a/n: hello lovelies! i'm back with another oneshot, thanks to YAJJ who wanted to see some cloud!
this is basically snippets of roxas' life when he had cloud in it, from when ven was a baby until the night cloud died. so yeah, it's kinda sad, i made myself very sad when writing it T-T but i just wanted to show how much cloud truly meant to roxas, because it's important to know just how horribly his death affected him
anywho, i won't delay you all any longer!
a-far-off-memory
It went without saying that Roxas loved his parents. They were great parents—fair, not too strict, but also not too lenient. He counted his lucky stars that he'd ended up with such a great family.
But his father was honestly his best friend.
As far as fathers went, Roxas was convinced that there was no better father than Cloud Strife. They'd always been close, like two peas in a pod—Ventus was more of a momma's boy, and Naminé was at that stage where both of her parents were the greatest things in the world.
He remembered being so jealous when Ven was born, because suddenly, he wasn't getting the attention he was used to. Instead, this screeching, smelly little thing was, and he didn't like it one bit. And so one night, when no one was paying attention, he'd packed a small bag and snuck out, convinced that he was no longer loved.
Needless to say, his parents were frantic, but in his 2-and-a-half-year old mind, his actions were perfectly justified.
And then he got lost.
He'd planned on maybe going to Sora's, but of course he hadn't known how to get there, which led to him crying his eyes out on the sidewalk of some random street. He was terrified—he wanted his daddy.
It took Cloud 20 minutes to find him, immediately scooping him up and rocking him gently to soothe his sobs.
"Roxer, where were you trying to go, buddy?" he gently asked, fingers carding through his son's fluffy blond hair.
"You and momma d-don't love me, you j-just love V-Venny now," he'd blubbered, face buried in his father's neck.
Sighing, Cloud sat on the sidewalk, gently cradling him. "Roxas, no, that's not true. Venny's just so small right now, and he needs a lot of attention because he can't do things on his own yet. You're a big boy now, so you don't need us as much...but you were like that too, at one point." His voice lowered, like he was telling a secret. "You gotta show him how to be a big boy like you, okay? Your little brother needs you too."
Blue eyes watery, he sniffled, pulling back to meet his father's eyes. "Venny needs me?"
Cloud nodded. "Very much. You're his big brother, Roxas—he's going to look up to you a lot from now on, so you gotta be the best big brother you can possibly be. Can you do that?"
Rapidly, he'd nodded, a spark of excitement in his eyes. "I'm gonna be the bestest big brother in the whole wide world, Daddy! I'll teach Venny everything!"
When Roxas split his chin open after falling while chasing Ven, who'd stolen his crayons, it had been Cloud who'd taken him to the hospital.
"Daddy, it hurts," he whimpered as they waited, clutching a towel to his chin. It was drenched with blood, and it was terrifying in his 7 year old mind. Blood was icky and scary.
"Shh," Cloud hushed him, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his head. "I know, Roxer, I know. We'll get ya fixed up soon, though. We can get some sea salt ice cream when we leave here, okay?"
In too much pain to even be happy about the prospect of ice cream, he simply let out another whimper and curled into his daddy's side.
When they were finally called back, Roxas freaked out upon seeing the needles and such. But then he was in his dad's lap, and Cloud was rolling up his sleeve to show a small, crescent shaped scar above his elbow. "Look, buddy, I had to get stitches here once because Uncle Zack accidentally stabbed me with a stick when we were around your age. I promise it only hurts for a second when they freeze you with the needles. Just look at me, okay?"
Biting his lip, Roxas nodded. Cloud laid down on the table beside him, stroking his hair and hushing him softly when he cried at the prick of the needles. He continued to soothe him, talking to distract him as the gash was sealed up with a total of six stitches. The doctor doing it worked quickly and efficiently, and Roxas blinked in confusion when it was done.
"That's all? I'm done now?" he questioned, rubbing the tears from his eyes.
The doctor nodded, a soft smile on her face. "You were a really good patient, Mr. Roxas! Come back next week and we'll take them all out, alright?"
Grinning, he nodded. "Thanks Mrs. Doctor lady!"
Cloud thanked her as well before taking his son's hand and leading him out to the car.
On their way to the ice cream parlor, Cloud addressed his son. "You know Venny didn't mean for this to happen, right?"
Roxas pouted, crossing his arms. "He took my crayons and made me run after him, Daddy! It's all his fault!"
Cloud sighed, shaking his head. "Venny's young, Roxer, he didn't want you to get hurt. Remember how I said Uncle Zack stabbed me with a stick?" Roxas nodded. "Well, I knew he didn't do it on purpose, so I forgave him. Accidents happen, buddy—I'm sure Venny is very sorry."
Roxas seemed to mull it over for a moment before uncrossing his arms. "I guess you're right, Daddy. Venny's my dumb baby brother and he does dumb stuff, but I love him anyway," he announced with a grin.
Cloud chuckled. "How about we bring him some ice cream too? And Mommy?"
The young blond nodded enthusiastically at that. "That'll make them really happy!"
They purchased four bars of sea salt ice cream, eating theirs on the short drive home. Roxas held the one meant for his brother, wanting to give it to him himself.
As soon as they got inside, a tearful Ventus was waiting. He started crying harder when he saw the bandage on his brother's chin, at which point Roxas sighed.
"Venny, don't be such a crybaby. I'm okay, I'm tough," he told him with a grin, ruffling his little brother's hair. "Look, me and Daddy got you sea salt ice cream!" He held it out to him, and Ven cautiously took it.
"You're not mad, Roxy?" he questioned, rubbing at his teary eyes.
Roxas laughed, hugging his brother sideways. "You're my dumb baby brother and you did a dumb baby brother thing. I love you no matter what, just don't take my crayons again!"
Ven's eyes sparkled at that. "I love you too, Roxy!"
Cloud scooped them both up then, placing them on his shoulders, a wide grin on his face. "Movie time!" he exclaimed, running out to the living room and causing them both to roar with laughter as they sailed high in the air.
"I wanna pick!" they yelled at the same time.
"Ah ah, it's my turn to pick," Tifa said in reply, poking their noses while a teasing smile pulled at her lips.
This earned a disappointed groan from both, which was immediately cut off the second their mother put The Lion King on. They settled on the couch together, between their parents, the accident already forgotten as they watched their favorite movie with their family.
Roxas had never seen anything as tiny as his baby sister.
When their father brought her out to the waiting room so they could meet her, Roxas felt an inexplicable warmth fill him as his eyes rested on her tiny face.
"Roxas, Ventus...meet your new baby sister, Naminé," Cloud said softly, though his words were filled with pride.
"Whoa," Ven breathed, reaching forward to touch her little hand. "She's so cute..."
Roxas met his father's eyes, swallowing hard. "Dad, can I hold her?"
Smiling gently, Cloud nodded, holding her out. "Make sure you hold her head," he reminded his son as he tucked his daughter into his arms, heart swelling as he watched Roxas gently cradle her, starting to rock back and forth slowly.
"Hey, Nami," the eldest murmured, smiling tearfully at his baby sister. "We're your big brothers. I'm your biggest brother, so I'm definitely the coolest, but Ven's kinda cool too I guess." An offended sound left the middle child, but Roxas ignored it. "We're gonna take good care of you, sis. We'll beat up anyone who tries to hurt you, okay?"
Naminé yawned, and all of their hearts melted at how cute it was. Roxas hastily wiped up the tear that managed to slip down his cheek, and he knew that later he'd adamantly deny it ever falling, but for now, he was happy to hold his precious baby sister.
"Is Mommy okay, Dad?" Ven asked, turning his attention away from his sister.
Cloud nodded. "She's very tired though, she's resting now, so you'll have to wait to see her, bud."
"Can we take Nami home with us?" Roxas questioned hopefully. He never wanted to put her down...
Their father chuckled. "Not yet, Roxer, she's gotta stay here with Mom for a few days," he replied, ruffling his son's hair. "You can hold her all you want after that."
A disappointed sigh left the eldest child as he reluctantly handed his sister back to his father. Promising to be right back, Cloud took her back to the hospital room, while Ven and Roxas waited.
"I can't believe I'm a big brother now!" Ven exclaimed, chest puffing out proudly. "Now I'm not the dumb baby anymore!"
Roxas grinned and rolled his eyes, flicking his brother's nose. "You're still my dumb baby brother, Ven. Because you're still the baby boy of the family," he practically cooed.
Ven rubbed his nose, glaring at his big brother. "S'not fair," he grumbled.
Cloud returned then, wrapping an arm around each of his boys. "How does pizza sound?" he asked, grinning. "Mom can't tell us no, we can eat as much junk as we want while she's here," he whispered conspiratorially, winking,
This drew cheers from both boys, and they found themselves suddenly looking forward to a girl-free couple of days.
The day he and Ven had finally come out to their parents had been one of the most nerve-wracking days of his life.
"Mom? Dad? Can we...talk to you?" he asked, biting his lip. He looked to his younger brother, only 15, and saw how terrified he was. Roxas was terrified too, but he needed to be strong for Ven. Big brothers protected their younger siblings, after all.
Their parents followed them to the living room. Naminé was thankfully napping, so there would be no distractions...
Cloud looked between them. "Boys? What is it?"
Quick, like a band-aid, Roxas told himself. "I'm gay," he blurted out, face immediately reddening. His heart was racing, and as his parents said nothing, he found himself wishing he could just take it back. He could feel himself bordering on panic, but then his mother was suddenly hugging him while his father ran his fingers soothingly through his hair.
"Oh, baby, your heart is pounding...were you really that scared to tell us?" Tifa asked, drawing back to lay a hand on his cheek.
He looked down shamefully. "I just...I know that some people find it hard to accept, and I was scared you guys would hate me."
Ven cleared his throat. "While we're confessing things, I'm...bi..." he said quietly, scratching the back of his neck.
Tifa let go of Roxas to draw her youngest son in for a hug, and then Roxas found himself pulled into his father's embrace instead. He hugged him like he was a scared child again, and the scent of his father's cologne soothed his frayed nerves.
"Roxer, Ven...you two listen to me right now," Cloud began, letting go to rest a hand on each of his sons' shoulders. "Regardless of what preferences you have, you're my sons and I love you no matter what. Is that clear?" Both nodded, and then Cloud grinned and cracked his knuckles. "Just means I can beat up any assholes who dare to hurt my boys, can't exactly hit a girl after all. Ven, you're only allowed to date nice girls so that I never have the urge to kill them if they hurt you," he said with a goofy grin, blue eyes shining.
Roxas choked out a laugh, while Ven snorted and curled himself more into their mother's arms. "Will do, dad," the youngest blond replied, mock saluting his father.
Cloud pulled his oldest son back in for another hug, kissing the top of his head. "I just want my boys to be happy, I don't care who it's with as long as they treat you well. Got it?"
"Loud and clear," Roxas murmured in reply, letting out a deep sigh of relief that seemed to remove all the weight of the secret he'd kept for seven years off his shoulders.
The night Cloud died was the night Roxas knew he'd never be the same again.
"Roxas, you aren't going to that party and that's final. You aren't old enough to drink yet, so you will wait until then before going to any parties. That's all I have to say on this matter," Cloud said firmly, arms crossed over his chest. He was an imposing man, and Roxas would normally listen, but honestly, his birthday was less than a week away. Was it really that big of a deal?
"Dad, I told you I'm not even going to drink! I just wanna hang out with Seifer and my friends and make sure they don't drink too much!" It was a lie, of course, but kids lied to their parents all the time. And plus, getting shitfaced before being legal was like...a teenage rite of passage, almost.
"Roxas, we aren't that stupid," Tifa cut in, looking every bit as imposing as her husband. "Your father and I have said no, so you aren't going, and that's that."
He knew he was being dramatic, but he was too angry to care. "I fucking hate you two sometimes! You treat me like I'm still a kid, but I'm eighteen years old! Legally an adult!"
A sharp glare from his father caused him to back down a little. "You aren't exactly acting like one right now, Roxas. And watch your damn language, your sister doesn't need to hear that." He crossed his arms. "You've had a real attitude problem since you started dating Seifer, and I don't like it one bit. Either smarten up or you aren't allowed to see him anymore, not while you're under my roof."
"Cloud," Tifa whispered, brown eyes wide. "I don't think that's necessary—"
"Maybe I'll just move in with him then," Roxas growled, shoving past his father to run up the stairs to his bedroom. Before slamming the door behind him, he yelled, "Don't fucking talk to me, Cloud! Asshole!"
As he paced his bedroom, silently seething, he heard the sound of his parents arguing downstairs. He was too angry to really feel bad about it, although he was sure he would once he calmed down.
"Dude, what just happened?" Ven questioned as he slipped into his room without asking.
"Mom and Dad are treating me like a fucking baby and I'm sick of it!" he exclaimed. "And Dad thinks that I've had an 'attitude problem' since I started dating Seifer, like what the fuck? He's fucking crazy!"
Ven sighed. "Rox...you have been kinda different since you started dating him..."
The elder Strife glared at his younger brother, fire in his blue eyes. "If you're siding with him then you can get the fuck out of my room, Ventus," he practically snarled.
Ven held his hands up in surrender. "Bro, you really gotta calm down. Mom and Dad just want what's best for you, you know that...they're always fair with us, and honestly, you're acting like a baby right now."
Roxas grabbed a sweater as he heard the sound of his father leaving the driveway to head to work (apparently one of his employees were having trouble with the cash register, so they'd called and asked him to fix it), pulling it on and tucking his phone into his pocket. "I'm not about to sit here and be lectured by my suck-up of a little brother, so I'm fucking out of here. Tell anyone I'm gone and you're dead, Ven." With that, he opened his window and climbed out onto the little roofspace, walking stealthily across it and climbing down the vines that crawled up the side of the house. It was already dark, and he found himself thankful for that as he slipped away undetected.
The party he was going to was being held at Seifer's friend Rai's house, and all of his friends would be there. There was no way he was missing out—he wasn't about the be the target of his friends' jokes.
Seifer immediately pulled him to the makeshift dancefloor once he arrived, pressing a drink into his hand and proceeding to start grinding on him. Roxas downed the drink, reaching behind him to hold the back of Seifer's neck as he turned his head to crush their lips together. His boyfriend already tasted strongly of alcohol, and it was honestly kind of gross, but he didn't even care. He wanted to get drunk and makeout with his hot boyfriend, so that was exactly what he was going to do.
At some point, his phone began to ring, but he ignored it, already guessing that Ven had ratted him out. He'd deal with his parents' anger when he got home. He felt an extra vibration which meant he had a new voicemail, which made him roll his eyes.
"Shouldn't you check your phone?" Seifer questioned against his neck, his hot breath sending shivers down the shorter blond's spine.
"It's probably just my parents calling to yell at me," he breathed in reply, turning around to wrap his arms around his boyfriend's neck. "I snuck out and I'm guessing Ven ratted on me, and I don't wanna ruin my mood by getting yelled at some more..."
"Here, let me take your mind off things," Seifer purred before dragging him over to the nearest wall and pressing him against it, kissing him so deeply that it took Roxas's breath away.
They'd been making out for heaven knows how long before his phone started to vibrate once more. He ignored it, only kissing Seifer, until it stopped, only to start ringing again. Pulling away from the kiss with a curse, Roxas promised to be right back before ducking outside, where it was quieter. He had three missed calls—one from his father, two from Ven. As he was about to reluctantly call his brother back, his phone started to ring again, Ven's name flashing on the screen. Angrily, he hit talk and lifted it to his ear. "What the fuck do you want, Ventus?" he barked out. "I know you probably already ratted me out, you're so dead."
It was silent for a moment before Roxas heard a sob, one that sounded like it was being muffled, and instantly, the anger melted away to be replaced instead by confusion. "Ven...? You okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't yell, I'm being an asshole...just don't be such a crybaby about it, jesus."
"Roxas," his brother croaked, another, louder sob escaping him. "You need to come home right now."
This wasn't normal. An uneasy feeling settled deep into the pit of Roxas' gut. "Ventus, what's going on?"
Silence. And then, "It's...Dad was leaving work to come back home, he was almost here, but..." Roxas heard him start to cry harder. "Roxy...a truck...Dad's..." Ventus took a deep, shuddering breath. "Dad's gone...Mom had to go to the hospital, I'm home with Nami...she had to...to ID him..."
In that moment, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of him. He heard what his brother was saying, but it was like he couldn't process it. "Ventus, this isn't funny, stop fucking with me," he said in a low voice. His hands started to shake.
Ven practically wailed. "Roxas, I'm not fucking with you! I wouldn't...I wouldn't lie about this. Please, please, just come home, I don't know how to deal with Naminé and I need your help..."
Numb. He felt completely numb. "I'll...be right there," he mumbled before lowering his phone and tucking it back into his pocket.
"Roxas?"
He didn't turn. He barely noticed as he was approached by Hayner, Pence and Olette, until Olette's gentle fingers were wiping away tears he didn't know we're falling.
"Rox...buddy, what's wrong?" Hayner asked softly, softer than Roxas had ever heard him speak.
"I...I need to get...home," he whispered. "Ven...he called, and...my dad..." A choking sob escaped him as he said it, and then he was bending over and puking on the front lawn. Olette rubbed his back gently, murmuring to him, while she told Pence to run in and get her car keys. She wasn't drinking—she'd offered to be the designated driver for the night.
"I'll go tell Seifer you're leaving," Hayner offered before jogging inside. Pence returned with the keys and handed them to Olette, then helped get Roxas into her car.
"Text one of us later, okay?" Pence told him gently. Roxas just stared ahead of him, barely even blinking.
It seemed like they reached his house in the blink of an eye. Mechanically thanking Olette for the drive, he shuffled up to the door, pulling his keys from his pocket. His hands were shaking so badly that it took him almost five minutes to actually get the door open, at which point he headed to the living room, where he found Ventus cradling a sleeping Naminé. There were tear tracks on her cheeks, and she looked uneasy even in sleep.
He collapsed on the couch next to them, burying his face in his hands. His entire conversation with his parents that he'd had before leaving played over and over in his head, and he wished he could take back everything he'd said. Why did he have to be such an ass? Why couldn't he have just listened?
"He's really...gone?" he finally croaked out, turning to face his younger brother.
Tearfully, Ventus nodded. "The policemen said that he...died...on impact. That he probably didn't feel a thing..." His entire body shook as he sobbed. "What are we gonna do, Rox?"
Biting his lip so hard that he tasted blood, Roxas pulled his brother to his chest and hugged him, heart breaking at the whimper he let out. Naminé woke up and immediately began to wail when she saw that her brothers were crying, and Roxas simply started to kiss the crown of her head, pulling her onto his other side so that he could hug each of his siblings with one arm. They both cried into his shirt, whimpering and sobbing and the like, while he rubbed their backs and let his tears fall silently.
He was their big brother. They needed him to be strong for them, so he was going to do just that. He'd take care of them, make sure they were okay—his own anguish seemed secondary now. Seeing how scared and upset they were, he knew that they'd come first now. He knew that his father would want him to take care of everyone...
Dad...I'm so sorry, he thought to himself, another hot tear falling down his face. I acted stupid and immature, I didn't mean what I said...please forgive me...I don't know what to do without you, I'm so scared of the future...
He'd never be able to take his words back and let his father know just how much he loved him, and he felt like he was being crushed by the guilt. But he hid his pain as much as he could, supporting his family and putting their needs far above his own.
Their mother had become a shell of her former self, completely checking out from reality, and so it fell on Roxas to make sure everything would be in order for the funeral, while also looking after everyone—it fell on him to cook just to make sure everyone was actually eating.
And then the funeral came and went, they moved, their mother left, and Roxas was felt more alone than ever. He missed his father, his best friend, and he wished he had his guidance. He didn't know if he was taking good enough care of his family, but he was doing the best he could...
And still, in the back of his mind, was the reminder of the voicemail he'd left unopened. He was afraid of what it would say—he wasn't sure if he could deal with an angry voicemail from his father. It would only add to his guilt. As much as he desperately wanted to hear his voice again, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Maybe someday, but now...the wounds were still too raw.
For now, he'd keep it saved until he was ready.
a/n: why do i do this to myself
yeah the end made me sad...but look, roxy has a voicemail on his phone just waiting to be opened! wonder what it says? i know, but none of you do B)
feel free to request more scenes for this collection! again, it could be a scene from the actual story from another point of view, something not even mentioned in the story, or anything at all really! let me know!
i'm almost done the next chapter of parenting, so look for that within the next few days! love you all c:
afom out~