As with everything, there came a point where there was nothing left to say. Caroline hugged her mother for a good while, until the racket of her brothers' arrival broke her from Mrs. Reid's embrace. Swiping at her eyes, she suddenly felt so tired. Slipping away before Neil and David discovered her, Caroline dragged herself down the hall and to her bedroom. She felt like she could sleep for days. Toeing off her shoes, she unbuttoned her jeans and shimmied them down her legs. Clad in only her t-shirt and underwear, she crawled under the covers of the bed, taking in the bright pink and green bedspread, as well as the decor of her childhood room. Posters of teenage rock bands and bad CW tv shows adorned the pale pink walls. Certificates and awards clustered around a bulletin board filled with pictures and ticket stubs from plays she and Philip had dragged their parents to throughout their less than popular years of high school. Books filled shelves, along with silly knick knacks she's collected since she was little. It was like crawling into a time capsule. Suddenly she was fourteen again, and the awkward, shy, angsty feelings that used to consume her, returned. Only this time it was thinking about Sid and hers relationship and how things had gone so wrong. She thought back to when it all changed and she realized throughout their entire relationship she often found herself taking a submissive role. It wasn't intentional and at the time it didn't feel wrong. It wasn't like she was some fifties housewife who spent her life obeying her husband, but Caroline had accepted there were parts of Sid's life, his career, where she had a purpose, a place and she was all too happy to fill that role. Because she still stood up for what she believed in and what she needed for herself. What she needed to live a life she could be proud of. She'd accepted that there were things she would need to sacrifice and take a back burner to, because in return she got to live a life with someone who made her happiest beyond her wildest dreams. But she hadn't been happy and somehow their was an unevenness to their relationship that eventually wore thin. The nontraditional way they had gotten together, prevented her from finding that balance sometimes. They hadn't been friends, they hadn't dated. They had met, began a sexual relationship with no other ties than some silly notion that it would improve athletic performance and somehow something more had grown out of that. Looking back she wouldn't change a thing, no matter how bumpy their ride had been. It wasn't the greatest love story ever told, but it was their story and it was precious to her. She couldn't help but wonder if though, it was a story built to stand the test of time. That Sid had been right. Some things, some people come into your life at a certain time, but time runs it's course and things end. The problem was that it didn't feel right. It didn't make sense. Life without Sid, didn't make sense. There were aspects that weren't quite right, but they could fix that. Was their still time to fix that? She burrowed under the covers, her eyelids impossibly heavy. As sleep overtook her, she couldn't shake the thought that she kept coming back to. If only. If only he could know everything, not what he thought happened. If only she could tell him everything. And he would listen. And he would understand. If only.

In the end, she did go back. When you hit bottom something happens, laying there in the lowest depths you flail about, you reach out to anything you can hang onto. And for Caroline, she needed to live a life she could be proud of. And she couldn't, wouldn't be proud of a life where she ran away. She spent a few days in Steubenville just thinking. Not the frantic, do what ever necessary type of thinking that had her making stupid decisions. But real thinking. Thinking about life and love and what she wanted out of both. What she needed for herself and what she could offer to another person. Only that person, could only be one person and the feeling of a heart break was nothing compared to the clean up afterwards. It was a pain that she had grown accustom to. Like a blister or a lingering headache. It hurts. It always hurts, but eventually you get used to it, and then its hard to remember when it didn't hurt.

While at her parents home, she began to take notes. Writing down feelings and thoughts. Memories, concerns. Moments from the past six months when she'd felt scared or excited. Nervous but brave. Loved and loving. It was cathartic. He should know. Whether it was to salvage something or find closure to their story. Whatever the outcome, there were things he should know. Before she knew it, a letter had become to take shape. It was all over the place, unedited. But it was raw and it was real and it was everything she wanted him to know. It was everything he needed to know.

Call it what you want, a tiger who cant change his stripes or an old dog who can't be taught new tricks, but for Sid, the only therapy, the only way to deal with his head right now came with a stick, a puck and a net. He found his peace on the paved shooting area he'd created when he'd bought the house years ago. Balancing the puck on his stick, he began a complicated routine of turns and twists, his only focus on the black rubber disk and not the war he'd just started with his father. Finally he let the puck drop and drove it into the net. He was just fishing the puck out of the net, when he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. He looked up, noting the setting sun and the stillness of the lake in front of him, then turned towards the footsteps.

"I cancelled your appointments for tomorrow." came the gruff voice of Troy Crosby filling the silence of the wooden utopia.

Sid looked at his father, searching for a any sign of what was going through Troy's mind.

"I cancelled all your appointments. I think you should go."

Sid heaved a frustrated sigh. Who was his father to kick him out of his own house? Sid knew his words had been harsh, but part of him had hoped they had been strong enough to break through the steal facade his father had developed as the years had gone by. He looked at his father. Troy had his hands shoved into his jeans pockets and his jaw was set tight. Again, his face gave nothing away.

Sid wouldn't back off, not now, he couldn't go back to how things were before. He just couldn't.

"Dad-" Sid started, but Troy held a hand up, silencing his son.

"I think..." Troy faltered for a bit, but continued. "I think you need to go back to Pittsburgh. I think you need to go see her."

Sidney was speechless. He struggled to understand what his father was saying.

"You were wrong," Troy continued. "What you said at dinner. About me ruining my career, my life by having you." Troy shook his head and gave a humorless chuckle. "I was never going to be a star, Sidney. I would never go to the NHL, play for the Stanley Cup, know what it felt to raise the cup over my head for my team. My purpose was to be a father and guide my children towards what they wanted most in life. I wanted for you everything I never had. That's what all parents want. You wanted hockey and so I did everything in my power to help you be the best you could be. I want you to be the best, but not because I wasn't, but because you want it. I push too hard. I know that. I see myself doing it and I don't know how to stop. But if this is the time for brutal honesty, then I have to say this." Troy heaved a heavy sigh. "Hockey is the only way I can talk to you. That's our language That's the way I feel like I can relate to you. Match your intensity. It kills me that you have this burden on your back. That you think you have something to prove to me. I don't regret my choices. They gave me your mother, they gave me you and your sister. I wouldn't trade my family for ten Stanley Cups, you're everything to me. But to say that?" Mr. Crosby shook his head, "No, how I can tell you that, how I can express those feelings to you is by fighting for that extra dollar on your contract or analyzing you back checking against Montreal's top line. I thought...I hoped that you knew that."

Troy swiped at his eyes. "It's been you and hockey for so long, that I don't know how else to talk to you. It's embarrassing to say that. Fathers are supposed to have this bond with their sons, teach them about life. But it was just easier to talk about hockey and you responded so well that I just went with that. I should have tried harder. I can't go back but what I want to do is be better for you. I love you Sidney. You say you try so hard to make me proud...I want to make you proud. Be the leader you need. I guess if you don't succeed, I don't succeed and then we are left with nothing."

Sid stood there, still. Taking in his fathers words. How misguided we can get when we think we're doing what's right for one another, without ever asking if that's even what they want.

"I'm sorry about Caroline. I was wrong to dismiss her like you said. I was out of line and I hope you can forgive me. I was so afraid to lose that one way to talk to you. I saw you changing. Become well rounded. Balanced. And it scared the shit out of me, because in some ways I need you to be all about hockey. I need that language to communicate, because if I lose it, I lose you. I want you to be happy Sidney, I really do. It's not easy for me to say this. I'm always going to push you. That's just who I am. But I can work on changing. Because your happiness is what's most important. And I know, despite whatever is going on right now, that Caroline makes you happy."

Sid nodded, his heart hammering in his chest.

Troy gave an awkward cough, "Well, I needed you to know all that. Maybe somehow there will be a time we can find common ground we can find some common ground." He gave his son a reassuring half smile and turned back towards the house.

Finally Sid found his voice. "Dad?"

Troy turned back towards his son.

"Maybe now?"

A relieved and hopeful Troy nodded.

And for the first time, father and son sat down and had a real conversation. There on the steps of the expansive deck over looking the Nova Scotia waters they learned how to talk to one another.

The calls at first were random. Anytime a number she didnt recognize came up, she just ignored it. While at her parent's house, she put her phone away and shut out the outside world. Focusing on what she needed to focus on. But when on Tuesday afternoon, when she was driving back to Pittsburgh after taking two days off from work and feeling strong enough to take on the world again, Caroline plugged in and forced herself to deal with reality. There were more voicemails that she could count. At first they were reporters, wanting her comments. But then the calls became different. Instead of the cold detached voices asking for a statement on her relationship, there were voices filled with raw emotion, venomous and laced with anger and rage, telling her exactly what they thought of her. Words like whore, slut and bitch. She was heartless and selfish. Ugly and should just die. Caroline shut the phone off immediately and pulled off the freeway. Pulling into a gas station and setting the car in park, she sat shaking like a leaf. From what she could gather, Sid's very loyal and very female fan base had somehow gotten her phone number and were not having any trouble letting their feelings be known. She knew to ignore that crap, but the hate in their voices left her rattled.

In the week that followed, things only got worse. Caroline tried to stay isolated from the media and the internet, but it happened even when she went out. Everywhere. Looks, hateful looks. Whispers.

Somehow, she managed to get through it. She changed her phone number and called the police four times over the span of five days, as suspicious vehicles had taken up residence outside her house.

Sara insisted Caroline come stay with her and Shane, but Caroline had refused. This was part of it. If she was strong, she would have to prove it, not only to this city, but to herself too. And it also helped her make a decision.

On Wednesday, when she went back to Garfield Elementary, she went directly to Principal Dixon's office and plead her case, hoping that there was still someway she could go on this trip, even if she had to pay the room and board herself. She needed this trip. She deserved it. She wasn't running away, she was running towards something.

Turns out, she didn't have to do too much begging. Mr. Dixon, in fact hadn't found a replacement for the trip. With a wry smile he confessed that his hope had always been that she would change her mind and thankfully he was right. There was one issue, she would be leaving in less than a week. She had until next Monday to get all her affairs in order. Then she would travel to Chicago for three days for an intensive language course, as well as orientation to a foreign country. In less than two weeks, she would be halfway across the world.

In the classroom, she started right back where she'd left off and if she wasn't working on about 10% brain power, one could say, she was getting back to normal life. But nothing about her life was normal. She struggled constantly to quell the ache in her heart. The void that lay centered in her very being. Her life didn't even feel like her life anymore. Not even close.

Night was when she felt it most. The emptiness. Her mind would wander, picturing where he was and what he was doing. She wondered if she should tell him she was leaving. Send him a text? Call him? Her number was different now. Could she send a casual text letting him know of her new number, like she had with her family and friends? Everything just felt so undone. She let herself relive special moments. She knew it wasn't healthy, but it was all she could do to not go crazy laying in bed alone. It was better than obsessing over whether or not he had found comfort in the arms of someone else. She couldn't let her mind go there. The torture of the mind picturing him touching, kissing, caring for someone else. So instead she delved into her mind to her favorite times. Her hand would wander down past her stomach to the ache between her legs and with her eyes closed and her mouth parted, she would find relief in the memories. It was desperate and clumsy, but it was all she had to get by.

In the end she wrote the letter. Letting him know everything. Putting it all out there, not allowing herself to be afraid or censor any of the hurricaning thoughts that raced through her mind. If she was going to go. If she was going to move forward, there was a lot he needed to know. It had been hard. She'd cried through a lot of it, no big surprise there. She'd revised so much of it that the yellow legal pad she'd used to compose the letter was cover with scratched out sections and notes in the margins. It looks like the writings of a serial killer or at best a sociopath. But no, it was the jumbled mind of an overly emotional, heart broken girl.

On Friday, she said goodbye to her students. A substitute would be taking over for the remaining week and a half. She sheepishly said goodbye to her coworkers, still so mortified about the events of last week. Pete couldn't even look at her, although Caroline figured that was for the best. He was upset with her and she couldn't blame him. Their friendship had suffered but the lessons learned would live with Caroline for a long time.

She spent the weekend packing up. Sara arrived Friday and refused to leave all weekend. And Sara put it, she needed to get her Caroline time in before her best friend would leave the country for the next eight weeks. To her credit, Sara didn't get into the whole "told you so" speech. Caroline was different now. Quieter. Sadder. Proving she was right about something wouldn't do Sara any good. So the two friends didn't bring up Sidney or the break up. Really, what else could be said?

There was one other loose end that needed to be tied up before she left. In the midst of her life falling apart, Veronique had given birth to a beautiful little girl named Estelle. The Fleury's had stayed in Pittsburgh, Veronique was too far along to travel by plane and the chances of her water breaking on the 12 hour drive back to Quebec were too great to travel by car. Caroline had wanted to say goodbye to her friend and meet the small bundle of joy, so she arranged to visit the Fleury family on Sunday afternoon. Caroline was nervous that the whole visit would be awkward, now that she and Sid weren't together any longer, but Veronique had been there for Caroline through it all and she wanted to see her friend, even if it ended in their parting as friends.

Caroline pulled up to the large brick home set back nearly a mile from the country road of the upscale Pittsburgh suburb. The trees lining the driveway were lush and green, light flowers peppered throughout the bushy branches and as Caroline pulled up she tried to ignore the pang in her heart. It seemed like this was some sort of farewell tour, saying goodbye to her alternate reality.

Marc answered the door and Caroline suddenly felt very anxious. She wondered how much he knew. If he'd even talked to Sid. But her questions seemed to be answered by the sympathetic smile he gave her, when he gestured her into the lavish home.

The Fleury's as always were gracious hosts. Caroline couldn't get over how beautiful Veronique looked after just giving birth less than a week earlier. Caroline oohed and ahhed over the infant, Veronique wasted no time thrusting the tiny bundle into Caroline arms. Cradling Estelle, Caroline stayed so still and took such care for fear that she might drop the newborn or hurt her in any way. And when that tiny precious face looked up at her, with wide grey eyes and a perfect heart shaped mouth, Caroline couldn't help but fall in love. She stared down at this flawless being and much to her embarrassment, felt the tears begin to slid down her cheeks.

"She's perfect." Caroline whispered, finally meeting the faces of the new parents.

Both Vero and Marc-Andre smiled proudly, then Veronique gave her husband a look, that simply said, "get out of here, it's girl talk time." Marc-Andre got the point loud and clear and quickly made himself scarce.

Veronique gathered Estelle in her arms and took the now sleeping baby and held her close to her chest.

"Ok, spill." Veronique said bluntly. From the moment Caroline walked through the door, V had noticed how worn and exhausted her usually cheerful friend looked.

And without any further prodding, Caroline unloaded everything. She didn't hold back. She told V about the kiss with Pete, the lies, the coverup, the fight with Sid, she even told Vero about the reporters and the phone calls.

Veronique knew some of it. Sid and Marc had texted a bit, Sid being brief in letting his friend and teammate know that Caroline and he were taking some time apart. Flower had some questions, but Sid didn't volunteer any more information. But now listening to Caroline, Veronique could see and hear how hard the past few weeks had been on her friend.

Caroline told Veronique that she understood if they couldn't be friends any longer, due to conflict of interest and all that, but Veronique had scoffed and seemed outraged that Caroline would even suggest such a thing.

"You'll get back together." Veronique said with a certain confidence.

Caroline shook her head sadly. "I don't know. I imagine he doesn't want to speak to me any time soon. And even if he did, I feel like I don't even like myself, how can I expect someone else to?"

Veronique looked pensive, then spoke, "I know Sid, I'm sure he's upset now. Trust is a big thing with him. I think it is for all the guys, it's such a weird world they live in, so many people in your ear, it's hard to figure out who has your best interests in mind and who's just trying to use you. But you know all that. I know it's scary Caroline. I know what its like having to make the sacrifice and change your life. But having a partner, having someone who is there for you every step of the way makes it easier and worth it."

Caroline was quiet, then spoke, "But what if they aren't there? That's the part that I struggle with. Having to do so much on my own, because Sid's life is nuts. And suddenly the things I care about, don't matter any more."

Veronique looked at Caroline intensely, "Do you think that's true?"

Caroline shrugged, embarrassed she brought her inner fears out into the open. And as soon as they were out there, they seemed to just evaporate.

"No," Caroline shook her head. "He cares, I know he does. I just don't know how to make myself not be selfish."

Veronique shifted the baby gingerly and smiled tenderly at her friend, "Well that for one is impossible. You're not perfect and no one is asking you to be. Of course there will be times when you feel selfish and all you want is a nice date with your boyfriend and not some PR blitz or you don't want to have to plan the birth of your child around the Stanley Cup finals. Believe me, I was scared when I found out my due date, because the reality was that there was a good chance Marc wouldn't be there with me when I gave birth. It's all a trade off. You're going to make mistakes. But you have to be upfront and trust that the other person will be there for you and understand. It seems to me you lost trust in Sid, long before he lost trust in you."

Caroline took in Veronique's wise words and appreciated the clarity the new mother brought her.

"Geez," Caroline said smiling, her eyes shiny, "Less than a week with Estelle and you already have all that motherly wisdom."

Veronique grinned, then put Estelle down in her basinet. The friends embraced and Caroline chose the moment to tell Vero her plans for the summer. Veronique was no less than shocked. "Are you going to tell Sid?" she asked.

Caroline didn't have an answer for Vero.

"I don't know. I should go." Caroline said decisively and gave Veronique a final hug.

V nodded, but the wheels were already spinning. Caroline found Flower and said goodbye, once again congratulating the new dad.

It wasn't more than five minutes after Caroline left, that Veronique had brought her husband current on the issues of their dear friends. While Vero and Marc-Andre didnt want to pry they couldnt help but wonder if there was something they could do.

Long after Troy went to bed, Sid sat on his dock and looked out at the lake. It had always been such a place of peace for him. Over the years he'd come here looking to get away from all the craziness the hockey season had brought and just enjoy the silence and tranquility of the still waters. So many memories of going out onto the lake, just him and the quiet. It was truly his favorite place in the world. But now all he could think of is wanting Caroline there next to him. Sitting at the end of the bay, just taking it all in together. But was he ready? Could he let go of all the hurt and the sadness. Could they start over? Be different now. It wouldnt be the same relationship, by any means. It would be different but could it be better. He wanted to try.

The next morning, Sid woke with a renewed purpose. He truly felt reborn. His father and he had formed a new understanding and that hardness in his heart was starting to lessen. With a deep breath, he dialed the number imprinted in his mind and waited. It rang and it rang. Then it rang some more. Finally a voice came on the line, informing him that the number was no longer in service. Sid felt a tinge of panic, ended the called and redialed the number. The same thing happened. She'd changed her number? Did it have something to do with him? Worried, he dialed a different number and waited. After only a few rings, the voice of his friend and goalie came onto the line. Flower was the only player in Pittsburgh right now since the birth of his daughter. Sid had texted his congratulations at the news and he and Marc had exchanged a few messages. Sid thought it was best to tell him about Caroline, seeing that the couples had grown close. Flower was smart and didnt push for more information. He knew Sid well and let his captain move at his own pace. Sid made an effort to make small talk with his friend, until he had to get to reason for the call.

"So, erm, has uh Veronique spoken to Caroline?" Sid asked awkwardly.

Marc was silent and Sid was too anxious for the answer to feel foolish.

"Yeah, she came by the house the other day. To meet Estelle." Marc seemed guarded, as if he was afraid to divulge too much information. He'd argued with his wife that they stay out of it, but Veronique had wanted to all but call Sid and tell him to get back to Pittsburgh before he lost his chance.

Hope blossomed in Sid. "Oh yeah? That's great. How...how is she?"

"She..." Marc seemed to be struggling for the words, then heaved a heavy sigh, "Son coeur est casse." He said simply. "She's had a rough time man. The press, the fans...it's been rough." Flower gave Sid a brief synopsis of what Caroline had told Veronique. All the way down to changing her phone number and calling the police.

Sid felt his throat constrict. He hadn't thought of what it would be like afterwards. When it all came out. Their display had been rather public, the fight on the street. He'd been naive to think there would be no backlash.

"Sid, I wasn't going to say anything. I really didn't think it was my place to say. But maybe I should. You should know that Caroline is leaving. She's going to Spain. I don't know if I should say anything, but if you really want to talk to her, you need to get here fast. Before she's gone."

Flower didn't need to say another word. Sid did need to get there. He needed to get there fast. He couldn't let her go without at least talking, seeing if there was something to salvage.

His father had been right, he needed to go see her.

Now.

Son coeur est casse=her heart is broken.

***Author's note: I realized during this chapter that the timeline may seem confusing. Basically in the last chapter almost two weeks went by for Sid, while for Caroline's part of the chapter only a few hours went by. Now in this chapter its the opposite, Caroline has had the time go by and its only been a few hours for Sid. I hope that helps. I don't know if the timing equals out quite perfectly, but its close enough. Thanks for all your feedback, as always it means so much to me. Go Pens!***