.
"Dean!" His mother calls.
He frowns one last time out at the shadowed trees and turns back towards his house. When he hears the same sound that drew him there, he whirls and searches behind him until his mom yells his full name.
Dean knows he's in trouble as he emerges to see his mom with folded arms.
"I was just-" he starts.
"Don't you ever leave your brother like that!"
He's taken back by how upset she sounds and her tone bends down to grab Sam's chubby hand and says, "C'mon baby, it's time for some lunch."
Dean watches her knock sand off his pants and walk towards the house.
"Mom.."
Mary turns back and looks close to tears. "You're the big brother, Dean. I need to be able to trust you with him."
Jesus, they'd been in the backyard. What the hell? Dean wallows in self-pity at the injustice of his mom's overreaction for a while longer before walking into the kitchen. Mary sighs when she sees him come in and gets up to open the fridge. He sits down quietly at the table and hands Sam back his spoon that he threw on the floor. Mary places a piece of the peach pie in front of him.
"Sorry, Mom." He says staring at the crust.
"I know. Eat your pie."
Weeks and weeks rolls by after his birthday and it doesn't get any better. Dean can't help getting lost in daydreams of flying. School is the worst. Castiel sure hasn't done his grades any favors. He'd already been grounded twice for crappy report cards. It was hard to pay attention to quadratic equations when he could zone out and remember what it looked like to be inches above the tree tops or feel your body cut through freaking clouds. Occasionally, he'll settle on a memory of bare arms tight around his chest and stomach or.. the odd moment at the end that had his lower regions acting so stupid.. but he pushes those aside quickly.
Every night he stays up.. but Castiel hasn't been back since. He missed just sitting up and talking half the night, ranting about anything and everything, occasionally being able to sneak Cas a hamburger and smirking at the look of sublime happiness that crossed his usually stoic face. Even the things he didn't get, which were plenty, were fun to sit and explain. Once Cas had asked him to explain the plot of Mario, saying he didn't understand why anthropomorphic reptiles were determined to capture a princess from plumbers. And then to explain what a plumber was.
It's hard to remember what it was like without having this special addition to an otherwise normal teenage life. Something that was all his. Something extraordinary. An angel wanted to spend time with him. Well did. When the weeks turn to months he has to face that Cas might not come back. The nighttime flight could have been a parting gift.. but Cas said he didn't go to anyone else. Dean assumed that meant their friendship was.. special. Something at least. He deserved more than this, dammit.
What if he was dead? It could happen and he'd never know. Dean panics and starts to pray to him, concentrating like Cas said. Every night there after he repeats a short prayer asking, "Where are you?" and "Are you okay, Cas?" like a nightly ritual. He never comes.
One morning Mary places his eggs and bacon in front of him and asks, "Are you feeling, alright?"
"Sure, Mom." Dean answers mechanically, breaking apart his bacon but no eating it.
"Nothing's wrong?" She asks for the hundredth time it seems.
"No, I'm fine." He answers as he always does.
"Is Cas giving you a hard time, Son?' His dad smirks, folding his newspaper down.
"What?!" Dean jerks his head up.
John laughs and Mary raises an eyebrow and puts her hands on her hips.
"And just who is Cas?"
At the exact same time, John says, "That's what I'd like to know." Dean says, "No one!" and Sam yells, "Thu-per Man!"
Goddammit, why did his dad have to remember that? Stupid. Stupid. Stup-
"Well whoever she is, Dean's dreamin' about her." His dad sips his coffee as Dean feels his whole face turning red. He needs to get out of there. Now.
"Is Cas a girl at school, honey? That explains it." She smiles and pats his hunched shoulders.
God, kill him now.
"Young love." She sighs exaggeratedly.
"Thu-per Man!" Sam says trying to contribute. "Uh huh," his mother coos back placating.
Dean scoots his chair back abruptly and takes his full plate to the sink.
"Oh come on, Dean. We're just teasing you." Mary laughs as she grabs Sam's balled fists that he's started waving around while making excited "shoo shoo shoo" noises. She lowers them and hands him back his baby spoon for his oatmeal.
"I'm gonna be late for the bus." He mutters, grabbing his backpack.
"Go get her." His dad smiles and Dean rolls his eyes.
It all felt too real for a minute. His parents saying Cas' freaking name. If they knew Cas was a boy.. well male angel.. whatever, that snuck into his room every once and a while.. and that the reason he was sulking is because he missed him.. and that he sometimes had reeeally inappropriate reactions around him. Well there was no good was to explain any of that. Jesus, he could just imagine the shit storm his dad would cause. Angel or no, Cas would be lucky to escape with all his feathers intact. Thinking of Cas as some kind of plucked chicken had Dean smiling for halfway to the bus stop, until he remembered that it wouldn't be an issue. Because Cas didn't appear to be coming back.
His friends notice. Benny tried the hardest to knock him out of his funk with jokes and invites out with them on the weekends but that stops after a while. He gets distance and sullen, withdrawing into himself. It was cold enough to be hoodie weather and during class he'd bury his face in his arms, hood up, and sleep, since he hardly could at night anymore. Amanda eventually got tired of his bad attitude and what she termed "being emo" and moved on to Brady. He sees them in the halls together but doesn't really care too much. Then he felt worse because he didn't care more.
Finally, Charlie of all people nudged him when he's sleeping at a lunch table.
"Huh?" He picked up his head from his arms and wiped at the drool on his chin.
"What's a matter, Winchester?" She says, sticking her bottom lip out ridiculously far.
"Nothing." He mutters, pushing his tray of fries and chicken nuggets away further to make room for his folded arms on the table.
"Nothing doesn't have you forgoing fries." She pops two in her mouth.
He doesn't respond except to sip his coke and rubs his face to wake up more.
She screws up her mouth thoughtfully before saying "We should hang out today."
Dean's eyebrows raise when he gives her an incredulous look. "You and me?
"Yeah, why not? I can whip your ass at Mario. Have you found the secret pipe to World 8, yet?"
Honestly, he hadn't been in the mood for videogames. Or anything. He just shakes his head. Fuck, he should come up with an excuse to get outta this. If she's trying to flirt with him, he really wasn't into it. Charlie's cute and all but he always got more of a sisterly vibe from her.
"C'mon. You got a better offer?"
Crap, this was going to be weird.
"Um, okay.. I guess." He yawns and takes another sip of carbonated goodness.
"Cool. I'll bring the Doritos and Mountain Dew."
Charlie offers to take him home so he can direct her to his house. She stops her beat up yellow Volkswagen Beetle at a convenient store on the way to pick up an adequate amount of junk food.
When he walks into the kitchen with Charlie in tow, his mom is facing away, hands in soapy dish water.
"Honey, try to be quiet. I just got Sam to- Oh!" She stops and beams at them. "Is this Cas?"
"Hi! I'm Charlie. Who's Cas?" They both look at Dean.
"Geez, no one. C'mon Charlie. Mom, we're gonna play Nintendo in my room, kay?"
"Door open, please!" She calls softly after them. Dean winces in embarrassment and ascends the stairs quickly. Charlie follows. Once upstairs, she dumps the junkfood in a pile on his bed while Dean tosses his bookbag in the corner.
Spinning around slowly, Charlie takes in his vintage rock posters before walking over to poke through his small book case. She picks up his dragon figure and it sends him an unexpected jab of sadness, reminding him of when Cas...
He shakes his head and belly flops across his bed. He feels Charlie come sit on the bed next to him.. almost exactly in Cas' spot.
"So.. you wanna play?"
Dammit, he knew it. She's too close and they're both sitting on his bed..
Dean turns so he's propping his head up with a hand. "Um, look Charlie. I really think you're an awesome chick and all.. but.. uh.."
Charlie laughs and pushes him so he falls on his back. "Oh get over yourself, Dean. The only man I'm interested in is a vertically challenged, Italian stereotype."
"Huh?"
"Mario. And just for that, you're Luigi. Let's go."
Dean smiles and gets up to set the game to play. He's about to sit down when what she said begins to sink in. He flashes on all the times he's seen her joking with Gilda in homeroom.. what could be seen as flirting if you were looking for it. No. Stop. It's none of his business.. but once the idea hits him he has to ask.
"So when you say the only man.."
Charlie raises an eyebrow, not helping him.
"You mean like.. You.."
"Don't hurt yourself, Winchester."
"You like girls?" He gets out quick.
"Oh, so since I'm not interested in you I have to be a lesbo?"
"What? No no.. geez sorry, I just thought.. nevermind."
"Relax. I couldn't resist. Yeah I'm more of a Leia girl but I can still appreciate Han's bod."
"Oh. Well that's.. cool."
"Are you gonna act weird now? No we don't have pillow fights in our underwear. Can we move on now?"
Dean laughs awkwardly and hands her the rectangular control. "I'm devastated."
They sit on pillows in front of the tv on the ground. While waiting for game to load, Charlie sees a book under his bed and pulls it out. "Fairytales?" she raises her eyebrows. "Didn't pick this as the reading material you'd keep under here." She smirks.
"Oh, that was… that's Sammy's." He grabs it and tosses it on the bed behind them. Truthfully, it'd been a book he'd been saving for Cas that he'd snuck out of Sam's room. Sam had never been interested in it and Cas had loved the copy of Alice in Wonderland he'd had for his English Class analysis. He'd almost forgotten it was there.
The familiar cheery theme music begins and Dean presses START.
They manage to get through three and a half worlds and a whole jar of French Onion dip by the time the sun goes down.
"Man, for a girl you sure do eat like a linebacker." He scoops out the last bit and pops the chip in his mouth.
Charlie glares at him before snatching his controller and tossing it past him. By the time he scrambles and has it back in his hands, he's in lava.
"Oh no. You died." She gives him a fake sympathetic face.
Dean reaches out to cover her eyes with an outstretched hand. She ducks but still falls in lava.
"Oh no. You too." He mocks.
"Ugh, you ass!"
Charlie pushes him to the side and grabs a pillow and knocks her in the face with it.
"I refuse to pillow fight with you, Dean!"
Grinning he says, "What is it with you and pillow fights?"
She has time to roll her eyes before getting another smack to the face. "That's it." Charlie grabs the other pillow at her feet and yells, "For the Republic!" lunging and trying to smother him.
Dean's laughing and out of breath, feeling better than he has in weeks. Months even. So of course right when he has Charlie in a headlock, he catches something out of the corner of his eye. He lets her go as he turns to see.. Cas. Just there. One foot on his windowsill, one hand on the frame, half in and half out of his room. Same dark brown leather pants, black sleeveless shirt, barefeet and wild hair like he didn't even know what a brush was. Their eyes lock over Charlie's shoulder. She's pink-faced and trying to regain her breath too. "Draw?"
Without a flicker of emotion crossing his face, Cas turns away. Goddammit. Why now?
"Wait!" He yells out before he can stop himself.
Charlie jumps. "What?" Seeing him staring at the window past her, she turns around. The window's empty.
"Sorry." He says still staring at the place an angel had been just a second ago.
His mom comes up right after that, no doubt in result of all the noise they made wrestling around and casually asks if Charlie would be staying for dinner.
Dean stutters, "Uh.."
"No thanks, Mrs. Winchester. I have to get back to my mom." She smiles tightly but Dean's preoccupied and quickly says, "I'll walk you out."
Mary smiles broadly with pride. "It was so nice to meet you, Charlie."
Charlie winks at Dean, further cementing the idea in his mom's head that she was his girlfriend or something.
As soon as her Bug backs out of his yard, he only spares a second to wave before he immediately starts whispering, "Cas!"
He walks along the house until he's in the backyard. "Cas! Are you out here?!"
When he hears the familiar rustle of feathers he whips around to see Castiel rigidly watching him.
"Cas!" He walks towards him smiling and before he realizes it, grabs him in a hug. "Damn, it's good to see you!" The angel doesn't return the embrace but stays stiff in his arms. They probably weren't huggers. But then neither was he usually.
He pulls back and ignores the blank-face he gets when he notices a long angry scratch from just below the silver cuff on his arm to past his elbow.
"Christ, what happened to you? Can't you heal that?" Dean says as he reaches out to trace it lightly.
Cas presses his lip and frowns. "Please stop touching me, Dean."
"What? Oh. Sorry." He drops his hand to his side.
"Why have you been praying to me?" Cas says in curt tone.
Dean bunches his eyebrows. "What do you mean why? I haven't heard so much as a flutter from you in months. I thought you were dead or.."
Judging from this greeting, maybe he'd been right. Maybe Cas just didn't want to visit him again. Did he not even plan to tell him?
Cas tilts his head like he does.. or did so often. "Was that the one who leave the marks?"
"Huh?" Marks… Oh, hickeys. "Is that what has your panties in a bunch?"
Dean's back hits hard against the wall of his house when Cas shoves him, following so he traps his body.
"I would rather not watch you fornicate."
Where the fuck was this coming from? Dean blinks and wets his lips to remember what he wanted to say. Cas' fingers are twisted in his shirt as he crowds his body with his own. Dean's wide green eyes can't look away from the pissed off angel's glare. A quick thrill of excitement runs through him.
"Cas.." He breathes slowly. "That wasn't her. She's makin' marks on someone else now." Dean tries to joke to break the tension.
His jaw doesn't unclench so he keeps going. "That was a friend. Charlie. And.. well let's just say I'm not her type."
Cas' expression is unsure now but still full of distrust. "But you were.."
"Playing. Horsin' around? Trust me, I have the wrong equipment." When he just seems more confused than ever, Dean rolls his eyes. "She's gay, dude. Um.. likes marking girls instead?"
The fingers release him and Cas takes a step back. Dean can finally breath and nervously stretches out his shirt, straightening the wrinkles.
"Is that common for humans.. favoring relations with the same gender?"
"Um, well I don't know. Sometimes?"
"Dean!" His dad's voice yells from the other side of the house. He must have just got home.
"Shit, I gotta go. Will you come back? Just give me like an hour okay?"
Cas looks torn but when Dean quickly whispers "Please, Cas?!" He answers, "Okay."
"Dean!" His dad yells again.
"Yeah!" Dean calls, smiling as he walks backwards. "Alright, see ya soon." Cas nods.
At the dinner table, Dean shoves meatloaf and mashed potatoes into his mouth with a gusto he hasn't possessed in a while. His parents smile at each other.
"So Charlie seemed nice." Mary grins, knowingly.
"Charlie?" John asks.
"Dean's friend he had over before you got home." Mary mouths "a girl."
"Charlie, huh? Cas, Charlie.. Why can't you find a girl with a nice normal name like Jessica or Ashley?"
"John, stop." Mary warns, giving him a look.
"He knows I'm joking." His dad goes back to spearing off a bite of meatloaf. "So tell us about her."
Dean knows he could never tell his dad about Charlie. Not really. Definitely not why she wouldn't be a prospective girlfriend so he doesn't even try.
"She's just a friend from school. Can I be excused?"
"Not until we're done and you help your mother with the dishes."
Dean has to wait an excruciatingly long time until everyone finishes, dishes are done, and Sam's cleaned up before he can run up to his room. When he sees Cas isn't there, he grabs plaid pajama bottoms, boxers and a tshirt and rushes back out to the bathroom. Taking the quickest shower ever and ignoring his half-hard erection, he's back in his room with brushed teeth and damp hair dripping in his eyes in less than 5 minutes.
"That was longer than an hour." Cas says, sitting on the windowseat.
Dean gets a flood of relief and walks over to him. The moonlight shines off the cuff on his bicep, drawing attention to the ugly wound again.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." Cas doesn't even glance at where Dean's gesturing.
"Then.. what-"
"I was injured."
"Oh, so that's why you were so long."
"No. I could have come."
"What the hell, man? Were you even gonna say goodbye? I thought we were friends." Dean paces angrily.
Cas just watches him.
"Say something, you Son of a bitch!"
Looking down at his hands, Cas says, "I have been told to cease my visitations to you."
"What? By who?"
When Cas doesn't answer Dean sighs. "Okay, why?"
"I'm supposed to be observing until I reach maturity. I shouldn't be pulled into undo interactions with humanity.." He flicks his eyes up and finishes, "you."
"That's bullshit, Cas."
"Training to fight should be my main concern. Any preoccupations will impair my focus and I was allowing myself to become distracted." He recites like it's from a memorized speech.
"Dammit, Cas. If you don't wanna come anymore fine but if it's to appease some douchebag with wings then.."
"Stop, Dean. I want to spend what time I've sequestered on more pleasant topics."
"Fine.," Dean breathes through his nose, willing himself to let go of the last few months of worry and dejection. If this is one of the few times he might ever see him again, there's no use making it a bad memory. "I got you something anyway."
Dean walks towards the bed and crawls up to grab the book of fairytales. Cas followed, hopping up to walk along the footboard rail before taking his usual spot.
Several minutes later, he wishes he didn't give it to him because it's clear Cas is engrossed in it. He doesn't flip around like he normally does but just sits reading. Almost normal.
Dean tries to not be annoyed and just enjoy the fact that he had his friend here, for what time they had. Fifteen minutes later and Dean's periodic check to see if he's still reading is met with a steady blue stare.
"What?"
"Dean, would you give me a kiss?"
His mouth falls open a bit, sure he heard wrong.
"Uh.. what?" He says again, stupidly.
"In this story, a curse on the kingdom is broken by a kiss. I've read about them in the poetry of your English schoolbook as well, but they never adequately describe them."
"Um.."
"Would you give me one, please?" He asks as if it's simple.
"Cas, I can't just.." How does he explain this? He can feel his ears getting red. "I mean, how do you not know what a kiss is?"
The angel looks irritated now. "I will once you give me one," he says indignantly.
"Cas, I'm a guy.."
"I am aware of that." He furrows his brow.
"And you.. well you're a guy, kinda.."
"I don't understand why you are stating the obvious."
"Dudes don't um.. do that. Well some do, but uh I don't. And besides you usually kiss someone you like.." God this was awkward and Cas is just looking at him confused and maybe hurt. And this was probably going to be the last time he'd see him.
"Because I am male and you don't like me, it would be inappropriate?"
"No, come on, it's not like that. Of course I like you." Dean sighs exasperated. "Don't you have angel girls you can practice with?"
Cas just frowns at him.
They would be like his sisters so probably not. Well.. there's no one here to tell him not to and Cas is his friend who never asked him for anything in all the times he'd come. Dean had made out with several willing girls already, even gone a bit further and it was sad Cas didn't even seem to know what a kiss was. And if he didn't mind that Dean was a guy.. well he could do this for him. Probably.
"Alright, just this once." He says quick before he fully processes the words. "And we never talk about it."
"I understand."
"I mean never, ever."
"I said I understand, Dean."
"Okay." Dean sucks in a breath. "Right, okay." He says again. So now he was supposed to do it. He looks at Cas' dark hair sticking up everywhere, cheeks with light stubble and finally his pink dry lips. Turning to face him fully, Dean mirrors his crossed legs. Slowly, he puts his palms on the bed and leans forward.
"Dean?"
"Shh. Don't say anything." If they talked about it, he'd freak. But Cas obediently stays quiet.. watching him move ever closer, hands resting on his own knees, patiently. Dean flicks his eyes over Cas' mouth then up to his blinking eyes, looking for any hesitation but Cas just waits for him.
Their lips touch. Light. Soft. Cas gasps and he immediately pulls back to see wide blue eyes. Dean licks his lips, kinda nervous.
"That was a kiss?"
'Well yeah. A little one. What'd ya think?"
"I don't know."
Dean frowns. "What do you mean you don't know?"
"It's just- just touching mouths. Why are there songs and sonnets and stories written about it?"
"Oh so my kiss wasn't good enough for a sonnet or some shit? How many times Shakespeare offered to plant one on ya?" Dean rubs the back of his neck, annoyed and not really sure where the anger was coming from.
"You are offended. I apologize. I merely meant I don't see what-"
Dean grabs his face in both hands and fuses their mouths together hard. Cas stills but doesn't pull away as Dean focuses on blowing his stupid little angelic mind, catching his lips over and over again.. even changing up the angle mid kiss. Rough cheeks scratch under his fingers so he can't pretend it's the soft plump cheeks of a girl but he grips them tighter to turn his head where he wants it. When Cas opens his mouth to make an involuntary noise, Dean surges forward to force his tongue past those pink lips. Cas lets out a surprised moan and his hand comes up to cover one of Dean's at the side of his face. Dean smirks as Cas tentatively rubs his tongue against Dean's for a moment and decides to pulls back after what he feels is sufficiently hot to defend his honor.
Dean lets go of Cas' face to drop his hands back at his sides on the mattress. Their lips break apart only long enough for him to grab a breath. He has a cocky comment all ready but then hands are on his bent knees and Cas is leaning into him, taking over. He shifts back but Cas just follows. Now Dean's the one making a ridiculous sound in the back of his throat at the dizzy feeling spinning through him and he could swear he feels a small electric zing buzzing through him. Cas uses all his tricks back on him and well. It's too hot all of the sudden and he's so caught up with his body telling him all systems go that he doesn't realizes his elbows are bent, giving ground, until his back hits pillow.
He snaps out of his fog and pushes against a hard chest. The weight on him disappears as they separate. Cas slowly moves back to his original position and Dean sits up grabbing a pillow to cover his lap. They both pant across from each other. Dean looks at the bedspread, Cas, the floor, Cas, his hands, then back at Cas again. His face is infuriatingly blank as he watches Dean, eyes a bit bright.
He realizes he's been staring at Cas' puffy lips, slick with Dean's saliva when he finally deadpans, "I'll write you a sonnet, if necessary."
He's shocked into laughing and the tension breaks.
"Though it seems much more vigorous than-" Cas cuts himself off, turning away from his eyes but Dean caught it.
"You've seen people kissing?"
"You said we were not to speak of it so I will let you rest now." He gets up and walks towards the window.
"Dude! You totally played me. Are you telling me you knew what a kiss was all along?"
Cas looks at the ceiling and breaths out before turning back. "I might have over-exaggerated my ignorance but I wanted to experience it myself. Thank you for the instruction, Dean."
"Wait a goddamn minute.. Cas!" But he already dropped out through the window.
Bastard! He mutters but continues to stare at the window. Removing the pillow, he sees he's still hard as a rock. Pressing a heel against it, he almost cries out. Glancing at the open window again, Dean gets up to check and make sure Cas is gone, then closes the doors. Striding back to bed, he gets under the covers and pulls his cock out. Spitting in his hand, he grips it tight, pumping down fast and rough. Within a minute, he's spurting cum out over his fingers and the sheets.
Panting hard, he stares up at the ceiling, heart racing.
"Shit.." Dean breathes softly.
Author's Note: So I'm managing to get my chapters a bit longer. Yay! Thanks for my comments guys. I love hearing your thoughts. So obviously I'm starting to earn my Mature tag. If you don't want your childhood memories further sullied with my debauched Peter Pan AU.. I would turn back now. :)