Author's Note: …Yes…I intended for it to end as a oneshot, but after a simple request from a fellow reviewer and thinking it through, I decided to make this into a twoshot. I would also like to sort of apologise to andrewhot because I know I told you that I wanted to make it Hitsu's POV, but that kinda couldn't be done coz I don't know what is really going on with him, so yeah. I hope you don't mind.
Disclaimer: Read previous chapter and…I DON'T OWN SONG LYRICS. No no no, me no ownie song lyrics! No!
Bold – Ichigo's thoughts directed at Hitsu
Italics – lyrics/thoughts/another POV
Bold italics – emphasizing
Underline italics – bridge
Bold underline italics - chorus
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…Damn it. Damn it all.
I didn't want to tell Rukia and Renji, but they pestered and irritated me so. Rangiku-san won't be very pleased when she hears what happened from them. I can still remember Rukia's and Renji's faces when they heard. They had the look that I had when I saw Toushirou fighting me: disbelief. Sure, they choose not to believe it now, but soon they'll realize that it ain't good to trust the icy cold bastard. The Hitsugaya Toushirou we knew from before was gone; can't they accept that as much as I can? It was seriously hard shit to accept, but I had to.
Now I don't really care. If Toushirou wants to play the cold game, then I wanna have some of the fun. He becomes so cold to me; I'll be cold to him, maybe even colder. Why? For betraying me, that's what. No, not just me. He betrayed the whole of Soul Society. I should've just believed them and bring Toushirou back there for questioning. Why was I so stupid to fall for Toushirou's damned trick? Why did I believe so much in him? Why…? Why…?
Kimi wa kima dake shika inai yo
Kawari nante hoka ni inainda
Karenai de ichirin no hana
"Ichigo," I hear old man Zangetsu in my head.
"What?" I ask. Dammit, I'm not in the mood for Zangetsu's little tidbits of wisdom right now, even though I really need it…
"I thought you believe in him, Ichigo."
"…I did, but not anymore."
"I thought you always stand firm in your beliefs." What is he getting at? "I thought you swore that you would protect him." Ok, what is he really getting at?! "I thought you wanted to clear his name and prove that he isn't a traitor. I thought you promised him you'll always believe in him. Where has all those promises gone, Ichigo? Where has all your determination gone?"
"Shut up, Zangetsu…"
"This isn't the Kurosaki Ichigo I know from before. Where has the Kurosaki Ichigo who managed to master me in three days gone?"
"Shut UP, Zangetsu!"
Bloody hell, of all times, old man Zangetsu just has to pick this time to tell me all this shit!
"…Where has your love for him gone?"
What did Zangetsu mean by that?! I hate the asshole now; I don't fucking love him!
"Deny it not, Ichigo. Your mind says that you despise him, but look inside your heart for a change. Nothing but the truth lies within there, Ichigo. Nothing but the truth."
＜ブリーチ＞
Inside my heart…What does Zangetsu mean by that?
I know damned well how I feel about you. I hate you till I can't hate you anymore, Toushirou. But still, like what Zangetsu said, I cannot deny that I still feel something else about you, and it's not the damned hatred. It's something else altogether. Disgust? Anger? Intent to kill?
No, those ain't it at all.
…Is it still possible for me to love you?
But it isn't possible, is it? It's all crap. How the hell can I love and hate you at the same time? It's either I hate you or I love you, and I sure as hell hate you. But why is it that I still feel like there's a need to protect you, Toushirou? Are you in some kind of danger? I hope not…and I hope so too.
…Maybe it is possible for me to love and hate you.
Maybe…that was the truth all this time…
＜ブリーチ＞
"The hell?! That really happened?!"
And so here we are again, Rukia and Renji came back from Soul Society to see me on Rangiku-san's orders. I thought things would go pretty well with me around to be on the lookout for Toushirou but I didn't think…I didn't think the bastard would actually go this far! Or was it Toushirou in the first place? Zangetsu's telling me…that it's up to me to believe…
If I choose to believe that Toushirou isn't a traitor...will the outcome be the same as choosing to believe that Toushirou is a traitor?
"Yes," Rukia's voice cuts in my thoughts. I'll think about it later, I guess. Now it's serious shit. "Kyouraku-taichou was attacked by a mysterious figure…and the search party sent to find Hitsugaya-taichou nearly got killed."
"In both cases," Renji adds on. "there have been reiatsu traces of Hitsugaya-taichou's zanpakutou, Hyourinmaru, and…oi, Ichigo, you listening?!"
I was. But I don't wanna hear what's gonna come up next.
"Ichigo…I know you're still very upset…" Right as hell, Rukia, right as hell. "But we really need you to listen now."
"…Alright. I'm listening."
"…Soul Society…" I can see Rukia gripping onto her hakama. Whatever she's gonna tell me, it's gotta be damned disheartening…I can tell…Rukia isn't the kind who gets this worried and tensed so easily. Maybe…just maybe, the fucking old bastard decided on something that shouldn't be decided. "…Soul Society…!"
"Damn it, Rukia…" I can't take it anymore; we gotta get this over and done with. "It's ok…Just tell me."
"…Soul Society…Soul Society has decided on Hitsugaya-taichou's sentence and…he will be executed on arrival."
＜ブリーチ＞
On arrival…What the hell did she mean by that?
Don't tell me that if he steps foot in Soul Society, he will be executed?
Hell no…This can't be happening.
No matter what the old bastard tells me, I won't listen. I don't want just anyone to bring you back to Soul Society. I want to be the one who will bring you back. Not to Soul Society. Back to your senses, Toushirou. I want to be the one who will bring you back to your senses. If this is a joke…I ain't laughing. Toushirou…I want you to see what is going on…I want you to know that whatever you do has an impact on everything. This is enough, Toushirou. Enough already. No more fooling around. I don't care if I hate or love you. All I want is for you to realize what is happening right now.
Hikari ga matomo ni sashikomanai
Kimi wa maru de hikage ni saita hana no you
Nozonda hazu jyanakatta basho ni
Ne wo harasete ugokezu ni irunda ne
Toushirou…Please, wake up…
Please return to me…
＜ブリーチ＞
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to fucking do this at all.
I won't do anything to Toushirou. I just…can't. I just can't bring myself to even land a scratch on Toushirou. I just can't!
"As you can see, Kurosaki Ichigo," the purple cloak person with a hollow mask says. I glare at him then I look at Toushirou. Something tells me that Toushirou is…forced to do this… "Your friend Toushirou has joined forces with me. He is no longer on your nor Soul Society's sides. It is evident by how he has hurt you just now."
...Damn.
I'm bleeding…No, my arm's bleeding like hell. And it hurts. There are small little icy things on my injury and the damned bleeding won't stop. Fine…Toushirou can hurt me all he wants. I won't fight back. That's what the creepy bastard wants me to do, so I won't do anything. At least, not now. "Kurosaki…" …Toushirou… "You'd better leave now, or else I'll make you regret ever coming here."
"Hell no way, Toushirou." I won't leave him here to carry on messing with us anymore. "I came to bring you back, and I will bring you back!"
"My, my, he's a determined little pest, isn't he?" You shut up, you bloody asshole. You're the reason Toushirou's acting like this. "Get rid of him immediately, Toushirou. He's a sore to the eyes."
Toushirou…
Don't do something that you'll regret…
Toushirou…
"…I'm sorry…Kurosaki."
Sorry? Sorry doesn't even begin to cut it!
I move away from Hyourinmaru, Tensa Zangetsu still in my bloody hand. I intended to kill that creepy half-shinigami half-hollow off with Tensa Zangetsu, but I didn't think Toushirou would obey him so willingly! Damn! Dammit all! Damnation! "Toushirou! Don't do this, Toushirou!"
Toushirou stops for a moment and I can see his sad teal eyes looking at Hyourinmaru for a while. "…I don't want to do this…Kurosaki…"
Tojikaketa kimochi hakidaseba
If he doesn't wanna do this, then why is he doing it? He can just stop anytime he wants; he could've just stopped earlier, then this will never even happen at all. Why didn't Toushirou think of that when he's such a tensai (genius)? Why…? He could've prevented any of this from happening; all he had to do was stay loyal to Soul Society and not defect over to the enemy's side, right? Right…?
"What are you waiting for, Toushirou? Kill him."
"...But I have to," Toushirou whispers in my ear when I suddenly feel the cold blade of Hyourinmaru to my neck and Toushirou, on my back. Did he just shunpo off there…? Is he really gonna bring himself to…?
"But why, Toushirou?" I ask. Before I die, I want to at least know his reason. I want to at least know the entire truth so I can bring it to my grave. Hell, I may not even die and can stop it once I know the truth!
"Because…I hate you."
So that's it? He hates me? Ha. Pathetic. Not him; me. I thought I loved him before, then I started hating him till I realized that I love and hate him at the same time. And here I thought Toushirou's actually doing this for me. Well, he's doing it for me, all right, to get rid of me. If he hates me, he can just tell me straight coz he's already gonna kill me for hatred. Is it that hard to tell someone that you hate him? I don't think so; I think it's the easiest thing to accomplish in this entire world. It's just a simple 'I hate you'. Those three magic words are all Toushirou needs in the end.
…Now that I know his reason…
I know what my resolve is.
"Heh. That's funny, Toushirou. Coz I hate you too."
"Oh really? I'm not surprised, Kurosaki."
"I wasn't intending to surprise you, you little bastard."
Hyourinmaru's getting closer to my throat. I can feel the blade piercing through my skin already. "Tell me, Kurosaki. Do you really hate me?"
I want so much to tell him with a straight 'Yes I do, you bastard', but I don't know why my mouth just don't want to say it. I open my mouth, but whenever I try mentally telling my voice to say something, nothing will come out. Do I really hate him? Zangetsu told me to look inside my heart…but it's the same. I still feel like hating this white-haired kid down here who's about to murder me, but I also don't wanna hurt him. Both physically and emotionally. It's like the annoying flame within me is again telling me not to hurt his feelings, but to protect him from getting hurt in any form, including me. This idiotic feeling is telling me that Toushirou's already hurt as he is now; so I can't add on to his pain, can I?
"…I'll take silence as a yes then," Toushirou whispers some more.
"Stop lollygagging, Toushirou, and finish him."
That bloody asshole really gets on my nerves…
"Kurosaki Ichigo, I'll ask you one last time. Do you hate me?"
"…Yes. I hate you, Hitsugaya Toushirou. I hate you to the very core." I tilt my head slowly. I wanna see the look on his face so badly. I wanna see his reaction to my answer.
But I never wanted to see…those glistening tears in his eyes…
Itami mo kurushimi mo subete wo uketomeru yo
Dakara nakanai de
Waratte ite ichirin no hana
Toushirou…crying?
I thought I'd never see the day…
But hell…Oh bloody fucking hell…
I was the one who made him cry. I was the one who said that I hated him.
Now he's crying…Shedding tears because of me…Because of what I said to him. I hurt him; I must've cut him. I must've cut him real deep…Really deep…
But he was the one who said that he hated me in the first place. If he really hates me so much that he wants to kill me, why should he feel hurt at all? It doesn't make sense; unless he doesn't really hate me. But that still won't make any sense…If he doesn't hate me, why does he want to kill me? Does he even want to kill me in the first place? It is on the damned purple freak's orders, after all.
How does Toushirou really feel about me…?
Is he…just as confused as I am…?
"Toushirou…" I whisper, stretching out my hand. I want to wipe those tears away from his face; he looks so ugly when he cries like that. His hand is trembling; I know by the clattering of Hyourinmaru. It's not even on my neck anymore. Toushirou must've been so shaken, so hurt by my stupid answer that he doesn't know what he's doing anymore.
By the time my hand touches his face, he swats it away like a fly. "…Don't." Toushirou doesn't even sound like he's crying. "You hate me, don't you?"
"Toushirou…I…"
"Since you hate me so much…" Toushirou tosses Hyourinmaru away. But why? That doesn't any sense…
"…then go ahead and kill me, Kurosaki."
Ima ni mo karete shimai sou na
Kimi no mujyaki na sugata ga mou ichido mitakute
What?! Is Toushirou out of his mind?! Kill him?! Why the hell would I do that?! Of course I hate him but…I don't wanna kill him!
"Toushirou, are you insane?!"
"Yes, Toushirou, what do you think you're doing? You're supposed to kill him, not the other way around." I don't understand how that purple freak – who creepily looks like Byakuya… - can be so calm!
"Kurosaki, if you really hate me, why don't you kill me right here, right now on Soul Society's behalf? They'll be sure to reward you and you'll be able to get rid of me. It's all good, isn't it?"
No. It ain't no damn good at all. This bastard must've done something to Toushirou that makes him act like this. The Hitsugaya Toushirou I know never asks for someone to kill him. For all I know, he doesn't want to die yet, dammit! He wants to live long enough to bring Aizen to justice; he wants to live long enough to get his revenge for his childhood friend who's stuck in a damn coma because of the teme! I know; I know it all.
Because I know Toushirou long enough.
"…Duh, I hate you, Toushirou…But I don't wanna kill you!"
"And why not?"
Damn you, Toushirou. Why do you always like picking fights with me?
"I don't wanna kill you because I just don't, ok? I don't hate you that much, you bastard."
"Don't you 'hate me to the very core', Kurosaki?"
"…It was just a damn fucking comment, Toushirou! I didn't mean it!" I protest.
Hell yeah, I didn't really mean it…
I only said it coz I thought Toushirou really hated me…But looks like he doesn't.
I walk closer and closer to Toushirou, hoping that I'll be able to bring the real Hitsugaya Toushirou back this time. He doesn't move away. That's good. "Toushirou, this isn't like you. I want you to come back, Toushirou. I want you to be yourself again."
…Oh bloody hell, did I just make Toushirou cry again? Why's he crying? I'm not doing anything to hurt him! "Why…? Why are you doing this…?" Hey, shouldn't I be the one asking that? "Why won't you just give up on me…? Ichigo…"
Kimi no chikara ni naritainda
He said it. He actually said it. He said my name for the very first time.
Even though this ain't a good time to, I smile at him and brush away his tears. "You wanna know why? Coz I believe in you, Toushirou."
"Why do you believe in me so much?! Aren't you afraid of getting hurt?!"
I flinch a little at his outburst. But it's good, isn't it? The real Toushirou's coming back bit by bit…or outburst by outburst. "I believe in you…and I don't need a reason!"
Toushirou doesn't say anything. Ah-hah, he's speechless. For once, he's the speechless one. Maybe he just wants some time alone to himself…or maybe he's thinking things through properly, like what he always did in the past. No; does. No more past tense when it comes to Toushirou; he's coming back, I'm sure of it. It'll just take some time for him to heal from the mental damage done, whatever it was. "Toushirou, I'm waiting for you to kill him!"
"Shut up, teme!" Really…This guy oughta shut that stupid mouth of his! I swing Tensa Zangetsu at him and he moves away in fear. Ha! He's afraid of getting cut; what a baby. "You leave Toushirou alone!"
"You're getting overprotective of him, aren't you, Kurosaki Ichigo?"
What the heck is this creep smiling about…?
"Well, fine. We shall soon see just how protective you are…" That sneaky creep! He's gotten hold of Toushirou! He actually shunpo-ed right under my nose, that bastard! "One wrong move, Ichigo, and the boy dies."
"…Don't you dare hurt Toushirou."
Tatoe kimi igai no subete no hito wo
Teki ni mawasu toki ga kite mo
Kimi no koto mamori nuku kara
Toushirou's struggling to get out of the whatever-his-name-is's hold, but the creep's just pushing the blade of his zanpakutou even nearer and nearer to Toushirou's neck. I can see the blood dripping. How dare he cut Toushirou like that! I'll never forgive him! Toushirou has no way of fighting back; Hyourinmaru's right there on the floor and Toushirou sure as hell can't use kidou against this guy…can he? I stare at Toushirou for a while, hoping that he can get my message. He looks at me, and pauses, then stops struggling. Giving the bastard a cold glare, I can hear him mutter, "Bakudou no ichi: Sai."
Way to go, Toushirou!
"…That was an eye-opener, Toushirou." Man, this guy doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. "I didn't expect you to betray me just like that."
"…I could've done so earlier, if not for…" Toushirou narrows his eyes. "…I don't care about it anymore. All I care about is killing you."
"I've always wanted the famous tensai Hitsugaya Toushirou to join me, and I got my wish. Unfortunately, wishes don't stay fulfilled for very long, do they?" That creep…still has that smile on his face…What is he up to? "The same goes for you, Toushirou. You wish so badly in your heart that you'll kill me someday; it may appear that you'll get your wish today. However…"
Shit, the creep's raising his reiatsu…! He's trying to break off from the kidou spell! "Toushirou, get outta there!"
"…No, Kurosaki."
"What the hell are you saying?! He's gonna kill you if you don't get outta there soon! You know he's trying to-!"
"I know." How the hell can Toushirou be so calm?! Toushirou is Toushirou, after all, but safety's first!
"So?! What's the point of staying around there?! At least if you're with me, I can help and-"
"…This is my fate…" Toushirou's reiatsu's getting higher too; is he…really intending to…? He looks at me, and I recognize the Toushirou-like determination in his eyes. He's back; Hitsugaya Toushirou is really back. "…This is my fight!"
＜ブリーチ＞
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next time
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next…
Time Notice That You should notice that
Notice that there's no other
Toushirou…
…You baka.
＜ブリーチ＞
Here he is, lying on the bed of the – what division? – 4th Division. He really should've just listened to me and got away from there, otherwise he wouldn't even be in this state. That creepy guy…I don't remember him telling us his name, not even before he died. Yup, he died, alright, died at Toushirou's hands. And for that, I'm both proud and not proud of Toushirou. First things first…he nearly got himself fucking killed out there. The creep broke outta the bakudou and once he did, Toushirou called for Hyourinmaru. But the creep dodged it and stabbed Toushirou right on his back.
That bloody asshole.
I wanted so much to help Toushirou at that time, but Toushirou, being Toushirou, didn't want me to interfere. Well, Toushirou survived, and that's what matters to me.
Kimi wa kimi dake shika inai yo
Ima made mo kore kara saki ni mo
…And the way he killed Kusaka…
Oh yeah…The guy's name was Kusaka…Now I remember. So he did tell us.
I still can't get the bloody image outta my head…It was a long fight for sure, but maybe I just don't wanna remember just how hurt and bloody Toushirou got. All I remember are bits and pieces…and that thing…Then Kusaka the purple freak died and Toushirou lying there, bleeding non-stop. I was holding him…then after a damn long time, Soul Society's search party finally came. I remember shouting at them, cursing them for being so late, and a lot of stuff…I don't know. The thing is, Toushirou survived. That's all that counts, right?
The old fart nearly ordered for Toushirou's execution immediately, but all the captains and I pleaded on Toushirou's behalf that he was – no, is – innocent and that he had his reasons for betraying us in the first place. At first, the old bastard didn't wanna hear us but after hell lot of protesting, he finally called Toushirou's execution off. That was really relieving…
Tatoe kimi igai no subete no hito wo
Teki ni mawasu toki ga kite mo
"…Ichi…go…"
"…Toushirou?" I see Toushirou's – beautiful – eyes opening up. Ah, he's waking up. "Toushirou, you awake? How are you feeling?"
"…Sore…"
"Of course you are, bastard. I thought I had to get your grave prepared early."
Toushirou grunts as if he's…chuckling? Hitsugaya Toushirou chuckling?! "Amusing…"
"You call getting yourself killed 'amusing'?"
"…Never mind…But, Kurosaki…"
Damn, Toushirou, when will you stop with the Kurosaki thing?
"About…the way I killed him…You…Did you…?"
"Yeah…I saw it."
Toushirou looks at me with eyes that look as if he's pleading me. I can't take it, really. I can't take Toushirou pleading me. "You won't…You won't tell anyone, will you?"
How the hell can I tell anyone about that? If I tell anyone, and the old fart hears of it, there's no telling what he'll do to Toushirou… "Of course I won't."
"Good…Because if you do, I'll freeze your ass off."
I hold back a fit of chuckles. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, Toushirou…"
Toushirou…will be Toushirou…after all…
Kimi no koto mamori nuku kara
Makenai de ichirin no hana
＜ブリーチ＞
She skipped along the corridors of the 4th Division hurriedly, glancing from door to door to look for the correct room number. She accidentally bumped into some of the members of the medical division and as she apologized quickly, the members smiled at her and said that they didn't mind. On the other hand, they even told her that they understood why she was in such a rush and told her to hurry, but not to make too much noise lest she disturbed the other patients. Thanking them for their understanding, she ran to find the room this time. She really had to hurry; she had so much to say to him!
Finally, she came to the room she was looking for. She wanted to surprise him, so she decided not to perform the basic rule of respect by knocking and swished open the door. What she saw before her was truly memorable. She flushed a deep crimson before reaching out for the door in shock and smiles, and tip-toeing her way out.
Right there, was the one and only Kurosaki Ichigo with the hellish reiatsu, sitting on the chair, asleep, his head on top of a tuft of white hair, and Hitsugaya Toushirou, sitting up on the bed and sleeping with his head leaning on Ichigo's shoulder, right under Ichigo's chin. What was most memorable was the way Ichigo had his arm over Hitsugaya's shoulders, pulling the delicate angel closer to him as they slept, and his free hand holding onto both of Hitsugaya's hands, never willing to let go.
She closed the door quietly with a finger on her lips and smiled once more before she left.
She could always visit her captain later.
＜ブリーチ＞
I hate you, Hitsugaya Toushirou. I hate you to the very core.
I hate you for keeping it all to yourself. I hate you for leaving without even saying goodbye. I hate you for betraying my trust. I hate you for your unwillingness to tell me. I hate you for your reluctance to confide in me when I am always here for you. I hate you for giving me all this fucking pain. I hate you for making me act like someone I'm not when I'm around you. I hate you for having so much authority over me. I hate you for messing around with me. I hate you for putting my weaknesses to your advantage. I hate you for being such a sneaky traitorous little asshole. I hate you for making me hate myself. I hate you…for being you.
I hate you, Hitsugaya Toushirou. I hate you to the very core.
But that is precisely why I love you even more.
＜ブリーチ＞
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next time
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next…
Time Notice That You should notice that
Notice that there's no other
＜ブリーチ＞
Don't worry, Toushirou…Your secret's safe with me.
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A/N: And yays! It is done! My first HitsuIchi twoshot in my entire life! XD
The song – you should know by now – is Ichirin no Hana. I found it the most suitable so I used it. Remember, me no ownie song lyrics! (This is also my first songfic, I just realized…) If you want to know what they mean, it's found right at the bottom.
So how is it? I don't know if Kusaka is the real bad guy or not…I just know that he's the shinigami who has been long since dead, but for all we know, he might be alive and is actually the bad guy in the movie. I don't know; we'll see in the movie, I guess.
…I know, I know. Crappy ending. Really crappy…But it's kinda hard to end the twoshot with something else so I just had to use that. Forgive me if it's crappy. And about that secret thing…I think it's best if I leave it to everyone's imagination because all I know it's got something to do with Hyourinmaru, since the alternative name of the movie is Another Hyourinmaru/Mou Hitotsu no Hyourinmaru.
And so, that's all! I'll be writing a lot of HitsuIchi when I find the inspiration and time! Ja ne!
Reflect the truth of which you see
Tsuki-no-Kurokage
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You are the only "you"
There is no such thing as your replacement
Don't wilt away, you lone flower
You are like a flower
That bloomed in a dark shadow
Even though you're in a place you didn't wish to be,
You can't move because of your roots.
Just spit out your closed-up feelings.
I'll accept all your pain and suffering
So please don't cry
Please smile, you lone flower
I wanted to see your innocent figure
That looked as if it were about to wilt, one more time
I want to become your strength
Even if there comes a time
When the whole world becomes our enemy
I'll protect you
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next time
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next…
Time Notice That You should notice that
Notice that there's no other
You are the only "you"
Till now and from now on
Even if there comes a time
When the whole world becomes our enemy
I'll protect you
So don't give up, you lone flower
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next time
You should notice that there is no other
You should notice that there is no next…
Time Notice That You should notice that
Notice that there's no other
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lyrics are © by High and Mighty Color