Barton and his Nerf Weapons

"Hey, Witchy!"

Rowen wanted to groan as Tom Markson's voice echoed down the S.H.I.E.L.D. hallway. She loved Tom on some level, she really did; he was a fine man and knew how to handle himself in an emergency, which she would know because she'd worked with him for five years. But he also had a tendency to rib her to the point where she wanted to punch him. In the balls. Hard enough that he'd never get his voice back to normal. And she knew this reassignment was rib-worthy in his book. Just remember, he's your friend even though he's a complete ass sometimes. You don't want to kill your friends and the friends you have here can't survive being dropped off the side of a five story building.

"Tom," greeted Rowen as the blond haired man caught up with her. In some ways, he reminded her of Agent Barton with his messy slightly-longer-than-regulation blond hair and build. That and the way he'd crawl through the vents playing tag with Barton. There were more than a few damaged ceiling tiles because of those two. Come to think of it, the two could probably be twins, except Tom didn't play with medieval weapons at work. "What's going on?"

"I heard you got reassigned," replied Tom, brow furrowing in a show of concern. "What happened? Are you alright?"

Rowen sighed, nodding. "I'm fine and I was reassigned. Fury gave me a team. We're going to be ground back-up for the Avengers Initiative."

"Seriously?" asked Tom, eyebrows rising and any concern immediately disappearing. "That's awesome. It's a promotion, not a demotion. Everyone's talking about it like you got remanded to babysitting duty."

"Because I did," explained Rowen, shifting the papers in her hands. "They gave me a team of new special recruits to work with."

Tom stopped in his tracks, prompting Rowen to pause as well. Until she saw the grin spreading over his face, that is. "You've been remanded to babysitting duty."

"Yeah," confirmed Rowen. "I have been."

Shaking his head, the grin faded to a look of worry. "Wait, they're asking you to teach newbies? You? The woman who was banned from working within twenty feet of any new recruits for a year after ten of them quit within a week because you scared them off?"

"Yes," repeated Rowen. "I think it's a bad idea, too."

"This goes beyond 'bad idea'," corrected Tom. "Who had the epiphany that this would work? And why you?"

"Apparently one of the senior agents," replied Rowen with a roll of her eyes, careful not to mention Coulson's name. Fury was still keeping his identity under wraps and, well she knew Tom knew about Agent Coulson, they weren't in a restricted area for level 7 personnel either. Besides, there was only one senior agent who'd dare suggest this mess, and she knew Tom knew that. "And I'm assuming it's because I forgot to refill the coffee pot three weeks ago."

Tom's eyebrow rose in disbelief. "Wasn't it also midnight?"

"Yep," confirmed Rowen with a sigh. "It was."

Her partner looked ready to say something more, but a NERF arrow stopped him. Specifically, it landed right over his mouth. And stuck. "Mf! Mhmf mh mffhm."

"That's not nice!" called Barton from one of the open ceiling tiles as Tom started to pull at the NERF arrow. "You should respect your superiors, Markson!"

"I'm pretty sure there's no respect involved when you seal someone's mouth with a NERF arrow," remarked Rowen dryly, reaching out to help Tom unseal the edge of the toy.

Barton just laughed and ducked back into one of the ceiling tiles down the hall. "Whatever you say, Le Fey."

The arrow popped off suddenly, falling into Rowen's hand. She didn't blink as she spun it around and offered the fletching to Tom. "Well, that was rude."

"It's Barton," muttered Tom, taking the arrow and rubbing at the area around his mouth. He was grinning though, so obviously his pride wasn't too hurt. "I'll get him back, you'll see."

"Right, have fun with that," muttered Rowen as she started back down the hallway.

Tom started after her. "Just let me know if Barton bothers you, I'll take care of it."

Rowen snorted. "Please, he's not going to bother me."

"What makes you say that?" asked Tom, raising an eyebrow at her. "He bothers everyone. Including Fury."

"Because I got into a prank war with Barton my first year here," replied Rowen with a shrug. "Fury barred either of us from pranking or shooting at each other after we accidentally dyed half the Armory staff green."

Both of Tom's brows shot up at that. "You guys were the ones responsible for that?"

Rowen nodded, sighing heavily. "Yeah, don't remind me. I'm still not sure how I got dragged into that mess to begin with."

"Barton is just good like that," supplied Tom, stopping with her in front of Room 357. "Good luck in there and try not to kill, maim, or scar anyone too badly."

"I'll try," muttered Rowen, "but no guarantees."

Tom nodded, offering her an encouraging grin. "Lunch?"

"Sounds excellent," sighed Rowen as she pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

Four faces looked back at her, wide-eyed and a little frightened. Great. Her reputation apparently preceded her. Still, she was here to do a job and she would do it.

Forcing herself not to sigh, again, she moved to the front of the room where a table was set up and dropped her pile of papers. "Alright everyone, my name is Rowen Le Fey. Yes, I share a name with an evil sorceress from a 12th century manuscript. No, I am not evil despite popular belief."

One of the new recruits raised her hand, a black haired Asian girl with wide brown eyes who Rowen recalled being named Angela Kaswaski. She was also the only girl assigned to the team besides Rowen. "Does that mean the story about you breaking Agent Markson's spine is false?"

"That one is true," admitted Rowen. She wasn't going to lie to the new recruits; that wasn't a good way to start off her relationship with what is supposed to be her team. "But it was a sparring accident. Agent Markson did not, in fact, attempt to make unwanted advances towards me. That was Agent Collender, who is no longer with us because S.H.I.E.L.D. has very strict sexual harassment policies."

"And you broke several bones," added a different recruit, a young man named Matthew Gent. The brown-haired young man was leaning back in his seat, looking as casual as could be. His file had noted he was smart and talented, but apparently he didn't always show his superiors respect. Rowen was seeing it, but wasn't seeing a problem so far. If she was honest, the man reminded her of Tom and he was a good agent despite his disrespect towards authority. So was Barton, for that matter.

One of Rowen's eyebrows rose in response. "Was it your brother or your cousin who told you that tidbit, Agent Gent?"

"Brother," replied Matthew with a shrug and grin. "He's told me a lot about you."

"Of course he has," muttered Rowen, reaching for the pile of papers and separating them into packets. "I'm going to assume someone has already bothered to give you a S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol manual and that you've read it. If you haven't, do it. It's not my job to make sure you know the regulations. It's my job to make sure you don't fuck up and blow something or someone sky high."

Walking to the person closest to her, a dark-skinned young man with a military regulation hair cut named Arthur Corvin, she dropped the pile of packets on the desk in front of him. "These folders contain two things: a summary of our assignment, or what your assignment will be once I'm satisfied you're field ready, and a notebook labeled 'Survival Tips'. Take one and pass it on." Arthur nodded and did as she said.

Turning back to the table in the front of the room, Rowen leaned casually back and folded her arms in front of her. "I'm going to do all of you a favor and pass on my experience here so you don't make the same mistakes as me. S.H.I.E.L.D deals with some weird ass shit, there's no other way to describe it. And as a result, we have some equally weird ass people working here. They have their quirks, so we have some really strange and unwritten rules. These tips are a combination of warnings and rules that you need to know to survive here. Take out the notebooks."

She scanned the room as everyone did as she said, watching as they opened the notebooks and examined them. When everyone had their notebook out, she continued. "Tip #1: Always refill the coffee pot if you empty it. I don't care if it's midday or midnight, do it."

"Seriously?" challenged Matthew. "Why would it matter?"

"Because if you don't, you'll end up teaching a group of special recruits even though you were previously barred from coming within twenty feet of any new recruits because you scared ten off in a week," explained Rowen. "And believe me, they'll do it."

Nathan Hunter, a weapons specialist with startling red hair and really bright green eyes, blinked up at her in surprise. "Wait, does that mean you aren't qualified to teach us?"

Rowen shook her head. "No, I'm completely qualified. I've been with S.H.I.E.L.D for seven years, have a relatively spotless record, and know the regulations like the back of my own hand. That doesn't mean that I'm a teacher, it just means I know how things work around here. I'm here teaching you because I forgot to refill the coffee pot. They chose to punish me this way though, because I'm still qualified to do this work. Any other questions?"

Everyone just blinked at her silently, prompting her to continue. "Alright, Tip #2: always be aware of the ceiling tiles. Agent Barton uses the ceiling as his own personal jungle gym and hunting grounds. He will shoot at you randomly with NERF weapons. Please don't fire back with real bullets. The last agent who did that had to deal with Agent Romanov and I will not be responsible for cleaning your blood off the ceiling. Understand?"

The combination of frightened and wide-eyed looks told her they did. "Good, we're done for today. Read the files I gave you and become familiar with your positions. We start with weapons training tomorrow. All of you have already passed the weapons tests, otherwise you wouldn't be here. What we're going to look at is everyone's weapon of choice and how we can work together. Dismissed."

No one moved or really blinked, not that Rowen was surprised. She didn't expect anyone to response to her dismissal. Without much thought, she picked up her own folder and left the room to find Tom. It would be an early lunch, but it sounded better than hanging out with the new recruits. She had a feeling this assignment was going to be a nightmare until the newbies got their feet under them. Hopefully, it wouldn't take that long.