Dean lies on his back on a lumpy mattress, staring at an ugly popcorn ceiling. The same ceiling he's stared at a thousand times in rooms just like this one. He's washed away the blood and dirt but not the day. It's been hours of tracing a crack above him with his eyes because he can't sleep and he's outta booze. The aching muscles in his arms and back protest any idea of getting up but he can't turn off his head.

When he'd checked into this craphole yesterday morning, he hadn't known what to expect. Hopefully to see Cas again, something he'd been equally excited about and dreading. Try to enlist some angelic assistance. Probably get the shit kicked out of him by going back to his childhood home. Maybe get another lead on Alastair's whereabouts or why he was back here of all places. However he'd imagined it going... it wasn't lying here trying to figure out what made an angel tick.

What the hell went on in that head of his? Why did Cas ignore him for years, have to be manipulated into showing up now, give Dean the 'I'm married to my work' speech.. just to turn around and freaking kiss him? Like that. Dean had thought he knew what the deal was with them. How it was and was gonna be.. then Cas had to go knock that idea on its ass. And Christ, for a minute there, he'd given in because damn had it felt good.

It hadn't been gentle or cautious. Cas was demanding. Forceful. Crashing against him like the brunt of a wave and Dean wanted it all. Even as Cas' fingers dug into the sides of his face.. he could have done it harder and in that moment, Dean would have wanted more. It felt familiar but kicked up ten notches from the kisses in his memory that he held close on lonely nights. Cas felt like something he'd been missing for so long but made himself forget how much until he tasted it again. The buzz like intense energy shivering through him, the warmth from Cas' skin, the faint smell of wild outdoors and underlining sweetness. Even the sound of his feathers shifting as he got excited.. Dean had forgotten all this and remembered it in an instance.

He wishes he could stop replaying it on loop but even with the demon deathmatch, Crowley, The Trickster being alive and an angel on top of that… Cas' kiss was only thing he could think about.

Sighing, he rubs the heels of his hands over his eyes. He needs to call his dad and report in, but he can wait a little longer.

John hadn't taken long to decide to go after Azazel when Dean said he'd take Alastair. The chance to go after the yellow-eyed bastard that had killed his wife had been too much of a draw. Even though any other time, he wouldn't have ever let Dean go off on his own after one of Them.

Over the years of choking and burning and cutting into black-eyed bodies, they'd learned that Alastair had been a high-ranking demon. Hell's Grand Torturer. Dean had the scars on his back to attest that he knew his way around a knife. He still had the occasional nightmare about a clammy hand on his shoulder, rubbing soothingly as a sharp bite opened his skin.

Azazel they knew less about. He seemed to be higher up the foodchain than even Alastair but none of the lackeys knew his agenda. John had interrupted some big ritual he'd been dishing up but never found out what it was for. While yellow eyes had been doing the bad guy monologue in his mom's voice, Dean remembered him saying they'd been trying to call someone. Or summon someone? Free someone? He'd been mostly whoosy by that time from blood loss and it changes from time to time in his memory. Not that he tries very hard to remember it often.

For the last few years, no demon had anything good to give up before they were destroyed. That is until two weeks ago. It was suspicious as hell, the way it babbled almost eagerly, trying to make a deal for its freedom. Both, it said, were top-side. Preparing for something big. After swallowing a mouthful of salt with a chaser of holy water, the demon even had vague locations.

Bobby was pissed but couldn't put up too much of a fight. He'd been laid up in a wheel chair about two years ago when he got a stuck with a knife by a shapeshifter. Now he throws them hunts or info when they need it. No matter how much yellin' he'd done for them to at least choose one to go after, it'd fallen on deaf ears.

And so John went to chase his demon and Dean went after his. It was a mistake; he knew that in the back of his mind. Maybe his dad did too, but with bait so perfectly tailored to them… well they couldn't just let one of them slip away.

Dean wondered if he'd see his dad again when this was over. If he'd see anyone again for that matter or just end up in a pine box. Even though it was over 400 miles out of the way, he went and spent one last day with Sam before heading to Kansas. He was starting to shoot up, already gaining half a foot since the last time Dean had seen him. He'd let he go on and on about anything. Everything. School, videogames, Jo's new boyfriend, the dog Ellen was talking about getting.. Dean had soaked up as much of it as he had time for until too quickly he was holding him tight and ruffling his hair.. and driving away. Driving away to Kansas. Someplace they never take jobs in. Not his dad or him talk about it.. but they don't need to.

He remembers how it felt just after Cas showed up tonight. Standing above him like a hundred different scenarios Dean daydreamed while he was sewing up a gash or his dad was popping in his dislocated shoulder.

Truthfully, he'd been glad it was going to go down here. He could have made any number of excuses to himself and his dad for going after Alastair alone.. but getting to see Cas again, maybe for the last time, had been a big part of it. Just watching him tonight, his heart had raced. He was excited in a way he hadn't been over anything for so long…

And just like that, he's right back to thinking about Cas. Damnit! He's just one big weakspot for Dean and it's pathetic to want him so bad, be this torn up over one goddamn kiss.

He needs a distraction. And shit, even that word makes him fucking think of Cas now.

Lacing his boots, Dean grabs his leather jacket with his keys and heads out the door.

Dean listens to the engine tick in a dirt parking lot a few miles away from the motel. He can hear the familiar sounds of a jukebox and happy chatter every time someone opens the door to leave. Inside was all that he needed. All he had to do it go get it.

Sighing, Dean swings the keys around his index finger. Then again.

Why the hell had he asked him to come along tomorrow? Cas was like a goddamn itch he couldn't help scratching or a split lip he kept tonguing no matter how much it hurt. How many nights did he lay awake, alone after his dad left.. just imagining Cas kissing him. Or even holding him. Or pretend he was sitting at the end of his bed waiting for him to wake up so they could talk. Like they used to. Dean could tell him about the shapeshifter that masqueraded as a rich woman's pet Chihuahua or the vampire that only fed on cattle, or the amazing shot he made that morning. Cas would listen to everything, just sitting there with legs crossed and letting him go on and on like when he was 15.

As he got older, Dean knew it for the weakness it was. He didn't need someone else to hold him or keep him safe or even listen to him ramble on. He was the only one he could count on. He was all he had.

He slams the heel of his palm on the steering wheel. Fuck Cas for doing this to him. For making him want him all over again. Want things he can't have.. that don't fit into his life anymore. Can't fit.

He should go inside right now. Find some sweet thing to bury inside and to say they want him.. if just for a while. It'd be easy and something he could understand. Uncomplicated. Not like a fucking angel that kisses him like a pornstar but doesn't know why. Doesn't have an answer and turns away with a fucking 'sorry.'

"Goddammit," he curses under his breath.

Shifting to reverse, Dean throws an arm over the back of the seat and quickly backs up, kicking dirt up in a cloud.

He drives about 20 mins until he finds the turn off to the old road he wants. A few more miles and he comes to a stop at a seemingly random spot. Getting out, he slams the door behind him and unlocks the trunk. Another few hours and the sun would be up, until then he'd practice by moonlight. Not like the bad guys cared if it was harder to hit them with nightvision. He searches around for things to use for targets, a few bottles would do.

Closing the trunk, Dean starts marching towards the old battered fence. He'll focus on shooting till he doesn't have a goddamn thought in his head.

The following day, Castiel arrives at sundown as Dean had specified. Neither of them acknowledges the kiss but there's a new tension between them. It had been there from the moment he looked down at him on the floor of his bedroom, but now it's heavy in every pause. Makes every stare meaningful.. purposeful.. awkward. Castiel is acutely aware of every time their hands are too close or exactly how far apart they stand. Especially now that they were confined to Dean's car, only a few feet away from each other. He has to concentrate on keeping his wings tucked tight to his back so they don't accidentally brush Dean's side. It had already happened twice and they both had ignored it.. though he heard Dean's intake of breath and noticed his grip tighten on the steering wheel, seeming painful.

"Where are we going?" he asks for something other to focus on.

Dean answers with his eyes on the road. "Crowley's big kahuna of demon dealmakers, right?"

"He is their leader," Castiel answers, assuming 'big kahuna' meant something similar.

"And he called himself King of the Crossroads. So one plus one equals.."

"Two," he provides, unsure of where Dean was going with this.

After giving him a sigh, he says, "Yeah and also his little butt monkeys make their deals at a crossroads. That's where we're headed."

"And what makes you think one will appear?"

"I called a friend of mine, yesterday. Bobby. He gave me the list of ingredients and recipe for getting some face time with one. I'm gonna ring it up just like I wanna play let's make a deal."

"Dean this is unwise. With Alastair's sudden re-emergence and the increase in demonic activity.. we shouldn't be revealing your whereabouts to one of them. We are meeting with Crowley-"

"Cas, I'm not waiting around for some shifty sonofabitch in a suit to pencil me in."

"Your impatience is making you reckless," he says with disapproval.

"Yeah well I have to do something. I can't sit on my hands just waiting."

Cas tilts his head. "And what do you propose to do if a demon does show up?"

"Persuade it to tell me what I need to know."

It sounds hollow as Dean doesn't look at him. He squints his eyes and asks, "Did your father teach you that?"

"What?"

"Torture."

Dean seems slightly shocked, uncomfortably shifting in his seat as he looks at him briefly.

"Jesus, it's not.. they're just demons."

Cas nods, looking down as the car pulls off the road into the grass about a mile away from where a dirt road crosses it. "I just wish things had been different for you."

Dean clenches his jaw and abruptly halts the car so they jerk forward. He turns to him in his seat. "Yeah, well wishin' don't do shit. Wishin' didn't bring my mom back, it never made you give a damn. Never made a ghoul stop or a vamp back off. It didn't-"

Dean stops himself, getting so worked up he's heaving slightly. Castiel presses his lips, wanting to say something to comfort him but there weren't words to soothe that pain.

Staring at the car radio, he continues. "There ain't no easy way, Cas. You gotta get the blood and dirt under your fingernails."

Angrily, Dean reaches over towards the glove compartment in front of his knees and he follows the moment with his eyes. His bent head is right in front of him as he pulls out a flashlight. Should he reach out to him? Could he just encircle his arms around Dean's shoulders? Would he welcome it or be angered further? But the moment is gone as Dean opens his door to get out and slams it behind him.

Castiel gives him a few minutes alone before he opens his own door. As he comes around the back, he sees Dean holding a picture of his family. Whole. One he'd seen larger in a frame on the downstairs wall of his home. When he notices he's not alone, Dean stashes it in his pocket and pulls out an ID card of some sort, placing it in a small box. He then starts moving various bottles around as if he's searching for something.

Dean's posture is rigid and his eyes never deviate from the contents of the trunk. Again he'd managed to hurt him. He should have stayed away from him as Michael said.

"I'm sorry if I upset you."

"Forget about it," Dean says gruffly while reading a faded label on a tin. Castiel watches him pull out a small bone from it and place it in the box. After inspecting several more labels, makes a grunt of recognition.

"Graveyard dirt," he says, dumping the contents of another bag over the card and bone. Then shuts the trunk.

"Dean."

He pauses but doesn't look up at him.

"I did.." it almost physically hurts to halt the words but Castiel spoke before he could stop himself. He should tell him.. he will tell him. He'll tell Dean now.. he can't bear to continue letting him think he was indifferent so many years.

"You did what?" he glares back at him with impatience.

Castiel opens his mouth, but something catches his attention up ahead where the roads meet. "Someone is here."

Dean ducks around the car to see the small figure walking into the middle.. right into the crossroads. They both slowly walk a few feet forward and crouch down. The nearest streetlamp is ahead and to the left, not illuminating the center where the person is digging with their hands. It's impossible to make out much more than they seem to have a small build and long hair. They stand up, dusting their hands off on their pants and spin to search the darkness. Dean breathes shallowly next to him as they both silently wait to see how this will play out.

Several minutes later, Castiel tenses when a woman appears in the middle of the light from the streetlamp, a few feet away from the human that summoned it. It's in a provocative red dress, dark brown hair falling in curls around its bare shoulders. Despite its alluring appearance, Castiel can see the vile, bitter thing hiding beneath.

"You said she'd be okay!" the human, a female, screams at it from the shadows.

"I said she was cured. And she was," it laughs throatily, stepping closer. "Heart attack, wasn't it? Bad luck, Red."

"Bring her back!"

"Sorry, Sweetie. You're all outta currency and I'm outta patience." The demon suddenly yanks the girl's long hair back in a tight grip that brings her tear-streaked face into the light.

Beside him, Dean gasps softly. Castiel looks from Dean to the girl and remembers the last time he saw her was swinging a pillow at Dean's head in his bedroom. He'd wanted to harm this girl very much in that instant.

"Call me again and I'll collect early."

Within a blink, she's gone and Charlie crumples to her knees in the dirt. Dean stands next to him and approaches her slowly. Wearily. She sobs, not paying attention to him even as he bends down in front of her.

"Charlie?"

After a moment, she sniffs and sucks in a heavy breath and looks up. It takes several seconds of staring but finally she asks, "Winchester?"

Castiel gives them space to talk, standing by the car as Dean and her sit in the middle of the road. He wills himself to ignore the jealousy that rises within after she encircles his neck with her arms and holds him tight for a long minute. Like he had wanted to do but didn't. He turns away from Dean grabbing her just as tight before the envy can darken his thoughts too much. After almost an hour has passed, they both stand and brush dirt off their clothes. He walks towards them.

Charlie turns to him when reaches them, stepping slightly closer to Dean's side.

"You're kinda dreamy for a dateline stalker."

Furrowing his brow, he says, "I don't understand."

Dean shakes his head. "Nothin'. Charlie thinks she's being funny."

Charlie laughs once before sniffing and wiping under her eyes. "Sorry, bad timing. Well I should go.."

She hugs Dean one last time and gives a small wave towards him before walking off into the dark towards a small yellow car parked a ways down the road.

Dean turns and walks through the tall grass towards the Impala.

Once they're on the road, he starts talking.

"So you remember Charlie right?"

"Yes, you are not her type because you don't have the right equipment." Castiel quotes from memory.

Dean frowns and turns to him with one hand on the wheel. "Yeah.. way to remember the important stuff.."

Castiel nods at the compliment.

"Anyway, she was approached by a guy in a black on black suit about 4 years ago that told her he knew of a way to help her sick mother."

"Crowley."

"Yep. Bastard sent her here and she made the deal for her mom. They gave her ten years but the mom died of a heart attack a few days ago."

Feelings of remorse begin to fill Castiel at the knowledge that this girl was grieving for a lost loved one and all he could focus on was his own spiteful thoughts.

"Ain't that a breach of contract or something?"

"The deal was not broken. If the demon was speaking the truth, then the stipulations were only to cure the mother of her disease. Not prevent death from unforeseen circumstances."

"Well what if I call it back and kill it? Would it-"

"Her contract is most likely held by Crowley. Killing the handler will not help her. Even if you were to kill Crowley, her soul is still condemned upon death."

"Dammit Cas! She was just a scared kid. Can't you freaking do anything for her?"

Anger flares up inside him and he tightens his jaw. "I cannot prevent the consequences a human brings upon themself by trafficking with the damned."

Dean loses some of his own anger and sighs. "Look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put it on you. It's just, I can't accept doing nothing. She's.. a friend."

After watching the weariness cross his face, Castiel softens and says "I am sorry for her Dean, but I know of no way to help."

"Yeah well, I'm gonna take it up with that prick Crowley first chance I get."

"You have nothing to trade, Dean, and you can't break his contract by force. We only have a tentative truce so as to obtain information and at great danger each time. He will not relinquish a soul without a battle we are not prepared for. Most of our brothers and sisters would not approach a demon as we do and it will take more than the four of us to win such a fight."

"We'll see. I'm stubborn. Have a little faith in me." Dean smiles but it's only half-hearted.

He pulls into his motel parking lot and turns off the engine.

"Are you planning on returning to the crossroads to interrogate the demon as you planned?"

"Nah, seeing Charlie changed things. I don't wanna torture one of his lackeys until I know her soul is off the table."

Castiel presses his lips to stop himself from again repeating that there is no way to free her soul from the demon's grasp. Perhaps he needs this hope to obstinately latch onto.

Following him to his door, Castiel waits for Dean tell him goodbye. He doesn't want to leave him just yet, but he doesn't have another reason to stay.

"Thanks for the backup."

"Of course, Dean. Please call me if you intend on any other such confrontations."

"It's cool. I know you got angel business to flit around and do."

"Dean." He steps forward, anxiousness moving him. "Do not be so foolish as to attempt finding Alastair on your own. I've told you I will help."

Dean smiles faintly. "Thanks for your concern. I'll ring you up if I need ya."

He hates the way Dean sounds so impersonal. But he does have every right. He had been very close to speaking about the last few lost years but now the moment seemed gone. Dean was once again wrapped in his hard exterior and that much more unapproachable. And truthfully, he's looking for a reason to leave without this conversation. It's cowardly, he admits but he lost the words on the drive back.

Castiel's about to say Goodnight, when he hears the sound of wings. He feels one of his sibling's grace calling out to his. Turning his head to where the wall curves to the back of the building, he listens. There's another familiar noise of feathers rustling and he stares at the spot waiting.

"What is it?" Dean turns to look at what drew his attention.

"Nothing," Castiel says, frowning. Facing him again he continues, "Pray to me if you need me. Otherwise I will see you in two days time."

"Cas-"

He walks along the wall of rooms, away from Dean. When he reaches its end, he turns. It's the same dark wooded area he'd departed from with Dean yesterday. Stepping within the tree line, he listens. A slight shifting of the air and behind him a hand descends on his shoulder and he hears a deep, "Castiel."

Uriel has found him.

Dean watches him walk off. After waiting only a minute or two, he pockets the motel key and quietly follows after. When he reaches the end of the wall Cas had disappeared around, he flattens against it and edges his head around the side.

It's a tall, bulky male, black from the back of his head but that's all he can see. He almost blocks Cas' body entirely. He wears a sleeveless white shirt with black pants. There's an wide gold cuff like Cas', moonlight hitting it so he must be an angel but he doesn't give two fucks about that right now because the asshole is barking at him in low tones. Grabbing his shoulder in a way that looks painful and Cas just takes it, head slightly bowed. He steps closer to hear.. maybe do something else if he can't stop himself.

"-and you bring that.. that MudMonkey within our dwelling? How dare you, Castiel?!" He shoves the shoulder he's gripping and Cas takes a step back, but doesn't meet his gaze.

"You are no longer a fledgling. We will not tolerate your childish behavior again! Pining after a human like some besotted dog. How many days- how many years did you waste watching over that-"

"I am only helping him to kill the demon Alastair now. Nothing more."

"You lie even as you say the words. What causes this pathetic enthrallment? Like your sister before you, you have some sort of morbid fascination-"

"Do not speak of her." Castiel looks up suddenly angry. As he does, his eyes catch sight of Dean. He just stands there, staring back with his mouth a little open. Blade forgotten, after hearing about.. Cas watching him. A hundred thoughts flicker through his mind in the time it takes for the big guy to notice Cas' attention is somewhere else and turns. Had Cas been to see him?

"Leave us, Child. No one summoned you."

That knocks him out of his stupor. "And who the hell-" As he steps closer, Dean gets a hazy flash of recognition at his face. Like a memory he didn't have a place or time for. "Wait, I know you.."

"Doubtful," he scoffs.

"What do you mean?" Castiel squints his eyes, looking between them.

"I think.. I think I dreamed about him." He'd been in a suit then, so he looked just like any other teacher. At his school, slamming him against a locker or something.

Castiel abruptly turns back to the other angel. "Why would you invade Dean's dreams, Uriel?"

He looks down his nose at him and says, "I merely told him to leave you be."

Dean snorts. "Yeah.. I seem to remember something about turning me to dust?"

Uriel doesn't even acknowledge him, like he's beneath his lofty ass.

"You were losing your focus, Castiel. Our divine purpose is to eradicate the demonic presence here.. not chase after the attentions of this hairless ape."

"Yeah well you're doing a shit job of it. Eradicating the demons.." Dean grunts. "Where were you when they tricked a teenage girl out of her soul? Or tried to do twisted ritual to do God knows what and a hunter got eviscerated? Or hey I don't know.. the night demons killed my mother? Cas is the only one that showed up to do something about it and there were a lot of fucking demons to eradicate then. Where the hell were you that night?"

"Elsewhere. Fighting our own battle. Castiel only showed up because he broke ranks to come to you. Something he was severely punished for afterwards."

Dean looks at him but Cas is staring off to his right, not facing either of them.

"That true?"

When he finally makes eye contact in unspoken confirmation, Dean can't turn away. He's starting to think Cas put up some bullshit face and maybe he did miss him. Did want him. In his way. He needed to know what the hell Uriel meant before.

"What does he mean you watched over me? He talkin' about you coming to my window or.." he takes a breath. "Or after I left?"

Cas just looks at him with that fucking blank look of his. He can't think of what to ask first.

"Why didn't you tell me? Talk to me? Why-"

"Enough of this stupidity. You've wasted enough time on him. Now leave this human to his petty issues."

"He doesn't have to go with you, Ass Clown."

"I do have to go, Dean." Cas says, solemnly.

Stepping closer, he grits out under his breath, "Damnit Cas, I need to talk to you."

"Your needs are not of interest to us. Come, Castiel."

"He's not your dog to order- Cas?" He says after him as he turns away. Uriel lifts into the sky out of sight and Cas braces to kick off the ground too. He's going to fucking leave. Just like that. Dean suddenly strides forward, steps around him and reaches out and grabs his shoulders so he doesn't take off.

He looks startled, blue eyes wide. The muscles on his shoulder blades are already working and he can hear the sound of his wings moving.

"Dean. Please."

"Cas.." he doesn't what else to say to make him stay.

"Castiel!"

He looks up wearily. While he's still distracted, Dean moves forward and catches his lips. It's in desperation for his attention and to make him wait. Stop. Not just take off without something more. Cas doesn't respond, still tense as a bow string but Dean licks over his lips then inside when his mouth slackens for him. Cas makes a small helpless noise as he gives in and cups the back of Dean's neck.

Dean lets go of all the pain, anger and confusion between them for just a few seconds of sweet bliss then he pulls back just a fraction so they're not kissing anymore but still too close. Cas breathes over his lips, eyes shut with his forehead resting on Dean's.

"Come back when you can." Dean says brushing his lips at the end and squeezing his shoulder.

Cas winces like he's in pain at the words then sighs. "Dean.."

Then he's roughly yanked out of Dean's hold. The hand disappears from his neck and within a blink, Cas is gone.