Donettes
Rowen blinked at the sight in front of her, wondering why it was her agent's desk was buried beneath a mountain of paper. And it was literally a mountain. She's pretty sure the entire response division's paperwork is currently on Corvin's desk.
"Do I want to know what happened here?" asked Rowen, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She knew it was Coulson. The action reeked of him, without the fact that his scent permeated the paper.
Corvin groaned from behind the pile of paper punishment. "I don't know, ma'am. I arrived this morning and my desk looked like this. And it's all dufe before 1700!"
Sighing, Rowen tried to think of a reason why Agent Coulson might be trying to bury her agent in paperwork, but nothing came to mind. "Have you done anything recently that might have ticked someone on the senior staff off in the last 24 to 48 hours?"
"No, ma'am, I swear," assured Hunt. "I've been on my best behavior! I was at my desk all day yesterday except when I went to the vending machines or use the toilet!"
Rowen's eyes narrowed slightly. "What did you get at the vending machine, Corvin?"
"Mini doughnuts, ma'am," replied Corvin. "They're my favorite."
Shaking her head, Rowen turned toward the exit. "That explains it. Do your own paperwork, Agent. Don't worry about the rest, I'll get this straightened out. You might want to find another favorite snack food thought."
"Ma'am?" asked Corvin, looking confused.
"Just do it, Agent," answered Rowen before she turned around and left. She needed to stop by the local convenience store before the morning rush, otherwise they might run out.
"Agent Coulson," stated Rowen as she stepped into the lab belonging to Simmons and Fitz. It had taken almost half an hour to track the senior agent down, which had just managed to irritate her more. There were far better things she could spend her time doing than tracking Coulson down, though in retrospect the labs should have been her first stop. He was placing the final steps for his own team in place after all.
Coulson and Hill both looked up at her from where they stood beside Fitz. And from the look on the man's face, whatever the two agents had been doing was more than a little annoying. The scientist looked ready to cause someone harm; a rarity for Fitz that meant they must have been pressing for results. She considered just leaving and letting the scientist tear the senior agents apart with one of his particle toys.
"Yes, Agent Le Fey?" asked Coulson mildly, not even blinking as he met her irritated look.
Rowen just walked up to Coulson and pulled a package of donettes from her pocket, offering the sugary treat to the unflappable agent. "Here."
He took the donettes with a raised eyebrow, feigning confusion. He knew exactly what this was about and the faint twitch in his eye said as much. "Is there a reason you are giving these to me, Agent Le Fey?"
"Yes, I expect you to redistribute the paperwork you buried Agent Corvin under to the people who should actually be filling it out," replied Rowen. "And don't even think of dropping it on my desk. Otherwise, I will lock Agent Barton in a room filled with duplicated and conflicting requests he must sign and a pink pen to do it with. Nothing else. And those duplicates will end up everywhere in S.H.I.E.L.D., to the point where you will never find them all. Which will lead to some very, very confusing situations that Sitwell will have to deal with and he will get revenge. Clear?"
"Crystal," replied Coulson dryly. "You know, you really shouldn't threaten a superior officer."
Rowen rolled her eyes and headed for the door. "If said superior actually acted like an adult and didn't bury one of my agents under senseless paperwork as revenge for taking the last package of donettes, I wouldn't have to threaten anyone." Pausing just inside the doorway, she turned toward Coulson and added, with her best warning grin in place, "And don't think I can't carry out those threats. You, of all people, should know I'm a lot more dangerous than I look."
Still smiling threateningly, she walked out.
Fitz whistled from the back of the lab while Simmons emerged where she'd been tucked behind a machine, attempting to modify it for mobile purposes. "Who was that?"
"Agent Le Fay," replied Coulson calmly. "She's heading up the Avenger's ground support."
Simmons shook her head in surprise. "I can see why. If she'll speak to you like that, I doubt she'll allow anyone to push her around."
Fitz nodded slowly, still staring at where Rowen had disappeared. "Yeah, it's like if Agent's Coulson and Hill had a daughter."
"Never say that again in my presence," ordered Coulson with a growl. He tucked the donettes into his pocket and headed towards the exit to the lab, looking slightly sick and ignoring the duel cringes from Fitz and Simmons.
Hill shook her head, looking towards Fitz as she followed Coulson. "Never even suggest it again while either of us are near by. We will hurt you if you do. Especially Coulson."
As soon as Hill was out of the room, Fitz turned to Simmons. "This is not a good way to begin a working relationship."
Simmons just shook her head. "I'm curious why it was such a disturbing idea. You don't suppose he and Hill are intimate do you?"
Fitz looked thoughtful, looking after the agents curiously. "Could we have hit closer to home than intended?"
"Maybe," replied Simmons with a smile. "We can always find out, in the name of science."
"Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" asked Fitz, almost looking giddy at the idea.
"Run a genetic probability program factoring in both Agent Hill and Agent Coulson's DNA and see what we get!" exclaimed Simmons happily, turning to one of the computers ad starting the program.
The next morning, as the team stumbled into the room, they found there was a chart on the white board that had taken up permanent residence at the front of the room. At the top was coffee, with the words [Fury, Sitwell, and Hill] next to it. Next down was donettes with just the word [Sitwell] beside it. At the bottom it read: "Never take the last package of donettes from the vending machines. You will be buried in paperwork for a month if you do."
Rowen glanced up as the recruits entered, nodding at them. "Alright, this morning we're going to spend a few minutes going over what we don't do when it comes to snack foods and caffeine. Next time, whoever pisses Sitwell off will be responsible for buying the donettes. Assuming he can even run out again."
"Ma'am?" asked Corvin, furrowing his brow. "What does that mean?"
She just smiled mysteriously. "Don't worry about it, Agent. I've taken care of it. However, in the future, please refrain from taking the last package of donettes. From any vending machine in SHIELD. I've seen Sitwell climb ten flights of stairs for a package before. No vending machine is safe."
Rowen chuckled as an irritated looking Agent Coulson stepped inside the break room an hour later, looking normal. Except for the fact his suit appeared covered in powdered sugar. "Very fun, Agent Le Fay."
"I don't know what you mean, Agent Coulson," countered Rowen with a smirk, offering him a cup of coffee. "Coffee?"
"You prefer tea," reminded Coulson, even as he took the cup. "Also, message received. I won't bury your agents in paperwork again unless they've generated it."
"And they won't take the last package of donettes from the vending machine again," assured Rowen, her smirk turning into a grin. "Though, I'm relatively certain your personal supply is sufficient to last for a while."
"Stacking multiple boxes of donettes in my office where they will fall on me does not qualify as establishing a private supply," countered Coulson, his frown twitching a bit.
"If you can eat them, it's a supply," replied Rowen simply before she turned towards the door with her own cup of tea. "Enjoy, Agent."
"Le Fay," cut in Coulson calmly, glancing over at her. "Before you go, how did you explain this away out of curiousity? I'm assuming you told your agents something, after all."
She shrugged mildly, grinning over her shoulder. "I just told them Sitwell was responsible. They can cower in fear from him for a while. He needs something to make him seem threatening, after all."
Coulson opened his mouth to speak, but Rowen held up her hand to stop him. "Something other than his frightening combat proficiency. I don't relish the idea of visiting my agents in medical for doing something stupid. And Sitwell is almost more innocuous than you."
"Point," agreed Coulson mildly. "Though I still think I win that one."
She looked him over for a moment, then shook her head. "No, you look too military. He doesn't. I'm sorry Coulson, but you loose that one."