Author's Note: I apologize for neglecting you for so very long, my dear ones. Holiday mayhem and all.. it was very difficult to carve out any time to be productive. At least left you at a good place? I hope you forgive me.
Breathing raggedly, Dean darts a glance towards the angel next to him and tries to wrap his head around what they just did. Cas actually chuckles a few times into the pillow before lifting his face up again to smile at Dean. His face is full of awe and other softer emotions Dean can't even name.
He needs to get up. Right now. Get up and go into the bathroom, shower and get dressed. He definitely shouldn't be laying here with Cas half on top of him… maybe even returning that stupid dopey look. The longer he gives into this, the harder it'll be.
Cas shifts onto his side and props his head up with one hand. He seems more like a big contented cat than a badass Angel of the Lord at the moment. His wide grin softens and he reaches out to stroke Dean's neck; first with fingertips, then following with his fingers and palm. It makes him tense but Cas doesn't seem to mind, just continues on up to trace Dean's jaw, over his Adam's apple, then down to the hollow of his throat.
With the endorphins fading, Dean starts feeling a little more self-conscious and while Cas seems preoccupied, he hikes the sheet just over his pelvis as casually as possible. Without looking down, Cas' lips twitch as he meets his eyes briefly before focusing back on... whatever the hell he's doing.
Eventually, his gaze shifts to Dean's naked chest and lower. Dean lets him look but wants to squirm. He touches the tattoo a little above his heart and follows its black lines.
"Keeps demons out. Occupational necessity," Dean says for something to break the silence.
Cas flicks his eyes up in acknowledgement but doesn't speak.
It makes him on edge. All this quiet inspection and delicate touches. It leaves him feeling exposed and antsy. Like he might start talking and not stop. He thinks about asking Cas if he knew that the one night stand thing was kinda bullshit. That he wasn't just like any other faceless body to forget about everything in for a while. Not quick or easy or a convenience… or just to find out what it was like to be with a guy. Maybe Cas would smile and say he knows. Or maybe he'd say there can't be anything else and get up. Either way, Dean can't make himself break the spell of Cas slowly tracing over his ribs.
Despite everything, this was kinda nice. Weird, but nice. Just to be laying here next to each other afterward. He thought maybe it'd be more awkward. And it is. But not exactly in the way he imagined. Not like he's searching for the words to be able jump up as every second ticks by. Crazily… it seems almost natural. Safe. Which was bullshit, he was never really safe. He learned that 6 years ago. But… if he let himself, he could forget all his baggage for a few minutes. Forget about what might happen tomorrow. Forget about all the hungry clawing things just outside the door. He could be here and now with Cas touching him too gently and curling warm against his side.
Just a little longer. He'll get up soon. Shower Cas off him and forget about this too.
And maybe he kinda wants to ask how he did. Or compared. Or some pathetic shit like that. Should he have done something else? Something more? Did it measure up to Cas' idea of what their one time would be? Was it worth it? Had Cas had a lot of sex with guys? One guy? One special person? Even if he never showed someone else his wings-
"You need to stop thinking so loudly if you do not want me to listen."
"You heard that?" Dean turns to him with a scowl.
"A little. Your thoughts are very distracting."
"Damnit, Cas! Not cool."
"Dean." He stops the progression of his fingertips for a minute to tighten them around his covered hip until Dean looks at him again. "Do you want me to answer?"
He makes a show of shrugging but Cas just raises an eyebrow until he says, "Whatever. If you want."
"You are not like any other to me. Please do not doubt that."
Despite his appearance of annoyance, Dean gets a shot of warmth at his words. Cas' eyes follow the hand he's dragging down Dean's sternum and when he meets his gaze again, they've darkened.
"And it was..." He pushes the sheet down steadily, not breaking eye contact. "Beyond what I imagined it even could be. And I have imagined it plenty."
Dean swallows and makes himself put a hand behind his head in an outward show of indifference of being so exposed. He'd just had sex with the guy. Why should being naked make him blush like damn virgin?
Without touching him south of the border, Cas tilts his head and asks, "And you?"
"Me what?"
Cas just stares at him and waits.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Dean gruffly asks, "Didn't you freaking hear it already?"
"I want you to tell me."
Dean hesitates only a moment before deciding on the easier route. Sighing exaggeratedly, he slaps on a smirk and says, "Better than pie."
Cas doesn't return the smile but averts his eyes to watch himself rub a bit of the sheet between his fingers. "You do not regret, then?"
"Hell no." Dean says without even having to think about it. Pushing aside the post-coital awkwardness, he ducks his head and catches Cas' lips. "Don't waste time on regret, man. Live in the here and now, right?"
When Cas' face pinches in a frown, Dean kisses him again because it's some kind of fucked up weakspot for him now. Cas frowning.
"We could be dead tomorrow," Dean pulls back to says. Eyes fixed on his mouth, he moves closer but Cas puts out a firm hand to stop him, anger flashing across his features.
"Oh c'mon, will you stop? I was joking!" Dean sighs and drops back onto his back.
Cas doesn't answer for a long time and he doesn't look at him either, instead staring at the ceiling. He should really fucking get up already.
Just as he's about decided to, Dean feels those goddamn ghost touches again. Ticklish and slightly arousing all at once. He fights not to twitch. A few more minutes and he's either gonna kick Cas out of bed or try to fuck him again. He's never been body shy but quick drunken tumbles in the dark never ended with this amount of intense scrutiny and he can't take much more.
"I saw my sister today," Cas says out of nowhere.
Dean looks down at him. "Your sister? You mean the one you um… lost?"
That's how Cas had described her, never really explaining. Not Dead. Lost.
Idly, Cas makes a slow circle on his ribs. Whether a symbol or nothing mark, he's not sure, but it seems to have a particular pattern that keeps the angel's attention. It makes Dean notice that he isn't wearing that gaudy cuff thing that he always had on.
"Yes. I am breaking many rules these days," he smiles with a touch of bitterness to himself.
"Where's your…" he gestures to his own bicep.
"I took it off. Before."
Instantly, Dean feels his anger spark inside him. Cas took off his angelic trappings to roll around in the mud with a human. He remembered all the crap that asshole Uriel had been saying about Cas debasing himself…
"What like you're lowering yourself with me or some sh-"
"Because I didn't want a reminder that this would end."
Dean's face smoothes out and he sighs through his nose.
After a minute of neither of them saying anything and Cas not looking up at him, Dean says, "So tell me about her." He folds both hands behind his head.
"She's happy." Cas says it like a fact. Not quite smiling but without the sadness he remembered seeing when he had previously talked about her so many years ago.
"She lives as a human."
"How?" Dean frowns at that.
As if debating for a moment, Cas finally answers, "She... Fell."
Fell. Capital F.
"Fell? What like she's... a fallen angel? No wings, halo, the whole she-bang?"
Cas nods, watching his fingers on Dean's abdomen.
"Wow." Dean shakes his head, not really knowing why that took him off guard. "I mean, I didn't think you guys.. Could you do that?" He asks before he thinks and Cas' hand stills and flattens over his stomach.
After a long tense couple of seconds, he looks up at Dean. They just stare for a moment with it hanging between them.
"Sorry. I... uh didn't mean to ask that. It just sorta came out."
Taking a deep breath through his nose then out again, Cas goes back to his odd petting over his stomach but now with that blank face of his.
"It is considered a great disgrace. To abandon your holy duty, your brothers and sisters, the reason you were created."
Dean watches his mouth move, the harsh way he almost spits the words. He almost glares at him with hard, crystal blue eyes. "It is a selfish act, Dean. Not many have ever... done that."
He wants to ask if that's all he thinks he's good for. Being an angelic bitch boy... but who is he to ask that? Cas had been doing his own thing before Dean and would long after him. Besides he knew Cas wouldn't welcome it.
Not knowing what else to say, he reverts back to his childhood tactics of moving around the subject like it was a fire-ant mound. "Well at least you got to talk to her right?"
He's quiet, not even looking at Dean anymore. Staring at the wall across the room like he was seeing things Dean couldn't.
"Hey. You ok?"
Cas doesn't answer but moves his hand over the hollows of his hips then his thighs. Apparently sharing time was over.
Taking notice of any reactions, he starts that torturous caressing again but on the lower half of his body. Over the tops of his legs, down over his mostly flaccid cock, his inner thigh, making him twitch and smile in reflex. Knees, Calves and stretching down to circle his ankles then stroke the arches of his feet. By now, Cas has touched just about every inch of his body.
"What the hell are you doing?" Dean growls and flinches at a ticklish sensation.
"Learning about you. As you are now."
"God, you're weird," he laughs.
"You seem to respond to weird." Cas raises an eyebrow at his stiffening member. "Are you not therefore also 'weird'?"
Dean flushes and tries to cover himself. Catching the sheet, Cas pointedly flings it back so he's just as exposed and splays his fingers down Dean's inner thigh.
"Look, haven't you learned enough yet? I think what we just did was pretty damn educational."
"No. I haven't," he says simply and moves up to touch Dean's lips with an index finger. Dean licks out over them nervously and Cas smiles small before his face smoothes again, dispassionately.
He slowly strokes down Dean's rough cheek, jaw, neck. Over his collar bone. Dean watches his descent as he lightly drags his nails over his nipple, then the other. Rubs it with his thumb and tugs.
"Cas... C'mon," he swallows; embarrassed it kinda turned him on.
He purposely does it a few more times while steadily watching him before continuing lower.
Dean fights to stay still and just watch while Cas follows the length of his dick with one finger to the slit and rubs pre-cum in a circle over his head. Okay, the odd petting thing was starting to get kinda hot.
"I thought- Fuck!" He gasps when Cas dips lower to palm his balls with his other hand. "I thought this was a one night stand."
Sitting up, Cas fixates on watching his fingers tighten over Dean's now completely hard erection.
"The night is not over."
He pumps once, twice and Dean chases the feeling with his hips.
Pausing, Cas calmly says, "But if you would rather sleep... I understand."
Dean glares at him but ruins it by grinning. Cas pulls up again and twists his hand, making him close his eyes. A second later, they fly open when he feels warmth surrounding his head.
Holy shit. He sucks in air even as Cas sucks hard once before pulling off him to ask, "Do you not like this? I could-"
"You could fucking do that again."
Cas licks out over him and sucks around his head once more. Dean sighs and bites his bottom lip, watching. If he thought too hard about the fact that this was an angel sucking him off… he'd blow right then and there. He grabs the pillow behind him crying out when Cas dives deep then back up. Reaching forward and grabbing his wrist, Cas directs it to the back of his neck.
Jesus, that was hot. Something he'd thought about more than once.
He cups the back of his head and gently pulls him down on him. Cas moans deep around him and that makes his legs shake. He shifts his hips up a little, chasing the feeling of Cas throat closing around him.
Just as he's starting to breathe heavier, Cas pulls up and moves away. Lower. Kissing over his sack then his inner thighs and down his body.
"Goddamnit," Dean groans. He shivers while he waits for Cas to make his way back up. By the time he does, Dean is aching and vibrating with anticipation. For his mouth, hand, fuck anything, but he only offers brief kisses where he most wants before moving up his chest and higher.
"Cas... Seriously?" And it sounds too close to whining to be him.
He ignores Dean to continue nuzzling at his neck. "You are very impatient," he murmurs into his ear, fondly.
Trying to even the playing field a little, Dean blindly reaches around his back towards all those gorgeous black feathers but his arm is clasped tight and forced down onto the mattress. He immediately tries with the other, but Cas catches that wrist too and holds him down. He squeezes both wrists, and kisses his jaw line while keeping him in place.
Dean growls like a frustrated dog and bucks upwards, trying for friction. Inhaling too quick, Cas only shifts a little higher above Dean so he can't really touch. He comes close to looking smug, watching Dean writhe in desperation, rapidly turning to anger.
Cas has him on strength but he knows how to get out of this hold. Fighting for your life and you learn a few things.
Dean encircles his waist with his legs and pushes up to off-balance him. Surprising Cas into tipping, they roll and fall off the bed. Cas lands with a grunt onto his back with Dean splayed across him.
They both pant, Cas still gripping his wrists painfully. "You ok?" Dean asks, but smirks with pride.
When Cas lets him go and struggles to get upright as Dean shifts back to get off him and sit on the floor. His very annoyed looking angel gives him a stern look and does a shiver movement with his upper body.
Suspecting he knew what that might be, Dean reaches forward to caress his back and doesn't feel the wing bone or feathers.
"Are you gonna take your ball and go home now?" He says in response to Cas' version of pouting.
"I don't understand that but I should leave." Cas says, looking damn close to coy. He was betting that was a threat he wouldn't deliver on.
Dean crawls forward, feeling braver than he had a few moments ago, and practically sits in Cas' lap so he's thighs encase his legs. They're both hard now but not touching since Dean's too far back but Cas' lips twitch up and his voice seems extra gravelly as he asks, "What are you doing, now?"
When Dean reaches out, Cas grabs his wrist again with a raised eyebrow and knowing smile.
"No fair. You got your little pervy tour of my body. I want..." he stumbles over what exactly he wanted but Cas only slackens his hold and cocks his head. Finally he nods and answers, "I suppose that is reasonable."
He props his arms behind him, palms down and leans back a little. He manages to make even that look graceful. Dean reaches out again with a hand and skims along each roughened edge of puckered flesh on his chest and thumbs a shiny white line down his side. He remembered it gaping and spilling out white light and blood. Each imperfection, he has a memory of long ago when he thought Cas might be dying. When he himself was actually dying.
"So what's up with these? Really." Dean says, trying for his own blank face when he meets Cas' eyes.
He holds his gaze for too long but Dean doesn't break away. Finally he answers quietly, "They are in honor of your mother." Dean's fingers still. Cas only continues to stare at him with those intense blue marbles of his and eventually adds, "And because that was the day I lost you."
Dean's mouth falls open a little at that. "Cas…" he starts but he has no idea what the rest of that sentence was going to be.
When Dean doesn't say anything for too long and it begins to feel more than slightly awkward to be sitting there on his lap, Cas asks without looking at him, "Are you done? I should actually leave."
Dean shakes himself. He puts more tease into his voice than he felt since truthfully his emotions were suddenly all over the place. But he knew how to focus them. "Nope. Just a minute more. Fair's fair."
Cas turns back slowly while Dean smoothes his palms up his muscled torso, over nipples and then his shoulders and neck.
"Can you have them out like this?"
He hasn't moved to feel for them again but Cas knows exactly what he's talking about. They're not far from the bed so he couldn't imagine Cas could stretch them out in this position. With another head tilt, Dean feels that tickle along his arm that at first makes him want to scratch the spot. He looks at his arm, then back at Cas who twitches his lips but otherwise remains stoic.
Dean grins but doesn't go for it. He'd be expecting that. Instead he shoves his fingers into Cas hair and tugs lightly and bends his head a little, loving his intake of breath. Then he starts the path down. Slow. Just like Cas did. Cas who stares right into his eyes now as Dean goes lower and lower. Over his abs and down to the juncture where he's already stiff between them. Without looking down, Dean cups him there in both hands but only moves them over him on the path straight back up away from that place that made Cas blink a little too long and leg muscles tighten beneath him.
He puts on a good show, but he definitely feels it. The damned robot look of his can't disguise the little tells Dean knows to look for.
The next pass up and his nipples are stiff, so he rubs the heels of his palms over them, just a few seconds longer, then up over his shoulders and into his hair once more.
And then back down again.
By the fourth time up, Cas' mouth parts and his head lolls easily in Dean's fingers when he burrows them into his messy hair. Yanking a little harder.
"Dean…" he wets his lips now when Dean turns his hand so his fingertips pass over Cas' balls before skipping along his hard cock. Steadily, Dean's been able to feel more and more of Cas' feathers around his arms, shoulders, then back. Like he's encircling him and it's egging him on. Feeling them all around him. Little soft touches brushing all over.
"Yeah, Cas?" he says innocently, even though he's throbbing just a few inches away from him and really wanting nothing more than to grab them both in one hand and finish it with hard and fast dirty strokes. But Cas isn't the only one who can show some restraint. Making him uncomfortable and breaking that wall he puts up was damn good fun.
"This is not a proportionate response." He gasps with his eyes shut for a second.
"I don't know whatcha mean. I'm only... what was it? Learning about you."
Cas' jaw locks and he glares at him but it's mixed with hunger and Dean actually tightens his hand around his dick for the first time… only for a second... before letting him go to move up again. His angel actually makes something close to the inarticulate groaning he had earlier when Dean keeps his hands on Cas' shoulders.
"Dean!" he growls then moves his face forward to only an inch or two away. "You are exhausting my patience."
"Right..." Dean lifts one hand off his shoulder to snap his fingers like he just remembered. "You gotta go. I'll make this quick then."
Before he can even frown at him, Dean reaches back over shoulders, slides up the bone and back up to that spot that leaves his fingers wet and Cas practically whimpering next to his ear. His own hands come up and tighten around Dean's lower back, pressing their groins together. When Dean pushes the wing gland with firm fingers and mouths at his neck, Cas slides his hands over Dean's ass, one bunching over a cheek roughly, the other slipping between to rub his hole.
Oddly, it feels fucking fantastic and Dean makes his own desperate noise, rubbing in a small circle until both hands are slick and Cas' sweet smell is making his nose twitch and dick jump. He enjoys grinding against his angel's cock for maybe a minute, Cas probing more firmly and shit why does is that getting him even hotter? Then he abruptly shifts back to separate them as they were before.
Cas swallows and pants a little, eyes looking dazed and wrecked. Jesus that made him want to just come all over his stomach right then and there. His hand is still around Dean's ass but just holding him now.
Taking a shaky breath so he can think, Dean kisses and bites on his neck and murmurs, "You sure you have to go?"
He moves back to see Cas wet his lips and blink. "What?"
Dean's smile gets wider and he brings up his wet hand to paint Cas' bottom lip with oil and leans forward to eat and suck along it. When he pulls back, Cas is breathing harsh and his eyes are losing blue.
"It's cool..." Dean licks his own mouth clean, messily. Sticks his thumb into his cheek to suck the sweetness off it as lewdly as possible. Cas shuts his eyes tight like he's in pain just from the sight. Dean waits until he opens them again, then does what he's betting will push him over the edge.
Fisting his own cock with the oil-covered hand, he tugs once. It's so warm. Warm like KY but so much better. "Fuck…" Dean closes his own eyes and grunts, letting his mouth fall open and dropping his head back a little. When he opens them again, he licks over his mouth once, moving back before Cas can connect their lips, and gives him a mockingly empathic look.
"I mean, I get it," Dean huffs, picking up speed and rocking a little over Cas' legs. "If you gotta go.." he moans deep up at the ceiling and fucks harder into his hand. "uhh..you-you gotta-"
He's knocked backwards so hard, the airs forced out of him. Cas' covers his body, grinds against him while rubbing his lips over Dean's mouth in this frenzy that can hardly be called kissing. Dean pants and pushes on his chest to get air, but Cas grabs his forearms and smacks them down hard onto the floor next to him and goes back to his aggressive biting and licking.
His dick rubs along Dean's slick one, sliding and feeling awesome with sparks of friction and pressure. Cas licks and sucks along his mouth, in his mouth groaning and stealing his air. His reaches between them, hand encircling both of them like Dean imagined doing. After twisting his hand down over both of them a few rough times, he moves his hips down and away.
Before Dean can take a breath to protest, Cas is shoving steadily inside him, slick from rubbing with Dean.
"Ahhh, fuck... Cas.." he sighs and feels himself adjusting a hell of a lot quicker this time. He freaking had to, because Cas wasn't letting up. "A little goddamn warning next tim- Uuugh.." he gasps deep and it cuts off whatever the hell he was about to say.
"Dean... " Cas rolls his eyes back from above him and rubs his face along Dean's like he would crawl inside him if he could. His arms come up from underneath his shoulders and he pulls him down towards his lower body, even as he rams upwards. Hard, unyielding, they scoot against the threadbare motel carpet and burn scrapes along Dean's back.
Dean fists one hand in his hair, one in his wings. He was already so damn close, after just jerking himself. Cas' hips rubs against his with ever hitch forward and Dean starts mumbling things he can't even stop to think about. "Christ, you're so fucking beautiful, Cas. Like- like this wild creature or some shit." He groans while Cas kisses along his neck, open and messy with teeth catching skin. Shoving into him, harder and quicker. "Something to be in fucking awe of and- fuck, you're just- " he cuts off, shutting his eyes tight and feeling himself climb to that point of no return without even touching his dick. "Jesus, I'm almost there, Cas. Fuck.. just from this.. you gonna come too?" Dean sucks in air between his teeth. "Come- come with me? Fly and all that-"
So close.
He grips Cas' face next to his shoulder and turns his head to make him look at him. Eyebrows pinched like he's in pain, gazing down with a dark and wrecked expression. His lips pink, puffy and fuck- Dean stares at him as long as he can and lifts his hips off the floor as his dick starts pulsing and spurting cum.
When Dean loses focus and lets him go, Cas immediately grips his face and keeps him there, closing his eyes briefly as he pushes in once more hard and deep to start pulsing inside him.
From a gasp away, they breathe hard against each other's opened lips and stare glassy eyed at one another as they each shiver and release.
Cas is the first one to come back to himself, kissing lightly over Dean's mouth and rubbing his nose along his cheek. "If you wanted me to stay longer, Dean, you need only have asked."
Dean huffs out a laugh.
After staying tangled together for a few minutes, Dean almost drifts off but jerks awake before he can. Groaning, he rubs his face. "God, I feel like I could pass out for a week."
"Sleep then."
"I... uh, definitely need a shower."
Cas just shifts onto his back, freeing Dean to move. He doesn't give any indication that he's going so Dean just gets up without another word. Cas can probably squeaky himself clean and he wasn't ready for guy on guy shower bonding time at the moment, so he wasn't offering for him to join. This thing was going farther than he thought it would already.
More than uncomfortable about the soreness he was feeling in a certain area, he goes into the bathroom without a backwards look.
When he gets out, Dean's a little surprised that Cas is still there. Laying just where he'd left him. Were they going to sleep together? That would be... something else. He didn't know if he could sleep with someone else next to him. Even if it was Cas.
"You... stayin'?" He towels off his hair, wearing boxer shorts.
"I will leave. I wanted to see what it would be like to lay next to you while you slept. I imagined that many times in the last few years."
"Those were your fantasies?" He wants to mock but it's too near a sore spot. He could try… just this once. "Yeah, I mean if you have time."
Dean lies on his stomach next to him like he always sleeps without thinking about it until Cas touches his back. Then follows a line... oh. Dean immediately pushes up and shifts onto his side.
"Education hour's over."
"Are you ashamed of them?"
"I know they're kind of a freak show."
"No. You are beautiful. As you always were."
"Stop it," Dean grits out through clenched teeth.
Cas seems confused.
"They're not beautiful so don't feed me that shit. I know what I look like."
"Dean." He tilts his head as if evaluating Dean's tense posture and building anger, then makes him falter by asking, "Are you repulsed by my scars?"
He didn't know how to answer that. He wasn't. Cas was fucking gorgeous and his scars just added to him. How could he hate what Cas kept by choice... and what he said about them. If anything it made him love- he stops that thought right there.
"Dean?"
"Of course not."
"They are meaningful to you, as mine are to me. Why would I not think you were beautiful?" Dean snorts and slumps back down. "You don't believe me?"
"Sunsets are beautiful. Chevy's and snowflakes and- and mountains are beautiful, Cas. I know it when I see it."
Dean almost adds him, because Cas, an angel, was true beauty. He's pretty sure he babbled something like that earlier but now that sounds sappy and he'd about run out of that for one day.
Cas sighs and strokes his back. Dean frowns over his shoulder when he feels a momentary warmth chase along it.
"You had burns on your back. From the floor."
When it's apparent Cas is letting it drop, Dean feels less threatened and waggles his eyebrows. "Sexy rug burns, huh?"
"Go to sleep, Dean."
Surprisingly, after only a few minutes, he does. The last thing he feels is Cas still making smooth, long passes down his spine.
Author's Note: Hope this made up a bit for your wait. I will endeavor for more story progression next chapter. ;)